Longer, stronger distortion of sexual expectations
Has there ever been one that’s pushed you too far - an advertisement that’s taken you past the silent grimace stage, to the point where you need to slap the offending television or radio right off?
Notable over the years for their mind-numbing, though no doubt commercially effective, advertising style, were the likes of Saba, National Tiles, Franco Cozzo, and Ken Bruce. But that ‘s not what I’m talking about here, I’m talking about an ad that manages the seemingly impossible – it can numb your mind while at the same time making you mad.
My advertising nemesis is AMI. Perhaps I could just relax and take a chill pill, as my little brother used to instruct me, if I didn’t hear their ads every time I get in the car with the radio on.
If I hear another husky woman elaborating on her boyfriend’s “arrival” and how the speed of it “was ruining their relationship”, until he SMSed “HARD” to AMI, I am going to have to put the Wiggles disc back in. Which was a great disc - the first two hundred times.
If you believe in self-flagellation, you can go to the website and play their latest radio ad for yourself– who (besides me!) is this recording uploaded for?
Any mug knows that premature ejaculation is a real issue for a small number of men. And as Mae West said, “a hard man is good to find” but I don’t believe these ads are targeted at the small minority of men with real erection or ejaculation dysfunction. This wave of advertising: the tenor of the scripts; the gargantuan, banana yellow billboards; is aimed at ordinary guys, who are having intercourse for an ordinary interval.
By saturating the airwaves with these messages this advertising is designed to gradually beat them into believing that they have a problem because they don’t last for hours, and, that the average woman wants them to last longer.
The campaign has intensified further now, and guys listening to the ads are being told that they don’t measure up if they come first, or if they don’t last long enough for their partner to “arrive again and again and again’.
I don’t know how many scientists with stop-watches and swiss-made pleasure meters AMI are employing. All I know is I can’t compete. I’m basing my view on 20 years of female note-sharing, a pretty standard set of my own sexual priors and a straw poll of mothers taken outside my son’s kinder this morning.
Most women don’t want it longer in the bedroom. And according to Dr. Phil.com (does it get any more authoritative?) for 65% of women you can hammer away as long as you want and it’s not going to get them any closer because they don’t orgasm from intercourse per se. I don’t think you’ll see any of these women signing their partners up for an AMI pilot.
According to a recent survey of US and Canadian sex therapists conducted by Penn State, “satisfactory sexual intercourse for couples lasts from 3 – 13 minutes, contrary to the popular fantasy about the need for hours of sexual activity”.
The average therapists’ responses defined the ranges of intercourse activity times: “adequate” from 3-7 minutes; “desirable” from 7- 13 minutes; and “too long” from 10 – 30 minutes.
If you really want to interfere with pleasure in the bedroom, and ruin relationships, make men insecure and misrepresent women. Honesty in and about sex is hard enough to come by as it is.
Let’s make one thing clear though, the last thing I want to do is discourage male reflection on ways to better satisfy women. But let’s take the first instalment of the cost of a nasal spray and spend it on some flowers and a cocktail.
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