Michael Clarke did a very Michael Clarke thing this week. He announced, in a major interview with one of the nation’s largest tabloids, that he intends to keep a lower profile for a while.
So Clarke goes public to say he’ll be keeping out of the public eye. Then who pops up like magic? The Dalai Lama, that’s who. Coincidence? No. Why not? Because there’s a very good argument that they’re the same person, that’s why.
This is no joke. For months, The Punch has been secretly tracking the Twitter streams of both his Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama, and His Supreme Vainness, the 43rd cricket Captain of Australia. The results are thought-provoking to say the least…
The spunk and the monk have much in common. For starters, they both have a propensity to offer priceless advice for humanity in their tweets. This, of course, is very kind of them, as the modern world is largely bereft of sources of pithy wisdom – especially if you don’t read lolly wrappers, get well cards, stubbie lids, cereal boxes, fortune cookies and astrology columns.
For example, His Vainness very sagely says enjoyment comes from within.
Surprise surprise, so too does His Holiness.
For all his cricketing millions, and the fact he could afford really expensive removalists for a house move, Clarke understands that true weath means being able to call on close friends and family to shift that heart-shaped waterbed into his new pad.
The Lama, too, understands that he who has no friends is truly poor.
As Clarke proved when he finally dumped Lara Bingle, he is incredibly sensitive to the suffering of the masses. So too is his alter-ego, the Dalai Lama. Here’s Clarke, after the NZ earthquake.
And here’s the Dalai Lama, after Japan.
We could go on comparing the two Twitter streams all day, we really could. Here’s Clarke’s. And here’s the Dalai Lama’s. They’re almost word for word.
But suffice to say, there is a massive clue in the above tweet that these two so-called different people could not possibly be anything but one magnificent, glorious unified being.
Note how the Dalai Lama refers to himself in the third person? Not for him a simple “I reckon” or “Let us pray”. It’s HHDL all the way, baby. He even includes his grandiose title. How Michael Clarke is that?
So that settles it, then. Clarke is Lama, Lama is Clarke. Like Ricky Ponting and crap captaincy, they are one and the same.
In other news, Australian chairman of selectors Andrew Hilditch is Darth Vader. But more of that another time…
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