The Australia’s Next Top Model final was on Foxtel last night and producers of other “reality” shows that are based on US formula were hopefully watching.
Unlike other perennials such as Australian Idol, Australia’s Got Talent and So You Think You Can Dance, which are clones of their American parents, just with Australian accents and a smaller talent pool, ANTM could not have felt more Aussie.
Especially when they left the 17-year-old winner Tahnee sitting on stage with a bleeding nose for a good five minutes without cutting to an ad break. “Can you bear with us?” host Sarah Murdoch cajoled as Tahnee sat there clutching her ever reddening face. What were they thinking?
While that bit might have been excruciating to watch, the rest of it was hilarious, in a mostly good way, and it made me wonder if the free to air networks are lacking the courage to really make their precious reality brands their own.
I love So You Think You Can Dance, but sometimes forget whether we’re in the middle of the Australian or American season, so closely does the Aussie series cling to the US shtick.
And novels have been written about the Idol judges, who the world over are cookie cutter perfect products of some reality TV judge production line. There’s the nasty one, the sickly sweet one and the aging pop producer in the silly shirt. You don’t even have to bother remembering their names.
But here’s a couple of gems from last nights Top Model you would never ever see on the Tyra Banks-hosted US version:
- Judge Charlotte Dawson (who is admitedly a Kiwi, but for tonight I’m claiming her): “Oh come on, she’s climbed Rooty Hill, not Mt Everest.”
- Dawson again (she’ll feature in this list a lot): “She walked like a newborn foal that was drunk when it was born”.
- Sarah Murdoch introducing a red headed contestant: “It’s Fanta pants herself!”
- Dawson to two girls wearing very tight Alex Perry dresses: “Don’t worry, you won’t be organ donors after wearing those.”
- Dawson again, encouraging the eventual winner Tahnee to get back at a girl who called her fat: “Now you’re in the top 2 and it’s nah, nah, nah, nah, nah to Mikarla.”
- Style director Johnathan Pease about a particularly cold, rainy photo shoot: “You remember Russell, it was retarded out there.”
- Murdoch in an aside after introducing the mother of the contestant with the drunken foal walk: “That’s were she gets her catwalk from!”
- Murdoch again: “I’ll now call on myself to cast my own vote. It’s hard hosting yourself isn’t it.”
- Murdoch reacting to Tahnee’s nasal hemorrhage: “I think that’s a first for a Top Model final, we have a nose bleed ladies and gentlemen.”
- And last but not least, the fact that they brought out Bruno to take the piss out of Aussie modeling royalty Elle McPherson.
All of this served to take some of the gloss off the the high production values, expensive-looking set and gorgeous, gorgeous dresses, and it worked a treat.
It also served to distract from the highly unscientific method used to pick the winner, who got three out of the seven judges votes, but was pushed over the line by an unspecified majority of viewer votes.
Oh well, after last night’s Aussie gag fest, who cares who won?
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