Keep Calm and Carry On - it’s just the Olympics
In one of the world’s most impressive displays of bristling military might, the UK armed forces are creating a £600 million Olympic ‘ring of steel’ that includes installing surface-to-air missiles on apartment building rooves.
There’ll be an aircraft carrier with 800 Royal Marines, Navy ships, RAF helicopters, private security, and 13,500 service men and women – more than are deployed in Afghanistan, according to the Daily Mail.
The Thames will be filled with laser-equipped sharks. Graeme Garden will be in charge of intelligence. The Ministry of Funny Walks will train a handpicked squad of bobbies. Dad’s Army will be brought out of retirement to shepherd small children across the road.
It will be the biggest show of military strength at home since WWII.
If terrorists hijack a plane Prime Minister David Cameron will be responsible for blasting it, and any passengers, out of the sky.
Journalist Brian Whelan lives in an apartment building (pictured above) – a private, gated community that is home to 700 people - that’s earmarked to get missiles on the roof. Other potential sites include the delightfully named Netherhouse Farm in Epping Forest, as well as Blackheath Common and Barn Hill.
Mr Whelan, oddly, seems more concerned about the stationed army officers using his apartment block’s gym and pool than the fact that the Government seems to have released quite detailed plans of their defence strategy to the entire British press.
Enough information to allow the Daily Mail to draw a handy ‘You Are Here’ style guide to any al-Qaeda operative or Anders Behring Breivik imitator who happens to have access to the internet.
Mr Whelan obviously hasn’t worked out that it’s all an elaborate – and expensive – ruse.
Don’t tell the terrorists, but the UK authorities are just using this dick-swinging distraction to a) show off their might in case it doesn’t happen for them in the games and b) secretly get on with the business of creating a cross between Iron Man and James Bond who will actually protect them from the lone-wolf terrorists they should really be afraid of.
They’re not really planning to shoot down planes that fly over London during the Olympic Games, leaving them to scatter deadly debris all over… London during the Olympic Games. Surely.
They’re not really marking out Londoners’ homes as military bases. Surely.
They’re not really spending all that money on brawn rather than brains when they can’t even get the trains running properly when it snows. Surely.
Surely this can’t just be the Ministry of Defence’s expensive and overbrawned way of saying ‘keep calm and carry on’, can it?
Still, at least there’ll be some cheap apartments for rent if you’re planning on heading over. I’d pack my own protective laser-equipped shark, if I were you.
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