Marriage? Just forget it…

Charlie says:

07:25am | 05/08/09

Yeah those gays are really destroying marriage aren’t they?

Rhiannon says:

08:34am | 05/08/09

Kevin Rudd’s ridiculous take on gay marriage in Australia makes me think the whole idea is antiquated and redundant.

Dino says:

09:08am | 05/08/09

“No one thinks till death to us part anymore. Everyone thinks just till someone better comes along.”

I heard a story once about a wedding where the bridal waltz music was U2’s “Still haven’t found what I’m looking for”. I’ve always thought that was a doomed marriage.

Chris R says:

09:15am | 05/08/09

So here’s the thing…it’s probably not in our “nature” to be monogamous for the rest of our lives. For many years though it has worked well for us as a society to foster the notion that a man and a women should make a commitment “until death do them part”. Turns out that some research suggests there is benefits in terms of the health particularly of men, and the welfare of children. As a happily married man of ten years, with 4 kids, I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

But we change…society changes. Our values change. Marriage is not a sacred institution, it’s not a ‘law of the universe’. It’s a human-made agreement to behave in a certain way. If that way no longer resonates with the vast bulk of people then so be it. Having said that, I’m not sure that we have discovered a better way to foster life-long love and security, and to rear children. Yes, yes, ok agreed….there are plenty of dysfunctional marriages where women and children are abused!

Sigh! I don’t know…..

T says:

09:19am | 05/08/09

Married for 10 years this year - 2 beautiful and happy kids - not rich but rich in love. Couldn’t be happier : )

AM says:

09:35am | 05/08/09

Loved it   Now that is the way to have a divorce. all happy its over and dancing your way out of it.

Eric says:

09:36am | 05/08/09

Marriage is a trap for men.

Don’t get married—just find a woman you hate and give her your house!

Leigh says:

09:58am | 05/08/09

If your mindset is till somthing beter comes along, you are doomed.
Marriage requires real love. What is love:-
  Love never gives up.
  Love cares more for others than for self.
  Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
  Love doesn’t strut,
  Doesn’t have a swelled head,
  Doesn’t force itself on others,
  Isn’t always “me first,”
  Doesn’t fly off the handle,
  Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
  Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
  Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
  Puts up with anything,
  Trusts God always,
  Always looks for the best,
  Never looks back,
  But keeps going to the end.

Lexi says:

10:12am | 05/08/09

Eric, it doesn’t matter what the topic, the chip on your shoulder gets a run.  I’m sorry you are obviously hurting, but no-one can judge half the population by the experiences of one.
********************************
I think what you get out of marriage depends on what you’re prepared to put into it.  I recently heard that the success of one’s marriage doesn’t depend on how in love a couple is, but rather, how committed they are.  My husband and I are lucky to have both in spades

CH says:

10:21am | 05/08/09

Charlie: I like the way you think. I read something similar that said we need to protect the sanctity of marriage from the gays so that people like Britney Spears can get married for 48 hours in Las Vegas.

Leigh: Nice thoughts but, “Puts up with anything”? That’s not love, that’s being a doormat. Boundaries are need for love and relationships to be healthy.

The best thing about marriage? It’s a choice. You can do it, or not. There’s not the same pressure to get married as there was 30 years ago, which is a good thing. Marriage isn’t the right choice for everyone but when it works it’s a wonderful thing.

As for me? My Aussie husband isn’t a dudband. He cooks, I clean, we’re happy.

Shinsengumi says:

10:44am | 05/08/09

Leigh, you need to use a decent translation of the Bible.  The uber-modernised-cutesied-dumbed-down versions made for dunderheaded American readers just debases the original meaning.

Unfortunately, this seems to be the way all the new cuddly-fluffy translations of the Bible are going these days.  Corinthians 14 in the Greek weighs a tonne more in both dignity and genuine meaning.

Natalie says:

10:49am | 05/08/09

CH: let me rephrase Leigh’s statement for you so you understand better = Love endures through every circumstance, good or bad. Yes, boundaries are needed, as the define to each of us what is right and what is wrong, however the love Leigh quotes is a love that is greater than any human emotion we can ever experience. Greater than the love of friends, love of family or the love of your partner. It’s more than just a compromise and agreement between two people. This is a love that requires all, to the point of dying yourself (or to yourself) for another, and I’m sorry to say, you cannot find this love outside of God.

RT says:

11:09am | 05/08/09

25 years of happy living with the woman who is the love of my life. Well, more or less happy. Neither of us would dream of exchanging wedding vows. It’s how you live each day together, not the wedding day, that counts.

CH says:

11:29am | 05/08/09

Sorry Natalie, I thought we were discussing marriage, not religion. But, now that you mention it, does that mean that God “puts up with anything”?

Sorry, I’ve gone off topic, but I think Shinsengumi is right. The new translation leaves a lot to be desired.

Ben says:

12:18pm | 05/08/09

In my parents generation (60-70) its not uncommon for couples to have been married for 30 years. They have been together even though they have both changed enormously since they were in their early 20’s; they have inevitably met someone else to whom they were strongly attracted and either chose not to act on it or did so briefly and returned to the marriage; they have been hugely differing financial circumstances; adapted to changes in societal norms not least of which the change in women’s rightrs and expectations and of couorse bringing up children.
If they had been young today would they have pulled the pin at the first sign of difficulty??
Are they admirable for staying together for the kids? Or misguided in bringing their kids up in a fraught environment?
Are they admirable for being forgiving and tolerant of each others idiosyncracies? Or gutless for compromising and settling for ‘less’ on some issues?
I’m sure they themselves have mixed views on this, but as perhaps the last generation where life long partnerships was a common reality it seems worth considering if we care if marriages survive or fail.

Formersnag says:

12:37pm | 05/08/09

In my experience all women lie, cheat, steal and neglect/abuse your children while you are out working to provide for the ungrateful “Kath & Kim’s”.

“Motherhood & apple pie” just aren’t the same anymore since feminism.

Natalie says:

12:47pm | 05/08/09

CH: At the end of it all, He doesn’t - but unlike most people He actually gives everyone more than a few opportunites to make it right . Most just choose not to take Him up on that offer.

It’s not the way the verses are written but the meaning behind them that matters. You can read the original greek texts all you want and still not have a clue as to what those scriptures actually mean.

CH says:

02:36pm | 05/08/09

RT: “It’s how you live each day together, not the wedding day, that counts. ” You’re absolutely right. I agree.

Natalie:
Me: “Does that mean that God “puts up with anything”?
You: “At the end of it all, He doesn’t .”

So, ultimately, God has boundaries. And if we consider that God is love (1 John 4:7,8), then love also has boundaries. Thank you for proving my point.

stephen says:

02:52pm | 05/08/09

Single and couldn’t be happier

MF says:

04:55pm | 05/08/09

It’s a worthless piece of paper.

I saw what my parents did to each other.  The lying, the cheating, the abuse.  But they wouldn’t divorce because “we made a promise to each other when we got married”.  They have the most dysfunctional, repulsive, destructive “marriage” I’ve ever seen.  I’m probably one of few kids out there who actually wished their parents WOULD get a divorce.

I’ve seen friends get married for the sake of buying a property.  Or because one of them got knocked up.  And then get divorced a year later.

Why would you even bother?  Do people just like family parties or something?

Saphira says:

07:00pm | 05/08/09

I believe so many people are getting divorced these days because they get married after one year of meeting each other. I’m happy for anyone who’s marrige wroks out after this time, but in my books that is just not long enough to know you are going to spenf forever and ever with them. It’s a proven fact that the loveydovey stage disappears after about two years so… stop rushing into big things peple. We are living longer than ever these days.

Billy Pilgrim says:

10:17pm | 05/08/09

I think we’re forgetting that divorce is more common these days because you can actually do something about being stuck in an unhappy marriage.
50 years ago if you discovered after the ceremony that your husband was a controlling jealous bastard or your wife a shrill uncompromising harpy, well, too bad. Or if, in my personal experience, significant debilitating illness with no spousal support whatsoever…Being married added massive amounts of guilt and shame to ending that relationship, the last thing I needed at the time.
I do agree that people need to think more carefully before getting married. Like going into enormous amounts of debt to buy a house, a lot of people just don’t realise the enormity and everything it entails until something goes wrong.
That said, I don’t see the point in staying in a marriage where neither party is happy and it isn’t going to get any better. What’s that old saying about choosing your battles? Why sacrifice the best years of your life and your happiness just to prove some kind of point or live up to a societal ideal? How does that help anyone?

Cat says:

11:06pm | 06/08/09

I think a lot of the problems with the high divorce AND unhappy marriage rate is that people tend to confuse lust with love and jump in to life with another person without discussing their dreams and beliefs (moral,religious etc) in depth. A bit of chitchat and a good romp in bed is not enough. Very happily married for 16 years (+kids) and yes you have your arguments but that’s because you are 2 different people with a foundation of common beliefs and interests

PaulC says:

05:13am | 07/08/09

So many negative comments. It’s all the fault of the other. We all seek to be valued. But many fail to value others and that’s where it comes unstuck. Progress in any field depends on the ability to adapt and solve problems. If you can’t adapt you will fail; not if but when - whether marriage, business, work or whatever. Never have so many been educated yet many so dumb. To genuinely care for others is very noble. Any twit can point out problems.

Amanda says:

06:50am | 07/08/09

Believe it or not, Eric and formersnag, I agree with the gist of what you’re both saying, and I’m a woman!  I doubt there’s any such thing as true equality in any relationship and all I have ever seen is one selfish partner take advantage of the other’s willingness to compromise or take the bulk of responsibility for all aspects of the marriage, be they husband or wife. I’m happy for those people who are happily married but they are the exeption rather than the rule. All the rest of how marriages should be is nice in theory but in reality, it doesn’t happen like that.

DJ says:

08:58am | 07/08/09

My Grandfather told me “Don’t ever take each other for granted”. Best advice I ever got.