The exact time and date of the beginning of the end of civilisation is said to be recorded on the birth certificate of an Israeli baby.
Arriving suspiciously close to last week’s planetary alignment, Like Adler wasn’t fooling anyone.
While reportedly exceptionally cute and a source of profound joy to her parents - Lior and Vardit - many believe she is also a harbinger of society’s downfall.
“Look at her name!” they yell, as she looks in wonder at nothing of particular interest in her cot.
“What kinda (sic) parent would name their child after a Facebook function? They should of (sic) thought of sumthing (sic) better then (sic) that,” they lament on Facebook before snidely adding that “there should be a “dislike” button LOL”.
All across the intellectual Eden that is the internet, people with interesting names like “John”, “Mary” and “Jason” are voicing their concerns.
Many of them claim the Adlers were irresponsible because little Like is bound to be bullied at school – often before giving an example of an offensive “Like” joke and inadvertently cyber-bullying an infant.
Others, however, believe the uncommon name is symbolic of the way social media has ruined society and chipped away at civilisation.
Lior Adler, meanwhile, explained it this way:
“In our opinion, it’s the modern equivalent of the name Ahava (Love),” he added.
“It’s just my way of saying to my fantastic daughter, ‘love’.”
Man, if we didn’t feel like jerks before, we sure do now.
However bizarre Like’s name is, it is quite clear she has parents who care deeply about her and have her best interests in mind. Besides, in 100 years’ time “Like” may not be a weird name at all.
We may have a Prime Minister called “Twitter”, a Pope Galaxytab VI, and a President YouTube. So long as they’re all decent, honest people, who cares what their email signature says?
Everything is stupid the first time around, anyway.
“I’m trying to choose a surname, I’m thinking ‘Bell’.”
“Dude, ‘Bell’?”
“Yeah, why?”
“As in the thing you use to signal dinner and barbarian attacks?”
“Yup.”
“There’s something wrong with you, bro.”
The first caveman to utter an intelligent syllable was probably instantly clubbed to death.
Whenever a celebrity dubs their child something odd, all manner of folk pop up to accuse them of poor parenting and subjecting their child to a life of ridicule.
It never seems to occur to these people that maybe they should be teaching their kids that it’s wrong to make fun of people with strange names – if only because kids with weird monikers sometimes go on to become presidents with friends called “Seal Team 6” and “Gitmo”.
At the very least, their name will probably turn up in a Wes Anderson movie, making it super indie-cool.
Things don’t become normal overnight. It takes time, patience and - most importantly – people who don’t care what a bunch of Facebooking office-workers think of their decisions.
One day, Like might cure cancer. She might become a renowned author or a respected world leader.
Most likely, she’ll be a lovely young woman with nice parents, big dreams and a weird name.
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