Blow the trumpet. Warn the people. The Rapture is nearly upon us.

Tremble in your trendy sneakers, all ye infidels, unbelievers and sinners. For a decrepit old nutjob in California says that on May 21 at 6pm Judgement Day will begin. That should be 11am Sunday, AEST - but news reports suggest it could happen at 6pm Saturday night all around the world, so we’re going to maintain barely suppressed panic for as long as it takes.
Doomsdayer Harold Camping says only 2 or 3 per cent of the Earth’s population will be ‘raptured’ up into Heaven while the rest of us suffer through floods and earthquakes for a bit before burning in the pit of eternal hell for a really really long time. So stay tuned! We’ll be blogging it from the City of Churches but we want to hear from people right across the country. If you spot a sign of the pending Apocalypse, let us know!
SUNDAY
10:47 am
RIght. Well. Apparently Heaven is a crumbling shack in Victor Harbor. It’s much colder than you’d think, and drizzly. All part of some grand plan, I suppose. Oh, and they allow dogs, which is nice.
SATURDAY
06:01 pm
Hmmmm
5:00 pm
Half an hour to go, folks on the east coast, if the ‘rolling apocalypse’ theory is correct…. But there’s still hope it’ll be more like tomorrow morning. How’s the sky looking? Tinges of red in SA. Have decided to head to Victor Harbor - I hear it’s called ‘God’s waiting room’, which sounds appropriate.
4:23 pm
There’s an ominous silence from NZ, where it has already struck 6pm…
2:50 pm
And lo, the clouds have closed over the sun and the flood-causing liquid is falling from the sky.
1:15 pm
There’s a Sufjan Stevens song on the radio. IT HAS TRUMPETS IN IT.
12:28 pm
Almost time for the Last Lunch. Shit. Nothing in the fridge. I REFUSE to spend any of my precious remaining minutes with the bogans at the St Agnes Coles. Off to the Inglewood Inn for a schnitty, then. Apparently they’ve put a special Festinger sauce on the menu.
12.10 pm
Am afraid the handy Rapture Ready site is still in denial. They’re still collecting donations.
12.04 pm
Ground looking slightly soggy. Could be the precursor to the flood that will eventually cover the entire Earth. What’s good end-of-the-world music? I’m thinking something with ukeleles.
11.54 am
I hope that deep thudding sensation is just my hungover heart struggling to beat.
11.02 am
Skies over Adelaide looking ominous. Bird in tree looks like it’s thinking about flying backwards.Wishing I hadn’t wasted so much time in the toilet.
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