My iPhone is great - except at making calls
Sometimes it’s tough being a celebrity journalist. Not only do you have to constantly travel to Prague and party with Ben Affleck but you also have to do radio interviews.
Earlier this week I was chatting to a Queensland radio station at about 7.30am when all of a sudden my mobile phone just cut out. Just immediately ceased to function, as if Philip Nitschke had caught it in a bad mood.
I must admit I found this lack of reception strange, given that I was standing in a street in the middle of Sydney—as opposed to, say, Hitler’s bunker.
But perhaps I shouldn’t have been surprised. A quick straw poll of my friends (ie. my mother and the neighbour’s cat) reveals that virtually everyone seems to be struggling to get any decent reception.
It appears that mobile phone companies have realised they can reduce their overheads enormously if they stop wasting money on providing a mobile phone service.
In the case of Monday’s incident the phone company had obviously decided that certain remote areas of Australia, such as the Sydney CBD, didn’t require coverage.
Indeed there was one period of my life where I was unable to get reception at my house, my best friend’s house or my girlfriend’s house. The only consolation was that I was able to get reception in pretty much every area of my workplace, except of course at my desk.
Don’t get me wrong, this is often a good thing. But there are also times when it’s not your mother calling and you want to be able to talk to someone.
It was, if I am perfectly honest with myself, rather annoying.
I should say that this is not an exercise in blame and I am not going to name and shame my service provider, Optus, just as I would not blame my pathetic wireless internet coverage on my provider 3, whose brand name also represents the number of hours it takes to open an email.
And to be fair some of the blame can probably be attributed to the fact that I have recently switched to an iPhone, a device created in California for the sole purpose of cutting me off from civilisation.
I have one of the older iPhones, which means that yes, I’m going through a mid-life crisis but there is a 50 per cent chance I’ll pull through it without having to buy a dog.
It also means that phone calls constantly drop out when I do something dramatic such as stand up, move my head, turn a corner or sing the grand finale to Oklahoma!
Fortunately the new iPhone 4 has managed to solve this problem by not being able to make phone calls in the first place.
This only confirms my theory that phone companies have abandoned the basics in favour of something that looks cool but provides no actual service, rather like a Melbourne waiter.
Well today I say this: For the love of God, we are a decade into the 21st century. Can we please just be able to make phone calls? Can we please just be able to talk to each other and share the richness of the human condition? Can we please just be able to send drunken text messages to ex-girlfriends at 2am and know they will arrive in time to be used in court?
If not, then cities will fall, civilisation will crumble, and Mother will start visiting in person again…
PS If anybody tries to take my iPhone from me I’ll kill them.
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