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How following “the rules” turned me in to a mute bore

Susie O'Brien

by Susie O'Brien

06 Jan 09:54am

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Filed under: Love, Relationships, Society, The Rules

66 comments

Ladies, if you’re finding it hard to bag a bloke, consider these tips:

This woman is demonstrating way too much life force to comply with The Rules… unless of course she's laughing at his lame joke.

Play hard to get. Talk less, and listen more on dates. Lose weight, grow your hair and act dumber than you are. And don’t tell a man what to do, or try to change him.

These simple guidelines are at the heart of a new dating book which has just been released: The New Rules: The Datings Dos and Don’ts for the Digital Generation. And sadly, I’m not kidding.

It sounds like a spoof, but it’s an alarming follow-up to the original The Rules, first published nearly 20 years ago in the United States.

The book was an instant bestseller and spurned a raft of copy-cats such as Why Men Love Bitches (again, sadly, I’m not kidding), Have Him at Hello and Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man.

The latest version has been updated for the online and technological world – teaching women how to apply The Rules to texting, Facebook, skyping and online dating.

Both books are based on the notion that women who want to find a guy should play hard to get because “guys love a challenge and lose interest when anything is too easy, especially women”.

Women are told: “Don’t speak to a man first, don’t ask him out, don’t accept last-minute dates, don’t see him too often, and don’t date him forever”.

It makes me wonder how I ever managed to snag myself a husband ten years ago, given that I didn’t ever follow any such rules.

I didn’t spend a lot of time trying to be unattainable, aloof and a “creature unlike any other” (Rule 1). I was loud and opinionated and tried to be funny.

I didn’t Look Like a Creature Unlike Any Other (Rule 2). Although I was passably attractive, I would sometimes go for hours without touching up my lippie, often sported a very unbecoming “vegemite stripe” at the roots of my blonde hair, and often let my legs resemble old growth forest trees in winter.

Indeed, the one time I tried to follow The Rules 15 years ago as a single girl, it was an unmitigated disaster.

I made sure I followed Rule 3 (Don’t Stare at Men or Talk too Much) and Rule 20 (Be Honest But Mysterious).

I didn’t contribute much to the conversation, didn’t share my vast collection of lewd knock-knock jokes, and didn’t make a drunken lunge at 3am after too many Stoli, lime and sodas.

Rather, I gazed off into space, smiled a lot at a fixed point above his head and barely ate or drank anything. In the end, I didn’t have to worry about sticking to Rule 5 (Don’t Call Him and Rarely Return His Calls) as he didn’t ever call me again anyway.

As I wrote in The Courier Mail all those years ago, I’ve got a hunch that instead of finding me honest and mysterious, he just found me mute, stupid and boring.


Ultimately, the real problem of the book is this: in my view, finding a successful match has less to do with whether a woman sends the first text (Rule 3) or looks good in a bikini (Rule 28) rather than just basic compatibility.

A man who genuinely likes a woman won’t care that she talks too much on a date or leaves sappy messages on Facebook – he’ll love her for it, not reject her for it.

There is also a great double standard at the heart of The Rules’ basic message. Repeatedly, women are told to move on if a guy doesn’t show any interest, but men are supposed to love pursuing a woman who plays hard to get.

The stereotypes at the heart of the book are pretty alarming.

We’re told that men love a challenge and women love security. We’re told that men like to buy and sell companies and indulge in extreme sports, while women “love to talk about their dates and watch romantic comedies”.

And we’re told women are emotional, but men “can’t get past a woman’s looks”.

Admittedly, it’s easy (and fun) to just bag the book.

But whether we like it or not, it has clearly struck a deep chord among young women who appear to be unhappy with the feminist agenda that tells them men and women are not only equal, but the same.

In any case, it’s not all bad. The book does have some valuable advice (just not all that much).

It does tell women that they shouldn’t continue to pursue a guy who’s clearly not interested. It tells them they shouldn’t give up their friends just because they’re obsessed with a guy. And it tells them to avoid married men, unavailable men and guys who send mixed messages.

I agree that women should have self-respect, but The Rules is not the right way to get it.

Women need to establish their own expectations and find men who meet them, rather than live down to the expectations of others. Love may be blind, but women shouldn’t have to dumb and mute to get a guy.

Comments on this post will close at 6pm AEDT.

Most commented

66 comments

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    • Gollum says:

      09:33am | 06/01/13

      Looks like an attempt to sell more books while the brand fails.

      It’s a bit like the pope on twitter.

      Reply

    • Paul says:

      09:50am | 06/01/13

      BE YOU!!!
      There is nothing sexier than HONEST
      Guys don’t like FAKE..

      Reply

    • Norris says:

      12:17pm | 06/01/13

      If guys don’t like fake, how come so many pursue/date/marry women who have spent thousands of dollars on cosmetic surgery, botox, fake tans, wigs/hair extensions, waxing and polishing and on absurdly padded push up/push out bras.

      How come so many women do their best to increase/augment/enhance/reduce their natural selves to snare a guy? How come bum enhancing nickers are selling like proverbial hotckakes? How come so many women pretend to like football, cricket, motor sports and other ‘male’ activities?

    • Shep says:

      01:00pm | 06/01/13

      Unfortunately Paul, I suspect that there are a huge number of men that DO like fake.  Fake boobs, lips, eyelashes, tans, hair, fingernails and just about everything else.

    • ByStealth says:

      01:55pm | 06/01/13

      Girls also need to learn that there are 2 types of guys. The guys who will have sex with you and the guys who will commit to you.

      Girls playing games and being fake makes them unsafe to put your emotions anywhere near. If there’s no chance you would open up to her then she will remain in the ‘for casual only’ category.

    • Jay2 says:

      01:56pm | 06/01/13

      @Paul. Yep, agreed, but ditto from a woman’s perspective.  There is NOTHING that turns a woman off (well this woman anyway…) than a man who bs’s. usually with a fair degree of macho conceit or that overly played SNAG persona. Ewwwww.

      The worst example usually is when a man who is buffed and attractive, but carries himself with a ‘helllllo ladies, I think I’m hot & I’m sure you do too’ manner.  These type seem to think when they are being looked at by a group of us that we are checking him out, uhh noo, what we are doing is making sure he is out of earshot so we can finally let the stifled laughter out.
      What’s the word I’m looking for?? That’s it, “wanker”.

      You know, I never had trouble dating, invariabley I would date nice men and it wasn’t because I was particularly attractive or anything, but I honeslty think just being myself was the key.  I did something right anyway, because I married an exceptionally nice man and every day I’m grateful that I married somebody who is the real deal.

    • cecil says:

      02:05pm | 06/01/13

      Norris, yet people were still getting together before al that, in China they don’t even shave their armpits, yet they’re overpopulated… We didn’t have a ‘singles’ issue until the ‘modern, confused’ women came along.  You can’t be coy and forward at the same time.

    • Nikki says:

      02:46pm | 06/01/13

      @Norris, Believe it or not, not all women have plastic surgery to please men. I had a breast enlargement and rhinoplasty because I wanted it for me. We don’t all rely on men to make our own happiness. I think Paul is referring to a woman’s personality, not her physical features, there is a bit of a difference.

    • ramases says:

      04:30pm | 06/01/13

      Guys find out very quickly if a girl is fake, personality wise. Most men like to look at women who have all the bits in the right places and sizes but most will settle for a woman who is true to herself and doesn’t come over as a brainless twit.
        The rules I have always followed for finding Ms or is that Miss right are simple.
        Find a woman who can hold a conversation in English without resorting to every second word being “like or f*ck” A woman who can converse on a level that makes one feel equal and not talking down or up. A woman who can forgo using her mobile phone for the duration of a long date and doesn’t Twtter or Facebook every detail of the night to all and sundry as soon as she’s alone
        Next find a woman that looks after herself and her body. A good place to look and find out who she really is is her apartment or room. Have a good look. Have a look at the amount of cosmetics that adorn her make-up table, the bathroom sink and cupboard and you quickly get an idea of the upkeep this woman will require to stay as she presents herself. Have a look at her fridge and cupboards and see what her eating habits are like, not much in them usually means that she eats out a lot and can be very expensive.
        Invite yourself around for a meal at her place and see what kind of cook she is otherwise you may end up doing all the cooking in the relationship and beyond.
        Take her to the beach and have a good look at her in the flesh so to speak, is there that tell tale spare tire starting to develop, have her thighs the consistency of cottage cheese and her legs so much cellulite that smooth is a word that doesn’t spring to mind immediately. Are those saddle bags that you see or an arse that is slipping towards the ground held only in place by industrial strength materials, are her ankles bigger than her calves.
      These are the things i looked for and luckily I found a woman who was not only good looking but articulate, well presented, a great cook , a great mother and still can fit into her wedding dress of 40 years ago, can still wear a bikini to rival most woman half her age because she hasn’t let herself go or allowed me to let myself go. Luck or good management, who knows but it worked.

    • bloke says:

      09:57am | 06/01/13

      some things remain the same, but other need an update. take note, ladies..if a bloke likes you, he’ll move heaven and earth to get to know you. this remains true whatever era we’re living in. however, if women bank on looks alone, and not much else, you’ll be in for some problems. as a bloke, sure i’ll sleep with you, but i’m sure as hell not going to return any more favours or phone calls once i get what i want off you. who wants to hang around a basket case beyond getting your end in a few times. blokes will just move on to the next girl (and no, we don’t sit at home thinking about you at all).  a women best work on being a pleasant and interesting person as well as looking good. this is what seals the deal.

      Reply

    • tez says:

      10:49am | 06/01/13

      @ Bloke: ‘‘a women best work on being a pleasant and interesting person as well as looking good. this is what seals the deal.’‘

      And Vice versa

    • Robbo says:

      12:10pm | 06/01/13

      @Tez:  yep, that’s how Jim Clark got Kristy Hinze…

      Or not.

    • Tubesteak says:

      10:01am | 06/01/13

      Women don’t have much of a clue when it comes to dating and what men want. They confuse too many things like the fact that a man will have sex with you does not mean he is interested in anything more with you. Men are content to slum it if it means we can get a shot off. Women aren’t as happy to do this.

      Women still expect a man to do all the chasing and on the rare occasion she approaches a man it will be someone way out of her league and she falls into the above scenario. This is mainly due to the fact women develop an over-inflated sense of entitlement and self worth because of the all the positive self esteem things drummed into women from early childhood. Men hate chasing. We find it tedious and women that sit around all night in a bar are almost an instant turn-off (unless exceptionally hot and worth a pump and dump because you know she doesn’t have enough of a personality to be worth a relationship).

      Women also make the mistake of thinking what women find attractive in men are the same things men find attractive in women. Men don’t care what you do for a living or how much money you earn or where you live. Far too many women are single in their 30s and think that because they are a senior admin assistant and have bought a small unit out in the suburbs that men will find them attractive; especially the tall handsome types on 6 figure incomes. We don’t. Those sort of men are looking for women far younger than you.

      Women also think that men want things as complicated and drama-filled as they do. Men don’t. We like things to be simple and easy. We get enough stressful complications from work. We’d rather spend our weekends on a comfy couch watching the cricket with the aircon on. Maybe a round of golf or some fishing if we’re feeling really active. We just want a woman that’ll keep our bellies full and our balls empty who won’t nag or get emotional and won’t spend all our money.

      Reply

    • Ohcomeon says:

      10:35am | 06/01/13

      Codswallop. I really dont know any of the men or women you describe to be honest. Youve collected a whole bunch of stereotypes that I never encounter in the wild. Sure, these people exist, but I wouldnt go anywhere near a woman who “don’t have much of a clue when it comes to dating and what men want”.

      Go out with smarter women.

    • Hellemike says:

      11:14am | 06/01/13

      “...unless exceptionally hot and worth a pump and dump.” Oh dear Lord. That actually made my morning tea come up a little. I pretty much stopped reading there because you’re obviously a twat. Ick. Bet you’re a real hit with the ladies. Oh that’s right, you’ve never met one of those because they don’t hang out in the dodgy stereotyped wilderness you inhabit.

    • Fangster says:

      11:16am | 06/01/13

      “Women still expect a man to do all the chasing and on the rare occasion she approaches a man it will be someone way out of her league and she falls into the above scenario.”

      My three sisters approach to dating explained in one sentence. When they approach a man it’s alway the man 95% of woman in Australia would be interested in and are completely miffed when he doesn’t even register their interest. They are lovely, awesome girls but they just aren’t in ‘that’ bracket.

      When I explain why, I’m a negative, cynical bastard. Oh well. I’m 37 married with a gorgeous wife and two kids. They’re 40, 42, 44 single, childless and wondering why but still absolutely convinced that a “tall handsome type on a 6 figure income” is going to chase them for six months of game playing before they melt into his muscular arms.

      I love my sisters but they just won’t listen. I do worry about them sometimes.

    • Melrusk says:

      12:01pm | 06/01/13

      In your experience all women are shallow, frivilous & needy drama queens.
      Has it not yet occurred to you that you tend to attract what you reflect?

    • Happy says:

      12:02pm | 06/01/13

      Misogynist! Full belly and empty balls without an emotional connection? Why not just have a wank and eat maccas.  The attitudes in your post are rediculous!

    • Stained says:

      12:14pm | 06/01/13

      Hilarious, but possibly 99% true Tubesteak.  And with a handle like that of a drainage point, I see what you’re gettiing at, lol.

    • Rule Breaker says:

      01:06pm | 06/01/13

      “We’d rather spend our weekends on a comfy couch watching the cricket with the aircon on. Maybe a round of golf or some fishing if we’re feeling really active” Wow you sound like a catch! NOT

      Quite an opinion for someone that sounds like the most boring person in the world and someone a girl would not want to date.

      “We just want a woman that’ll keep our bellies full and our balls empty who won’t nag or get emotional” god forbid your girlfriend have an opinion or any emotion.
      You dont sound like a tool…. Oops! I think I just broke “The Rules”......

    • Shep says:

      01:08pm | 06/01/13

      Jesus!!! @tubesteak That was either a massive wind-up or you’re retarded, I can’t figure it out yet.

      It is however incredibly funny either way, and a wonderful example of a full-blown rampant male bogan, and the exact type “The New Rules” caters for, hilarious.

    • ByStealth says:

      02:05pm | 06/01/13

      Tubesteak’s comment is hyperbole, but generalisations exist for a reason and have a lot to teach us.

      ‘Sure, these people exist, but I wouldnt go anywhere near a woman who “don’t have much of a clue when it comes to dating and what men want”.’

      I think if you sat down with Tubesteak you’d find you’re on the same page. He’s screening out the same women you are. He’s just listing traits of the rejects.

    • DOB says:

      02:22pm | 06/01/13

      Tubesteak’s Taliban school fof understanding women.

      Shep, frighteningly, I think he’s serious.

    • Warren says:

      02:27pm | 06/01/13

      Oh dear, MRA nuttiness. Keep munching that red pill @Tubesteak.

    • Mouse says:

      02:46pm | 06/01/13

      For some reason I am not having a lot of luck with posts today, but for you Tubesteak I will try a third time!!

      Tubesteak, I have always loved your pearls of wisdom and they usually make me at least smile! You have outdone yourself here though, this was a good old belly laugh!! 
      When are people going to get it, you either click or you don’t.  If that little spark isn’t there at first meeting, it probably isn’t going to be coming along any time soon with that particular person.  Sure, there are people that just want “quick fixes” , and that’s fine, but the majority, I am sure, want a longer lasting relationship.  Setting unreachable heights is a bit off putting, especially considering what that person is offering in exchange! lol Desperation stands out on a person like neon stripes, so relax, just be natural and you. I mean that’s who the person wants to get to know, not some idealised idea of what they may want that you have in your head. If they don’t like what they find, that’s OK too, move along, life’s to short to waste your time.
      “We just want a woman that’ll keep our bellies full and our balls empty who won’t nag or get emotional and won’t spend all our money.”  While I love this comment Tubie, if I am going to keep your belly full and your balls empty, I am sure as hell going to spend your money…. on you of course and quite emotionally too!  lol ;o)

    • Happymonkey says:

      03:18pm | 06/01/13

      “Women also think that men want things as complicated and drama-filled as they do. Men don’t.”

      Never a truer word spoken.

    • Citizen Renegade says:

      03:26pm | 06/01/13

      Tubesteak gets it. I tell guys who are trying to snag a bird to grab a copy of Cosmo/Cleo and read the dating guides or the section about the “perfect” guy, then they need to do the opposite.

    • Anton says:

      10:22am | 06/01/13

      Your comment:Absoutely. Couldn’t agree more.

      Women shouldn’t have to change who they are to fit some kind of gendered stereotype but neither should men.

      As a guy, I personally view women who play hard to get much less attraactive than those who are upfront and honest. It’s a myth that all guys want to chase. It appears more to be a case of most (if not all) women expect to be chased.

      Reply

    • J says:

      10:25am | 06/01/13

      Nice article smile

      Reply

    • Mico says:

      10:30am | 06/01/13

      That’s exactly how you shouldn’t act! Who gives out this advice???

      Reply

    • Wen says:

      10:36am | 06/01/13

      I did the exact opposite of follow these ‘rules’, yet somehow ended up with the best husband in Australia, so much for that. If you have to play games with someone and don’t feel you can be yourself, you’re clearly not right for each other.

      Reply

    • Meh says:

      11:36am | 06/01/13

      lol. I think we married the same man (best husband in Australia).

      I agree - if you can’t be yourself with someone from the start then it’s going to be a bloody long 40 years to keep up appearances.

      The right guy will love you for all that you are…the same way you will for him.

    • stephen says:

      01:49pm | 06/01/13

      Didn’t hear me the first time, darl ?

      No human contact, or internet, till you’ve finished the floors.

    • DocBud says:

      01:50pm | 06/01/13

      I think I’d notice if I was married to you, Wen.

    • Metime says:

      01:50pm | 06/01/13

      Ahem…_I_ am the best husband in Australia. Your guy is good but he’s not ready for the Premier League.

    • Lee says:

      03:01pm | 06/01/13

      I like the way you put it, Wen - ‘don’t feel you can be yourself, you’re clearly not right for each other’ - that’s the exact advice I give to my sons.  And Meh, ‘a bloody long 40 years to keep up appearances’.  That comment’s gold.

    • good grief says:

      10:46am | 06/01/13

      same old 50’s “girls should be good, quiet and modest” trash

      Reply

    • blah says:

      11:02am | 06/01/13

      Nothing is a bigger turn off than a woman who already has a list of expectations and rules that you must follow just to be lucky enough to be graced with her presence. A lot of women think the sun shines out of their you know what in the 21st century, given the current age of entitlement we’re so lucky to be living in.

      Seriously, you’re not worth the effort. I feel sorry for guys that fall for the trap… Just for a bit of action, they end up a eunuch errand boy.

      Reply

    • marley says:

      03:16pm | 06/01/13

      Well, I gotta say, women aren’t the only ones with a sense of entitlement these days.  Amazing how many guys with not much in the way of looks or conversation seem to think they have an inherent right to the company of attractive, competent, intelligent women.  And when their clumsy overtures are ignored, they blame it on the women’s sense of entitlement, completely ignoring their own.

      It works both ways.  You want the girl of your dreams, you’d better be sure you’re the man of hers.  And vice versa, of course.

    • Alan says:

      11:25am | 06/01/13

      Girls: If you don’t show enough interest, boys won’t chase you. That’s because of the other book: the Law Book. The one that defines stalking as a criminal offence.

      Reply

    • Fluffy says:

      11:40am | 06/01/13

      Hmm, as a boomer, and thinking about it, dating now I mean. I would not change myself for anyone.
      You get my weird sense of humour, honesty, easy laughter, taking it slow attitude. I have always been the same. Never short of a date either.
      Ladies, change for no-one, fellas, some of you do send mixed messages at times, as do some women. This is not a generation thing, expectations are common, basics are:
      Employed, with moderate to + income
      Drug free (for me anyway)
      Moderate drinker
      Sociable
      Non bible basher (for me)
      Family orientated (as in friends with their own)
      Doesn’t live with parents or heaps of mates
      Doesn’t live for sport
      They are just some of my ideals. Each person has their own, if a fella can’t tick these boxes no 2nd date, no leading him on.

      Reply

    • Katie says:

      11:41am | 06/01/13

      I don’t think I would have acquired my fiance if I acted like that… the majority of our flirtation was done online, as he moved away soon after we met, and that was nothing -but- talking. Talktalktalktalk. And from what he tells me, he loves me because I have my own personality, don’t do the stereotypical female drama and he really couldn’t care less if I looked ‘good’ in a bikini.

      He doesn’t even care if I bum around all day without brushing my hair.

      The tips in this book must work for a certain type of woman, who is after a certain type of man… but anyone who has to force themselves to act like the book, against their own nature, really should be looking elsewhere for dating advice.

      Reply

    • Evo says:

      11:41am | 06/01/13

      At day one in a much more dangerous world women traded their body for security and resources. It was convenient and worked to ensure the survival of our race. now the world is a much safer place that model has become dated however its still going to take a lot of evolution to reverse the deeply ingrained survival model.

      Once you understand the basic drivers and accept them its easier to move on and start looking for the “optional extras” in a relationship.

      Reply

    • Louise says:

      11:47am | 06/01/13

      ROFL I am not letting my teenage daughter read this article or book - or I will have to deal with HOURS of indignation!!!  I find men love powerful women.  Despite being obviously married I have a lot men chasing me and I know I am very opinionated ;p

      Reply

    • Name and address witheld says:

      11:47am | 06/01/13

      Slow news day huh.
      I’ll bite.
      1. Learn how to cook. A woman who cannot feed herself is a complete turn off. “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” Not a concrete rule but it does have some merit.
      2. Own a car and offer to drive once in a while. “Why don’t I drive, so you can have a few drinks and enjoy yourself. My turn next time.” This would stun most men I know into complete submission.
      3. You are independent, strong and capable of making your own decisions. So how come you never put your hand in your pocket when it comes time to pay. Not that we want you to, just make the effort.
      4. You know that guy you like ls single and likes say, old Black Sabbath stuff. Ask him to go out to the concert with you and tell him you used to listen to your uncles Sabbath records when your parents were out and GOD you could never tell your friends. Hey presto, you are uber cool AND mysterious.
      5.Know a knock on from a chest mark. Show genuine interest in a little spectator sport. Ask your potential new hug buddy to go and watch your teams play each other. You could make a wager on the outcome. (Hint: If you want him to yourself for a few hours, book seats and present the tickets to him at the gate. Saves you spending the afternoon with “Dougie, Jonno and Blue dog”..... his yobbo mates from high school.) The added advantage is you have a topic of conversation to start with and a game to watch that fills those uneasy silent spots.
      6. Go to this site and read the lyrics. http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/Josie-lyrics-Blink-182/42319D9B1EF2D7864825689D00312F7C
      7. Going out on a limb for #6. A man wants 3 women in his life. a).A mother to look after his children and his home. b). A lady to be on his arm when he is in public. c). A shameless sex monster in his bed room. (Whispering in his ear some things that would make a wharfie blush whilst getting funky is just one suggestion.)
      8. If you get to 7c, TELL him what YOU want. Most blokes have no idea and really appreciate a gentle nudge in the right direction. Like tiles, Lay them right the first time, you can walk all over them for a lifetime.
      Sums it up really.

      Guys- don’t swear in front of women and treat all her friends in the manner you would expect your mates to treat your mother. (Respectful, friendly and with a common interest in your welfare.)

      And from personal experience, do not have sex with her sister. Even if it was the steamiest night of unforgettable erotic adventure in the history of humanity. The carpet and rope burns, whilst strangely full of good memories,  are nothing compared to the pain of “the boss” finding out.
      He he he he….....

      Reply

    • wil says:

      04:40pm | 06/01/13

      i’ve never met a girl who can cook as well as me.

      ...your responses sound pretty smug, although i agree with the barb that it must be a slow news day.

      all these people responding are so pathetic… myself included by definition i suppose. there is nothing, it seems, that drives people to comment more on this site than an article/column about people’s love lives.

    • Jules says:

      12:03pm | 06/01/13

      I was single for a long time, I didn’t want to be & nor did I want to diminish my integrity by playing games to “get a man”.
      Unfortunately I met a few men similar to “tubesteak”, who’d “play” me to get what they wanted….“Men are content to slum it if it means we can get a shot off”.

      I don’t believe all men hold similar mindsets such as tubesteak, thankfully. I didn’t let it colour my expectations & I continued to believe in “there is someone special for me”. I’m ot single anymore & one of the best things about that is not having to deal/meet with nutjobs who have stupid names like tubesteak.

      Reply

    • Stuart says:

      12:09pm | 06/01/13

      I married my friend.  Not dating, no expectations.  I just got involved in things that I like doing, struck up a friendship that developed further and then one day suggested I’d like to see her more often.  We went out, we had fun and the friendship developed into love.  We’ve been married for almost 15 years now.

      Reply

    • Mark of Adelaide says:

      12:51pm | 06/01/13

      Ladies have some good news, not every man is as cynical as tubesteak, I feel a bit sorry for him. I have been happily married to my wife for nearly 25 years, the books are about making money, just be yourself but don’t expect to find the right man in a bar or nightclub, the best way to meet someone nice for both sexes is through friends or aquaintances.

      Reply

    • Stuff the rules, be yourself says:

      01:09pm | 06/01/13

      As the father of 5 Daughters I tell them that the most import rule of dating is this: Be yourselves - if the guy doesn’t like what he sees then he is the wrong guy for you.

      BTW, I’ve just had my 20th anniversary with a strong, intelligent, motivated, funny wonderful woman who would laugh in the face of these rules. I am attracted to her because of who she is, not because of what some book tells her she has to be.

      Reply

    • RI says:

      01:10pm | 06/01/13

      Stuff like this is why I gave up on relationships years ago. That and I was sick of ‘the fairer sex’ jerking me around.

      What really irritates me is when a man actually makes the effort to ask a woman out, even just for a coffee and she cuts him down without even considering the offer. They act like they’re so far above you and you’re wasting their time just talking to them.

      THEN these women hit their 30s, all their friends are getting married and having kids and they complain they can’t ‘find a man.’

      Reply

    • Warren says:

      02:30pm | 06/01/13

      Did it occur to you there might be a reason women weren’t accepting your offers? You sound like a twat. No wonder you’re single.

    • Brian.Na says:

      01:43pm | 06/01/13

      I have the best advice for women to get a guy. Listen to whatever feminists tell you and do absolutely reverse! You’ll find many many men begging to date/marry them.

      Reply

    • Cecil says:

      02:03pm | 06/01/13

      Stop sending mixed messages.  Girls like to be more forward and flirting these days then they jump backwards into a coy 1950s schoolgirl who wants to be chased…. wtf…  As stated above guys like girls for who they are .... not want they pretend to be.

      Reply

    • Richard says:

      02:09pm | 06/01/13

      Throughout mankind’s history, it is estimated by scientists that 80% of women passed on their genes, while only 40% of men did likewise.

      Clearly there is an evolutionary mechanism at play in the inter-sex dynamics between men and women. Women are programmed by their DNA to seek out only the top echelon of fittest males, and try to pair-bond with them exclusively.

      Men on the other hand are programmed by their DNA quite differently.

      There is a curious feeling that men feel, women wouldn’t know anything about it, but all men would know what I’m talking about, a deep instinctual feeling of disgust straight after the act of coitus.

      Right at the time women want to cuddle and connect, men are seized with a strong desire to withdraw and get up and move on. Its like an evolutionary imperative to keep men spreading their seed and stop from being tied down to one woman.

      See we see here how the institution of marriage was made to restrain this desire of the top echelon of alpha males to use women this way, and so marriage was made to benefit women (who desire to pair-bond with a partner) and beta males (the 60% who throughout history didn’t have a chance to pass on their genes).

      Yet the ironic thing is, feminists and “progressives”, with their campaign to destroy marriage, by making it so easy for women to divorce, and by making alimony or child support payments so onerous for men, and by championing the Newspeak concept of “gay marriage”, they are actually only harming themselves and the poor beta male white-knights who support them.

      Alpha dicks like me will do quite fine thank you. We will continue to rack up huge numbers of sex-partners, younger and hotter, and feel quite content about it. It is our evolutionary imperative to do so after all you know.

      I oppose feminism and the progressive left because I think its evil, and brings much suffering into the world, because it ignores the primacy on the way of nature as expressed through the Tao and yin/yang dynamics.

      But actually, I personally benefit very much from the feminism which has infected our society, because it empowers the top echelon of alpha males who are evolutionarily the fittest to exploit awesome numbers of women while suffering no long-term consequences because of it.

      Reply

    • gkkk says:

      02:13pm | 06/01/13

      Suzie you are great but ...

      your lazy and dishonest article naively omits any mention of the social context in which mating processes take place. The social world whether the “social equality” crowd likes it or not, is hierarchical. There is a top and a bottom. Blokes at the top have an entirely different experience of “dating” than do blokes in the middle or at the bottom. Same for the girls. Girls like their blokes to be at least financially self-sufficient, with some prospects of doing better, it turns them on. Guys who are unemployed are not on any girl’s watch list. There is research to back this up. Dishonestly, you also fail to mention the sad fact that girls are very very competitive with each other
      when it comes to bagging a desirable, preferably high status bloke. You know, your “bestie” who claims she is not interested in your boyfriend, ha, ha, ha.  As for girls not following the rules and “being themselves” because they are sooo desirable when they are “themselves” (oh well, that’s the theory), the truth Suzie is that most girls simply do what their girlfriends do. “Follow the crowd” is the number one rule governing the conventional life of the conventional girl. Think of the tattoo phenomenon! In any case, most girls are simply not that attractive, which leads to intense competition for the more desirable guys. In our day and age this competition between girls has led to a collapse in the cost of sexual services available to the desirable guys. So who cares if the girls follow rules or not if they are happy to oblige on the first date in any case? Why marry?

      Reply

    • George says:

      02:14pm | 06/01/13

      Ahhh gen x princesses, single and fast approaching 40. Epic fail!

      Gen y, look and learn, and ignore the feminists.

      Reply

    • Happy Man says:

      02:24pm | 06/01/13

      I am single and happy with a porn mag. No complications and no hassles.

      Reply

    • Darren says:

      03:44pm | 06/01/13

      Safe sex hey??

    • Percy says:

      02:25pm | 06/01/13

      Love the headline and the comment about becoming a “mute bore”.  If you’re going to go with hyperbole then that means it’s fine to recognise that you were a typically self obsessed neurotic before you started following the rules.

      Reply

    • Bho Ghan-Pryde says:

      02:31pm | 06/01/13

      I would guess you are better off working it out as you go rather than following a strict set of rules when it comes to games of love and remember not everyone is honest and some are shallow. However, there is one tactic I have noticed that always seems to work and I offer it here sincerely. It is wear tight denim shorts, a halter top and do not be afraid of getting either wet. This may be of some use to someone.

      Reply

    • iansand says:

      02:45pm | 06/01/13

      This may seem like a radical thought, but be yourself.  And talk to the victim of your attentions as though they are a human being.

      No one is a stereotype.

      Reply

    • DJ says:

      02:46pm | 06/01/13

      Feed me, pat me and laugh at 51% of my jokes!

      Reply

    • chuck says:

      02:49pm | 06/01/13

      Have reasonable expectations and hope for some synchronicity not gelled hair or a tuxedo (for men),  unless participating in the national ballroom championships. And for men for goodness sake stay away from the femnonazis unless you like whips, leather and bondage.

      Reply

    • Andrew says:

      03:21pm | 06/01/13

      The things is, many of those “rules” have a good reason behind them.  The “talk less, listen more” rule is good advice for everyone - ie. talk/listen in proportion to the number of ears and mouth you have.  “Grow your hair” - long hair doesn’t suit some women, but according to a straw poll I conducted a while back most men prefer long hair on women.

      And in the vein of “be yourself”, men generally prefer women who act like women (and women generally prefer men who act like men).  Don’t try to be or act or look like a man, be who you are!  One of the major failings of some in the feminist movement is their implication that there is something wrong with being a woman, and too many women have subconsciously bought that lie.

      Reply

    • steve says:

      04:49pm | 06/01/13

      Men like a challenge is crap. No I do not enjoy a challenge and that is why I have no time for women who deliberately plays hard to get. This book is crap but looks like most Aussie girls have been brainwashed by all the crap. Asian women don’t play such stupid hard to get games after reading such stupid books. Give me Asian women any time. Sorry Aussie girls, I got no more time for you anymore.

      Reply
 
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