Man vs MasterChef
With My Kitchen Rules coming to an end, news of the return of MasterChef couldn’t have been timelier.
For quality cooking shows, within a few short months, we’ll have gone from a smorgasbord to a piddling entrée. Let’s face it – five minutes of Fast Ed each week is not gonna cut it.
And if, like me, you’re a regular viewer of Man vs Wild, starring wilderness survival expert, Edward ‘Bear’ Grylls, you’ll have an extra reason to celebrate: you can toast the return of your appetite.
If you’re unacquainted with Bear, think Steve Irwin, but a crazier, scarier, more impulsive version, who is predisposed to eating every vile and unimaginable evil on four, eight or no legs.
Over the past four episodes Bear has consumed goat testicles, a decomposing calf’s eye (he boiled it first – can’t be too careful about hygiene I guess), live spiders and slugs, to name but a few of the culinary delights; before washing them down, not in the same sitting, fortunately, with the warm blood of a yak and a litre or two of his own urine slammed down in true ‘solo man’ fashion.
So why don’t I change channels? This has me stumped too. Sadly, I think I’m addicted. Apart from the guy’s despicable eating habits, he’s actually quite likeable (and any bloke who’s bold enough to christen his boys, Marmaduke and Huckleberry, in today’s conservative society, is alright by me).
But then again, maybe it’s my survival instincts: I tune-in because if I’m ever lost in the Andes wearing only my Speedos, or traipsing through the Amazon with nothing but my iPod for protection, oh, and a team of burly cameramen, it’s crucial I know what to do.
But back to the tucker, the things that have passed Bear’s lips in recent weeks have become too much to bear. So gut-churning in fact, I’ve even considered swapping from solids to an intravenous drip.
So, although Matt Preston scares my kids stupid with his suave Dracula looks, within days of the announcement of MasterChef’s return, he’s become our new poster boy.
I know when the show finally hits the air I’ll cry a thousand joyous tears into my newly laundered cravat.
Bear Grylls versus tasty grills – no contest - bring on MasterChef!
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