Has there ever been one that’s pushed you too far - an advertisement that’s taken you past the silent grimace stage, to the point where you need to slap the offending television or radio right off?
Notable over the years for their mind-numbing, though no doubt commercially effective, advertising style, were the likes of Saba, National Tiles, Franco Cozzo, and Ken Bruce. But that ‘s not what I’m talking about here, I’m talking about an ad that manages the seemingly impossible – it can numb your mind while at the same time making you mad.
My advertising nemesis is AMI. Perhaps I could just relax and take a chill pill, as my little brother used to instruct me, if I didn’t hear their ads every time I get in the car with the radio on.
If I hear another husky woman elaborating on her boyfriend’s “arrival” and how the speed of it “was ruining their relationship”, until he SMSed “HARD” to AMI, I am going to have to put the Wiggles disc back in. Which was a great disc - the first two hundred times.
If you believe in self-flagellation, you can go to the website and play their latest radio ad for yourself– who (besides me!) is this recording uploaded for?
Any mug knows that premature ejaculation is a real issue for a small number of men. And as Mae West said, “a hard man is good to find” but I don’t believe these ads are targeted at the small minority of men with real erection or ejaculation dysfunction. This wave of advertising: the tenor of the scripts; the gargantuan, banana yellow billboards; is aimed at ordinary guys, who are having intercourse for an ordinary interval.
By saturating the airwaves with these messages this advertising is designed to gradually beat them into believing that they have a problem because they don’t last for hours, and, that the average woman wants them to last longer.
The campaign has intensified further now, and guys listening to the ads are being told that they don’t measure up if they come first, or if they don’t last long enough for their partner to “arrive again and again and again’.
I don’t know how many scientists with stop-watches and swiss-made pleasure meters AMI are employing. All I know is I can’t compete. I’m basing my view on 20 years of female note-sharing, a pretty standard set of my own sexual priors and a straw poll of mothers taken outside my son’s kinder this morning.
Most women don’t want it longer in the bedroom. And according to Dr. Phil.com (does it get any more authoritative?) for 65% of women you can hammer away as long as you want and it’s not going to get them any closer because they don’t orgasm from intercourse per se. I don’t think you’ll see any of these women signing their partners up for an AMI pilot.
According to a recent survey of US and Canadian sex therapists conducted by Penn State, “satisfactory sexual intercourse for couples lasts from 3 – 13 minutes, contrary to the popular fantasy about the need for hours of sexual activity”.
The average therapists’ responses defined the ranges of intercourse activity times: “adequate” from 3-7 minutes; “desirable” from 7- 13 minutes; and “too long” from 10 – 30 minutes.
If you really want to interfere with pleasure in the bedroom, and ruin relationships, make men insecure and misrepresent women. Honesty in and about sex is hard enough to come by as it is.
Let’s make one thing clear though, the last thing I want to do is discourage male reflection on ways to better satisfy women. But let’s take the first instalment of the cost of a nasal spray and spend it on some flowers and a cocktail.
Facebook Recommendations
Read all about it
Punch live
Up to the minute Twitter chatter
Ukraine song pinches chord progression from The Verve's Bittersweet Symphony. Fo real #sbseurovision
RT @GerardDaffy: @antsharwood all the talk over there is the grannies will win.they entered to get a church built,feelgood story
Recent posts
The latest and greatest
Abbott’s crass logic: trash the Parliament in order save it
An email was sent to almost every politician in Australia this week saying that someone should cut off…
Our special forces don’t always need special treatment
We admire them, but we’re not entirely sure why. We allow them to operate in the shadows; we rarely…
A good holiday is about unrest, not rest
Like a fat full-stop, it lay in my hand. A small orange – not exactly fresh, but purchased anyway…
Nosebleed Section
choice ringside rantings
From: They must pay for one’s bitter disappointments
Michael S says:
"A teacher at Geelong Grammar had criticised her for using words that were too long, which had left her confused and had made her doubt her ability to write essays. She became ''quite distressed'' when her English marks began to fall." I can sympathise. My scholastic mentors conveyed to me a causal relationship… [read more]From: Welfare for breeders is a bonus for everyone
Change Up! says:
I have no problem paying my taxes. As a single, childless person on a very decent income, I can afford it and not have my life severely altered. Plus I understand that my taxes paying for things like schools, childcare and infrastructure is ultimately a good thing. A better community is better for me… [read more]Gentle jabs to the ribs
They must pay for one’s bitter disappointments
A private school girl’s family is sueing her elite, extremely expensive private school for not… Read more
Most commented