Norris’ retirement a roundhouse kick in the guts
Holy crap, Ralph Norris has resigned. Well, I guess if you were Ralph Norris with all that pressure and all that money, you’d be looking for some R & R too. Still. The world will never be the same.
According to the legend of Ralph Norris, for a while there they called him ‘Chuck’, which is a sissy kind of name for a dude who grew a beard in utero and burns it off with a withering gaze each morning. And then every five minutes.
The Commonwealth Bank chairman David Turner described him as “outstanding and fearless”. That doesn’t even scratch the surface of Ralph Norris.
You can learn a lot about life from Ralph Norris, and how Ralph Norris operates. As my Dad told me once, if at first you don’t succeed, well then you’re not Ralph Norris.
Ralph Norris is a man with a plan, with power and absolute control. When Ralph Norris takes a shower, Ralph Norris doesn’t get wet, the water gets Ralph Norrised.
On his home turf, the Land of the Long White Cloud, they tell tales of Ralph Norris.
It is said they once made Ralph Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn’t take shit from nobody.
Of his beautifully brutal human resources management, they say there is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Ralph Norris has allowed to live.
They say Ralph Norris always hits his performance targets. He once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now known as The Islands.
Australia’s highest-paid banker used his own cash to count to infinity. Twice.
So Ralph Norris may be resting, but Ralph Norris cannot be stopped. He never sleeps. He waits.
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