Dear Colleagues,
At our last caucus meeting, I sensed that many of you were concerned about the inappropriate animal welfare outcomes recently shown on the Four Corners program and dissatisfied with my proposed inquiry. By the way, I still have that shoe if someone wants to claim it and my doctor informs me that the bruising will be gone within a week.
I am seeking supply chain assurances of the welfare of cattle - which must be guaranteed for each head of cattle, and for their hooves as well. We do not want to simply protect specific parts of the cattle, but the whole of each cattle because, after all, each cattle is an individual with unique needs, desires, and aspirations, much like any other hard working Australian.
I now realise animal -appropriate welfare is non-negotiable.
Labor’s values of hard work, dignity, and a fair go should apply to all creatures, but especially creatures with hooves.
I have prepared below an action plan for action that’ll make this a winning issue for Labor:
- I have met with the Indonesians. The negotiations went very well. We have planned for a second round of negotiations, at which I have resolved to bring an Indonesian interpreter, which should ensure things are considerably smoother.
- The Indonesian Government has assured me that what we saw on 4 Corners will never EVER happen again. They have passed a law imposing a penalty of 10 years in prison for anyone who films inside an abattoir.
- I have investigated interim cattle markets in East Timor, Nauru and New Zealand, but thus far none of these countries have either the facilities or the appetite for Australian cattle. To help make up the shortfall myself and Paul Howes have issued an edict instructing all AWU members to eat nothing but Australian cattle for the next month.
- I have taken on board your criticism that my Department was not aware that the cattle were being mistreated. From hereon I will meet LMA each week, look them in the eye and ask them: “Are the Cattle safe?”.
- My Department has been looking into ways of tracking cattle. We are investigating sending Australian Worker’s Union organisers to follow them. These men are dedicated, experienced, and through their experience in the Labor Party, and Union movement, perfectly suited to herding cattle.
- Investigations have been begun into creating a website, MyCow, which will allow Australians to track their cattle, find out how the abattoir their cattle have been sent to performs under key indicators, and what dishes their cattle were eventually turned into.
- I am seeking to ensure that all cattle families are sent to the same abattoir. Where cattle families are separated during their trip they will be re-united at the abattoir. This sends a clear message: Labor is pro-family, especially when it comes to cattle.
- My media adviser has organised a “blitz” of pro-cattle media appearances. I have organised a meet and greet with some local cattle and cattle people in my area. My media adviser will arrange for me to be photographed near cattle, on cattle, and stroking cattle. When live export resumes, I will personally make the trip with the cattle to demonstrate that their conditions are humane.
In addition, I’ve allocated $28 million for an advertising campaign to show the Australian public examples of all the cattle that have been slaughtered in a “cattle friendly” manner. Proposed working titles include:
“Mooo-ving forward: it’s time to stop chewing the cud on cattle welfare.”
“Appropriate Animal Welfare Outcomes.”
“It’s great to be a steak.”
These measures are directed to guaranteeing supply chain integrity, community confidence in the integrity of the supply of chains, and will support the welfare of cattle, cattle lovers, and cattle eaters.
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