It’s been a big week this week for the politically correct.
Tracey Spicer is worried her children are being indoctrinated into Christianity at school.
Some Coalition backbenchers are worried they can’t indoctrinate new citizens to Christianity.
And then there are the sheep which have been feeling all sorts of things because the minority group of ‘black sheep’ has been singled out in the following:
Baa baa black sheep
Have you any wool?
Yes sir! Yes sir!
Three bags full!
One for the master
One for the dame
And one for the little boy who lives down the lane.
What’s wrong with this nursery rhyme? Well if the politically correct would have their way, we will be singing ‘Baa baa rainbow sheep’ to account for the many different skin colour types of sheep we have in our world.
To date, I have only ever seen dirty grey sheep and black sheep, and apart from Mem Fox’s green sheep, I am not aware of any other coloured sheep. Nonetheless, we must recognise the rainbow sheep.
But the failure to address the other exclusionary language in this rhyme is systematic of the myopia that has been created by single-issue policy teams.
Or put more simply: one trick ponies.
Let’s start with the distribution of wealth. Who gets the wool? While I’m happy for the master to get the bag as he owns the sheep, and happy for the dame to get a bag as she’s probably part owner of the same sheep, I’m less happy that there’s an ambit individual who on residential status alone gets the third bag.
Who is this child and why does he get this wool? What criteria did he fulfil to get this wool? What are his family’s assets and income? Were these tested? And was there some sort of citizenship requirement? (Did he get a Bible or Koran?)
Now about the use of the incorrect measurement of ‘bag’ rather than ‘bale’; I get narky about people using imperial measurement over metric. I have to insist that the ‘bag’ of wool be changed to a ‘bale’ as per the standard unit of wool.
Clearly there are no ‘masters’ and ‘dames’ anymore. The Labor Government saw to that in the late 1980s. We should address these people more correctly and with more of an Australian sense of egalitarianism.
We are also compelled to address the issue of same-sex couples. While same-sex marriage is not legal in Australia, under tax rules same-sex couples are recognised as ‘spouses’.
And what have the feminists done about getting the little GIRL down the lane a bag of wool? If pay parity between men and women is such an important issue in women’s rights land, why has the distribution of the third unit of wool not been split in half?
Just in: the Angora Goats Growers Association has protested that the lack of representation of goats in this nursery rhyme has built an unfair prejudice against Angora goat wool. They are seeking their goats’ inclusion in this nursery rhyme.
(By including the goats we may have opened up a new issue with the goose down industry, who have always felt uncomfortable about the death of the old grey goose for Great Aunt Rudvee’s bed. But, as the issue of bedding isn’t in play here, we will get to that another day.)
So, in the interests of fairness, equity, pay parity and inclusion, Baa Baa Black Sheep will now be sung as follows:
Baa Baa rainbow sheep and angora goat
Have you any wool?
Yes sir/madam, yes sir/madam
Three bales of them
One for the man in charge and owner of the livestock
And one for the person who is his spouse (for tax reasons) and half owner
And one half each for the little boy and girl who reside in the area and are eligible under the criteria (available from the website).
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