Punch list: Top things a bridesmaid should never do

Liz says:

07:38am | 19/02/10

Don’t get drunk after the ceremony either..never a good look.Smooth her way and make sure she has everything she needs including a good groom and hope you don’t live to regret your acceptance of the invitation.

Jamers Hunter says:

08:42am | 19/02/10

arrange to bonk the groom at his bucks night
then you have something to make the speach about

Marina Go says:

08:48am | 19/02/10

Ok first thing to do is head straight to theknot.com.au and find out all you’ll ever need to know about being a bridesmaid (couldn’t help myself, I am the publisher of this wonderful best-in-class site). If you go into this knowing that your friend will transform into an ego-maniac for a day, then you’ll be able to get through it friendship intact. It’s about managing your expectations.

stephen says:

09:11am | 19/02/10

Don’t adjust the back of her dress. (Bridesmaids always seem to do this, and the grooms thinkin’ (“dont worry,  I’ll fix it meself later on “)

Realist says:

09:22am | 19/02/10

Actually make a speech!  (Our bridesmaid refused to!)
Don’t get drunk before the speech.
Write the speech down and keep it in a safe place, stick to the script, maybe use a projector or music to make it special.
Don’t worry about wearing a bad dress, bridesmaids seem to exist to either complement or not undermine the brides appearance.  I have seen some beautiful girls dressed in the most awful bridesmaid dresses to keep the focus on the (maybe) not so good looking bride.
Don’t let the bride drink too much before the ceremony, the groom will probably blame you for it.

Have fun!!

Ian Matthews says:

10:27am | 19/02/10

You and the bride have a talk to Tory and her “friends”. Once that’s done the bride will decide it’s all too bloody hard and call the whole thing off.

Jenni says:

12:09pm | 19/02/10

The one time I was bridesmaid I had a rather unconventional duty to perform - being the only person there who had ever met any of the bride’s family (who se was completely estranged from) I had to be on the lookout to ensure none of them turned up and tried to ruin her big day. Thankfully none of them did, and the day went off without a hitch.

Julia says:

02:51pm | 19/02/10

Don’t agree with the bride’s mother or the groom’s mother for that matter. Just smile beatifically and remember that you had to make a phone call.

Samantha says:

03:59pm | 20/02/10

Make sure the bride eats something while you are geting ready.  She will most likely be full of nervous excitement and not feel like eating much, but it’s a long day and if she doesn’t eat beforehand that glass of champers while the photos are being taken is going to go straight to her head.  Having the bride pass out on you is not cool.

Jane says:

09:17pm | 20/02/10

if you do make a speech (and why not!) if it’s not super-obvious or already widely known, mention your connection to the bride - whether you met at Uni, or are third cousins or whatever. 

The other guests will welcome the insight, just knowing how you ‘fit’ into the picture.

Ex-bartender says:

10:14pm | 20/02/10

One more word of advice to bridemaids; stick around until the very end.

I was a bartender in a Gold Coast hotel many,many years ago in a five star hotel and had to attend to a bride who had been abandoned by her bridemaids. She had approached the bar and asked the barman for “....a female, please.” I was duly dispatched with no pre-brief. I assuaged the situation as “oh.. girl stuff. She needs a tampon? hand-cream? councel?”

I was wrong on all counts.

I unwittingly followed her to the ladies’ loo and quickly was ensconsed with a TOTAL STRANGER in a cubicle. Poor bride needed assistance with her voluminous skirts while she conducted her ablutions. Through the awkward silence—punctuated only by a telltale trickling sound—I was praying “please do not let it be number twos…please do not let it be number twos….”  What was I gonna talk about? The last election? Her favouite drink? Honeymoon destination?

There are NO ettiquette guidelines on “How to Behave While in a Tiny Space with a Total Stranger While You Help Them Pee”. Please future bridemaids; spare a thought for the hapless bartender because next time, it just might be not just number ones.

(and yes, I washed my hands before I went back to serving drinks)

Burntbride says:

10:51am | 28/05/11

Things a bridesmaid should never EVER do:

-Don’t suggest that the bridesmaid dresses could be white… not even if one of the colours is white. That colour is usually taken care of. (Especially if you were given the freedom to choose your own dress… and budget.)

-Don’t go behind the bride’s back to another bridesmaid to ask what the bride might think about something…anything. Ask the bride. Don’t act like you’re 5 and cause needless drama with she-said/she-said crap.

-Don’t leave it to the bride to teach you how to be a bridesmaid. The bride is usually busy learning how to be a bride… try that lovely thing called the “Internet”. Do your own research - you’re a big girl/boy.

-If the bride gives you a list of ideas/interests concerning what she would like, or not like, for her bachelorette/stagette party, and has outlined logistics like # of people, and if dinner is needed… (especially if YOU asked for this list) DO NOT pout because you wanted things on the “do not want” list and then created things to suit your interests. Whose wedding is it again?!

-If the bride does not have kids, and you do… do not suggest a mommy/baby playdate for the stagette/bachelorette party… and do NOT suggest that the bride should tell her friends to bring their kids (as if they don’t need a night off from children!). The bridal shower is child-friendly, not the stagette. (And do not give the bride the excuse that you can’t find a babysitter in a 4-month time window… especially when you have family babysitting every week. How dumb do you think the bride is?!) Your kids may be YOUR life, and YOUR priority, but they are not everyone else’s.

-Do not stay in the bridal party if you know you cannot fulfill the role of bridesmaid. A good friend (aka the bride) will respect if her friend is struggling with any aspect - money, personal stuff, jealousy - anything! The bride would rather her friend be honest, so she can try to help. A friend will respect a bridesmaid who asks to step down rather than irately removing one.

-Do not forget to think about if the tables were turned. If it was your wedding how would you feel if you had to deal with someone’s jealous attempts to bash your big day? Or if they acted self-servingly? Or pouted and put a black mark on any aspect of it? Think about what you are about to say/do before you open your mouth or do something without thinking.

-Do not forget that it is an honour to be asked to be a bridesmaid. Out of everyone close to the bride and/or the groom… she asked YOU. It is as much an honour that you say you’ll be the go-to person to the bride as it should be in your eyes to recognize that she chose you for a deeply intimate reason. If you don’t realize this, then you shouldn’t have been asked in the first place - do the honourable thing and step down for someone more deserving.

And there’s so many more things to suggest…