My darling, 12 things you need to know at 12

Samantha says:

06:08am | 12/08/12

This is one of the most beautiful things I have read. Though I don’t believe I could have possibly grasped any of it until I was well into my thirties.

bec says:

09:32am | 12/08/12

I think we could be even more pragmatic in what we teach our girls. Dare I say it, all of this stuff could be taught to boys.

Learn to recognise the signs of an abuser young. They’re not going to have the stereotypical look of the roid-raging douchebag or trenchcoat-wearing creep in the back alley. They will look like any other person, and they won’t signal their intent early by punching you in the face. It will be an interplay of little boundaries crossed and personal wishes negated: the person who lingers too close to you despite your body language or direct language, the person who questions your sanity or sociability when you say you feel uncomfortable, or the person who creates themselves as the victim in the narrative of your life is far more likely to harm you than the odd-looking bloke at the back of the bus.

Learn how to spot a dodgy workplace. The place that tolerates legitimate sexual harassment is also going to be a place that tolerates less than legal business practices in other areas too. If you don’t escape, you will find yourself embroiled in that drama. Learn to stay only long enough to find one sane person to act as a reference for you.

Learn how to talk yourself out of getting arrested. Ideally your impulse control and common sense will prevent the appearance of police in the first place, but sometimes you find yourself in trouble by virtue of the people surrounding you. Being able to calmly and apologetically acknowledge the wrong you have done while pointing out mitigating circumstances has saved my backside on a number of occasions.

Learn how to defensively drive. You never know when you will next be driving alongside some little cashed-up bogan in their dad’s brand new V8 who wants to turn straight into your car without checking their blindspot. The difference between knowing how to veer or stop defensively and not is your life.

Learn about pyramid schemes, conmen and alternative medicine hoaxes early. As a woman you will be targeted in particular by the latter. It is the most cynical and exploitative form of misogyny to be experienced and these shysters will rely upon your tendency to be nice and not make a scene to extract money from you. Learn how to tell someone to get four-letter-worded without feeling guilty and the world is your oyster.

iansand says:

10:00am | 12/08/12

My almost 18 year old still sometimes holds my hand.  It gives me a little lump in my throat each time she does it, and every time I wonder if it will be the last time.

daf says:

10:00am | 12/08/12

Beautifully thought out.  Thought you may like to share an abbreviated one of mine.  Hope that’s ok.

My darlin’ little daughters, I was digging through the files
  tossing out old paperwork, and ended up all smiles.
  I found some cards and letters which were written at a time
  when each word became a poem and you made up little rhymes.
I must’ve sat for hours sorting photos reading lines
  in hand-made cards, all drawn with love, all treasured and my mind
  reflected over all the joy and happiness we’ve had;
  I’d like to think the job I did with you was not too bad.

From ballet with a busted arm and wearing dainty frocks
  to jeans and trendy t-shirts scoffing Pancakes on the Rocks.
  So many precious moments, it’s so hard to pick a few –
  first ribbon at the Pony Club, and was I thrilled for you!
For sweet sixteen, big party at the Surfer’s water slide,
  a saddle, so the Buckskin Queen can look good when she rides.
  The silly things – the Brussels sprouts you hid beneath the sink –
  how come my clever daughters hadn’t figured they would stink?

A million joys, a billion smiles and many years have fled –
  now thunder won’t bring ‘fraidy-cats to hide in Mummy’s bed.
  I loved it all, and now you’re gone, I’m buggered if I know
  just how I got to 60 but I guess that’s how things go;
  you live your life, you dream your dreams and do the best you can
  (and hope like hell it all works out according to your plan).
I’m sorry for mistakes I made – like each apprentice mum
  I stuffed up every now and then – but look what you’ve become -
  two very special people and I thank the Lord above
  for blessing me with each of you and thank you – for your love

daf says:

10:06am | 12/08/12

sorry - missed a bit ...

From those early baby pictures to those first steps on your own
I must’ve blinked - how come you two are suddenly full grown??

It’s the important bit - parents, PLEASE try to enjoy each moment instead of wishing they were out of each ‘stage’ because you’ll wake up one day, like we all do, and find they’re gone.