It is part of every reporter’s mandatory training that any time a scandal erupts you have to put the word ``gate’’ after it.
Thus we have had Utegate, Wheatgate, Monkeygate and Wormgate, just to name a few.
Indeed according to Wikipedia—which is also part of every reporter’s mandatory training—Australia accounts for no fewer than six of the official ``gate’’ scandals, more than holding its own among tough competition from Camillagate, Nipplegate and Whitewatergate.
And yet here we are, days after a massive national scandal involving someone called Ricky Nixon and not one journalist has gone there.
I mean seriously, the scandal even took place in a hotel room. It’s virtually a dramatic reenactment of the original.
God must be sitting on a cloud shrugging his shoulders and thinking ``For the love of Me, what more can I possibly do?’’
Yet again the mainstream media has failed the community. It’s times like this I am ashamed to call myself a content provider.
The situation is all the more frustrating given that Ricky has done so much to provide us with the ultimate scandal: Sex allegations, teenagers, cocaine use and of course the mandatory emphatic denial that any of the previous things were involved.
He even fled the country, as per the regulatory requirements, and dragged Eddie McGuire into it. Now all he has to do is hire Sue Cato and he’s ticked every box on the list.
But do we have Nixongate? Saintgate? Or even—I mean come on people, it’s right there—Schoolgate?
No. Nothing. As usual the media is all wrapped up in trying to report on the situation and forgetting its primary duty to give it a catchy name involving a hole in a fence.
(I also got this information from Wikipedia, which records for posterity: A gate is a point of entry to a space enclosed by walls, or a moderately sized opening in a fence. Gates may prevent or control entry or exit, or they may be merely decorative. Other terms for gate include yett and port.’’ It also helpfully adds: ``Today many gate doors are opened by an automated gate operator.’’)
Yet despite this wealth of information no media professional has yet put a gate on Ricky. The only journalist to come close was Manly Daily editor Luke McIlveen, who noted that Ricky Nixon shared the same name as a certain former president, but then failed to take the logical next step. Given that he is larger than me, more senior than me and has trained as a boxer I will say no more about this.
(It is also of interest that Ricky was born in the same year that JFK was on approval ratings of almost 80 per cent and about to be immortalised in death, yet his parents decided to name him after a former vice-president with a fondness for dealing in cash who had just lost an election by 200,000 votes. This is an impressive display of sticking to your political principles and not being swayed by passing fashion.)
But the real point is I can’t remember what I’m supposed to be saying. Besides, I’ve got to go and investigate another scandal dubbed ``Billy Bathgate’’…
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