Prev
Next

No wonder women don’t want to change their names

Amy Crutchfield

by Amy Crutchfield

08 Nov 05:40am

Must Reads

Eurovision can’t drown out the human rights abuses - this is a caption

Eurovision can’t drown out the human rights abuses

15

Revenge. It doesn’t get a whole lot better than this - this is a caption

Revenge. It doesn’t get a whole lot better than this

51

Friday dilemma: can school bullies grow out of it? - this is a caption

Friday dilemma: can school bullies grow out of it?

122

Filed under: Bureaucracy, Marriage, Men And Women, Society

195 comments

The babysitter arrives, at $25 an hour, and you slam the car door and get out of there, heading for VicRoads to get your licence changed to your married name.

Photo: Daniel Acker.

You get there in good time, marriage certificate in a firm pincer grip, and look knowingly, perhaps a little too so, at the people with one and two year olds hanging off their calf muscles, like some huge, noisy skin tag.

Yes, some could say you were indulgent and you don’t need a babysitter for a mere errand, but in your experience, government agencies are a pain that is best born alone.

It’s a whisker after 9 and the place is far from pumping, but 90% of the seats are full and the red numbers on the overhead counter are clocking towards middle age.

In any event, the queue is long enough for you to look around for an escape: the fast deposit box, the ATM, the electronic vending machine, something, and there it is, an information desk, with one person in line.

Red number for the big daddy queue in hand, you have nothing to lose, so you stride over to the “information desk” – there’s no need to underestimate what they might be able to do for you.

In a flash you’re at the front, and you whip your head around from where you have been studying the management techniques of those with children with a glimmer of ignoble, nigh sadistic, pleasure.

Friendly face, polite tone, concise request and I reach to pull the marriage certificate from my bag.

“The certificate from the church won’t do”.

“No fear, “But this isn’t from a church, I didn’t get married in a church.”

Get with the program, as if I’m going to get tripped up on that one with more than 50% of people having civil ceremonies these days. The teller looks at the certificate thoughtfully, like a photo of a strange insect - this seems promising.

She turns to her superior and points to the certificate, “It says Commonwealth of Australia.”

The superior smiles at me, but her lips roll into her mouth and her forehead crinkles – aaargh sympathy – no, worse, pity. “We need the official marriage certificate, from the Registry.”

“But this is what the celebrant gave me, it is official - it’s the only certificate I have.”

More forehead crinkling, a tilt of the head. Shit. New angle.

“This certificate was good enough for the ANZ bank – I went in and showed them this and they changed all my accounts to my married name.”

Subtext – all ye who dwell in the realm of red ink and live by the law of strict interpretation and anal retention acknowledge the unassailable status of banks as masters of your universe – if it’s good enough for them it’s bloody good enough for you.

“Ah yes, but [unintelligible verbal phrase] passport [unintelligible verbal phrase] government [unintelligible verbal phrase] new requirement. But it’s much quicker if you get the marriage certificate over the internet.”

Turn around, exit VicRoads, return home, pay babysitter.

I am sent a cheque for $50 in the mail for the benefit of my daughter.

In a wave of responsible sentiment I have decided to put any money coming to her in an ING account called “Eliza”, but of course in my name, because she is not old enough to open an account.

I am most pleased with the ING account because it has given me reassurance that the tiny sum deposited will not be entirely eaten up by account keeping fees, and may even earn a gold coin in interest, contrary to my own experiences of maintaining a minute bank account at a “big” bank.

Just to be safe I call ING to check that I can in fact deposit a cheque made out to me in my married name into an ING account in my maiden name.

“No.”

“How come no?”

“ No, you need to send us a letter setting out the change in your name accompanied by a copy of your marriage certificate that has been certified by a Justice of the Peace – they are usually pharmacists…..[drone drone etc etc].”

“Ah, but I’ve already changed my name on all my ANZ accounts, including the one that is linked to the ING account, and that I needed to have as a precondition for setting up the ING account.”

“Yes, but we have our requirements.”

“And they are different to the ANZ’s? If it’s good enough for them…”

“Yes, but because you can’t just come into an ING….”

“Yes, but when I wanted to set up this ING account you were quite happy to go off ANZ’s records, if I had an account there then those details were ok for you too. Why is it different now?”

“Well, we have our requirements.” Silence.

“Can I get a solicitor to certify the copy of the marriage certificate?” You see, I know a solicitor, unlike all the justices of the peace that I see every week at my ornithology meetings…

“ Sorry, no. The address to send it to is Reply Paid……..” The generosity.

Day 3 – all roads are leading to Rome – I need to get me an official marriage certificate. It’s time to “go on the internet to get a marriage certificate – it’s much quicker”, as per my friendly advisor at VicRoads.

The website is easy to find and up and running, the baby’s asleep and all is running super smoothly.

I discover that I can indeed get a marriage certificate to use to change my name on my driver’s licence, and which I can then get certified by a justice of the peace and send along with a letter of explanation to ING to change my savings account and deposit the $50, if I print off and post, or electronically lodge, an application form BUT no certificate will ensue unless I go into the city and queue at the Department with originals of every conceivable form of ID or post in photocopies of three forms of ID which have been certified – but not by a justice of the peace – silly – by a member of the police force.

Now, what ID will I take to the police station to get certified? My passport? No, the form came in the mail a few months ago to renew that.

It said I could do it “automatically”, “with one signature” - here here - unless of course you had been convicted of smuggling children, drugs or nuclear weapons since your last passport was issued or……… your name had changed since your last passport was issued – in which case, it’s back to square one – “go to jail and do not pass go”.

I go for a lie down, a reverie into the recent past, why was it that I bothered to start getting my name changed on this stuff anyway….I’ve been married nearly 18 months and was happily letting the admin slide. Ah yes, I asked a man to come and prune a few branches on a tree.

He was happy to help out, and he cheerfully assured me that since he was going to remove less than 30% of the tree, I only needed to get a “tree works permit”. I got the permit application off the internet - too easy.

Then I only needed to send in some ID to show who I was and that I owned the place. Only problem was the ID showing I owned the home was in my married name and the ID showing who I was was in my maiden name. No problem, I thought, this is the time to get the name on my licence changed over……..

I had a dream. We lived in a world where men changed their names when they got married. The details of all marriages were entered on a website by the person licensed by the government to officiate the marriage. The happy couple were given a reference number.

All government and other agencies and institutions accepted this reference number as evidence of the marriage and changed their records as required.

But I don’t have time to dream. I’ve got to call the babysitter, find a photocopier, write a few letters, find a justice of the peace, drive to a police station and get down to the post office.

While I’m at the post office I might make an appointment to see the postmaster about a new passport. How efficient. Although I’ll probably need to show the ID I haven’t got in my current married name to make the appointment.

Most commented

429Australia, you have nothing to fear but fear itself
390There's no one Thomson won't burn to save his skin
333Animal experiments won't cure me from cancer
313Thomson didn't answer the question everyone is asking
265Who murdered the Arts degree?
246A big day for Thomson, who thus far is guilty of nothing...
231South Australia. It's the middle bottom bit.
231Craig Thomson speaks. Meanwhile, in Australia...

195 comments

Show oldest | newest first

    • Bec says:

      04:51am | 08/11/10

      Stuff changing my name when I get married, partially for this very reason. When people ask, I usually just explain that it took me more than twenty years to learn to spell my first surname. Then if they progress further with stupid questions I just raise my eyebrows at them as if to say “ho, don’t you even dare”.

      On the subject of identification needed, why the poop can’t they just accept passport or license plus one thing to prove address? Why do I need to stuff around with a fecking birth certificate too? Didn’t the fact that I would have needed a birth certificate for the license mean I could just show that???

      Reply

    • bec says:

      06:13am | 08/11/10

      Or is it licence? This is going to keep me awake at night now…

    • iansand says:

      07:16am | 08/11/10

      Bec - You can see - “c” - nouns.  A rule of universal application.  Or move to the US.

    • shari says:

      07:11am | 09/11/10

      I still haven’t changed mine a few years on.
      Alot of the pain can have been removed by checking the internet for the requirements needed first rather than going off and having a shot of those doing their job.
      You know, research and all wink

    • Eric says:

      05:09am | 08/11/10

      “I had a dream. We lived in a world where men changed their names when they got married ... “

      Ah yes, somehow it all had to be men’s fault.

      Reply

    • marley says:

      07:44am | 08/11/10

      Nah, just economies of scale.  If everyone had to change their name, the process would be more efficient.  As it is, with men and quite a few women not changing their names, the poor sods that do get hung up in the pointless bureaucracy that seems to give its perpetrators some sense of fulfillment.  If everyone had to do it, the petty bureaucrats would be too damn busy to mess around with people this way.

    • AliceC says:

      08:24am | 08/11/10

      @Eric

      OMG!!!!! For the love of all that’s holy, get over whatever has made you this bitter misogynist!!!! The female population of Australia are not out to get you!!

    • Jones says:

      10:31am | 08/11/10

      Alice, your response is a little hysterical.  I agree with Eric’s sentiment. Amy’s little moan about the red tape she’s been struggling through is all very well, but can anyone give me one good reason why “the dream” has to involve making someone else’s situation worse instead of simply fixing the current system?

      Why do women so often say, “It’s so hard for we women, if only things were worse for men too!” instead of, “It’s so hard for we women, if only we could make things better!”?

      And, as a (very busy) man who changed my name, I don’t really have much sympathy.  I did my research in good time, figured out what was required, got the documents sorted and had everything changed within two days (of course, this was after I had waited the month or so for the official certificate to arrive in the mail, and excluding my passport, which can’t be changed in a day).

    • mike j says:

      11:12am | 08/11/10

      Ah yes, somehow women blaming everything on men had to be the fault of Eric’s misogyny.

      Oh. I forgot the exclamation marks!!!!!

    • Ally says:

      11:53am | 08/11/10

      @Jones & @Eric,
      No, the point of this article is not to make things harder for males, and agreeing with Marley, most of time rule/policy makers tend to be male… and in economies of scale, should males, not just females run in to this problem, wouldn’t the policies be more streamlined?
      I also refer to the fisher&paykel; advert… where the women had loaded the dishwasher a lot and the husband (coincidentally a designer) didn’t get it until he had to load it himself…. hence designed a drawer diswasher which maybe more ergonomic smile

    • Jones says:

      01:07pm | 08/11/10

      Ally, I don’t think I’m missing the point of the article.  Whether you see it from your perspective (men would fix the problem if only they had encountered it) or Eric’s (why should women be angling for worse conditions for men), it was a silly comment to make.

      Why should a problem have to wait until men encounter it in order to be fixed?  It sounds as though some of the women on this forum think themselves incapable of fixing something without having a man to do it for them.

      And also, as I said, I am a male who has changed his name and I didn’t find it half as stressful as Amy has described, simply because I was organised enough to research things before plunging in.  That is something that anyone could have done, man or woman.  It’s nothing to do with gender.

    • AliceC says:

      01:13pm | 08/11/10

      @Jones

      My reaction to Eric’s predictable response is based on the other responses I’ve read from him regarding other posts. No matter what, women are the enemy and men are always hard done by. It’s just getting old, that’s all.

      Regarding the article, I think the main point is to try and streamline to process of changing your name. I don’t think that’s too much to ask?

    • Paul says:

      01:27pm | 08/11/10

      Hay… I am a man and I changed my name but unlike a woman who thought everything would be done for them I prepared all the documentation I required in the right order to change my name. I do have to say the driver liecence was the hardest to change only because there forms were designed for women changing thier name not men. I did have fun giving the women behind the couter a hard time about equallity and my right to choose to change my name when I got married if I wanted to actually it made it all worth it smile

    • Bobby says:

      01:56pm | 08/11/10

      Not men’s fault but you’ll have to admit that if men were made to jump through these kind of hoops, rules would be changed rather quickly.

    • Helen G says:

      03:31pm | 08/11/10

      Dunno about that it’s just bureaucracy and the fact that you have to do everything one slow step at a time.  I changed my name to incorporate my surname and my husband’s surname and what a pain in the neck.  I was VERY organised because that’s just the way I am but trying to get across to people that I have a double-barrel surname was the hardest part.  It’s just a really painful process and getting stuck for hours at the RTA and bank queues is bound to make any calm person go a little bit nuts.  I’ve heard it’s gotten worse. 

      Dear Paul - there, their and they’re grin

    • Eric says:

      05:01pm | 08/11/10

      Hmmm ... so AliceC gets a second free hit at me, but my polite reply to her first comment is censored.

      I’m glad there’s a whole big Internet out there.

    • The Bunyip says:

      06:27pm | 08/11/10

      @AliceC

      “No matter what, women are the enemy and men are always hard done by. It’s just getting old, that’s all.”
      Indeed, it is.  But not as old as female bloggers blaming men for their problems.

      “Regarding the article, I think the main point is to try and streamline to process of changing your name. I don’t think that’s too much to ask?”
      Not at all, but why oh why did the writer drag gender issues into it?

    • Rebecca says:

      10:03pm | 08/11/10

      Okay seriously Eric, you have it in your head that all women blame everything on men and that you men have it so hard. You’re just as bad as extremist feminists. Get over it, your life isn’t that bad, and not all women hate men.

    • Modern Male says:

      04:46am | 09/11/10

      Yes, isn’t it funny how women whinge about wanting things to be fairer - inconvenience, pain, discrimination, etc shared across both males and females - but when it comes to fixing the injustice, seem totally incapable of even SUGGESTING a solution, instead insisting that MEN fix it! You want equality, fairness, justice? Then how about putting a solution - even an idea - on the table? Or is it all too easy to just cry about it and act all hopeless?

    • someone says:

      06:12am | 08/11/10

      Why do women in certain western societies feel compelled to change their name, even in cases where their partner has an awful surname?

      For that matter, with the divorce rate around 50%, why do children usually always get their father’s name?  The most sensible thing would be to give them either the nicer, more interesting name, or give them both and let them choose at the age of 16 or 18 which they would prefer to use as their legal primary name.

      Reply

    • Fyfee says:

      07:58am | 08/11/10

      There is a quick and logical answer to this question, and it’s sad how some women put on a patronising, psuedo-puzzled air about it all.
      Often people want everyone in their family unit to have the same last name, to link them in their very name. Women don’t go into marriage expecting the marriage to end. A lot of women don’t see this as a feminist issue, and when it is posed like that, feel defensive and further alienated from feminism. Women these days are (usually) free to not change their last name, and know this is an option, but they are choosing to do it for unity. Why not focus your efforts on sexual assault or gendercide, things that dramatically need a feminist stand, rather than this petty hairsplitting that serves no-one?

    • rayne says:

      12:26pm | 08/11/10

      about giving them both and letting them chose - my nephew got a double barrelled surname on his birth certificate but after his parents seperation early on he always used his mother’s surname only. All his medical records, school records, on his mother’s medicare card, and bank account was in one surname. Turns 18, gets his own medicare card in one surname, all ID in one surname and then time to go to the RTA. And that’s where it started. Birth certificate double barrelled surname only would be accepted which meant changing medicare again into new name so to use as second ID for RTA. Also change bank account for same reason. Other option was go to BD&M and change by deed poll to one surname only. Now he’s got all ID with a name he doesn’t use and is not known by. Same argument with RTA - another govt dept had accepted one surname - medicare- but is not by RTA. Big headache and messy.

    • rayne says:

      12:46pm | 08/11/10

      forgot to say centrelink as well accepted one surname only for family payments.

    • mumor3 says:

      12:53pm | 08/11/10

      Actually, children do not always get their father’s name. Fair enough, my partner and I are not married and I therefore didn’t have to make the decision of whether I wanted to change my name or not (the answer would have been not). However, when our first child came along we did have the discussion about who’s name he was going to have and mutually decided on mine. our next two children both have my surname too, much to the horror of my partner’s mother. I like my name and am attached to it. My partner doesn’t feel the same about his. Easy decision at the end of the day.

    • Lani says:

      02:03pm | 08/11/10

      For me it is about having a new and single family unit - it’s about building our new lives together. We could take any name, but I wanted a unified one. My husbands was very important to him (many generation farmer) so we took that one…

      However, I too reject that to take your husbands name is anti-feminist. It is only a feminist issue if you take it on as such - and many women feel defensive about it because our society treats them as not making solid decisions for themselves.

      The whole name change process SHOULD be much easier, but it generally can be - with the right version of the certificate - which is poorly communicated. I blame all the anti-terrorism, money laundering, identity theft protection laws etc - it’s getting so you can’t send yourself a postcard without proving your identity…

    • JACS says:

      02:16pm | 08/11/10

      Because it has been a tradition since the day dot - you get married you change your name from your Father’s name to your Husband’s name. And if you don’t change your name or you hypen you cop an awful lot of criticism. Same goes for children - you get your Father’s name.

    • philip says:

      03:45pm | 08/11/10

      when my son was born I refused to sign the birth certificate till he had my last name we werent married either.

      @eric seriously man grow a pair Ive seen your posts here as well if you hate women so much become a monk or something.

    • Womble says:

      06:47am | 08/11/10

      Aaah, the joys of bureaucracy.  If you think it’s bad as a woman, though, try changing your name to your wife’s when you get married.  I half considered it (as a bit of a rebel), and it turns out that you need to do it by deed poll if you’re a bloke.  Yikes.

      Reply

    • Metey says:

      10:26am | 08/11/10

      My hubbie and I aren’t married, the kids have my surname (I’m the one that grew them for 9 months and went through the agony of childbirth, they have my name thank you very much - hubbie in perfect agreement.) Kids now at school - the school constantly refers to my hubbie by my surname because obviously, if that’s the kids surname, they must have gotten it from him!!!

    • Thai Wedding says:

      11:05am | 08/11/10

      You need to do it by deed poll as a woman too, if you got (legally) married outside Australia. Some more paperwork to look forward to.

    • AKA says:

      11:10am | 08/11/10

      Ha - I remember attempting that as well - a mountain range of red tape and required explanations every step of the way - to every bureaucrat. It’s so much easier for the girls to do it.

    • jess says:

      11:52am | 08/11/10

      Ah I’m not sure where you got that information? I was told by the Registry of Births Deaths and Marriages WA that the process for changing your name due to marriage is the same for men and women.
      The only time you would have to do it by deed poll is if you were married outside Australia (which is true for men and women).

    • Single Dads R awesome. says:

      12:42pm | 08/11/10

      My daughter has my last name, and although her mother argued that she should have hers or at least both… She has nowchanged her own last name to somthing completely different… Meaning, that if my daughter DID have her mums last name… There would be a whole generation gap before her next similiar named family member (grandparent).
      Women grow the child for 9 months yeh sure… but in many cases… The children are then neglected for years by trendy modern day pro choice mums.

    • Bron says:

      01:20pm | 08/11/10

      Womble - not sure when or where you enquired but I don’t think there are different rules for men and women. Neither my husband nor I changed our names when we got married but decided to have the same name when our first child was born (1990). We found out there is no longer a “deed poll” but just a “change of name” which can be due to a number or reasons (marriage, personal preference etc) and is the same for men and women.

    • Peter says:

      03:13pm | 08/11/10

      Womble - you have old information. I changed my name by marriage to my wife’s name (now ex-wife). No deed poll required. At the time, Dept of BD&M told me I had to do it by deed poll, but I made a complaint to the Human Rights Commission (Equal Opportunity Commission back in those days) and they set the Dept of BD&M straight.
      The Equal Opportunity Act serves to change any legislation that pre-dates it. If a law says that only a man or a woman can do a certain thing (like change their name by marriage), then by virtue of the operation of the Equal Opportunity Act, that law must be read to mean the converse also.
      Anyway, I happily took my wife’s name. Then many years later got divorced and had to change it back to my ‘maiden’ name - Now that was fun, explaining that to all the banks etc.! But that is another story!!

    • HappyMumsRAwesome says:

      03:34pm | 08/11/10

      “trendy modern day pro choice mums”.  OMG, what are you ON!!!!
      I am regularly appalled by the mysogyny on this site but this one takes the cake.  And your daughter chose to alter her name from yours after so much love and gender neutral support?  It is a surprise isn’t it!

      I shall amuse myself for the rest of the day wondering what you will do when you get those fandangled opposable digits.  You can pick bugs from your scalp ...

    • Mistress D says:

      06:04am | 09/11/10

      Yes, those pesky modern ‘pro-choice’ women, I say we go back to the days when the women were old fashioned and against choice ENTIRELY.  raspberry

    • Karen says:

      06:57am | 08/11/10

      Amy - it’s like you just spied on me for the last few months and then wrote an article about it.

      @ Someone - Some women choose to change their name when they get married - it’s up to them, noone forces them to do it & every woman has her own reasons.  I chose to because there were plenty of people carrying on my maiden surname, but my husband is the only one who can carry on his name. Also I believe that our kids should have the same name as us. A family is the strongest bond you ever have in life, and your surname can provide a strong sense of identity. 

      But really - why does it have to be so frickin difficult?

      Gahhhhh!!!

      Reply

    • progressivesunite says:

      07:01am | 08/11/10

      This issue is so 1950s - why do women feel the need to change their identity to prove to the world that they’re now their husband’s property? Women are usually born with their father’s surname, and then when ownership changes hands, they take the husband’s name (and so on and so forth depending how many times they get married in their lifetime) - men are born with and retain their identity their whole lives - I guess there are positives to being gay and not allowed to marry!

      Reply

    • Pandoras Box says:

      10:02am | 08/11/10

      You whinge about living in the 1950’s and then go on and tell the women of the world how they should be living. Do you not see the irony in that?
      It’s 2010 and I’m perfectly happy with the surname from my husband, but thanks for your opinion.
      I’m a 39 yr old housewife and a stay-at-home mum and I’m happy being that too.
      Both my husband and I contribute to our family in the best way we can and if that’s little 1950 for some, then go ahead and label away, because a label is all it is.
      I appreciate the dedicated movement of the women who made way for other women to have a voice in their lives, they did a great thing. Please don’t misunderstand their message and become as controlling as the society and men they fought against.

    • SS says:

      05:11pm | 08/11/10

      Great post Pandoras Box

      I am proud to be a part of “Mr and Mrs Smith” because when I married my husband my focus switched from “me” to “us”. We’re not two separate lives coincidentally co-inhabiting, and I’m not my husband’s property, thank you, we’re two halves of one family unit. And when little Smithlings come along they’ll be part of the family name too.

      See, I am happily married, and my marriage is a huge part of who I am - my identity, as you put it - so I saw no reason not to take the name. (Although it did feel very strange to be called ‘Mrs Smith’ for a long time - I kept thinking “that’s my mother-in-law”!)

      On the other hand, my brother-in-law took his wife’s name, partially because theirs is a proud family and partially because his was very difficult to spell. I don’t think it matters whose name is chosen.

      As Pandora’s Box said, appreciate the feminist movement that gave us a voice. But be careful not to let the pendulum swing too far in the opposite direction, because if you don’t consider your husband (and children) to be a significant part of who you are, why marry in the first place?

    • Sean says:

      01:11pm | 11/11/10

      Why not try to drive progress about something important? Who wants to explain to their kids that “I didn’t take daddy’s name because his family isn’t good enough for me.”? You seem to - have fun with that.

    • KH says:

      07:11am | 08/11/10

      My parents got divorced when I was very small, and then my ‘father’ disappeared into the ether - no support, no nothing.  As soon as I came of age I changed my surname to my mothers (which I had been using for years anyway), since his meant so little to me.  That I can understand - but changing your name when you get married? Why???? Are you his ‘property’ now?

      Reply

    • red says:

      10:56am | 08/11/10

      Tradition, if your not going to follow tradition why get married at all, in itself its just a tradition. Live together for more than 2 years and you are his common law wife anyway. Entitled to the same rights as a married couple.
      So it seems your splitting hairs and seeing way to much into the act of taking a new surname. If your that anti tradition, and see it as evil, then dont get married at all.

    • jane says:

      08:39pm | 08/11/10

      We all have our reasons. i changed my name on marriage and then kept it after we divorcrd. My kids were young and i wanted to be known as the same name as them.  What amazes me is the the die hard types who bag out ever woman who changes her name. They keep their own and then go and give the kids the fathers name.

    • iansand says:

      07:20am | 08/11/10

      My pet hate is presenting a bearer cheque made out to someone else to the bank and having to do more than the law requires to get it into my account.  It says “or bearer”, and I am the bearer.

      Reply

    • Pam says:

      08:13pm | 08/11/10

      I can’t work out banks either - I tried to pay my tax refund cheque ($3,000) onto my Visa card, which has my name on it.  The bank said as the secondary cardholder, they couldn’t accept the cheque and I could only deposit the cheque into our joint account.  We have been customers of this bank for over 20 years!  I informed the teller banking the cheque into our joint account meant that my husband could get the money, and maybe I didn’t want him getting the money when it had cleared. Suggestion was to open an account in my name only.  Funny how the bank has no problem with me spending on the Visa.  Anyhoo, went down the road to another branch and they accepted the cheque, no problem.

    • CanberraMum says:

      07:21am | 08/11/10

      I married and changed my surname some eleven years ago. Sure, there were a few nitpicking requirements but nothing that caused me any real hardship. I had to deal with a passport, a driver’s licence, a mortgage, and bank accounts, just to name a few. I think it was simply a case of me checking with each place beforehand what they required so I was prepared with the right “proof” when I got there. No real biggie.

      Reply

    • Beck says:

      10:11am | 08/11/10

      The rules have changed now. There are new anti-money laundering and counter terrrorism financing requirements so it’s a lot more difficult. Also difficult to go back to your maiden name when you divorce.

    • Geekus says:

      11:53am | 08/11/10

      Bec - it was a snap for me to change back to my maiden name when I was divorced. Centrelink were salivating to do it and even offered to change MY DAUGHTER’S name as well (WTF?) It isn’t that hard to do. Especially since your maiden name is on your marriage certificate to begin with. I thought I’d need my Decree Nisi for all of it but most places couldn’t give a hoot

    • Judi says:

      01:18pm | 08/11/10

      I got married & changed over my name in most things.  I’ve still got a couple of things to go, but I’ll get to them. The first thing to have in hand is the official registration of your marriage, not the piece of paper that the Celebrant or Minister or whomever fills out. The reason why that is no longer accepted as an official marriage certificate is because they are able to be bought by anyone (if you know the source).

      The day we got married (quiet ceremony in the registry office), as soon as we got home, we went online & ordered our certificate.  Two working days later, we had the official paperwork in hand.  From there it was easy to get “certified true copies” from the JP at the local library. After that I’ve contacted each area and asked exactly what they need me to provide to change my name.  Even renegotiating the mortgage in my new name didn’t cause any grief.

      The hard part came when I tried to change my name at work. I don’t know what went wrong, I know I’m not the first woman at work to get married, but changing my name managed to upset the computers SEVERELY & I ended up locked out of the computers for over a week. Not bad when your job involves using computers for the entire day!

    • Mrs X says:

      09:06am | 09/11/10

      @Judi - my story was the same as you - I got married, decided to take a new name for a bit of a change and got a certificate from the BDM Registry - because, yes, the ones given out by marriage celebrants are easily replicated if you know how.

      I didn;t come up against any particular problem with the name change issue but my one big problem was at work, when I told HR about my change of name, they missed the main point and created me as a new person. Not the same old one with a new name but a new individual. Screwed up my pay for a bit. Then the real fun started when the Super Board also thought I was a new person and started a new super fund for me.  I had over $100k in my old one - but it was a good six months before I got the new statement containing $200 or something and I was “where’s all my super??” and they had to go looking for it because my old persona had been deleted.  Luckily they tracked it down.

    • Richard Perin says:

      07:38am | 08/11/10

      Women should keep their maiden names, if only so that their children can use it to set up email/facebook/bank accounts etc. The alternative secret question is favourite pet’s name? Sigh. I still miss ‘my dog’......Xo@

      Reply

    • Liz says:

      07:41am | 08/11/10

      Why change your name? Think how much effort could be saved. If you were an adoptee you’d really have somethig to grizzle about when your name is changed without consent.

      Reply

    • Barbara says:

      08:24am | 08/11/10

      Ah Amy, I went through the same hell when I made the grave mistake of trying to change my surname eight years after I got married.

      Not only did I have to deal with the nonsensical, illogical paperwork and red tape but the constant quizzing “Why bother changing it now?” (as if it’s any of your business).

      PLUS the harping: “Why do women feel the need to change their identity to prove to the world that they’re now their husband’s property?”.

      To me, feminism means having a choice, making your own choice and respecting other people’s choices.

      Reply

    • Barbara says:

      08:25am | 08/11/10

      Ah Amy, I went through the same hell when I made the grave mistake of trying to change my surname eight years after I got married.

      Not only did I have to deal with the nonsensical, illogical paperwork and red tape but the constant quizzing “Why bother changing it now?” (as if it’s any of your business).

      PLUS the harping: “Why do women feel the need to change their identity to prove to the world that they’re now their husband’s property?”.

      To me, feminism means having a choice, making your own choice and respecting other people’s choices.

      Reply

    • Kate says:

      01:46pm | 08/11/10

      Completely agree with you re. feminism, Barbara.

      I’m not married yet, but when I do get married I intend to take my husband’s name. I don’t think every woman should do this, but women should be allowed to choose to do so if they want, without being shouted down for being anti-feminist.

    • AdamC says:

      08:49am | 08/11/10

      My mum kept her name way back in the seventies. I think it was easier to change names back then, given it was the done thing and people were less obsessed with both security and privacy. Indeed, many organisations addressed everything to her non-existent married name anyway.

      To the commenters of the ‘I don’t know why women change their names ... husband’s property, etc’ variety: yikes, it doesn’t take much to rile you up, does it? I’m sure those married women changed their names just to offend your palaeo-feminist sensibilities!

      Reply

    • KH says:

      09:31am | 08/11/10

      No - I think they do it because it is ‘tradition’ which they simply don’t question - once you do question it, it does seem a little patronising, thats all.  I just don’t see the point - but hey, if you want to change your name to ‘Busty St Clare’ then go ahead…....just don’t complain about the red tape!  These days identity theft is a crime that is happening more often - its one of the reasons there has to be a very clear paper trail to change your name, and rightly so.

    • El says:

      11:53am | 08/11/10

      Booya KH, Booya.
      Can I also just say that respecting every choice a woman makes just because she is a woman is not necessarily feminist.

    • AdamC says:

      03:32pm | 08/11/10

      Yes, but hasn’t feminism left these trivialities behind? You don’t hear anyone talk about burning bras or ditching high heels anymore, for example.

    • gardam says:

      08:57am | 08/11/10

      And if you are widowed and remarry, you have to go through even more paperwork. After having to produce wedding certificate,husband’s death certificate, second wedding certificate, divorce certificate to get passport renewed I advised my daughter to never change her name when she married.
      She hasn’t.

      Reply

    • MrsK says:

      08:57am | 08/11/10

      I changed my name when I got married three years ago - personal decision and something I wanted to do to symbolise the beginning of a new family unit. It was the right thing for me, but I’m cool with it if it isn’t right for you. See - the power and beauty of choice! If it makes you happy, I’m happy for you.

      Having said that, it was a little bit of effort to actually change my name, but none more so than applying for these things in the first place. My big tip was to get a whole bunch of marriage certificates certified at once so you had them on tap for anyone who needed proof. Oh, and if you are getting married and plan to change your name - do it straight away! I found it much easier and perhaps that honeymoon bliss makes the stress less obvious?

      Reply

    • Tim says:

      09:07am | 08/11/10

      The RTA simply delight in tripping you up. After arriving with about 17 pieces of (different coloured) paper to switch a rego from Vic to NSW (what cheek), the clerk had a look of despair as she realised I might have it all right. Then a flicker of triumph crossed her face as she hit the jackpot with a “random police check” which forced me to go to Silverwater, presumably as punishment for turning up with the right documentation.
      Kafka wouldn’t believe it.

      Reply

    • NicoleG says:

      10:52am | 08/11/10

      You’re joking? You had to get a police check? What for? Did you pay for it, or did they? I would have spat my dummy big time.

    • RGG says:

      09:14am | 08/11/10

      Jesus Christ, that was like reading cement. That entire article could have been condensed to 250 words, all you had to do was leave out crap like “all ye who dwell in the realm of red ink and live by the law of strict interpretation and anal retention acknowledge the unassailable status of banks as masters of your universe”. Being overly verbose doesn’t demonstrate that you have a great command of the English language, it merely illustrates that you are inept at getting your point across.

      Reply

    • caroline says:

      11:01am | 08/11/10

      RGG did you stop to think that perhaps the wordiness of the article was a good way of communicating the complexity of the process she was trying to describe? If you felt even a little frustrated and confused reading the article, then I think she’s made her point quite nicely.

    • MJ says:

      03:49pm | 08/11/10

      Maybe RGG is one of the loyal and “hard-working” public servants. You know, one of those who demand that with the passport application, you must have a photograph of yourself, that is witnessed by a random person to be a photo of yourself, even though the entire application is checked by the postmaster, to whom you have personally present the pile of papers, and who could possibly cast his/her eyes upon you and bear witness to the similarity in the photograph and your face…

    • fairsfair mcarse says:

      09:15am | 08/11/10

      @progressivesunite - what is the point of getting married then? Heterosexual de-facto relationships have the same legal rights as a married couple. Why get married if you don’t want to do the things that come with it - like changing your name (probably the last distinguishing thing left).

      @someone - some people want the wedding not the marriage. If you marry someone and their last name is McArse - you should feel OK to take it. You are afterall marrying that person because you love them, not their name. If you don’t want to do all these things, why not just have a commitment ceremony.

      @canberramum - congrats - you are organised. I think that is called being a functioning adult. If only there were more like you in this world.

      Reply

    • kate says:

      12:47pm | 08/11/10

      Because you’re a narcsisist who wants presents and attention? That’s the only reason modern couples pay $20k for a wedding these days.
      On another note - if his surname is Mc Arse, why doesnt he take her surname? After all he loves her and not his own surname….

    • Michellemac says:

      09:17am | 08/11/10

      I limped along using both names - ‘maiden’ and married for 4 years but it became too hard. “well meaning” older people made out cheques and on one occassion booked a holiday with my married name and it all became too hard.

      What I wanted was to keep my official name and career name as my maiden name and use my husbands name for ‘family’ stuff as I did still like the idea of all of us sharing the same surname. In practice it was a nightmare of beauracracy, lack of 100 points of ID and costly (changing my name on airline tickets, for example).

      I changed to my married name on a whim and out of frustration and disorganisation (I was renewing my passport and the only way I could make up the requiste ID at the time was using my marriage certificate - to complicate matters I was living overseas and 5 hours drive from where all the other documents were) and I regret it. I’ve lived with my husband’s surname for 5 years of our 10 year marriage and I am still trying to think of a way to get my ‘real’ name back.

      Reply

    • Shane Walsh-Smith (ne Smith) says:

      09:40am | 08/11/10

      When I wanted to get my name changed, I had to go to Births, Deaths and Marriages FIRST and get a brand new birth certificate with a new name.

      Hard for women, harder for men. It’s a dumb system all around.

      Reply

    • Bretto says:

      09:41am | 08/11/10

      Amy, I bet if you were the victim of identity theft your article would be all up in arms about how did we make it so easy for people to steal identities, blah blah blah, we should be making things tougher, blah blah blah.

      Yes you were a victim of ANZ having a poor process at the start and everybody else was actually following proper guidelines.  The thing which amazes me is how many people had to tell you to get a proper marriage certificate before you actually went out and got one?

      A working definition of insanity is to keep doing the same action but somehow expect a different result.  Hmmm…..there’s a thought.

      Reply

    • A says:

      09:42am | 08/11/10

      I got married & changed my name a couple of months ago. For me there wasn’t any question of not changing it - there were many reasons but ultimately it was my decision which is really what matters.

      I don’t know what your celebrant was doing because ours was very clear that the certificate that you are given on the day is NOT offical & you need to apply to get your offical one from births, deaths & marriages (which our celebrant did for us so we didnt have to go in). Then as someone already mentioned you get a whole heap copied & certified & just send them to every company you deal with & they will change it.
      Get the right certificate & its pretty easy.

      Reply

    • Amanda says:

      09:44am | 08/11/10

      It is my 13th wedding anniversary today and my driver’s licence is still in my maiden name. I did try changing it, came up against the same beauracracy and didn’t go any further. My bank accounts and medicare card are in my married name as is my government issued ID, none of them had problems accepting my marriage certificate.  Only the RTA and one of my store credit cards refused to change it on the basis of my marriage certificate.

      Reply

    • sunchine says:

      03:07pm | 08/11/10

      happy anniversary!

    • Pete says:

      09:49am | 08/11/10

      Why do people even waste 100 grand or more on a wedding. Just move in together, it’s exactly the same except you actually have 100 grand to spend on getting your life kick started.

      Reply

    • WTF??? says:

      01:16pm | 08/11/10

      Neither myself, nor six of my friends who have gotten married in recent times have spent $100’000 on a wedding. Did you use a random number generator to create this figure? Our expenses ranged from a modest $5’500 to $20’000 (for quite a lavish wedding).

    • Syl says:

      03:30pm | 08/11/10

      Most people don’t pay 100 grand for a wedding.  Most people don’t pay anywhere NEAR that amount.  My wife and I paid 13 grand and had a great time.  Also, moving in together is not the same as marriage, I swear, only unmarried people think it is.  Its a public and private acknowledgement of your commitment to each other.  Im not saying that couples who live together aren’t committed, marriage, for those who believe in it, cements that committment and the resposibilities that go along with it.

    • Brisbane says:

      06:39pm | 08/11/10

      Syl, when marriage is difficult to get out of I will see it as some amazing sign of commitment between two people. There are some people out there who figure if it all goes wrong they’ll ‘just’ get a divorce like it’s no biggie. These people cheapen the whole process and make it very unappealing to me. But that’s just my 2 cents.

    • Syl says:

      08:42am | 09/11/10

      I agree Brisbane, hence “those that believe in it”.  Too many people are not willing to persist and make things work.  I believe that a marriage isn’t something that just happens, you have to want it to work and you have to work at it.  Too many people get married because it’s the thing to do and easy to get out of if things turn pear shaped.  These are not the people I am referring to.

    • GMW of Perth says:

      09:55am | 08/11/10

      I’ve found the biggie with the people I deal with is complaints regarding the cost of obtaining a certified copy of the marriage certificate from the registrar of Marriages, Births and Deaths.

      Reply

    • MissNeriss says:

      01:18am | 09/11/10

      Oh yeah.  That’s a bitch.  I had to get my birth certificate apostilled for the second time (requirement that apostilles are no older than 6 months for Dutch Bureaucracy where I live), and it was $60 for the apostille, and an EXTRA $20 because it had to be on a separate page and attached.  Ouch.

    • Heléna says:

      10:01am | 08/11/10

      I had mine changed to my married name by just using the celebrant provided marriage certificate (RTAnsw) , but the thought and COST of changing our home loan and bank accounts made me cold - so I have two names now one for the RTA and one for the bank, since having a child I have also changed my name with Medicare, but again only used the celebrant provided marriage certificate - how bizarre!

      taht’s the point though @MrsK applying for these things in the first place is hellacious enough - I really didn’t want to have to go through it again

      Reply

    • Mrs M says:

      10:02am | 08/11/10

      Leaving aside the reasons that prompted me to change my name in the first place, I too, have experienced the bureaucracy at its most officious in this regard. For me the RTA was possibly the quickest and smoothest name-changing experience. The most farcical was visiting the post office, armed with an arsenal of identification in my married name to complete the process of opening an online bank account. I was informed that amongst my cache of identification in my married name, which included my marriage certificate, drivers licence and credit card, I did not have the specific pieces of identification required to complete the process. Despite ‘birth certificate’ being an acceptable form of identification on the list, I was vexed to find out that it was no longer a valid form of identification for me, even when showed together with a marriage certificate, as it “does not have your name on it”.  After haggling for some time, the helpful customer service representative had a brainwave - it appeared that I had enough identification to apply for an Australian passport in my married name. I could fill in the paperwork for that and when the passport arrived, I could use that as identification to open the bank account. Genius!
      I’m not sure whether he ever understood the irony that whilst I had enough identification in my married name to apply for a document of the highest ranking in national security for which an ordinary Australian citizen can apply, I did not have enough identification to open an online bank account…

      Reply

    • Rippa Rita says:

      10:05am | 08/11/10

      I had the opposite situation. After 3 ex husbands I decided to resume my maiden name (One I am very proud of) So 3 sets of marriage/divorce papers, off to our local (rural) registry. Within 30 minutes all done and dusted. Medicare accepted my license, as did my Insurance and Funeral funds. Funny thing was there are no registrations in my maiden name so it dumbfounded them. So then I needed my birth certificate and passport. Wait, passports in 1st husbands name, but it did have nee R***** on it. 2nd passport had 2nd husbands name. I took everything I had my name on including my rates etc though after name change they were in 2nd husbands name (didn’t like 3rd husbands) Still done quickly I think. As its a 100k round trip I didn’t want to have to go back.
      After I changed it all back fiancee says “How about we get married?’ eeekkk.. Too late, too late.

      Reply

    • bella starkey says:

      10:30am | 08/11/10

      I think you should consider this next proposal very carefully…

    • Rippa Rita says:

      01:40pm | 08/11/10

      Definitely Bella

    • funnelwebkitten says:

      10:11am | 08/11/10

      This is the reason why I haven’t gone back to my maiden name after my divorce, I looked at the sheer amount of paperwork/certificates/licences/documentation that was needed and decided it REALLY wasn’t worth the hassle.

      When they introduce an Australian wide-institution wide name changing apparatus I’ll do it, and finally make my ex-husbands present wife happy- she hates it that I still use his name, after all according to her I am no longer entitled to use it.

      Reply

    • em says:

      10:12am | 08/11/10

      I just had the exact same problem at the post office when I went to change my passport. The man behind the counter literally said to me “The certificate from the church won’t do” to which my response was exactly the same as yours “I didn’t get married in a church!”

      Reply

    • Ange says:

      10:21am | 08/11/10

      Try changing it back after separation :o/  My ex and I aren’t officialy divorced yet and I use my maiden name socially etc but all of my official documents, cards, licences etc are still in my married name. Without an actual divorce I would apparently have to change my name back via deed poll. Sigh…the joys of bureaucracy.

      Reply

    • misty moo says:

      10:28am | 08/11/10

      I kept my own name when I got married and never had a minute’s trouble. why bother changing it? it’s YOUR name. funny old-fashioned practice. and yes, she’s right - if men had to go through all the hoop-la, it wouldn’t exist.

      Reply

    • Martine says:

      10:08pm | 08/11/10

      No it’s not your name, it’s your father’s name.

    • unhappy QLD Husband says:

      10:28am | 08/11/10

      And its just as bad as this in QLD. it took nearly 12 months for my wife to change names over on everything. she didn’t bother with her passport because the process was to long and painfull.

      Reply

    • GlendaSings says:

      10:29am | 08/11/10

      I have been victim to an even more irritating problem than this. A couple of years ago I entered into a civil partnership with my same sex partner, and decided to change my surname to be the same as hers. Not because I felt I was her property (really, that’s not why people do that!) but because I really like the idea. I still get a buzz when I get mail with our matching surnames, lol.

      Registered with Births Deaths and Marriages, I received my Civil Partnership certificate. Not surprisingly, it looked very similar to my marriage certificate from my previous marriage…same format, same paper, came out of the same printer, unique serial number etc.

      So I started making calls. Turns out that the motor registry, my bank, the utilities and Medicare and centrelink were all prepared to accept my certificate as proof of a name change. Then I got to the passport office.

      Who flatly refused to accept it as proof of name change. Despite multiple letters, including to the minister. Why? Because they considered that it wasn’t as ‘secure’ as a marriage certificate, which came from BD&M, was printed on special paper, had a unique serial number…hello? All the features of my certificate.

      In the end I had to change my name using the Change of Name process (deed poll) and get a certificate that came from the same printer, in the same office, in the same paper as my Civil Partnership certificate, which apparently was sufficient proof of my change of name. Cost? Over $100. The kicker? Passport office charged me over $200 for a new passport…I wasn’t eligible for the fee exemption because I changed my name through Change of Name…if I’d presented a marriage certificate, it would have been free.

      Reply

    • j says:

      12:05pm | 08/11/10

      That really sucks! :(
      Hopefully you will have the option of getting married soon and it wont be an issue for others in your situation in the future.

    • George says:

      03:30pm | 08/11/10

      The point here is that it is not the marriage certificate that entitles somebody to change their name, it is the act of marriage. The marriage certificate is simply evidence of that act.

    • GlendaSings says:

      10:17pm | 08/11/10

      Ah yes, George, but the official reason provided was that my Civil Partnership certificate was “not secure enough” despite having all the characteristics of both my old marriage certificate and new Change of Name certificate, and the same proof of ID requirements.

      Incidentally, after writing my letter this morning and getting a bit riled up at the unfairness of it all, I checked out the passports website. From 1 July 2009, the passport office began accepting relationship registration certificates like mine. Too late for me, but now available to others who wish to take that path. (thanks J)

    • Victoria says:

      10:32am | 08/11/10

      I went through a similiar thing with the Queanbeyan Motor Registery (NSW).  I held a Canberra (ACT) address for many years and moved to Gundaroo (NSW).  The Queanbeyan (NSW) motor registry accepted all documentation to change the address for the car but as far as my drivers license that was a real problem and it was never solved.  I was originally on a NSW drivers license since 1964..and changed to a bouble barelled name when I married (birth name and married name) and then moved to the ACT.  When I wanted to change back to NSW, the Queanbeyan (ACT) motor registery would not change my drivers license back to NSW using my original birth name (although they still had both my birth name and double barreled name on their computer).  They wanted proof of who I was via my divorce papers.  Although I had shown my Australian Birth Certificate, Australian Passport and my ACT Drivers License, this was not acceptable to them and they wanted me to show them a copy of my divorce certificate..and did not want to see the mariage certificate.  The divorce papers are lost and it became a real hassle to obtain copies etc. 

      I find it hard to believe that the most security concious department (Passports) and the most senior government authority (Australian Federal Government) and my NSW birth certificate documention is at such a high level yet it is not acceptable to minor bureaucracies.

      The end result was that I gave up, continued using my ACT drivers license,  then moved to Canada for a year.  I returned to Australia and now again live in the ACT and still using that license. 

      I firmly belive that all transport matters should be at Federal level not State as there are so many petty inconstiencies that should all be under the one Federal Department.

      Reply

    • Ange says:

      12:13pm | 08/11/10

      just as an aside Victoria, my son had a Proof Of Identity card issued by the RTA. These cards are only issued after providing several points of ID - birth certificate, medicare card etc. The odd thing is we discovered that the Proof Of Identity card is not accepted at the RTA as proof of identity when getting a licence. Hmmmm…am I the only one that sees the irony in this?

    • Brendan says:

      10:33am | 08/11/10

      Im not worried about my last name, I would even consider changing mine if my wife’s family wanted to carry on their surname should they not have any other sons… Now all I do is need to find a woman thats is as easygoing as me..!

      Reply

    • EM says:

      10:38am | 08/11/10

      Why would you change your name after getting married?  Now you’ll just have to go and change it back when you get divorced in a few years.  Stupid.

      Reply

    • h says:

      10:40am | 08/11/10

      A completely pointless article - why anyone wants to change their name I don’t know. (Unless it’s terribly embarrassing or you are trying to evade creditors) But for getting married? You decide to spend the rest of your lives together so you have to have the same name? Why not stamp ‘I am not me I am the property of a male’ on your forehead as well?

      Reply

    • fairsfair says:

      12:08pm | 08/11/10

      Why not put the lighter down and step away from the bra….

    • GKM says:

      10:46am | 08/11/10

      I tried to change my name after geeting married and came up against the dense fog of government process. I decided it was all too hard and kept my maiden name. Everything official is iny maiden name but older family memebers do address mail to my married name (one even addresses it to Mrs[husbands name]). As long as everything official is in one name it seems to work ok.

      Reply

    • HR says:

      10:48am | 08/11/10

      This is why my partner and I will never get married. What a big ho-ha over nothing. We can live quite happily without the stress, the cost and the family dramas thanks. My name means nothing to me, its just a means of identification. I’m just lucky my parents gave me a nice normal name that is easy to spell.

      Reply

    • Scrub Nurse says:

      11:27am | 08/11/10

      This was like reading about me 6 months ago. I married 8 years ago, but never got around to changing my name. If I applied for something like a store card, it was in my married name, but everything else was maiden. After 5 years I decided to change my name for work, so I filled out an online application for the ATO and that was that. No questions asked. I also changed my work registration at the same time so it matched. Bank accounts, licence etc were still all maiden name.
      Hubby decided to get a personal loan to buy a car, but they wanted me to go on it too, so he put my name on it…..my married name. That was OK until they wanted proof of identity (fair enough, it was finance after all). Went to the P.O with a proof of ID form filled out and documents and he looked at me and laughed. 1 can’t used birth certificate because it’s in a different name, 2. can’t use marriage certificate, has to be real one, 3. work ID is no good. 4. licence in maiden name, etc etc etc. Shitcanned every bit of ID I had. I went home and grabbed group certificates, other documentation from ATO (after all, they are the Gods of the country) and anything else I could find. Nope, none of it was any good. Over a week had passed by this stage. Then the bright spark at the P.O suggested getting my licence changed. That’s OK, but I need the BDM certificate for that and that can take weeks. The finance company needed their paperwork, they didn’t want to wait more weeks….and frankly, neither did we, we needed this car.
      Came back home again, got on the net, BDM site up, apply for marriage certificate. You can pay X and it will take 4 weeks or you can pay $70(I think it was 70) and have it there in 72 hours. We paid the extra. FOUR DAYS LATER, we get a message from BDM saying i didn’t have enough ID to prove who I was to get this certificate. HUH???? back and forth, back and forth and 2 weeks later BDM said they were ready to send the certificate. Still charged us the 72 hour price though.
      It took another 5 days for it to arrive and I went and got my licence changed. Walked in, stamp, stamp, thanks very much, too easy. Took it back to the P.O…‘sorry, we need more ID than that….....”
      Nine weeks after we applied for the loan we got it.
      Everywhere else is happy for the marriage certificate, even the ATO, but RTA, forget it. In fact, the ATO wanted no proof at all!
      What amazes me is, someone could steal my identity and take out a loan in my name before the close of business today, yet for 9 weeks, I couldn’t prove who I was. How can an identity thief have enough documentation to be me when I don’t?! I’m just glad I didn’t die in that time, I could’ve been buried as anyone.

      Reply

    • The Bunyip says:

      06:14pm | 11/12/10

      Wht didn’t your husband just put your “official” name on the application?

    • Sarah says:

      11:43am | 08/11/10

      Well your celebrant should have explained to you that the official Births Deaths and Marriages certificate is required to officially change your name, so I’d be blaming it on them.  Honestly, you have made this sound ridiculously complicated, but it isn’t.  I got married 4 years ago, sent off for my official marriage certificate, when I got it, I went around and changed my name within a couple of days.  No fuss.  I simply read the requirements for each department first, and made sure I met them.  Don’t make it sound so scary for people!

      Reply

    • Pam says:

      08:32pm | 08/11/10

      Sarah, I got married 20 years ago, and used the “church” certificate to change my name on everything.  All very easy.  However, I didn’t realise that the laws had changed and when I applied for a passport I needed documentation I didn’t have and needed to obtain.  I’m sure my Minister would have explained the need for an “official” certificate if he’d known that the law would change in 10 or 15 years.  I’m glad you had no problem.  I had no problem either.  But, things change and you’re being a little patronising and know it all.  Maybe feel a little sympathy for those that didn’t have it as easy as you,  and not try to find someone to blame.

    • Chewbacca says:

      11:48am | 08/11/10

      As a male, I cannot understand why people change their names after marriage. I certainly did not expect my wife to change her name after we got married and happy to say she hasnt.
      A person’s name is their identity. Do names mean so little to married women that they abandon it first chance they get?

      Reply

    • Loxy says:

      01:01pm | 08/11/10

      I’m a female and I’m with you Chewbacca. Changing your name to me seems a completely outdated and sexist tradition. I’ve never come across a man who is prepared to change his name and yet so many of them expect their wives to change their name. Lucky for me, my hubby is like you and was happy for me to keep my name.

      Simple solution ladies, keep your name!

    • Mistress D says:

      06:36am | 09/11/10

      I’ve met a few men who are prepared to change their names.

      For me, personally, I’d like to change my name but add his on to the end of mine. Not necessarily a double barrel, but sort of shift my maiden name into the rest of my name. I’d also like my children to have my maiden name in their names somewhere, as it’s part of family tradition that the woman’s maiden name is in the name of her children.

      To be honest, I find it a little ironic that women will hold so tightly to their maiden name when all they’re doing is keeping a man’s last name either way. I find it to be more empowering to take the name of a man I chose, rather than the one I was given through life’s lottery. But if a woman wants to keep her last name, I think that’s fine too. After all, that was the point of feminism….That we have a choice, not that we trade one set of definite rules to live by for another set.

    • happy with my hubby's name says:

      11:50am | 08/11/10

      While i do agree that it’s a pain to do paperwork sometimes esp with banks and the RTA….no offence to the writer of the article- If you had read the RTA website or any other bank website carefully - they make it VERY CLEAR that they ONLY accept the official marriage certificate from the registry if you want your name changed.  I had no problems getting mine.  Am sure lots of other ppl knew that as well by carefully reading the instructions provided. 

      Maybe what needs to be changed is that you find out more carefully about the process of doing things before wasting your money on a babysitter just so you can run some errands?!?!?! =)

      it’s really like just applying for something as per usual….changing your name is really not that much harder…

      Reply

    • Jess says:

      11:57am | 08/11/10

      If people were a bit more prepared about what would be involved it wouldnt be such an issue. My celebrant explained to me that the “pretty” certificate she would give me is not the “legal” certificate and gave me the application for the real certificate along with other paper work.

      It was $44 and all I had to do was take it in person to my local court house (not too hard) with my drivers licence. While I was there I took 5 photocopies and asked the JP (already at the court house) to sign them for me.

      This was enough to change my drivers licence, bank accounts any any other accounts i had.

      Also it is FREE to change your name on your passport if you do it within one year. After that you are charged, so once again, if you do some research (google change your name after marriage) you will know all this and not be scrambling around all over the place like this blogger.

      It was an effort but really not that bad as a once off if you were prepared.

      Reply

    • M says:

      12:01pm | 08/11/10

      Awesome. Recently married, overseas - it’s been two months, and after realising that I needed to apply for a new birth certificate(??) I stopped right there. Look what I have to look forward to when I eventually get around to it!

      Reply

    • The Bunyip says:

      06:27pm | 11/12/10

      ummm… stress because you can’t get that loan you need by the time you need it, all because you can’t be bothered filing a few applications in the correct order now?

    • Crafty says:

      12:02pm | 08/11/10

      The trick when dealing with these organisations is to not actually tell them the truth. This sounds dishonest and frankly counter productive but bare with me.

      You see you have the following things on your side.

      A) You’ll never get the same person twice.
      B) Their “records” never seem to be complete.
      C) Everyone wants to avoid the potential of being caught out (Big organisations = big “accountability”. aka stuff will hit the fan).

      So you’re not “changing” your name. You’ve just received a statement that has the incorrect details on it. “You see this is my Maiden name and I spoke to someone last week and he assured me that the name change would have gone through already”.

      “We need blah blah blah”

      “Wait what! I followed the correct procedure and someone at your organisation didn’t do as I was promised and now it’s my problem? That’s unaccepable. I need this fixed”

      Immediately they’re thinking “Oh crap if she wants a Supervisor and our incompetence is brought to light heads will roll”.

      As a new home owner this is Standard Operating Procedure for dealing with the bank. It works a treat. Happy Hunting!

      Reply

    • Adam says:

      10:33pm | 08/11/10

      Crafty absolute gold! I must remember this whenever I have any issue, not necessarily just a name issue

    • Elizabeth says:

      12:04pm | 08/11/10

      I wanted to change the spelling of my Given name…....It cost me $70 and I changed it by deed poll. It was pretty easy…. the only thing being is that I have my original birth certificate and a name change certificate and must present these both as my birth certificate every time, which is easy.

      Reply

    • Tracey says:

      12:08pm | 08/11/10

      Ahhhh but it gets better….after going through all this nonsense to change your name, I assure you it is mission impossible to change it back!

      I got a passport in my maiden name but I cannot change my driver’s licence back…..I gave up, waste of time, money and effort, I’ll just remain two people until I have a lazy week to spare with absolutely nothing to do to sort this out!!

      The curse of my former husband’s surname will live on for some time yet I believe!

      Reply

    • Natasha Coste says:

      12:10pm | 08/11/10

      I went and got the official certificate from Births, Deaths and Marriages. It took all of 5 minutes to walk in, do the paperwork and pay the fee. Now I have my wedding certificate, birth certificate, phone account letter, letter from the tax office etc, all in a folder. I pick it up whenever I go to do anything paperwork related. It’s called doing research and being organised.

      Reply

    • EM says:

      12:57pm | 08/11/10

      Yeah you need to do this in Australia; the land of making simple things difficult…

    • George says:

      03:37pm | 08/11/10

      Exactly Natasha!
      It’s amazing how some people can constantly make the simplest things extraordinarily difficult for themselves.
      @EM no, you need to do this in Australia due to concerns about ID theft, fraud, terrorism, money laundering. Pretty common sense, hey?

    • Nathan says:

      12:23pm | 08/11/10

      Maybe you had a dopey celebrant / wedding official?

      Ours asked us during our planning meeting what our intents were, my wife said she’d be taking my name. Our celebrant made sure all the appropriate paperwork was there on the day - there was a blur of sign here, now sign here, now sign here. This is your decorative marriage certificate, the legal one will arrive in the mail…

      And so a week or so later the official Births Deaths and Marriages document arrived. Wifey just waved that around and had no problems aside from the inherent issue of having to inform agencies of the changed name.

      Reply

    • Jessica says:

      12:26pm | 08/11/10

      Just apply for a change of name certificate- you know deed poll. You’ll be issued with a brand new certificate in your ‘New Name’ and it will also state your ‘Old Name’ and all your ‘Old Name details’.... The birth certificate is all you need to change everything you want and leave anything in your old name. Worked like a charm for me.

      Reply

    • jane says:

      12:27pm | 08/11/10

      I’ve been married for five years, never bothere to change my name once I discovered the costs and hoops for changing to my married name. All my bank accounts, our home loan, my name at work etc are in my married name. Only my license and passport remain in my maiden name and i’ll never bother changing it probably, why put in the effort and money?! Doesn’t cause many problems for me at all, just have to remember all our travel documentation to be in my maiden name. everyone knows me by my married name.

      Reply

    • Lisa H. says:

      12:30pm | 08/11/10

      So you didn’t get your official certificate and had to make another trip into town. Big whoop.
      I love being married, I love having a single family name and I love sharing my family name with my own children.
      Niggle all you like, you’re only wearing your father’s family name, which is just as patriarchal as any other.
      Give a little, it won’t kill ya.

      Reply

    • Smith says:

      12:36pm | 08/11/10

      Ignoring the to change/ or not to change debate, I don’t feel sorry for the writer.

      A simple bit of research (available on the Vicroads website at least) would have saved her heaps of time. Even one of those $10 name change kits, with all of the instructions and forms required for each state.

      A bit of time spent googling could have saved a lot of wasted time.

      Reply

    • bennie says:

      12:36pm | 08/11/10

      It took my new wife approximately 4 days to change her name on absolutely everything… of course it took a week or 2 for all the new keycards, medicare card etc to arrive, but she found the actual process quite simple.

      Mind you, she is reasonably well organised and did a couple of hours research before time so she knew exactly what was required.  And our celebrant made it quite clear that we would have to get a copy of the actual marriage certificate from Births, Deaths and marriages, before she could change her name on most things.

      Reply

    • He-Man says:

      12:39pm | 08/11/10

      Well, if we lived in a world where men changed their names after marriage, at least we wouldn’t have rubbish blogs like this.  It’s really quite simple to change all this information.  Men get it done quite easily.  I accompanied my wife most times when she had to change her various bank accounts, licenses, passports etc etc, because I knew she would encounter just the dramas you speak of.  However, with a man in charge, it’s not that bloody hard - read the rules and requirements first, and you would understand that the marriage certificate supplied by the celebrant is not official and doesn’t mean diddly squat - sure it looks nicer in a frame than the registry certificate - but you absolutely must fork out the $40 or so to get an official copy from the registry, and yes, make a few certified copies - your accountant, solicitor, pharmacist, doctor or friendly neighbourhood JP are all qualified to certify true copies of official documents.  You can also get it certified at any police station.  Or a ship’s captain can do it if you’re out at sea - arrrrr.  Regardless, there is a way, and ladies, if you read the rules first - and UNDERSTAND them - then you won’t have any problems.  Or just get your husband to do it for you, and make him a sandwich while he’s doing it wink

      Reply

    • Kate says:

      12:42pm | 08/11/10

      I’m half changed.  So like you, my bank quite happily accepted the ‘pretty’ non legal certificate as proof of the change.  But according to Vic roads, medicare etc I’m still under my maiden name because I can not be bothered going in there to change it.  I did get my official certificate quite easily though.  Didn’t involve going into Birth’s Deaths and Marriages office.  Quite interesting that I’m under my married name to 1 oe 2 government departments and to the rest my maiden name. 
      People change their names so they can be a ‘family’ and usually women will change their name so that they can have the same name as their children.  There is nothing about ownership! Well at least not in my marriage, not sure about others.

      Reply

    • Caz says:

      12:49pm | 08/11/10

      Changing your name is just a modern day version of the dowry where your father passed you over to your new husband with a cow and a couple of goats.  Just because you get married doesn’t mean you ‘become’ someone else - your husband’s stayed just the same!  I find it amusing when a woman gets married, changes her name, gets divorced, changes it back and re-marries only to change it again…....must get very confusing.  I am married 15 yrs and never considered changing my name - this is who I am from birth to death!!

      Reply

    • Megs says:

      01:39pm | 08/11/10

      My Grandparents were married for 72 years, my grandmother took her husband’s name. My parents have been married for 50 years, my mother also taking a new surname. I have been married for 17 years and again, have taken my husband’s surname. We women changed our names, that is all, who we are is something completely different. As an exmple, my grandmother was adopted as a baby and died at 91 never knowing her birth name. Recently we found her birth mother and her name and I can assure you that nothing has changed as to who she was as a person and how much we love her. Change your name or don’t change your name, its your choice, but its not what makes the marriage work.

    • anonymoose says:

      12:53pm | 08/11/10

      The worst part is that 2.5 years on you’ll still find things that have your maiden name on them and you’ll have run out of copies of your marriage certificate that have been witnessed by a JP. Make sure you get at least a dozen copies.

      Reply

    • Frances says:

      12:54pm | 08/11/10

      I have a solution to your problem.  Keep YOUR name.  If you view marriage as a partnership (and not ownership) doesn’t it make sense for you to keep your name?

      Reply

    • sammy says:

      12:58pm | 08/11/10

      In my experience, 95% of women change their name. To call your article “no wonder women don’t want to change their names” appears to me to be utter fallacy. I went to an all girls school, I have two sisters. From the girls I know from school, to my cousin and both of my sisters: every SINGLE one of them has changed their name.
      So your article lured me in on a false premise. Pretty much every woman out there feels the pressure to change their name, and most of them accept it and *want* to as well. I’d love it if they didn’t because then they’d stop asking me why I haven’t and stop assuming I’m a rabid feminist who wants to get rid of men (despite the evidence that I quite like them by marrying one).

      Reply

    • Ironic says:

      12:59pm | 08/11/10

      Odd because I know a women who goes by a number of different names (never married, but from a number of ‘broken homes’) and she appears to be able to use whatever name suits her on the day without any problems.

      Reply

    • Andrew Gould says:

      01:03pm | 08/11/10

      I’m Australian, living since June this year in my wife’s country, Chile. In Spanish speaking countries, women don’t change their family names in when they marry. 

      My wife chose to use my surname back in Australia, but was obliged here for official purposes to revert to her original family names, father’s plus mother’s: the double surname being standard for both males and females. This means that no problem of the nature described above ever occurs here. It’s certaijly a very practical system.

      Reply

    • K says:

      01:09pm | 08/11/10

      I checked everyones websites to find out what they required before I even started the name-changing process, coz no offense, but if you just walk in without bothering to check the requirments then you’re asking for trouble, because they are readily available. If you check with the institutions first then you save yourself a lot of hassle.  Or, ask a friend who has done it and they can tell you what the different places require for proof.

      Having said that though, I haven’t even bothered to change my name with ING and never will. If every other institution will accept a photocopy of the certificate from the registry or just need to sight the original, including the bank my ING account is linked too, then I can’t see why it’s not good enough for ING too. The whole point of the registry certificate is it has a registered number, for use in verification. Having a JP ‘verify’ it as well is just overkill and a waste of my time.

      Reply

    • What is the fuss about? says:

      01:11pm | 08/11/10

      I am 32, and I got married six months ago.  I told my husband long before we were married that I wanted to keep my name because I would have to change it on about 25+ locations otherwise, and secondly both my husband and I often have people mispronouncing and mispelling our short surnames anyway!!  No one should be pushed to change their name if they dont want to, it is entirely a personal choice.

      Reply

    • Ceejay, says:

      01:12pm | 08/11/10

      Changing your name to your husband’s in this day and age can cause all sorts of nightmares for children. I have a friend whose first child has her surname as she wasn’t married to her partner. After they split she married and had another child, this time with the father’s surname. They have now since divorced and she is remarrying and so both children will have different surnames and so will their mum. Way too confusing. Stick with your maiden name as you never know what the future may hold. nobody gets married with divorce in mind but statistically it’s a high possibility at some stage.

      Reply

    • Eva says:

      01:12pm | 08/11/10

      Why change your name on marriage…it’s so old fashioned and unnecessary unless you have a dog of a surname. I can’t believe women are still doing it. I certainly didn’t. The only thing that I get irritated about is that all computer systems seem to be set up for man first woman second so I now get mail addressed first to my son and then to me letting me know in quite clear terms that business and government consider the male to be the priority.

      Reply

    • parent of 3 says:

      01:14pm | 08/11/10

      It’s a non-issue. Just wait for the certificate from Births, Deaths and Marriages. Also babies fit in prams and are quite portable, and can be taken into the motor registry etc. Save your babysitting money for when you want to go out for dinner.

      Reply

    • fran says:

      01:19pm | 08/11/10

      I’m not young but I can tell the difference between a legal document such as a Birth Death or Marriage certificate and a pretty piece of paper from a church or celebrant - even with the Commonwealth of Australia written on it. I hope you can work out how to register your children should that ever happen.

      Reply

    • Sonrahjacksar says:

      01:28pm | 08/11/10

      Our marriage celebrant told us that the certificate we get to take home is not valid. Its just a pretty piece of paper to hang on your wall. I picked up a copy of the official registry certificate 3 weeks after the wedding. I had no problems with name changes.

      Reply

    • Arnold Layne says:

      01:47pm | 08/11/10

      Change your name, don’t change your name, I don’t really care, but work out what you want to call your kids and stick with it.  Double barrelled names are just silly, and what happens when two people with double barrelled names have kids?  What do they call them then?  These are questions that need answers people!!!

      Reply

    • Katie says:

      03:34pm | 08/11/10

      Double barrelled names for both people…Hmmmm good question. What does happen then…Oh dear, poor child.
      This is a page for Mr Christopher Lee Smith Harper Hooter
      Somehow, seems like a riddle.

    • Lisa H. says:

      11:52pm | 08/11/10

      In a perfect world, any woman who goes through drug-free labour can call the child whatever surname she wishes.

      I totally don’t get women who refuse to change their own name… but then ‘hand’ their child over to father’s care by naming his family name. WHY? 

      Surely, in the name of fairness, the person who produces the watermelon gets to claim the credit!

      The women here see the male name thing as a sexist ‘ownership’ type arrangement.

      I think in reality it is much more likely to have come about to lay a guilt trip on the guy, and remind him of his expensive and less pleasant responsibilities!

    • Kate says:

      01:55pm | 08/11/10

      I’m planning on changing my name when I get married, for a few reasons.

      Firstly, Mrs (my last name) reminds me of my mother. I want to start my own family with my future husband and I feel like changing my name would be a good way to do this.
      Secondly, I’m not even related to the people with my last name. My father was forced to take his stepfather’s name when his mother remarried, so our name really has no lasting connection to our family.
      Thirdly, my name sucks. It has led to so many jokes and I can’t wait to be rid of it. If I never end up getting married, I will probably just take my mother’s maiden name, to be rid of my frigging silly name.

      I don’t think this makes me an insult to feminism or a slave to sexism or what have you - it’s my choice. Feminism is about expanding available choices for women, and respecting the choices of others.

      I figured the name change process would be difficult - I’m anticipating a bit of a hassle as my boyfriend and I plan on marrying overseas. We assume we may have to have the proper wedding overseas and then pop into the registry office for a second wedding just so it’s valid here, but it’s a fair way off, so we haven’t really looked into it yet.

      Reply

    • neverchangemyname says:

      02:09pm | 08/11/10

      women changing name after getting married…this idea always sounds strange to me. As an Chinese, we don’t change our surname, it is a part of where you come from. Can’t they just have an extra field for your married name like the firstname-maidenname, title-marriedname eg. Jane Smiths, Mrs Jones?

      Reply

    • Tegan says:

      02:17pm | 08/11/10

      I was married at the Registry office in my state’s capital city. When I booked in the date to get married, the clerk gave me the form you need to get a copy of our ‘real’ marriage certificate. She said I needed it if I was changing my name (not that I have).
      It seems like your celebrant has failed you, by not giving you this information.

      Reply

    • work-a-round says:

      02:19pm | 08/11/10

      Solution to your ING problem - next time bank the cheque into your ANZ account which is in your married name and transfer the funds across to your ING account. Simple.

      Reply

    • Maiden says:

      02:44pm | 08/11/10

      I found it even worse trying to go back to my maiden name after divorce!!  Then you need all the legal paperwork from the marriage and the divorce.

      Reply

    • Leah says:

      02:52pm | 08/11/10

      I got married overseas and it was even harder for me to change my name with any bank or government department.

      In the end I ended up legally changing my name with NSW Births, Deaths & Marriages. It cost more money but it was easier than going to the JP every day getting things signed.

      Reply

    • Kay says:

      03:07pm | 08/11/10

      ANZ are not always that easy.  I had the registry certificate but they got my new name incorrect on the replacement credit card twice.  They refused to change it to my correct name until I could show them that the incorrect name was my name (which was never going happen - cause it was WRONG!)  After 2 wrong cards and ANZ advising me that they dont make mistakes - I said that I would spend on the card with the incorrect name if they didnt correct the mistake.  It wasnt me so I wouldnt have to pay it - should have seen how fast they moved then!  I don’t have a credit card with them anymore as there service on this issue was pathetic ....

      Reply

    • Tatjana says:

      03:09pm | 08/11/10

      yup i totally feel your pain!
      That reference number idea is genius!

      Im in between changing now which means half my documents are my married name and the other half under my maiden name.  I wanted two surnames (no hyphenations) but I was told by a staff member at the Qantas Frequent Flier program that that was a bad idea.

      Reply

    • Truckle the Uncivil says:

      03:13pm | 08/11/10

      How did we get to this state?  I recall when you could use any name you damn well pleased including a bank account but if you misused the privilege it was an prosecutable offence in its own right.  But only if you misused it.

      Reply

    • Debra says:

      03:14pm | 08/11/10

      had the fun of doing all that - then my husband decided he wanted to change his name back to his birth name - i had to organise all of this for him, our child and myself - all via a name change - qld transport were the worst…. as they couldn’t match this new certificate to my ‘married name’
      arghhh- i get the shakes just reading about it

      Reply

    • April says:

      03:31pm | 08/11/10

      I can’t even read this article.  It makes me made that in the year 2010 women are still changing their names when they get married.  I’ve never understood why and never will.  It’s an outdated religious thing.

      Reply

    • Katie says:

      03:32pm | 08/11/10

      I was married changed my name. I loved all that warm fuzzy stuff. Awww we are in love, we are now a family.
      I changed my name very easily. Too easy.
      After 9 years, fairytale comes to an end.
      Divorce went through as soon as I got confirmation, I started the ball rolling in changing my name.
      Phoned around, obtained necessary forms, asked for their requirements, saw a JP that works in my building got documents certified and wham bam, i’m back to my old name. Tedious but easy if you are organised and prepared.
      Even the Australian Government will re-issue your passport for free from your married name to your maiden name within 12mths of the date that the divorce was finalised. Nice, I like that! Thanks Govt!
      If you anticipate hurdles, red tape and the like, have everything ready, it isn’t much at all.
      I will never change my name again, i’m happy being me and i’m prepared for my future children to say, mummy why is your name different, that one is easy. I’ll say sweety in Islam, mummy doesn’t have to change her name, it isn’t required, in fact, it is preferred that muslim women keep their name, because men do not own them.

      Reply

    • Jonathan says:

      03:34pm | 08/11/10

      I have to say this is your own fault. A cerificate from a church or celebrate is no where near good enough usually not even for the banks. You are meant to send that away with your application to the department of births deaths and marriages and they issue with a real cerficicate you can hold with some value. Otherwise it would just be too easy to forge and the whole system would fail. But good try and good whinge sums up the type of person you are i guess.

      Reply

    • Kim says:

      03:50pm | 08/11/10

      Amy, wait until you try and get a passport for your child when your own passport is in your maiden name…..... 

      Oh and the worst part is - Once you get married, according to the Australian Passport Office, you are no longer the same person.  You cannot just update your passport, you have to apply for a new one because you are obviously a different person.  Of course, my personality changed as well as my name when I was married so I told them to stuff it!

      Reply

    • annoyed at silly articles says:

      03:55pm | 08/11/10

      it’s a shame we don’t live in a perfect world where i can get the 5 minutes i spent reading this back!
      maybe researching AML and Anti-terrorism laws before writing this would have explained everything….
      the laws are in place for your protection. it’s all good to complain about them now but i can only imagine the article you’d write if your bank accounts, credit cards or superannuation policies were subject to fraudulent activity. look at how much goes on already and the efforts financial institutions go to stop that kind of activity. yes, it may mean you have to gop to the BDM office to get the proper certificate, but what’s worth more? the $40 for the certificate, or the potenial hundreds of thousands you could lose?
      and one last point - please don’t compare what you can do with one financial institution to what you can or can’t do with another. yes there are laws, but each institution needs to make those laws applicable to the way they conduct their business and the security measures they take. they aren’t trying to make your life hard, they are trying to protect your money…. and you say how everything with ANZ was so easy to change, well thank you for informing me of this, as i’m now going to close my account with them!

      Reply

    • Vian says:

      03:59pm | 08/11/10

      I kept using my maiden name after I married, because my dear husband is Mr Godley.  I’m more unGodley, myself - no sense trying to fool people, right?  But I empathise with my mum’s decision to take her husband’s name - her maiden name was Stray. 

      If I was getting married to someone called McArse, I’d change my surname to Wype, and insist that we hypehnate the children’s surnames.  Why yes, now that you mention it, I am glad I never had kids ...

      Reply

    • blackbird says:

      04:08pm | 08/11/10

      You are annoyed at how hard it is for you to change your own name, yet think how annoyed you would be if someone had randomly gone in posing as you with little to no identity documents and changed details, or had a new licence issued to them and then went to the ANZ bank who clearly have more relaxed identity policies and got a bunch of credit cards that you are now responsible for. Identity fraud is not something that just happens to everyone else.

      Oh and details of what you are required to bring to VicRoads in order to change your name are on their website, and very clear. Maybe you could have paid your baysitter and extra $5 to look that up for you.

      Reply

    • Trude says:

      04:10pm | 08/11/10

      Thank you!! I thought it was just me. Show up to Service SA all ready to get my license, having easily changed my name with medicare, bank etc., only to be told the same thing. I seriously wanted to tell them what they could do with their silly rules, except photo ID, is an essential in today’s world.

      I couldn’t even accept delivery of a modem at home, because the delivery man will only release it to a person with photo ID in the name which it was ordered, my married name, also couldn’t join the local video store without it.

      So armed with birth certificate, medicare card, bank card, bill in my name showing address, church certificate, etc, I go to Births and Deaths. I have to explain to a worker and a supervisor why some things are in my married name and some in my old name. 8 days later I get that in the post, have to go back to Service SA to apply again for y license to be changed into my new name and wait two weeks for delivery.

      In the mean-while, my modem, that the delivery man couldn’t hand over, had been sent back to NSW and a new one had to be sent.

      All-in-all it 4 weeks to get my license in my new name and 33 days to get my modem. If I divorce, if I re-marry, I’m never changing my name again.

      Reply

    • Annie says:

      04:38pm | 08/11/10

      Years ago when I separated from my husband, I went into Centrelink to change my records for parenting allowance back to my maiden name, Centrelink told me that as I wasn’t divorced, I needed my husbands permission. mmmmm

      Reply

    • Jo says:

      04:50pm | 08/11/10

      I’ve been married more than 20 years and didn’t change my name. While my mother-in-law never accepted it and I sometimes got the wrong notes home from school but none of this was worth the stupidity Amy and others have gone though. And it’s never been an issue for the person it most affected: my husband.

      Reply

    • E says:

      04:50pm | 08/11/10

      I’m sorry but I have to call drama queen.  It’s not hard.  Like many other posters have suggested, do your homework first, know what you need to do and sort it out.  Order the official BD&M form, make a number of copies, get them certified and send the with a letter to each organisation you need to change details for. 

      There’s not need to create so much drama about the process and I really don’t understand why you allege that the process would be easier if it was customary for men to change their names?  As many women have testified above if you can read, find out what’s required and follow the process you can sort it easily.  I think in total it took me approximately 4 hours to change everything.

      Reply

    • Jane says:

      05:00pm | 08/11/10

      20 years ago it was still happening. One bank simply accepted my certificate, and new cards issued. Other bank required me to show 100 points of proof of who I was in my maiden name (even though I’d had the account since I was 15), before they’d accept the marriage certificate. I have my passport now and come hell or high water I’m not ever letting that expire…

      Reply

    • David says:

      05:36pm | 08/11/10

      20 Years on and my Wife’s old super account is still in her maiden name. We have filled in and sent in forms on 3 separate occasions, along with certified birth certificate, but they just can’t seem to follow through and change it so that we can then combine her old super with her “new” one…that is now coming up to 15 years old.

      Reply

    • Julie says:

      05:51pm | 08/11/10

      Maybe my celebrant was just more organised than most. Our Certificate of Marriage and paperwork already had our names typed up on it and just needed our signatures. In any case, most brides organise the deed poll a couple months before the wedding day to avoid the hassle afterward. I’ve known that since 1992. (No criticism meant to our wonderful writer Amy).

      Reply

    • alisha says:

      06:06pm | 08/11/10

      a solicitor can definitely certify copies. the person you were talking to just didn’t know what they were talking about

      Reply

    • Belinda says:

      08:40pm | 08/11/10

      Never mind who should do what, who’s right, who’s wrong, I really liked the article. Very amusing.  There are so many things I try to do in today’s world that make me go around and around on a paper chase.  Usually banks, but I’ve also experienced the Transport paper chase as well.

      Reply

    • JoeC says:

      08:49pm | 08/11/10

      I hate pedantic people, but when you wrote ‘here here’ it actually should be ‘hear! hear!’. Also, if you were really attractive then I am sure they would believe you were actually married. Another thing, you had children outside of wedlock? Ugh, you scored so many negatives the moment you walked into those establishments. Next time, bung on a burqa.

      Reply

    • K says:

      09:50pm | 08/11/10

      Wow, I didn’t have these issues at all when I got married 12 months ago.

      The Celebrant gave me a form to fill in and lodge for a marriage certificate which I got a week or so after getting married. I took that and a bank statement to the RTA and they changed my name to a hyphenated version of both our names, then they also changed my husbands to the hyphenated version (we combined last names, long story).

      ANZ and Medicare was easy as with just our Marriage Certificate, ING was just a JP’d photocopy mailed in (not hard as the lady at NRMA did plenty for us ‘just in case’)

      I found that once I got a few done (thank you ANZ and Medicare) I could take those in and the change was fairly straight forward for everywhere else.

      Reply

    • Gabrielle says:

      10:40pm | 08/11/10

      The author’s trials and tribulations remind me of when my mother died.  We could not get some of her accounts changed out of her name into mine or my father’s, even with the proper death certificate, or an accompanying official letter from the solicitor in charge of her estate.  The reasons given by the companies was due to Victorian privacy legislation.  They were immune to our entreties on the fact that letters continuing to arrive addressed to my mother was proving distressing to my father.

      Reply

    • Anna says:

      11:02pm | 08/11/10

      I use my married name for family/personal stuff, health and banking and my maiden name is used for work and on everything else like license etc.  It’s great having two names.  If there are ever any questions I just pull out my marriage certificate which lives in my handbag. Easy.  And please note that a woman does not CHANGE her name when she marries, she ASSUMES her husbands name!

      Reply

    • CA says:

      11:19pm | 08/11/10

      If you thought that was difficult, imagine if you had kids before meeting hubby? I had to change my surname after my mother remarried because half of my documentation was in my father’s surname and the rest in my step-father’s surname.
      The kids don’t get to choose who you marry and get stuck in the same bereaucratic nightmare

      Reply

    • Wayne says:

      05:33am | 09/11/10

      I have never understood why a woman must change here name to that of her husband. I have been married for 19 years and my wife has always used her maiden name. I have never thought that she should change her name to mine. Why would you change your name? Unless your name is hideous and your new name is cool sounding, then yes. However, you could change your name at any time without being married. This whole name changing thing is a lag over from a time where society and the law had to classify and find where you are from and where you are. Ladies, unless you really want to, simply don’t change your name.

      Reply

    • Ted Thorne says:

      07:00am | 09/11/10

      Bit of commonsense and planning was what was required and is obviously lacking by Amy. If you go in to Vic Roads or MOST banks you need the official Births, Deaths & Marriage certificate. If you don’t want to get that then you will have problems. But guess this is the way society is going when people want to blame everyone else for their own lack of preparation and expecting everyone else to accept unofficial documents.

      Reply

    • Geewiz says:

      07:19am | 09/11/10

      173 comments and about twenty minutes after reading I still somehow seem unable to find the point of this article. I will now proceed to apply for my press card and start writing a story about my experiences rining Telstra trying to move my service to a new address.

      Reply

    • Celebrant says:

      07:23am | 09/11/10

      oh dear, what a shame your celebrant did not inform you of this - they could have sent application form away with your marriage papers (you would not have needed to show any additional id), and you would have automatically received direct via registered post within a couple of weeks and would have saved you all this drama.  As a celebrant this is exactly what I do, to save people like you having to be subjected to the road to Rome.  It only takes a minute to complete the form - but saves days of your precious time and takes the years off your life that have been added due to the stress!

      Reply

    • Cynics Anon says:

      07:27am | 09/11/10

      I was divorced in 1974 and wanted to change my name back to my maiden name.Easy Peasy and this might help in changing your name. At the time I was working in The Attorney General’s Office in Canberra in the Lands title office, This department also handled Births Deaths and Marriages. I simply outlined my desire to shed myself of my married name to my boss.Simple he said get a change of name form out fill it in and show me your birth certificate, marriage certificate and swear an oath and bob’s yr uncle. 15 to 20 minutes later I had regained my own name back and that was when I started being happily single again. Wonder if that will work for you.Worth a try. Second divorce was even easier to change my name. I simply had to make out a stat-dec saying from this date I wish to be known as such and such have it witnessed by a JP and again easy peasy, Not going for a third go at the marriage stakes.Happy happy days as a single,do what I want when I want don’t have to account for money and time spent away .Gotta love it.

      Reply

    • Keep your name says:

      11:57am | 09/11/10

      I can understand you changing your name the first time, but why on earth did you bother to change it the second time after reverting back to your maiden name?

      Ever heard of “Once bitten twice shy”?

    • isis says:

      07:37am | 09/11/10

      Why change your name at all? Without dna evidence, children really should have their mother’s name. It is easy to change your name at the registry office.
      Crutchfield is a fail.

      Reply

    • R says:

      08:11am | 09/11/10

      I thought it was common knowledge that the certificate you’re given at your wedding is ceremonial and not official. I applied to the registry for the official certificate and found it easy to change my name. Of course you’re going to find it difficult if you don’t do it properly. It’d be the same with anything.

      Reply

    • Richard Schwedes says:

      08:51am | 09/11/10

      As a pastor of a church i always advise couples to get their offical registry certificate from Births, Deaths and Registry…especially if they are changing name…because some organisations will and some will not accept the Commonwealth of Australia certificate….I am surprised your celebrant didn’t stress this to you….

      Reply

    • Victoria says:

      08:53am | 09/11/10

      So it seems to me that there is enough evidence and proof in all of this that the biggest pain in the arse are the RTA.  It is a shame that some little unempowered people in public service areas need to feel more powerful than they are.

      Reply

    • David says:

      09:15am | 09/11/10

      So what name do the kids take and on what family tree do they loose, this only encourages illegitimacies for future generations, where they will have to take a DNA test to see if they are not brother and sister, this is really going over the top, governments want to distroy the family as it suits them to have dysfunctional families so that they can feather their own pockets and nests….

      Reply

    • Alice says:

      01:49pm | 09/11/10

      When I got married six months ago, I had decided that I would take my husband’s last name. The reason was two fold - We wanted to have the same last name as each other, and I decided to take his because we are both very close with his family, and my family is a little, shall we say, dysfunctional. So it made sense for me to take the name of a family I actually really feel a part of.

      We were presented as Mr & Mrs Ford at our wedding, and when I’m introduced to people I use my married name. Also, I’m a teacher, and my class now calls me Mrs Ford.

      But - the process of actually legally changing my name has just proved too difficult and time consuming, especially whilst in the process of setting up a house together, starting a marriage, working etc.. (as nothing bureaucratic is open aside from 9-5!). So on my licence, passport, joint bank accounts etc.. I’m still using my maiden name, and I just use my married name for all other purposes. It doesn’t make me any less Mrs Ford, in my or my husbands, opinion.

      maybe one day I’ll get around to changing it, when the process is more streamlined.

      Reply

    • Caz says:

      11:00pm | 09/11/10

      OMG!! There is a serious lack of commonsense shown in this article..the situation could very easily have been remedied if you had, at the first sign of trouble, just applied to BDMs for a change of name to your married name (You have mentioned more than enough identity documents in your maiden name to facilitate this and I presume that you have an original birth certificate). You would have been issued with an amended birth certificate with your original AND amended (married) name on it. Now of course you would have to REALLY want to have an official change of name to do this….but maybe that’s the point. You spent 2 years happily using your maiden name while married…why the sudden urgency to change it now?

      Reply

    • Shane says:

      09:50am | 14/11/10

      All you had to do was get a certificate of marriage from the registrar of births, deaths and marriages and you wouldn’t have all these problems.

      There’s nothing new about needing the official certificate, it’s been that way for years.  A simple phone call to confirm what you need before you set off half cocked thinking you know everything would have been in order.

      You have problems dealing with government agencies because you didn’t follow their rules, and now you are blaming everyone but yourself, talk about a modern woman!  I feel sorry for your husband who would have had to cop your rantings caused by you but blamed on every one else.

      Reply

    • brdijoo says:

      12:42pm | 08/11/11

      I am new here but i think he is right.

      Reply
 
Comment

Facebook Recommendations

Read all about it

Punch live

Up to the minute Twitter chatter

Paul Colgan

Colgo 25 May 12 10:37PM

Greece makes the final and Ireland gets in on a golden ticket. How awkward and embarrassing. Love it. #sbseurovision

Anthony Sharwood

antsharwood 25 May 12 10:00PM

Every single #eurovision band is roxette #sbseurovision

Anthony Sharwood

antsharwood 25 May 12 09:58PM

The weird thing about #eurovision is you've got this massive collection of dorks in a room and no one is wearing Spock ears #sbseurovision

Anthony Sharwood

antsharwood 25 May 12 09:52PM

Europe has the large hadron collider which is light years ahead of its time and #eurovision, where the eighties never die

See all tweets

Recent posts

The latest and greatest

Mining money talks the loudest in Australian politics

by Laurie Oakes

7

Mining money talks the loudest in Australian politics

When North Queensland Liberal MP George Christensen got the idea of launching a new political organisation…

Please enter your password

by Lucy Kippist

2

Please enter your password

Help! I’ve succumbed to a crippling modern illness that can strike at any moment. Symptoms include:…

This concern for Thomson won’t change the script

by Mark Kenny

8

This concern for Thomson won’t change the script

Under pressure himself over his crusade against Craig Thomson, Tony Abbott has moved to present a softer…

Nosebleed Section

choice ringside rantings

From: They must pay for one’s bitter disappointments

Michael S says:

"A teacher at Geelong Grammar had criticised her for using words that were too long, which had left her confused and had made her doubt her ability to write essays. She became ''quite distressed'' when her English marks began to fall." I can sympathise. My scholastic mentors conveyed to me a causal relationship… [read more]

From: Welfare for breeders is a bonus for everyone

Change Up! says:

I have no problem paying my taxes. As a single, childless person on a very decent income, I can afford it and not have my life severely altered. Plus I understand that my taxes paying for things like schools, childcare and infrastructure is ultimately a good thing. A better community is better for me… [read more]

Light weight

Gentle jabs to the ribs

They must pay for one’s bitter disappointments

They must pay for one’s bitter disappointments

A private school girl’s family is sueing her elite, extremely expensive private school for not… Read more

243 comments

Newsletter

Read all about it

Sign up to the free daily Punch newsletter

Subscribe to The Punch RSS feed