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Looking forward to a sterile life in Rudd’s 2020 Australia

Thom Woodroofe

by Thom Woodroofe

01 Feb 05:45am

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Filed under: 2020 Summit, Economics, Kevin Rudd, Politics, Republic

34 comments

If things are looking good for 2010, just think about where we will be by 2020 in Kevin Rudd’s Australia.

Gosh, doesn't he look young? He even has hair!

In 2020, I will be 31 and the Prime Minister will be exactly double that.

Rudd will be at his peak having surpassed John Howard as the second longest serving PM only a few months beforehand. A good consolation prize, after his failed bid for the UN Secretary Generalship in 2016.

According to my day-dreaming during class, I will be settled in a leafy house with two children. One boy and one girl to be precise. I’ve even thought of names.

As a young father I won’t have much to worry about though.

By then, Rudd’s 2007 War on Drugs will be over. As will the 2008 War on Binge Drinking along with the 2009 War on Doping. The 2008 War on Downloads will hopefully be winding up too, which is just as well because Australia’s new superfast National Broadband Network will be leading the world by then.

So no drugs, beer or porn for my kids.

My life will be pretty sterile in some ways too.

The 2007 War on Whalers will mean my fondness for tuna will need to end, as will my now elderly parent’s newfound love of RSL Clubs thanks to the 2008 War on Pokies.

But Rudd’s 2008 War on Unemployment and the 2008 War on Disadvantage will mean I can be living the dream without many worries. And just to make sure, the 2008 Wars on Neoliberalism, Inflation and Banking Deals will take care of any evil capitalists still out there.

In 2020, the budget will be full of black ink again. But only if Treasury’s 2008 modeling turns out to be more accurate than a Godwin Grech email on their system. 

The 2007 Education Revolution will finally be over, with school retention rates reaching 90% in 2020. Unfortunately, by then the laptops promised over a decade earlier will be the equivalent of using the prehistoric MS DOS today when they finally arrive. Just like the one used by Rudd at the policy launch.

Our health system will be leading the world though after a long-awaited federal takeover as promised in 2007. But only after the Rudd Government runs out of synonyms for reviews, inquiries, working groups, taskforces, forums, reports, commissions, summits, ministerial councils, boards and offices.

The child-care equivalents of an American Wal-Mart will be up and running too, according to a 2008 announcement, providing one-stop-shops where parents will no longer be needed.

There will also be half as many homeless people – down to just 50,000 – and we will be halfway to “closing the gap” between indigenous and non-indigenous Australians apparently.

But then again, if climate change hasn’t been solved by 2020, we are probably screwed.

The apocalyptic vision of the Garnaut Report will finally be unleashing havoc with a devastated Great Barrier Reef, a Kakadu flooded by sea water, and an utterly barren Murray-Darling river system.

So it is just as well things on the international stage are looking brighter.

Australia will finally be considered an “active middle power” in the world. But not because of our stint on the UN Security Council in 2013-2014, but because we will be hosting the next Soccer World Cup in 2022, a much more effective multilateral institution.

Relations with the United States will be better than ever in 2020.

President Hillary Clinton, halfway through her first term, will have never forgotten Rudd’s 2007 confession on Rove Live of his preference for her. And Rudd’s Asia Pacific Community goal will finally be a reality in the region, cementing his place in the corridors of history.

But don’t fear those Asians, because those F-35 fighter jets will have finally been delivered. A bit like ordering the Wright Brothers’ plane off the back of a napkin and having it delivered during the Battle of Britain.

Our submarine fleet will have also doubled according to the 2008 Defence White Paper, but only because each of the notoriously bad Collins Class submarines simply split in half.

Following the tragic death of the Queen (come on, she won’t make it to 94!), we will have carved our own path as a new republic. The catalyst: simply our inability to have someone with big ears as our King.

Rudd’s love of bipartisan appointments will be shining through still, with the newly inaugurated President Turnbull, who led the revitalized republican movement to its success. Rudd offered it first to Tony Abbott, but his ears were far too similar to those of King Charles for the people to distinguish.

Rudd will also be likely gearing up for his 2050 Summit later in the year when he realizes his neurotic love of the year 2020 might have been a bit too ambitious given the timeframe involved. But we are already seeing that now with the release this week of The Australia to 2050 Report.

But if nothing else, hopefully by then the $200 million spent on media advisers, monitoring and PR spin last year by the Rudd Government will only surely have shrunk.

That way, we can each get back to reality.

Thom Woodroofe, 20, is the Young Victorian of the Year and founder of Left Right Think-Tank. Email thomwoodroofe (at) gmail.com

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Most commented

34 comments

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    • John A Neve says:

      06:13am | 01/02/10

      Sadly I think Thom is correct. @ 2020 will be a sterile world and it will need to be. This planet can only support so many. An increased population and a world government, will see Thom’s vision come to pass.

      But his views are not new, those who have read Brave New World or 1984 will know others have said the same thing.

      Reply

    • Liz says:

      06:59am | 01/02/10

      Bring it on, but the Murray will be saved because we’ll finally see sense and also learn to conserve water and power, so reducing our needs.
      Our population will learn social responsibility,to parent well and not to make the top in the most sinful country in the world poll.We’ll learn to be satisfied with less of better quality and ban imports from China and start protecting out own industries.We’ll keep uranium in the ground and become the most powerful nation in the world too.

      Reply

    • David C says:

      09:45am | 01/02/10

      Liz and when we ban Chinese imports and they then ban imports from Australia what will all those people do that work in those undustries? Ans how will we make up the lost revenue that the government needs to balance the books? 
      And what excatly is “social responsibility” anyway?

    • Matt says:

      10:08am | 01/02/10

      Ban Chinese imports. That’s about100,000 Australians you’ve just put out of work in the textile cothing and footwear sector alone.
      Perhaps you should think before you parrot Bob Brown’s xenophobia.

    • Tom says:

      12:30pm | 01/02/10

      Thankfully almost every politician unlike yourself realises that protectionism is myopic and ultimately destructive to the domestic economy. There is no point manufacturing goods here that can be made better and cheaper overseas. And not to mention the fact that if we impose protections, other countries will do likewise in retaliation and destroy our export industries.

    • iansand says:

      06:59am | 01/02/10

      Older folk have come to realise that politics does not really make much difference to the lives of ordinary people.

      Reply

    • Jon says:

      11:03am | 01/02/10

      Sadly, I agree. Why we bother with politics I don’t know with outcomes so poor. Maybe the alternative is worse, maybe?

    • Jon says:

      11:07am | 01/02/10

      Don’t believe the spin, all pollies are never as good as they say they are.

    • Mikko says:

      07:39am | 01/02/10

      Hey, good read Thom but I don’t think you need worry too much, you can see it was all just a dream by the third paragraph. But if you go along with that, the rest of it is probably close to the truth.

      Reply

    • Virgo says:

      07:50am | 01/02/10

      He has my vote , I have total confidence in the man. I have no confidence at all in the Liberal Party. They seem to change their minds at the drop of a hat and not to mention changing leaders at a very fast rate.

      Reply

    • The Drover says:

      08:37am | 01/02/10

      I am glad you do, from what I can see of him, he is nothing but hot air and spin, fast approaching one of the worst PMs this country has ever had, but dont let the facts get in the way of your rose coloured glasses.

    • CSallen says:

      08:18am | 01/02/10

      Virgo, have you checked out the NSW Labor government lately?

      Reply

    • Dylan says:

      08:46am | 01/02/10

      Does this post actually have a point?  For an article by an author who’s founded a supposedly non-partisan think tank, it looks an awful lot like a fairly mindless rehashing of Liberal Party soundbites.

      Reply

    • Glen says:

      09:36am | 01/02/10

      I was thinking the same thing

    • Sebastian says:

      04:22am | 02/02/10

      With less wit than a Liberal media release.

    • Patrick says:

      08:50am | 01/02/10

      I have a feeling that even should Labor still be in power by that time (probably unlikely) then Rudd would have stepped aside for Gillard already. Unline Howard, I don’t think he has any real desire to set a number of years as PM record.

      Reply

    • Damocles says:

      09:00am | 01/02/10

      Hey Virgo, Labor voters put me in mind of the old Doobie Brothers song “What A Fool Believes”, you know the line, “What a fool believes, he sees!” Good luck with your delusional take on reality.

      Reply

    • stephen says:

      01:02pm | 01/02/10

      They also wrote a song called Real Love.
      Come on Labor !

    • watty says:

      09:31am | 01/02/10

      Rudd still around in 2020? Makes voluntary euthanasia a viable option.

      Reply

    • Betelnut says:

      10:05am | 01/02/10

      Fear not Thom,

      As the years roll on, your interest in the mediocrity of politics will no doubt wane and you will embrace that creeping disillusionment wholeheartedly.

      Love your country, remain exasperated at the competence of all politicians,
      steer clear of the mindless partisan cheerleading that infects sites such at this, demand improvement, never settle for mediocre, take drugs, embrace rationality, keep learning, find good friends, travel and spend as much time as possible with the wife and kids. 

      Life is only as sterile as your imagination, not your government!

      Reply

    • D'oh says:

      10:10am | 01/02/10

      [face palm]

      I think it was meant to be tongue in cheek.

      Remarkably it is not a crime to post humour in this coutry.

      Reply

    • Matt says:

      10:11am | 01/02/10

      Hey Damocles.
      We won.
      Get over it.

      Reply

    • Darryl Price says:

      10:34am | 01/02/10

      At least by 2020, we will be 1/3 of the way through the three decade plan to fix the health system as outlined by Mr Rudd on the Sunday programme yesterday. This will only possible of course, at the expense of the rich recipients of the 30% tax rebate on health insurance. Until it was explained so eloquently by Mr Rudd, I wasn’t aware that the rebate was funded at the expense of more hospital beds, nursing positions, medicines, and those peculiar upside down watches that nurses wear. Oh joy for the bureaucratic socialist Rudd, a new means test AND a shot at the filthy dare-do-wells.

      Reply

    • casba says:

      11:24am | 01/02/10

      I think everyone should just settle down, get over themselves and give the boy a go!  It is so typical of you self appointed intelectuals to try to delve beyond the obvious and look for hidden agendas that are just not there.  It is a bit of tongue in cheek humour, get it?  It is just a shame that the majority of other journos who write for “The Punch” were not so one eyed and bolshy as this young man isn’t!  That is proably why you are all going for his jugular!

      Reply

    • Ross says:

      11:34am | 01/02/10

      Get over it .I have been interested in politics for more than 40 years and they have not let me down yet. I expect nothing of them and they deliver it in spades .

      Reply

    • Ben says:

      12:03pm | 01/02/10

      “Rudd will be at his peak having surpassed John Howard as the second longest serving PM only a few months beforehand. “

      Monday mornings are already depressing enough without this scenario being raised….

      Reply

    • Carl Palmer says:

      12:21pm | 01/02/10

      Good one Thorn, pretty much reflects what this PM is on about, way up there is the troposphere. More talk fests.

      Reply

    • Charles Kelly says:

      01:27pm | 01/02/10

      A great read Thom Woodroofe!

      I’m afraid you’ve been outdone in the comedy stakes though - with a selection of the genuinely delusional pro-Rudd comments posted so far providing some huge laughs. The scary part however, is that your comments were satirical - and theirs are actually serious!!!

      Reply

    • IS says:

      02:58pm | 01/02/10

      Just read your bio Thom. Looks impressive, but you obvisously can’t make up your mind what you believe in. Typical 20-yr-old-save-the-world - no real values in life.

      Reply

    • Pinta-Pinta says:

      09:50pm | 03/05/11

      I think thats a pretty unfair statement. Clearly all that he has done with is young life, points to the fact that he has very strong values. Maybe they just done’t fit into a neatly identifiable box.
      Why try to devalidate someone for having passion and drive, simply because you think that when people get older it must be lost. It’s very sad to see an old cynic who finds solace in patronizing youth who have big dreams and the guts to follow them.

    • John A Neve says:

      03:22pm | 01/02/10

      Thom,
      Is the only one who knows if he is serious or taking the piss. It matters not,
      there is truth in humour. Much of what he has writen, will come to pass, we will whinge and moan and do little else. WhileTtweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum go marching on, their armies not far behind. Maybe it’s their behinds that attrack the masses.

      Reply

    • Mikko says:

      05:00pm | 01/02/10

      Gee give the boy a break. You Labor guys don’t know satire when it bites you in the bum. You’ve been listening too long to the toxic bore, it’s a well written piece and the nightmare scenario in the third par should give an early clue to what it’s about.

      Reply

    • Von says:

      05:43pm | 01/02/10

      Are you paying more? For groceries? School fees? Water? Health insurance? Electricity? Well thank KRudd and co.

      Reply

    • Darryl Price says:

      07:04pm | 01/02/10

      Electricity - tick
      Health insurance - no (thanks to opposition blocking the legislation, but otherwise it would be - tick)
      Water - tick
      Groceries - unsure

 
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