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Missing the straitjacket

Tushar Apte

by Tushar Apte

22 Oct 12:30pm

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Filed under: Employment, Fashion, Office, Routine, Society, Workplace

46 comments

Wake up. Snooze, sleep. Repeat 3 times (may vary). Get out of bed. Wash (optional). Breakfast (optional). Coffee (necessary).

110 per cent rat. Illustration:Newman.

Take ironed shirt from night before, tuck into pants. Place belt around said pants. Get tie fitting right, add shoes, hair and makeup (optional).

Wallet, keys, iPhone/Blackberry/mp3 player and out the door.

You may remember such mindless routines from mornings such as Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and, um, Friday.

On a bad morning, even if you love your work, wearing the suit can feel like the final piece of the puzzle – a cunning societal ploy which is akin to the voluntary prisoner that admits his guilt, puts himself in a chain gang, and fits her/his own straitjacket on the way to the electric chair.

In the rat race, the suit marks us as 100% rat. At the same time, when one exits their respective place of employment, a suit provides the self confidence and strut that comes with that special combination of being well dressed and not at work (see Postgrads at uni or suits at the pub).

It was the latter side of this suit contradiction that was highlighted in my experience a few weeks back. I’ll elaborate.

Last week I left my job, in preparation for other pastures which I’m not yet sure are greener. Freedom tasted sweet, but there was nonetheless a lingering aftertaste, as though the sweetness came at a price – like when you’ve finished a Red Bull and are reminded of the Jägerbombs consumed the previous night.

For the first time in a while I was out and about in the great sprawl of the city in jeans/shirt/jacket gear. Even walking was more leisurely when not confined to black, pointy, gator-style formal shoes (the ‘foot-suit’).

I was loving the casual look ‘til the critical time disrupted my euphoria – 5:30pm Thursday afternoon. The water in my cup began to shake, the waves rippling outward indicating a large force approaching the streets outside. It was an environment I was all too familiar with, but now I was on the outside looking in. The ground shook, the vaguely audible bell of clocks ticking 5:30pm in all surrounding office blocks sent a wave of white collar excitement reverberating through the city centre.

Then the chatter could be heard, initially distant, but creeping in and engulfing the area – here are the snippets.

“I had a report due, but I spent most of the day stapling stuff…my recommendations never get through to management anyway”

“The new guy is a bit quiet…probably hasn’t figured out our boss is a tosser” – chuckles.

“I just think she’s so unprofessional…” Evidently, this commentator was wearing a skirt I initially confused for a g-string. She must be in finance.

As the suits came thundering down in hoards to cramp venues serving social lubricant, the “sweetness” I initially felt turned into a strange feeling of not being involved and also being strangely underdressed.

The allure of the suit is that you can stand out and fit in all at the same time, and it was coming back to haunt me. I went to meet some friends who were finishing work, and they almost didn’t recognise me.

Bartenders ignored my presence serving the suits preferentially, baristas gave me the ‘why would you need coffee – doesn’t even look like you work’ look. And the ladies…well let’s not go there.

So I resigned myself to spending time with university colleagues who were still “academically involved” and would be so for the next few years. They had never been to the suit side, and thus couldn’t understand my vexing dilemma.

So what do you call a former race-runner who wants his suit back? That’s 110% Rat.

Most commented

46 comments

Show oldest | newest first

    • Elphaba says:

      11:44am | 22/10/10

      I dot wear a suit or uniform to work.  I like it that way.

      Huzzah!! :-D

      Reply

    • Roland Rat says:

      11:52am | 22/10/10

      I wear a tie that has printed very faintly “I hate ties” all over it.  Maybe one day we rats will rebel, .......no we won’t we are rats.

      Reply

    • Joan says:

      12:06pm | 22/10/10

      Take in a few episodes of Mad Men. See how Don Draper copes ‘insitu’, and ‘outsutu’.

      Reply

    • AFR says:

      03:41pm | 22/10/10

      apart from knowing the dapper man gets the girls, Don Draper has taught me how to be a chain smoking womanising alcoholic smile

    • Eric says:

      12:23pm | 22/10/10

      Men are expected to wear suits and ties in a white-collar environment. But is there a similar expectation for women? There seems to be a far greater variety of female dress in workplaces where the men are all uniform.

      Reply

    • fairsfair says:

      12:44pm | 22/10/10

      consider your self lucky. I would kill to only have black or navy or pinstripe to choose from. It can look totally different with a different coloured shirt and tie. You can get through an entire working week with two or three sets (depending on how much you wash). Women on the hand are required to have an ever rotating supply of clothes of varying style. Don’t get me started on shoes. It is an expensive expensive world and their are other types of expectations Eric. If I bought two suits and rotated them day in day out I would labelled frumpy and/or a tight arse. I’d rather have a uniform during the week so I could spend my money on clothes I actually want to wear outside of work hours.

    • Dale says:

      12:45pm | 22/10/10

      It was once suggested I wear a suit and tie to work by my boss. I promptly explained that the last advice I received on getting dressed was in kinder and this was his last warning about treating me with such disrespect. Funnily enough the subject has never come up again.

    • iansand says:

      12:46pm | 22/10/10

      Feminist plot.

    • MattJ says:

      12:52pm | 22/10/10

      Eric you are hilarious.  Never known anyone to hate women like you do.  Frankly I prefer the suit, less choices, keeps it simple.  Can’t imagine anything worse then trying to come up with a different outfit each day.

    • Shama says:

      12:56pm | 22/10/10

      Its a feminazi conspiracy to keep men trussed up good and proper.

      But you have my permission to wear a dress.

    • Kordez says:

      12:59pm | 22/10/10

      I’m not sure it is expected of men. I don’t wear a suit or uniform to work except on International Suit Up Day.
      Females are more creative when it comes to clothing, but only because they are willing to wax, shave, pluck, tan, style and match fashion with shoes to underwear. Unless men are willing to shop, wax and shave often, I can’t see them sporting much else around the office.

      All things aside, a suit looks good… on a dude…

    • cRook says:

      01:16pm | 22/10/10

      I wouldn’t know if there was a greater variety of female dress so much as a lack of variety of male dress. Women have skirt with shirt and jacket, pants with shirt and jacket and dress with jacket. Men have pants with shirt and jacket. Men have ties, women have make up. Men shave face, women pluck eyebrows. Either way, I always feel like an invisible lemming wearing ‘the uniform’. Which I like. It gives me a confidence baseline because I think that people can’t tell that I feel nervous and incompetent when I look like all the other successful people.

    • Eric says:

      01:46pm | 22/10/10

      Looks like I hit a nerve!

      A hidden issue in the workplace?

    • Davo from St Kilda says:

      02:18pm | 22/10/10

      @Matt - Where do you get the ridiculous idea that Eric hates women because he states the obvious fact that men have practically no choice about what they wear to work while women can wear anything and everyting under the sun? You’ve obviously never worked in an office in your life, otherwise you’d undestand that there is a strict dress code for men but not one for women. I suggest you become better informed before you make such ridiculous comments.

    • iansand says:

      02:43pm | 22/10/10

      Davo from St Kilda - You’re new around here, aren’t you?  Fellow worker Eric has rather strong views on a couple of issues.

    • Shama says:

      03:13pm | 22/10/10

      “Eric: Looks like I hit a nerve!”

      Blimey all this time I thought you got up every morning, linked to The Punch and typed out a rapid fire jumble of words which basically each time is “its all the fault of the wimmen” for a sane debate.

    • Robert Smissen, rural SA, God's own country says:

      04:51pm | 22/10/10

      Ties & suits are a feminist plot

    • Eric says:

      09:00am | 24/10/10

      So much paranoia!

      I just pointed out a fact - and one which nobody even disagreed with. Yet we have people accusing me of “hating women” and calling it a “feminist plot”.

      Please show me where, in what I said about workplace dress standards, there is any element of blame or hatred? I suspect it’s the haters who are projecting their own emotions on to me.

    • Shama says:

      09:33pm | 24/10/10

      Eric - No one is replying to your comment itself.  They are poking fun at your long history of commenting on this site.

      But thanks for letting us know you have been unjustly accused of hating women.

    • Shama says:

      09:33pm | 24/10/10

      Eric - No one is replying to your comment itself.  They are poking fun at your long history of commenting on this site.

      But thanks for letting us know you have been unjustly accused of hating women.

    • hot tub political machine says:

      12:31pm | 22/10/10

      So put the suit back on dude. When people ask why, and you tell them - they will probably be amused but at the same time dig the fact you wear a suit because you like how it looks on you.

      Reply

    • Ka says:

      12:43pm | 22/10/10

      Eric - that works both ways.  I only wish that I could throw on one of the same 2 or 3 suits everyday and go to work without having to think about “fashion”

      Reply

    • Eric says:

      02:53pm | 22/10/10

      Fair enough, Ka. I am personally in favour of a wide variety of options for all sexes.

      But I was a bit taken aback in one workplace, where most of the men wore shirts and ties, but one woman wore a bare midriff top! Not that I objected to the sight - but she would complain about sexual harassment if anyone commented.

    • Lostie says:

      03:02pm | 22/10/10

      Ka - you can.

      The difference is that a guy who doesn’t wear a suit will get dragged into the bosses office. Hell, if you don’t wear a tie in my office you can expect to be paged: “Mr [boss], would like to see you in his office.”. This I know from experience. I only made that mistake once.

      Meanwhile, there was plenty of gossip about the young lady who consistently turned up in jeans and thongs, but the boss didn’t say a word about it. It hasn’t harmed her progression or employment in any way. Equally, there is a woman in our office who wears a suit (trousers/jacket) every day, always black, nearly always a white shirt - I’ve never heard any one say a negative thing about her (well, not about her attire).

      I don’t understand that double standard, but I certainly believe that women will not be punished (except, perhaps, socially by their female colleagues) for donning the suit day in, day out.

      As we come into summer the difference becomes obvious. I would kill to be permitted to wear short sleeves. Maybe this year will be the year that I finally do…

    • Schmavo says:

      01:19pm | 22/10/10

      And of course us ‘suits’ would take one look at you and think…..unemployed, and waiting for the girlfriend to buy you a drink…....followed by, if she’s hot I’ll have a crack.

      Reply

    • AFR says:

      01:38pm | 22/10/10

      +1 - Every place i’ve ever lived/worked/visisted - the ZZ Top song rings true “coz every girl’s crazy ‘bout a sharp dressed man”. Funny side note though, I only realised i’ve been buttoning my top jacket button lately, Ari Gold style.

    • H of SA says:

      02:25pm | 22/10/10

      As a sharp dressed man myself (after work – weekends I’m a dressed down man) I’ve noticed something different, not every girl likes a sharp dressed man. Goes this way from my observations – sharp dressed woman likes a sharp dressed man, hipster girl likes a hipster man, goth woman likes a goth man, surfer girl likes a surfer man ect ect ect. Lead me to the view that if you wear what suits you then you’ll probably end up with a lady that digs you for you – which is nice and relaxing.

    • McDil says:

      01:23pm | 22/10/10

      I was refused entry to a bar once *because* I was wearing a suit. Only in Melbourne huh.

      Reply

    • Chuck says:

      11:11am | 25/10/10

      Nope, happens in Brisbane to me a lot.

      I figure it’s code for “too many dudes, not enough chicks in here”

    • Malteser says:

      01:39pm | 22/10/10

      Nice!!

      Reply

    • Repressed Freelance Entrepreneurial Social Comment says:

      02:22pm | 22/10/10

      what the hell was this actually about?  Seems to me The Punch acts as 40% opinion site, 60% resume filler for “freelancers” (read, people who wish they were something other than what they are) seeking some publicly vindicating self-actualisation.  Put the suit on.  Don’t put the suit on.  Tell it to your friends on facebook.  How is this anything but an escaped internal monologue?

      Reply

    • dancan says:

      02:45pm | 22/10/10

      Sounds like you need to vent, write an article and submit it to the punch!

    • marley says:

      02:54pm | 22/10/10

      So what’s your problem with escaped internal monologue?  At least the guy has an interesting conversation with himself.

    • Nicole says:

      03:08pm | 22/10/10

      Would you like cheese and crackers to go with that whine? Pro tip: It is not mandatory for you to read these ‘resume filler’ articles, so don’t read them.

    • bicuspid says:

      03:59pm | 22/10/10

      @Dancan
      Touche! It’s lines like your’s that make me read The Punch.

    • Omi says:

      03:43pm | 22/10/10

      @Duncan, lol so true!!!

      Reply

    • Conker says:

      04:32pm | 22/10/10

      Hmm. I think it’s time to change the system. If an office is truly an area where men and women are equal, then equal rights for dress code should also apply.

      By that I mean, that if males must be confined to navy/black/grey straight jackets, women should have the same restrictions.

      The flip side is of course, that as women as permit to express themselves further through clothing then men should also have the same right.

      It is high time more men were able to express their more creative, feminine and sexual sides in the office. Dresses, short skirts and heels should be permitted if that is the choice of the individual male.

      I am sure it would also raise spirits and improve productivity.

      I for one would be most pleased to see a new unisex dress code adopted across all offices and indeed Parliament.  PM wears pant suits, why does Leader of the Oppostion not wear a fetching, flowing blue off the shoulder number?  It may provide the secondary purpose of increasing his appeal to women .. ;p

      Reply

    • Ben says:

      05:05pm | 22/10/10

      I can certainly relate to this article. I recently left my job as an accountant and moved to Sydney from Brisbane, only to end up working from home. I was in the city the other day for a job interview and was wearing a suit. I reckon I got better service only because I wore the suit. I have only noticed this in Sydney. Brisbane is a lot different.

      Reply

    • nosthow says:

      09:15pm | 22/10/10

      I wouldnt want to be labelled crude and vulgar Tushar but what about number onesey and number twoseys in your morning start up - you missed them fella !

      Reply

    • Author says:

      09:39am | 23/10/10

      haha you are right..i did miss the onesey and twosey!

    • Gran Depine says:

      05:40am | 23/10/10

      Perception is realty. I have an uncle who did not finish primary school, migrated penniless to Australia in 1949 as child, has completed the Jed Clampett’s gentlemen’s finishing school with Honours (of the “Jed Clampett’s Beverly Hillbillies”), can’t spell Strathfield (the suburb) but owns it, he is 80 years young and the only thing that would kill him is a jealous husband or someones boyfriend or an overdose on viagra with 3 professional ladies (he calls them weekend rent Chicky babes exercise instructors). The moral to my true story. When you have multi multi millions, do you really give a S$#@ how you look and give a rats about other peoples perception? I agree that people treat you differently when you are dressed a certain way. Hence when you are not rich, you revert to the use of “urban success camouflage” to hide vulnerabilities or blend with the CBD natives so that you can progress up the food chain or be taken seriously. I love the predictable CBD natives questions: What do you do? Where do you work? Where do you live? What do you wear?  Where do you go to socialise? With these questions you are instantly pidgeon holed and placed in a mental Novo-Cast system. Uncle George’s questions are much easier, as shown below:

      QUOTE “So you like fishing? See you at the domestic airport in 2 hours, we will be catching GT’s this afternoon at the Cape. You don’t know what GT’s are?...Re malaka!  Fish! We will be fishing giant trevally, Caranx ignobilis. Endaxi? END QUOTE

      If you say no to Uncle George, you fix your tie, you go and continue to kiss someone’s arse to progress up the food chain. If you pass go, do not collect $200 dollars and dream that you will retire sometime before you are 67. So what is uncle George’s perception of you when you say, no thanks? I guess you don’t like fishing.

      Reply

    • stephen says:

      09:08am | 23/10/10

      The problem with Jed, dear, is that he was hitched ter Grannie,
      and yer kin wail yer bagpipes all yer want about money,
      but I’ll stick ter poor, and wait fer Ellie.

    • Chester says:

      07:09am | 23/10/10

      All the guys I know that don’t wear suits to work do jobs that utilise their brain power, research, development, technical and entrepreneurial work.  What they have and get paid for is their intellect, what they wear is immaterial.  I wish I was smart enough not to have to wear a suit.

      Reply

    • Project Man Aging says:

      09:44am | 23/10/10

      So true..as a suit myself I can say that we’re largely devoid of any productive skills…but I can whip up a humdinger of a Planning Spreadsheet!

    • Sam Chowder says:

      07:14am | 23/10/10

      I want to be reincarnated as Uncle George, but I suppose I’ll just have to make do with the “Uncle George’s weekend rent Chicky babes exercise instructors” Ralph feature.

      Reply

    • Kenelm says:

      10:46am | 14/06/11

      That’s 2 cleevr by half and 2x2 clever 4 me. Thanks!

      Reply
 
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