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08 Jul 05:50am

Filed under: Australia S Next Top Model, Entertainment, Sarah Murdoch, Television

Red Faces? No, Tahnee Atkinson last night on Top Model.

The Australia’s Next Top Model final was on Foxtel last night and producers of other “reality” shows that are based on US formula were hopefully watching.

Unlike other perennials such as Australian Idol, Australia’s Got Talent and So You Think You Can Dance, which are clones of their American parents, just with Australian accents and a smaller talent pool, ANTM could not have felt more Aussie.

Especially when they left the 17-year-old winner Tahnee sitting on stage with a bleeding nose for a good five minutes without cutting to an ad break. “Can you bear with us?” host Sarah Murdoch cajoled as Tahnee sat there clutching her ever reddening face. What were they thinking?

While that bit might have been excruciating to watch, the rest of it was hilarious, in a mostly good way, and it made me wonder if the free to air networks are lacking the courage to really make their precious reality brands their own.

I love So You Think You Can Dance, but sometimes forget whether we’re in the middle of the Australian or American season, so closely does the Aussie series cling to the US shtick.

And novels have been written about the Idol judges, who the world over are cookie cutter perfect products of some reality TV judge production line. There’s the nasty one, the sickly sweet one and the aging pop producer in the silly shirt. You don’t even have to bother remembering their names.

Oi girls! Host Sarah Murdoch with finalists Tahnee and Cassie. Picture: Ben Symons/Foxtel

But here’s a couple of gems from last nights Top Model you would never ever see on the Tyra Banks-hosted US version:

Judge Charlotte Dawson (who is admitedly a Kiwi, but for tonight I’m claiming her): “Oh come on, she’s climbed Rooty Hill, not Mt Everest.”
Dawson again (she’ll feature in this list a lot): “She walked like a newborn foal that was drunk when it was born”.
Sarah Murdoch introducing a red headed contestant: “It’s Fanta pants herself!”
Dawson to two girls wearing very tight Alex Perry dresses: “Don’t worry, you won’t be organ donors after wearing those.”
Dawson again, encouraging the eventual winner Tahnee to get back at a girl who called her fat: “Now you’re in the top 2 and it’s nah, nah, nah, nah, nah to Mikarla.”
Style director Johnathan Pease about a particularly cold, rainy photo shoot: “You remember Russell, it was retarded out there.”
Murdoch in an aside after introducing the mother of the contestant with the drunken foal walk: “That’s were she gets her catwalk from!”
Murdoch again: “I’ll now call on myself to cast my own vote. It’s hard hosting yourself isn’t it.”
Murdoch reacting to Tahnee’s nasal hemorrhage: “I think that’s a first for a Top Model final, we have a nose bleed ladies and gentlemen.”
And last but not least, the fact that they brought out Bruno to take the piss out of Aussie modeling royalty Elle McPherson.

Charlotte Dawson. She's a Kiwi, but she can stay. Picture: Adam Ward

All of this served to take some of the gloss off the the high production values, expensive-looking set and gorgeous, gorgeous dresses, and it worked a treat.

It also served to distract from the highly unscientific method used to pick the winner, who got three out of the seven judges votes, but was pushed over the line by an unspecified majority of viewer votes.

Oh well, after last night’s Aussie gag fest, who cares who won?

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24 comments

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- realto says:
  
  07:42am | 08/07/09
  
  Well, I think it’s fine that a haemophiliac can go on national TV and win a competition like this. It might set a standard. From now on, all beauty contest winners must suffer from a debilitating and incurable condition.
  
  Reply
- T.C. says:
  
  08:17am | 08/07/09
  
  We must have been watching two different ANTM grand finale’s last night. As the one playing in my lounge room (through no choice of my own) was cheesy, awkward and had an amateur “made for Youtube” feel about it. I’ve seen school plays staged by the infants department with better production values.
  
  Reply
- Simon Wagner says:
  
  10:51am | 08/07/09
  
  Skinny models with long stalky legs are all ugly. We all photograph well if enough shots are taken of us.
  
  Reply
- Eugene Jackson says:
  
  11:27am | 08/07/09
  
  Completely agree with TC, thought the final was cheap, tacky and totally lacking in what fashion was all about, the set looked like it had been put together by students ! The series was good apart from the finale, maybe Foxtel will take note of the overseas versions and avoid a final episode that resembled the quality of production you expect at a school kids nativity play !
  
  Reply
- Sarah says:
  
  11:59am | 08/07/09
  
  CHEESY AS!!!
  
  Reply
- Reality Raver says:
  
  12:18pm | 08/07/09
  
  My favourite bit was when Charlotte Dawson gave Cassi Van Den Dungen a talking to about her 25 year old fiancee. “All you seem to want to do is get married and move back to Sunbury.”
  
  Fingers crossed she gives him the flick, and has the international modelling career they all think she can have.
  
  I suspect his proposal was coated with ulterior motives once he realised his girlfriend might be a succesful model.
  
  Reply
- R says:
  
  12:28pm | 08/07/09
  
  Love love love Charlotte Dawson!
  Charlotte and Alex Perry are fantastically bitchy and there should be more of them!
  
  Reply
- Australia's do it best says:
  
  01:02pm | 08/07/09
  
  Are you serious? You think that the American show is so good but what has ever happened to the girls who have won it? One married a Brady Brother, I think that’s about as famous as they’ve got. The show you’ve so happily taken the piss out of has produced girls like Alice Burdeu, a girl who has opened a show for D&G?
  
  Reply
- cj says:
  
  01:10pm | 08/07/09
  
  Can you stop calling them “Reality” shows. They are Talent shows.
  
  Reply
- DD says:
  
  01:14pm | 08/07/09
  
  How did they work out the voting?? Though I think Clare should have won, I’m astounded at the lack of explanation. If I recall correctly, last year the public vote was worth 1 vote. So, this would have been a tie. How do we get an answer to this?
  
  Reply
- Tony Hadley says:
  
  01:21pm | 08/07/09
  
  Australian Idol, Australia’s Got Talent and So You Think You Can Dance are based on English shows not American! Maybe this comment should also be on Colgo’s Pommie story?
  
  Reply
- Peter says:
  
  01:26pm | 08/07/09
  
  I enjoyed the series but I was embarassed by the finale last night. We deserve much better than that !
  
  Reply
- JW says:
  
  01:36pm | 08/07/09
  
  I think some of you are taking this all a bit too seriously. If you watched it long enough to comment on the production values then your obviously a closet fan! Just admit that you loved it and join in with the rest of us. I think it’s fab that we can call things retarded and use the term fanta pants without an action group jumping up and down. So no PC so Australian!
  
  Reply
- Anthony says:
  
  02:18pm | 08/07/09
  
  Move over Norman Gunston. There is a new little Aussie bleeder…
  
  Reply
- Ash says:
  
  02:24pm | 08/07/09
  
  I’m also on the “The finale show was cheesy and lame” bandwagon. Not only was the average enthusiasm level of the eliminated contestants about 3/10, did we really need two live performances from Jessica Mauboy? The whole show was awkward, boring, drawn out and seemed poorly rehearsed. I much prefer the format of the America’s Next Top Model finale shows.
  
  Also, you said that shows like Idol and SYTYCD are carbon copies of their US counterparts? Hardly. Australia has ruined SYTYCD, and turned the auditions into less of a, “How well can you dance” competition, and more of a, “So tell us all about why your life sucked and then you can cry because you had it soooo tough and then you can dance and show us how you overcame all that horrible adversity” joke.
  
  Reply
- Fiona of Toorak says:
  
  02:26pm | 08/07/09
  
  LOL. Thank god the lesser person from Scumbury didn’t win. Imagine the shame of it.
  
  Reply
- Nat says:
  
  03:40pm | 08/07/09
  
  That’s too funny. I didn’t see it, but after reading that list of gems right there, i’m gutted that i missed it. Hilarious!
  
  Was is broadcast O/S? If so, it’s no wonder half the world think we’re a bunch of bogans. Classic.
  
  Reply
- CK Cash says:
  
  03:41pm | 08/07/09
  
  Hooray..finally the bogans have been slapped down..now we just need to slap Dawson and Pearse and get rid of this “excuse of a show”
  
  Reply
- SK says:
  
  04:17pm | 08/07/09
  
  I always buy Oates Clean scour 3 pack as it was made in Australia and was the best to use.
  Few weeks ago when the last one wore out i bought another pack. After using it a few times i was wondering why it it was not like the other ones i had used. As this has already worn out and the sponge has sunk in.
  
  Then i was left with a horrifying thought - “Dont tell me its now made in China. The plastic wrap was still there and my when i checked the pack my guess was spot on…...it was made in China!!
  
  I always look at the labelling but this time i did not as i knew what i was buying. I could not believe how different the product was from the original Australian one. But the price was more expensive.
  It made me wonder why companies compromise on the products and loose customers like me.
  
  I was prepared to pay more for Australian made but now i am not buying this crap…......
  
  Reply
- Richo says:
  
  07:52pm | 08/07/09
  
  I am never buying another pair of Bonds ladies underwear ever again.
  
  Reply
- Charlie says:
  
  09:19am | 09/07/09
  
  I have to add this was hilarious. I watched the final on youtube and thought the finalists so young, children in an adult world. Overall, I didn’t get what the fuss was about with Cassie the bogan and thought Clare should have been in the final. But hype tends to be the focus over reality in ‘reality’ shows. There is a spoof/skit waiting to take the piss out of this show, how earnest these children are and how important some of the judges think themselves.
  
  Reply
- BF says:
  
  10:10am | 09/07/09
  
  Actually, Ash, all reality shows love the sob stories. American Idol milks that sort of thing as far as possible every season. It sucks in the audience.
  
  These shows are not about talent, but about cast that fit particular personality types the producers want to make maximum drama. Which makes ratings. Duh.
  
  Reply
- Natalie says:
  
  10:44am | 09/07/09
  
  DD, it would have been a bit hard for Clare to win when she wasn’t in the final two. The only two up for the position of winner were Tahnee and Cassi. Doofus!
  
  Reply
- Clare says:
  
  11:19am | 09/07/09
  
  SK, why on earth are you writing about scourers? This is about the Australia’s Next Top Model finale. Lost the plot have you??
  
  Reply