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“Maaaaaaate” and other unacceptable monikers

Anthony Sharwood

by Anthony Sharwood

11 Dec 02:49pm

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Filed under: Language, Mateship, Office Etiquette, Political Correctness

78 comments

There’s a memo doing the rounds today which is copping a bit of a bagging from the anti-PC police but which actually isn’t that offensive.

We refuse to caption this image on the grounds we may incriminate ourselves. Pic: Brett Costello

A regional health executive in northern NSW has asked his workers to avoid the use of words like ‘mate’, ‘darling’, ‘sweetheart’ and ‘honey’ in the workplace.

Some have rightly seized on the fact that the word ‘mate’ is not only inoffensive, but is a pretty helpful substitute word when you don’t actually know someone’s name. Fair enough. But let’s be real. The other words on the list are old hat at best and demeaning at worst.

Actually, the phrase ‘old hat’ is pretty old hat too, isn’t it.

Anyway, we’re not writing a thesis here. This is one of those light afternoon moments where we ask you to chip in with answers to a simple question. Actually, three simple questions.

1. Could the word ‘mate’ ever be deemed offensive in any context?

2. Are the other words on the list as bad as all that or is there a place for ‘darling’, sweetheart’ and ‘honey’ too?

3. Is it acceptable to go “maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate” when you bump into someone you vaguely know but whose name you’ve forgotten? Is there a better word? And what word do you chicks, I mean women, use in this context?

Over to to you, luvvies.

Comments on this post close at 8pm AEST

Most commented

78 comments

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    • St. Michael says:

      02:03pm | 11/12/12

      “Mate” could be offensive if you walk up to someone at the office and declare you’d like to mate with them.

      And the word is always offensive when a Yank says it, because they can’t get the pronunciation right.

      Reply

    • Pattem says:

      02:23pm | 11/12/12

      To mate or not to mate…that is the question!

    • subotic says:

      03:12pm | 11/12/12

      Captain Zapp Brannigan: I realize this may hurt our chances of consummating our relationship again.

      Leela: Go consummaaaaaate yourself.

    • St. Michael says:

      03:24pm | 11/12/12

      Just remember, ladies and gentlemen: in most company it’s acceptable to prick your finger, but not always acceptable to finger your prick.

    • St. Michael says:

      03:55pm | 11/12/12

      Although now that I think about it, if you’re employed by a Chess club, it may be perfectly acceptable to mate colleagues on a daily if not hourly basis.  You couldn’t even be disciplined for playing around on the job.

    • Mark990 says:

      04:07pm | 11/12/12

      I get offended if a cop, a traffic inspector, or a man riding a scooter calls me mate, as none of these people are mates of mine. These would be the only times it is not appropriate though.

      As for honey, darling…etc… I think that these are appropriate for an older person to say to someone younger (e.g. 10 years difference) and usually only to the opposite sex. I’m sure the feminists will disagree, but when an older lady in the work place says “thanks darling” or “what do you think hun” I think it is actually quite nice…

    • St. Michael says:

      04:16pm | 11/12/12

      I wonder how chess clubs deal with the practice of forced mate? Or Scholar’s Mate? Or mating in two moves? Is it offensive to say of one’s colleague that an encounter between the two of you resulted in a stale mate?

    • sunny says:

      05:10pm | 11/12/12

      “I wonder how chess clubs deal with the practice”

      Check Please!

    • St. Michael says:

      05:42pm | 11/12/12

      I was only thinking of these things en passant, sunny. smile

    • Claire says:

      02:19pm | 11/12/12

      The last thing I want to hear from a doctor is “maaaaaaaaate”. I’m a wee hypochondriacal at times and any sentence beginning with the word “mate” to me automatically sounds like bad news.

      But I’d have no problem with being called mate within an office environment, in face I kind of like it.

      Sweetheart is a no no. From anyone.  End of.

      Honey is fine. Hun is better.

      Reply

    • Warren says:

      02:23pm | 11/12/12

      Darling?

    • St. Michael says:

      03:08pm | 11/12/12

      Petal?

    • gelfen says:

      03:19pm | 11/12/12

      Darls

    • HC says:

      03:21pm | 11/12/12

      I hate “Possum”.  Makes me want to tear people’s throats out with my bare hands.

      Other than that it’s all water off a duck’s back smile

    • Evalee says:

      03:26pm | 11/12/12

      I am a passivist and hearing a woman call me ‘hun’ makes me so irrationally angry, I scare myself smile

    • Gregg says:

      04:05pm | 11/12/12

      @HC
      Oh poss darl, don’t be like that now.

    • sunny says:

      04:13pm | 11/12/12

      “Hun is better.” No worries matey smile

    • iansand says:

      02:21pm | 11/12/12

      Mate can be sinister, particularly if you are in the ALP.

      Reply

    • JS says:

      02:25pm | 11/12/12

      mate is a unisex word and i use it with my girlfriends and vague acquaintances alike, never understood women that have a problem with being called mate, i like it.

      darl, love, pet, hon, sugar, plum, fairy with a cherry on top all need to be left in the bin.

      Reply

    • Ged says:

      03:25pm | 11/12/12

      I really don’t like the cross-gender mate…woman to woman and man to man is fine but a man calling a woman mate or vice versa just really irritates me for some reason…..hun and love also just a tad too familiar…...DUDE! makes me want to blow my eardrums up…I sound grumpy but really I’m not…trust me mate!

    • Nick says:

      03:36pm | 11/12/12

      I love Darl and Hun from female fish and chip vendors and the like…never been called either by a bloke though.

    • KD says:

      02:28pm | 11/12/12

      Good on you Ant!  Lightheartedness is definitely required this afternoon!
      1.  OK .... so “maaaaaaaaaaaate” used as a bogan greeting can be quite funny.  I can’t see where it would ever be offensive, although as a chick, I’m not overly fond of being greeted that way.
      2.  On the other hand, “darling”, “sweetheart”, “pet”, “love”, “honey” should only EVER be acceptable when coming straight from the mouth of Pixie-Anne Wheatley!
      3.  We “chicks” don’t need to use “maaaaaaaaaate” as a greeting, because we’re smart enough to remember names!  grin

      Reply

    • sunny says:

      04:24pm | 11/12/12

      I didn’t know who Pixie-Anne Wheatley was until just now. She’s not a bad sort either ..but not as hot as Sharon Strzelecki smile

    • Knemon says:

      02:31pm | 11/12/12

      1) - ‘mate’ - See St.Michael
      2) - ‘darling’, sweetheart’ and ‘honey’ - Terms of endearment, would they prefer bitch, hag and slapper?
      3) - ‘is there a better word’ - No there isn’t, ‘mate’ is a great way to greet someone whether you know their name or not. I sometimes use ‘cobber’ or ‘old cock’, pending on the gender of course!

      I’m so sick of this PC shit, no wonder I drink. Booooooring.

      Reply

    • subotic says:

      03:20pm | 11/12/12

      Mrs subotic & I both use “old mate” when we slag off about everybody who lives on our street, and use some derogatory term to identify exactly who we mean.

      “Crap, look at old mate Amish across the road” (religious nut across the street)

      “There goes old mate Biker” (dude who rides his bike up the street all day)

      “Bugger me if that isn’t Samoan old mate looking like a Mexican in his front yard” (Samoans across the road who BBQ in the front yard with 250 of their closest relatives)

      Works for us…

    • Rickster says:

      02:33pm | 11/12/12

      I had a MATE who worked as a barman, the publican didn’t like him calling the customers MATE…........true story.

      Reply

    • Wayne Kerr says:

      02:59pm | 11/12/12

      Well I went to KFC yesterady and I had some 15 year old kid calling me mate as he took my order and money.  Personally I didn’t think it was appropriate.  He definitely wasn’t my mate.

      In saying that, I see no problem in calling someone you know or a work colleague mate. In health care (as this article alludes to that story)though I think it is appropriate to only call a patient or a client sir or madam

    • egg says:

      02:36pm | 11/12/12

      In personal life, mate is fine, but dude is my personal preference (people think it’s weird, since I’m a chick {incidentally, everyone is a dude or a chick to me… phht, I grew up in the 90s}), but everything else on the list is unacceptable. I work in a call centre, and if anyone calls me darl, love, sweetie, hun, etc, I correct them. If I have to be professional, so should you.

      Reply

    • Helt says:

      02:39pm | 11/12/12

      It’s the same as calling someone “Dude” I can’t see the problem

      Reply

    • subotic says:

      03:15pm | 11/12/12

      The Dude: Let me explain something to you. Um, I am not “Mr. Lebowski”. You’re Mr. Lebowski. I’m the Dude. So that’s what you call me. You know, that or, uh, His Dudeness, or uh, Duder, or El Duderino if you’re not into the whole brevity thing.

    • Gratuitous Adviser says:

      02:43pm | 11/12/12

      Anthony,
      I’m enjoying this.  Can I now call you “Digger” or is Digger too dated?

      Reply
    • Anthony Sharwood

      Anthony Sharwood says:

      02:57pm | 11/12/12

      Nah that’s fine. Used to have a boss at The Canberra Times who called me “cobber”.

      Everyone else at said newspaper just used to call me “c—-”

    • LJ Dots says:

      03:05pm | 11/12/12

      chrome done?

    • LJ Dots says:

      03:29pm | 11/12/12

      Ant, buddy, bro, mate - while trying to clear up your unfinished line (that may have been offensive to some sensitive readers), when, much to my chagrin, I realised I may have been insensitive and offensive myself. No hard feelings, OK.

      We all good here?

    • iansand says:

      03:29pm | 11/12/12

      Cuddles?

    • Anthony Sharwood

      Anthony Sharwood says:

      03:47pm | 11/12/12

      Nah we all good LJ. Hey do you live in my suburb? serious question. Near Rockdale

    • LJ Dots says:

      03:58pm | 11/12/12

      Cool. Sometimes it’s too easy for blokes, all it takes is an ‘all’s good’ - problem resolved.

      Ant, I’m a tad south of Rockdale, somewhere round Melbourne way.

    • Gregg says:

      04:10pm | 11/12/12

      We already knew you were so classy Ant so no need to confirm others views or was it champ?

    • nihonin says:

      04:27pm | 11/12/12

      Rockdale, god I lived there way back in the 1970’s, in the street behind the Target store (haven’t been to Rockdale for 40 years, so I’m assuming the Target isn’t there any more).  Rough kind of place back then, most of the Lebanese living there were pretty good mates.

    • Lauren says:

      02:45pm | 11/12/12

      No problem with ‘Mate’ in the workplace.  Don’ t mind ‘hun’  or “luv’  Hell I don’t even mind being called “Darling’, ‘sweetheart’, or’ Pumpkin’.  Probably because Its better than   “Oi!  You!”  People these days love getting their undies bunched at the silliest things these days.  They’re running out of things to be righteously offended at so their starting to go for endearments and everyone fair game and media punching bags, people who are overweight.  ”

      Reply

    • Question says:

      02:47pm | 11/12/12

      I was on the train this morning, and some 17 y.o boy accidentally stepped on my foot. He turnes to me and says “sorry, sweetheart”. Sorry sweetheart? From a 17 y.o kid? WTF is that about?

      Reply

    • KJ says:

      02:59pm | 11/12/12

      he said sorry, you should be happy with that.  I suspect a few would have told you to get out of the way even if it was their fault

    • subotic says:

      03:14pm | 11/12/12

      Esp. if you’re a guy….

    • Gregg says:

      04:14pm | 11/12/12

      You did not take it as a compliment!
      It’s a new style of hitting on someone, break the ice and all that.

    • Chirrup Scopophilia says:

      02:50pm | 11/12/12

      Hearing women use the phrase ‘Oh My God’, or calling friends ‘love’ sends my cheap-and-nasty-o-meter off the charts.

      Reply

    • Markus says:

      03:11pm | 11/12/12

      I had thought about the use of “Oh My God” too.
      In the absence of a female equivalent for ‘mate’, you may note that the length/volume of the “Oh My God” utterance tends to be directly proportional to how badly the speaker has forgotten the listener’s name.

    • TChong says:

      02:58pm | 11/12/12

      I reckon the usual Conservative cry of “PC gone crazy”  is muted because BoF half endorses the directive, so the Liberal fan club has to remain silent.
      You gotta Luv Punch Conservatives- they know how to toe the party line, regardless of the hypocrisy it shows.

      Reply

    • baddog says:

      03:03pm | 11/12/12

      Actually mate, I am writing a thesis here.

      Reply

    • Markus says:

      03:06pm | 11/12/12

      Chief. For either gender.
      If a girl objects to the use of Chief, it can be substituted with Chiefette, though that tends to quickly cease any objection they may have had to Chief.

      Reply

    • St. Michael says:

      03:22pm | 11/12/12

      Well, unless they happen to be a native American.

    • gelfen says:

      03:26pm | 11/12/12

      Chiefess.  Chiefette is demeaning because it could mean small or lesser chief.

    • St. Michael says:

      03:42pm | 11/12/12

      Miss Chief?

      Hmm.  Maybe not.

    • I hate pies...and buddy says:

      03:15pm | 11/12/12

      Buddy should be banned - very condescending….really grates

      Reply

    • Borderer says:

      03:53pm | 11/12/12

      Champ also, except my wife’s cousin who is actually a martial arts champ, he qualifies…

    • Poita says:

      04:02pm | 11/12/12

      I agree, the user often uses it in a tone that suggests that you should be flattered to be their little subservient buddy.

      Just as I find mate is often used aggressively. As in they are suggesting they are some tough Aussie who fought at Gallipolli single handedly and you are a nancy boy.

      However I’m not PC, being a welsh sheep rooter and that being ok with the PC police I am happy to insult anyone’s race or religion for fun.

    • Ben C says:

      04:26pm | 11/12/12

      @ I hate pies

      So you hate Lance Franklin as well?

    • Colin says:

      03:17pm | 11/12/12

      “Could the word ‘mate’ ever be deemed offensive in any context?”

      Yes. Every context. All of the time. It is just another overused word in the annoying, low-brow vernacular of The Australian Idiot. What’s wrong with using someone’s name or - if you don’t know their name - “Sir” or “Madam”, as appropriate..?

      Or is that too difficult to yell as you are about to run someone down with your jetski and can’t swerve fast enough because the beer in your left hand is interfering with your capability to do so..?

      Reply

    • subotic says:

      03:45pm | 11/12/12

      What’s wrong with using someone’s name or - if you don’t know their name - “Sir” or “Madam”, as appropriate..?

      What about “Hey, you. Yeah, you, fuckhead”?

      Or is that too difficult to yell etc…

    • St. Michael says:

      03:53pm | 11/12/12

      I must heartily disagree.  Addressing the person at front desk of your local brothel as “madam” is like calling the sergeant a major.

    • Colin says:

      04:04pm | 11/12/12

      @ subotic

      Ah, subotic, you are a True Example of my very argument. Thank-you grin

    • Names? says:

      03:36pm | 11/12/12

      This is really a non event!  Federal Public Servants have had this in place for over a decade, the rest need to catch up.  It aint that hard to be respectful to each other, it works fine.  Funnily enough we actually have names and that’s what we call each other.  I know its bloody strange but it catches on ya know!
      What I can’t stand, but pretend I’m not offended, is the young lass with tats and piercings behind the deli in the supermarket asking, “you right there mate”, with the typical chewed movement of the mouth; I’m old enough o be her effing grandfather, stupid twat.

      Reply

    • iansand says:

      03:57pm | 11/12/12

      If I am feeling bored I will say “Have we been introduced?” when some telepest calls me by my given name.

      Reply

    • Colin says:

      04:35pm | 11/12/12

      So that was YOU!!!

    • PJ says:

      03:57pm | 11/12/12

      Right before the Socialist Lefty PC crowd ban everything, lets enjoy

      “Going for an English”
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xdo79znnHl8

      When I look at this I always think of Fml.

      He sees the function of a multicultural society as having cheap foreign eateries open late, so that after he’s had a skin full at Kings Cross, he can have something to eat.

      Reply

    • James says:

      04:05pm | 11/12/12

      My god, the political climate in Australia has made this one of the most stifling places to speak anywhere in the world and i’ve lived in many, many, many countries.

      Reply

    • James says:

      04:06pm | 11/12/12

      My god, the political climate in Australia has made this one of the most stifling places to speak anywhere in the world and i’ve lived in many, many, many countries.

      Reply

    • PJ says:

      04:22pm | 11/12/12

      this clip will give you the future agenda of what is going to happen next in Australia.

      so please take time to watch it.

    • Gregg says:

      04:21pm | 11/12/12

      I’m with Lauren above that mate and much more is all good, with some caveats of course and one could be younger punks just trying it on with older people, like to get up their nose or whatever.
      They’re pretty easy to pick and ignore if desired.

      As for the caption
      Quad mates or mates in a pod?

      Mind you, I understand that some places should keep a reasonable air of professionalism about them and that would apply in places like medical services establishments where the public is being dealt with or in earshot.

      And so do women have a particular phrase to use with oneanother?
      For the females of course.

      Reply

    • sunny says:

      05:14pm | 11/12/12

      As for the caption

      Phwoarrrr Mate!

    • Gaga says:

      04:27pm | 11/12/12

      I’d like to see someone stop me from calling all and sundry, Darling!  It’s part of my persona.  No doubt ‘mate’ is for others, I wouldn’t dream of correcting them.  It’s not all about you, you crazy objectors.  Xo

      Reply

    • sunny says:

      05:05pm | 11/12/12

      No dramas from me, especially if you can say Darling the way that a Bond girl says it?

    • Gianna says:

      05:08pm | 11/12/12

      I said pet I said love I said pet…...

      .Pixie-Anne Wheatley…........

      One of my all time favourites.

      Reply

    • Valerie says:

      05:10pm | 11/12/12

      As a woman I’ve never had a male co-worker call me mate. Using “honey” and “sweetheart” is demeaning and often sexist. The use of the word “mate” amongst men in the workplace is similar in that it can be very exclusive

      Reply

    • bananabender says:

      05:38pm | 11/12/12

      By age 25 my father:
      -  had been working fulltime for 11 years
      - had served six years in the army during WW2
      - was married
      - owned a house outright

      Reply

    • kfr says:

      05:59pm | 11/12/12

      Much a do about bugger all really. To think, we live in a country that considers this important!

      Reply

    • Mayday says:

      06:50pm | 11/12/12

      I don’t know if this directive can be described as PC’ness, it’s about treating people in a professional manner.

      Can’t stand people calling me darling, way to familiar, particularly when they are younger than me.

      There’s nothing wrong with sir or madam until or unless invited to do otherwise.

      Reply
 
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