When I was a kid, I loved watching all the old movies.

With dance moves like these, no one turned Fred away from a party. Photo: AP.

I can remember precisely the day that I asked my mother for a pair of black and white wing-tip shoes so that I could learn to dance like Gene Kelly and Fred Astaire.

Turns out those shoes, even at that time, were very much out of fashion and hard to find, so I never got them.

It didn’t matter because it wasn’t the shoes I was drawn to, it was the dancing -  I loved it and I fancied myself as a famous tap dancer.

Unfortunately, where we lived dance classes weren’t exactly around every corner and I ended up doing Irish dancing instead – not the cool River Dance kind - a lighter form called figure dancing.

I loved it all the same, but I can still remember one or two snide remarks about a boy dancing and ‘prancing around like a pansy’.

Fast-forward 25 years to today and my three-year-old son Jagger has become obsessed with doing ballet. Ever since we took him to see Swan Lake on Ice, he’s got the bug.

He’s now attended a couple of lessons and loves it. 

The same can’t be said, however, for a number of people who I’ve talked to about his dancing. Some have frowned a little at the idea of a boy getting ballet lessons. And they took me by surprise.

‘It’s a bit gay’ was one remark I heard. I hate hearing prejudice and backward statements like that, it goes against everything I believe in.

Hearing it was a sudden jolt for me; it reminded me that even though 25 years have passed since my dancing days, opinions and views about sexuality are still a long way from being open and equal. 

I watched a movie called A Single Man where the main character (played by Colin Firth) is a college professor who talked about people’s fear of what he called ‘an invisible minority’.

Since the movie was set in 1962, he was referring to the very conservative views about sexuality that still prevailed at that time. Obviously there have been great advances since then, but I wonder to what extent. Will there always be people out there who fear difference?

I can remember a lady years ago mentioning to her young child that she wasn’t to be friends with a Jehovah’s Witness kid in her school.

Her rationale was to protect her child from being inducted into the Jehovah Witness faith.  Come on - that’s nuts! - these are five-year-old kids I’m talking about. 

At that age they’re more interested in dress-ups and creative play than discussing the strengths of each other’s faith.  Even when I lived in Africa, there were those who frowned about white kids playing with native African kids – why? It doesn’t make any sense. 

As the old saying goes, it’s our differences that make us unique. 

If my son wants to take ballet and I can provide that for him, of course I will.

It’s an amazing art, incredible for a child’s coordination, strength and as for what sort of person he develops into – well, studying dance will only make him a dancer, the rest will reveal itself in its own way and in its own time.

Either way, I’ll always be proud of him. Isn’t that the job of a parent, to empower children with knowledge and values so they can see the world with unbiased and fair eyes?

Everyone always talks about what we pass onto the next generation, our kids.

One thing is for certain, no matter what colour, race, religion or sexuality you are - you are what you are and nothing will ever change that.

Accepting and embracing differences is definitely something worth passing on.

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29 comments

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    • KH says:

      07:02am | 23/03/11

      My neighbours son recently decided he liked ballet - the only boy in a class of girls….........good on him.  Baryshnikov was absolutely gorgeous - and he isn’t gay…....I’m pretty certain that isn’t a pre-requisite to be a great ballet dancer!

    • Mel says:

      09:16am | 23/03/11

      I spoke to a guy who does Ballet, in his late teens, about being a guy doing ballet.  His comment was “Are you kidding?  I’m the only guy here with about 20 gorgeous girls.  Where else do you get those kind of numbers?  My mates are jealous!” 

      LOLOLOL

    • skepdad says:

      12:46pm | 23/03/11

      Mel, I’d be interested in whether your guy was bullied at school because of the ballet.  His mates may be jealous, but I wonder if the school meatheads feel the same?

      Please note that this is not to denigrate the argument, but motivated out of interest for my own son who shows more interest in gymnastics than football (with his parents’ full support) but is also bullied.

    • Kit says:

      04:41pm | 23/03/11

      Skepdad - my partner did Gymnastics in a footy mad all-boy’s school.  He wasn’t picked on much for doing gymnastics and those that made snide and stupid remarks soon learn that gym boys are much stronger than they look.  He did it because he loved it, and because as he said he was always surrounded by plenty of girls.

        I think you should encourage him to do what makes him happy (and it’s great that you are parents who support him in that rather than pushing him into playing footy because its the ‘manly’ sport).

    • Tubesteak says:

      07:37am | 23/03/11

      If you’re content with painting a big target on his back then go ahead.

      There is no point giving kids a rosy view of the world. This will only lead to disappointment when the rose-coloured glasses are knocked off them.

      Better off teaching them to respect others but recognise how the world works.

    • KH says:

      08:59am | 23/03/11

      Wow - if everyone said that all the time, we would still be living like its 1499….......

    • Tubesteak says:

      09:59am | 23/03/11

      1499 was a good year.

    • The Original Oz says:

      10:57am | 23/03/11

      1498 was better

    • notSue says:

      11:07am | 23/03/11

      I suggest you hop aboard the nearest time machine and hurry back there, Tubesteak. You’ll fit right in.

      What rot. Sure, teach them, when they’re old enough, to understand that SOME narrow-minded people might not understand their choice and may say mean things, but allow them to follow their dreams and play to their strengths, as Damien puts it. There’s nothing more soul -destroying as a dream-killer, nothing more disheartening or incomprehnesible to a child than irrational bigotry. Children just don’t understand it. It’s not innate in them, it’s learned behaviour, usually from their parents. Just watch any group of toddlers playing. Colour, ethnicity, religion mean bugger all to them, as Damien also points out.

      Unfortunately, there always *wil*l be ignorant, fearful, xenophobic and bigotted people in this world. The best we can do for our kids is to teach them that not *everyone* is like that and that we love them and accept them for whomever they turn out to be- gay, straight, ballet dancer or rugby player.

      PS Male ballet dancers have incredible fitness and awesome upper body strength also. (Yumm!) and dancing will not only teach Jagger to be a dancer, but will impart discipline, team-work,confidence and a life-long love of music andf movement as well. He may not stick at it, but that’s part of life’s learning curve too.

    • Lisa says:

      01:32pm | 23/03/11

      Obviously you had a screwed up childhood, but some of us would like our children to have whatever oppourtunities they can, without the comments from the cheap seats. Thanks!

    • HeatherG says:

      07:26pm | 27/03/11

      PS the (sadly late), hugely gorgeous, fit, lithe, Patrick Swayze was a ballet dancer, for many years. So is his beautiful wife. That’s how they met. ‘Nuff said.

    • Kelly says:

      07:58am | 23/03/11

      Good for you, Damien. The simple fact is there will always be bigots out there willing to bag things they don’t understand or are simply too scared to try.

    • Delighted says:

      08:32am | 23/03/11

      For the last 3 or 4 years I have attended my grand daughters’ ballet concert.  There have always been boys there performing.  I think it is wonderful that they do it.  We don’t stop girls from playing with toy cars and trucks or playing football do we?  What’s the difference?
      Good on your 3 year old.  The artistic genes are showing through which he has scored from both his mother and his father.
      Good luck with your new bub.

    • remlap says:

      09:24am | 23/03/11

      He might get teased, but as he gets older, his excuse is that he gets to hang around some mighty fit girls while his school mates are busy packing scrums with other boys. Plus, he’ll actually be able to communicate with girls rather than just grunt and drool.

    • notSue says:

      11:54am | 23/03/11

      Excellent points! Also, if he’s not into girls, he’ll meet some like-minded guys as well. wink

      Damien, just a suggestion.  I’d also make sure your kids learn some self-defence, maybe a martial art to complement Jagger’s dancing training ? Both skills are so compatible!  Traditional martial arts contain katas, or stylised fighting moves, which are much like a dance. All the other benefits of training also apply. That way, if anybody decides to bully them, they can sort them out (or laugh and walk away, which ever is appropriate)

    • Razor says:

      11:04am | 23/03/11

      Razor Jnr is 3 and a half and dances and sings non-stop.  I just want him to do what he feels he is good at.  If he want to dance then good on him.  He hasn’t asked yet and I am not pushing.  His big sister does ballet.

      The school he goes to produced Steven Heathcote so he would have some pretty big pumps to fill.

    • Patrick says:

      11:53am | 23/03/11

      Get him into gymnastics if he gets beaten up or something, same chick / guy ratios, less homophobia (barely)

    • notSue says:

      12:45pm | 23/03/11

      But he wants to dance! Surely that’s the point here?

    • damc says:

      01:01pm | 23/03/11

      I taught at a Performing Arts School K-12 and had to laugh at the 15/16 yr old footy players talking about the single male in the senior ballet group (he was drop dead gorgeous by the way). The usual derogatory comments about his sexuality…I laughed and told them that he was surrounded by a class of beautiful, talented females and he has managed to date every single one. This was followed by much disgruntled mumbling. He eventually followed his other love, music in the Army…a sad loss for dance though as he was superb and starred in quite a few spectaculars. Good luck to you Damien…there will always be sad bigots,

    • LauraBoBaura says:

      02:24pm | 23/03/11

      Jagger is an awesome name for a kid… just sayin’

    • notSue says:

      03:47pm | 23/03/11

      Isn’t it? smile

      Damien and his wife Eileen are expecting their third child any minute -wonder what cool name they’ll come up with next!

    • stephen says:

      02:47pm | 23/03/11

      “Jagger Leith does the splits”.
      Should be the title of a book.
      All the kids I know who dance, play and act for a living were also good at school, generally. And were made to study, (actually, same should be said for sportmen).
      And those kids weren’t bullied or harrassed precisely because they were good at school. And sport. too. It’s a matter of respect as to whether a kid gets bullied, or a kid can take it.

    • Trish says:

      03:08pm | 23/03/11

      I look forward to seeing Jagger in years to come as the premier male dancer for the Australian Ballet.

    • mary monica roche says:

      05:48pm | 23/03/11

      there is no use playing to weaknesses
      Your comment:

    • Ella says:

      11:01am | 24/03/11

      Damien good on you for fully supporting your son and as for the gay remark, total ignore it after all Patrick Swayze did ballet with his wife Lisa and he sure as hell wasn’t gay.

    • Jason Todd says:

      09:39pm | 25/03/11

      Hell, I got teased in school because I preferred to read books than play football. The bottom line is kids will find something to tease other kids about, particularly if it is different from what is seen as ‘normal’. The best thing you could do is let your son roll with it, but teach him to stand up for himself. Teasing only works if you act like you are ashamed of what you are doing. If you are comfortable and confident with yourself and make no apologies, it’s pretty hard for anyone else to make you feel bad about yourself.

    • Richard Rountree says:

      07:49pm | 28/03/11

      tell your son to keep it up but aim for Europe (get away from Australian philistines)

      I work as a bouncer but did some tap dancing as a kid

    • Fiona Chorley says:

      05:30pm | 03/04/11

      My son has been dancing since he was 4 (jazz and tap) - he has always brushed off the teasing and done his own thing - in fact you met him last year at the Eastwood singing star comp where he came second! He has since been cast as Michael Banks in the Sydney production of Mary Poppins opening in a couple of weeks time and no-one is teasing him now. All the dancing lessons sure paid off - go the boys!

    • Michael Hajdu says:

      11:42am | 06/12/12

      Love the story. My only question is this: What Fred Astaire movie is that shot from?

 

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