I like a bit of luxury as much as the next person. A facial here, an upgrade there. God knows, I’d have more of it … if I could afford it.
But luxury tampons? Sorry, that’s just a teeny bit too far.
I spotted the ad last week. Gorgeous girl (mid-body shot only, no bloat evident). Looks like she never scoffs five burgers in a row or yells at her partner. Never gets PMT. And why would she? She’s using luxury tampons – presumably wrought from the pelt of a resting panda, tufts of angora rabbit and a tennis bracelet.
These tampons are so fancy, they’ve given themselves platinum status. It’s “a touch of luxury where you need it most”.
Pardon? The only difference I can see is well-designed box (pardon the pun) and a jazzy website with lots of helpful info. It’s time to get a grip. This is one product where practicality and convenience rules.
Sure, the Federal Government has been trying to convince us for years that the humble tampon is the equivalent of, say, a knuckle-dragging diamond. That’s why we still pay GST on them.
But you don’t see feminine hygiene products emblazoned with Chanel’s iconic double C. You don’t see tampon rip-offs at the markets in Hong Kong or Bangkok. I’m yet to have a conversation with a friend (male or female) that started with the words “Did you see X’s tampon? Geez, I wish I could afford one of those.”
And if luxury equals status, the very notion of the trumped-up tampon begs one question: Who would ever know you were using one? Nope, this is marketing gone mad. The final frontier in the push for posh.
And it goes hand-in-hand with a trend that says only the best will do – for everyone, always – because, no matter that we bludged all day at work or bitched about our mates or kicked the cat, we deserve it.
We told daily we’re worth it. We’ve bought into the idea that $500 shoes are a ‘must-have’. That labels are such desirable social currency that we’ll fake it rather than admit we can’t afford - or (gasp!) don’t deserve - the real thing.
The market for “replica” luxury bags is worth an estimated $12bn a year. Consumers buy counterfeits bags, belts, sunnies and suits by the truckload. The American Marketing Association says it’s because we need a bit more love: fakes help “gain approval in social settings”.
But no matter how magnificent the luxury tampon, I can’t see a market for counterfeits any time soon. And I despair that marketers think some women will be so dim as to be sucked in by a bit of premium branding on a product that is, in the end, a necessity.
Don’t miss: Get The Punch in your inbox every day
Facebook Recommendations
Read all about it
Punch live
Up to the minute Twitter chatter
Ukraine song pinches chord progression from The Verve's Bittersweet Symphony. Fo real #sbseurovision
RT @GerardDaffy: @antsharwood all the talk over there is the grannies will win.they entered to get a church built,feelgood story
Recent posts
The latest and greatest
Abbott’s crass logic: trash the Parliament in order save it
An email was sent to almost every politician in Australia this week saying that someone should cut off…
Our special forces don’t always need special treatment
We admire them, but we’re not entirely sure why. We allow them to operate in the shadows; we rarely…
A good holiday is about unrest, not rest
Like a fat full-stop, it lay in my hand. A small orange – not exactly fresh, but purchased anyway…
Gentle jabs to the ribs
They must pay for one’s bitter disappointments
A private school girl’s family is sueing her elite, extremely expensive private school for not… Read more
Most commented