hy·poc·ri·sy (h-pkr-s) n. pl. hy·poc·ri·sies

Photo: Justin Llyod.

1. The practice of professing beliefs, feelings, or virtues that one does not hold or possess; falseness.

2. An act or instance of such falseness.

I hate the word “retarded”. I hate it when I hear it in a schoolyard, I hate it in the pub, and I hate it in the office.

I know. I know. Calling this column the Angry Cripple and hating the word retarded appears somewhat hypocritical, so I’d like to explain.

I got an email from a Mum asking me to write about the word. She has a little boy with Down syndrome who goes to his local school, and attends a regular mainstream class. This is, according to his Mum, a good option for him – he’s not an unpopular kid.

After school one day, as his mother pulled into the driveway, and this kiddo exclaimed from the back seat “Mum, I got a new name!”. The Mum asked what that might be, and little Ben, with his head held proud, stated “I am The Retard”.

The Mum promptly bought a huge new flat screen TV and spent the next month hibernating and eating chocolate.

So, how can I attempt to get away with using the word “cripple” in the column title, but decry the use of the word “retard”?

Most people think they are intelligent. A quick glance at RSVP, Oasis or any dating site should prove this point - but not all that many consider themselves gifted in athletic pursuits.

Saying that someone is crippled, while not pleasant, does not destroy the soul like hearing “you are retarded”, though obviously dear Ben was not yet aware of the nasty games the grade 6s were playing.

What’s the bet this kid, who has been a bullying victim for years at a Sydney school and this kid with Asperger’s syndrome from an Adelaide school suffered being called “retarded” over and over?

We “intelligent” folk place more value on our intelligence, our ability to communicate, think and reason than probably any other trait. There are plenty of animals who would eat us alive (forgive me) in a speed, strength or endurance competition.

We are simply not, physically, the superior species. In fact, if we weren’t so intelligent, we would have become extinct centuries ago (please do not let this devolve into a carbon tax debate, please).

And while some people with physical disabilities have taken ownership of the word “crippled” to depower it, much like black people in the USA now own the n word, I don’t see too many people with intellectual disabilities running around high fiving each other yelling, “Hey Tard, wassup!”.

I’ve only found one exception in this series of, hate to admit it, pretty funny videos. I have been assured by email with the actor that he very much owns and is proud of the moniker (as well as the income it brings), but I suspect he is alone.

The difference is that intellectual disability, by its very nature, means that many with more severe forms will never understand the concept of owning the term, but will almost certainly feel wounded by its use.

When we use the terms deaf, blind or crippled in our everyday language, we aren’t really running down, devaluing or dehumanising people who have vision, hearing or mobility impairments, though it’s clearly not politically “correct”.

When we say “You’re effing retarded”, however, we mean that person to feel the lowest of the low. That they are useless. Worthless in our society.  And that’s the bottom, shameful, line.

Most commented

44 comments

Show oldest | newest first

    • James Ricketson says:

      05:18am | 16/03/11

      Sounds to me as though little Ben was ‘owning’ the word ‘retard’ proudly even if he didn’t know the word’s meaning and that his mum decided to take on the mantle of victimhood on his behalf by buying herself a new TV and eating lots of chocolate! Excuse me! Am I missing something here? Maybe Ben’s mum should have put down that chocolate, turned off the TV, entered into the game by occasionally calling Ben ‘The Retard’, showed him the video she finds “pretty funny” and, at the same time, tell him what parents have been telling their kids for generations: “Sticks and stones can break my bones but names can never hurt me.”

    • Muttley says:

      07:41am | 16/03/11

      yeah, you are missing something. Anyone who isnt heartbroken by having their child come home and say this has no feelings and no ability to empathise.

    • Helen says:

      08:22am | 16/03/11

      Yes, we should notice this tendency in the last decade or so to put the onus on bullied / insulted / vilified groups or individuals to just suck it up and be strong, and not putting any responsibility on the bullies or loudmouths to change their behaviour.  and witness the above comment, jeering at someone driven to depression by cruelty to her child. If you’re an asshole, you’ll thrive in this society.

    • Crow says:

      10:07am | 16/03/11

      James Ricketson - please understand now, and completely, that sticks and stones may break your bones, but names and cruel talk can warp and bend and totally destroy your heart and soul.  As a girl sent to boarding school at 12 after only being schooled (very badly) at home; and having no ‘people skills’ or any idea how to be a child, the names that I was called, Zombie, Spastic, Dodo, are burned into my psyche.  The terrible cruelty of the alpha females still gives me nightmares.

      Ben’s mum was reacting in the wrong direction maybe, but the hurt she felt will be felt by him all through his life when he understands what his ‘friends’ were calling him. 

      Wishing you well, and hoping that you never experience something like this, because no-one ever should.

    • TracyH says:

      11:02am | 16/03/11

      @crow…I seriously wish i could give you a hug!!! Look at Ex Chalky’s post of todays open thread and take heart that SOME teachers deal with these things the right way!!!!

    • Nell says:

      02:44pm | 16/03/11

      James as the uncle of a severely intellectually disabled young woman you should be aware enough to understand that if young Ben was ‘proudly owning’ the word retard, it was because he does not have the capacity to understand the insult. This does not make it right.
      As said uncle of young woman who needs so much care and support, I would think you have a moral obligation to champion this cause.
      Frankly, if all Australians touched by disability joined the common cause to ensure that our governments provided the supports needed we would not even have an argument.
      I remember James the first International World Disability Day at the opera house in the 80’s where you were filming alongside Jillian Armstrong and a friend who had MS.
      We are a long way from there yet most things have not changed in the lives of people with disability.
      We need people like you to support the family unit whose child/adult has disabilities rather than reduce a mothers fear to a chocolate munching zombie who tunes in and tunes out. Bens mother is more likely a dedicated and inspiring person determined to support her son to grow whole despite his life’s challenges and despite the innate insensitivity of children.

    • James Ricketson says:

      02:51pm | 16/03/11

      Muttley

      If Ben proudly declares that he is a ‘Retard’, what purpose is served, at a time in his life when he doesn’t understand that he has been insulted, in telling him that he has been insulted?

      I would much rather live in a world in which such insults are not hurled but, given that we do (and it’s not likely to change) parents need to find strategies that enable their kids (called by whatever insulting name) to deal with it. Whilst he is still young enough NOT to understand, why NOT make a game of it with Ben and use this as a STARTING POINT to acclimatize him (if you like) to the fact that all through his life life people wlll stare and made rude comments?

      Unfortunately, Helen, bullies and loud mouths do thrive in our society and until such time as they don’t, strategies need to be found to deal with their hurtful behaviour.

      One time I was the victim myself of a particular form of discrimination (it doesn’t matter which) and my first impulse was to anger and a desire to fight back. My second impulse was: Ignore it. After a few weeks, when this person realized that what she was saying, how she was treating me, was not having the desired effect, she gave up. Not only that, she actually talked to me, realized that she had been wrong in her preconceptions and we developed a cordial relationship.

      This strategy will not always work but whilst there is some strategy available, why not explore it? TV and chocolates is not a strategy!

    • JimmyMac says:

      12:48am | 17/03/11

      When I first got glasses at 6 years old, in the early 70s, they made my eyes appear to bulge. It did not take long for the kids to start calling me Frogseyes. As you would expect this upset me a lot. However, after a small amount of time I got used to it and it was shortened to just Frog, a nickname some friends still use today. While this is nowhere near the level of a child with downs syndrome it does show that if you shrug off the insults it can make you stronger. Ask anyone who has worn glasses from childhood how many insults they have received.
      On a similar subject, I found it very irritating watching last years Commonwealth games. Elite Athletes With a Disability! Whose idea was that? It was torture listening to the commentators using the phrase. I had much more respect when the athletes called themselves Paralympians or Disabled Athletes. I know they are battling adversity, but Elite?? Please.

    • acotrel says:

      06:24am | 16/03/11

      Sir Isaac Newton was so smart he had schizophrenia, would that be better? It doesn’t pay to be different.  Conform, that’s the way to go! - Much more comfortable.

    • michael j says:

      06:53am | 16/03/11

      Australia’s funniest home video show which is very popular is a show i will not watch because i believe it to be cruel and leads to indifference to others pain,
      that the producers of the show say no one had/has lasting injuries to me means they are full of s—t,,i broke my neck when 16 all good still walking 40 yrs
      later ,but it now gives grief on a major scale and i have been taking medication for 30 yrs,,that kids or adults take pleasure in others pain is part of the human mind i will never understand,,,,

    • Bonestar says:

      09:09am | 16/03/11

      Yeah i hear ya Michael J, watching babies dance, dogs “talk”, people falling in swimming pools, kids falling off pushbikes, crazy wedding dances is terrifying stuff i don’t know how the producers sleep at night.

      Is get a life offensive to the dead?

    • michael j says:

      02:06pm | 16/03/11

      Got a MATE that came off a push-bike when hit by a car, he’s paraplegic in a wheelchair now,sorry you weren’t there to see it,,

    • Rev says:

      08:06am | 16/03/11

      According to the bastion of accurate knowledge that is Wikipedia:
      “Retarded comes from the Latin retardare”.

    • Glen says:

      08:17am | 16/03/11

      As a parent of a young daughter with a mental disabilty (as well as physical) there no word that gets my back up more than “Retarded”.  And it’s not that it bothers me when people use it in it’s correct context.  It is somewhat blunt, but factual. 

      It’s when people use it to describe someone who has done something badly, or without thought.  Or someone they perceive as stupid. It’s insensitive, and downplays what it’s really like to have a mental disability.

      Mostly I just let it go, but some days I can’t help myself and have to say something.

      Anyway, high horse dismounted…

    • TracyH says:

      08:22am | 16/03/11

      @michael j
      Yep…I hate seeing the kids get hurt…the concept of taking pleasure in others’ misfortunes is called shaddenfreud (probably not spelled that way!). It’s a German word and I admire that they can admit to the concept’s existence…our English language has no such word, as if to say if we don’t give it a name, it doesn’t exist!

    • Bonestar says:

      09:11am | 16/03/11

      It has a name and it exists - Hilariousness.

    • Catsidhe says:

      11:16am | 16/03/11

      Schadenfreude

      And English does have a word for it… now. That word is Schadenfreude.

    • malohi says:

      08:47am | 16/03/11

      I feel for the kid. You are right, the word would be very powerful to the child or his loved ones. Retard has unfortunately taken on the status of a metafor for doing something stupid as well (you are such a retard), so it is thrown around liberally by people who mean no malice but who are unaware that could be quite offensive to certain people.

      To that effect I think that it is hypocritical to say you are intelligent, and on the other hand not be able to use non offencive (within reason) language.
      It is not “being too PC” to try to reasonably curb ones behavious so that others are not likely to be offended.

      But in this case it is just kids being mean as they have been for centuries. Why are they hypocrites? They probably wanted that result and callously and efficiently did what they wanted… bullied the kid.
      Where was the teacher? surely they would be aware of such a “nickname” where are the others parents? Did the mother contact the school? I would be interested to know what the school did .
      The school and parents should be stamping this out.

    • Paranoia says:

      09:03am | 16/03/11

      I was trying to think of a reply that didn’t make me sound like a pretentious wanker, but really couldn’t come up with one except this… the willfully ignorant among us have always and will always irritate me.  If you have the mental capacity to think but choose not to, or choose to act like a sheep, I despise you.  On the other hand, if you have different or limited mental capacity, but you’re using it to the fullest extent, I applaud you!  More emphasis should be put on use of potential (without resorting to too much warm and fuzzy claptrap) because we have brilliant people bored from mediocrity spending their time thinking up insults or offensive things to do or say…

      I’m losing this plot, but you get what I mean.  I had a thought once that anyone being willfully stupid without a medical reason (depression, injury, mental incapacity etc) should be used for medical experiments.  This would in fact encourage more people to think (hopefully) and at the same time would protect those who are actively trying to contribute meaningfully to society, to the best of their ability.

      I’m not an elitist or nazi or anything like that, I just have intense dislike for willfully stupid people.

    • Shane From Melbourne says:

      12:23pm | 16/03/11

      So when are you emigrating from Australia?

    • IanJ says:

      01:44pm | 16/03/11

      Your concept of the willfully ignorant fits the prime characteristic of the bogan…IMHO

    • Vicki PS says:

      09:10am | 16/03/11

      The last paragraph is really the nub of this article.  The damage and dehuman isation comes from the extreme negative connotations that a once neutral word has acquired.  A recent, even more repellent, variation on “retard” as a term of abuse is “f**ktard”, a popular epithet amongst the semi-literate text-n-FB crowd.

    • Bonestar says:

      09:16am | 16/03/11

      Black Eyed Peas did a song- Lets Get Retarded, i hope there’s no Black Eyed Pea fans here.

    • Jade says:

      01:28pm | 16/03/11

      I was actually really, really disgusted at the uproar over that song. The context in which retarded was used in the title and the song had nothing to do with intellectual impairment, and I thought the original song lyrics with the use of retarded created a much better and more meaningful song than the alteration.

      I thought it was ridiculous that a song which had nothing whatsoever to do with the issue of intellectual impairment or disability was hijacked and that artists who had attempted to use language in a creative way were penalised by those who evidently heard one word and cried foul without looking at its context.

      People need to get over themselves. It’s attitudes like the ones that forced the BEP to change the lyrics to their song that reduce the beauty and complexity of our vocabulary and language.

    • Rev says:

      02:04pm | 16/03/11

      @Jade,

      What exactly are they referring to?
      Not being a devotee of the group or their lyrics, I have assumed that getting ‘retarded’ was essentially ‘lets go on a bender until we’re mentally impaired’.  Happy to be shown otherwise, as clearly you have a differing opinion.

    • Jade says:

      03:00pm | 16/03/11

      @Rev, I have been unable to find the exact quote, but Will.i.am discussed the song in an interview a few years back (the song was released in 2003) and explained that the meaning was to retard or slow down inhibitions, to get loose and allow instinct to take over. It actually makes sense if you look at the song lyrics.

      Much more than the idea that they were poking fun at disabled people.

    • Rev says:

      03:50pm | 16/03/11

      Fair enough Jade.

      I would have liked to be a fly on the wall when they sold that to their label.

      Label: You guys can’t use ‘retarded’ in that song title.
      BEP: Well label guy, <as per Jade’s last post>.
      Label: Oh I see, that’ll be totally sweet.  I’m sure everyone’s first reaction to the song will be the same. 
      BEP: YAY!

      Rightly or wrongly that was always going to end badly!

    • Bert says:

      09:24am | 16/03/11

      I have a brother who’s 3 years younger then me, he’s Autistic and has a few other disorders that effect him, namely effecting his speech. I would never call him a retard. However, that word doesn’t mean what it used to mean like many other words these days.

      If I saw a someone do something ridiculously stupid I would call them a retard. Because they should know better. Crack open the Darwin awards and there you will find plenty of retards. They are people with fully developed adult minds and yet do very stupid things.

    • Kevin says:

      09:40am | 16/03/11

      “Idiot”, “cretin” and “moron” used to have precise medical meanings until they were appropriated for use as general insults.

    • papachango says:

      01:50pm | 16/03/11

      As did the word ‘spastic’... and therEin lies the problem.

      You invent more poltiically correct terms like ‘mentally challenged’, and soon that gets appropriated as an insult. So you go with ‘special needs’, till that gets appropriated too.

      Soon you will run out of terms to describe intellectual disabilities.

    • kristian says:

      09:42pm | 08/02/12

      papachango:

      Eventually we’ll run out of words and just say “person”.

    • mary says:

      09:43am | 16/03/11

      Definition for retarded is dumb, stupid, slow, inept. It is clearly a dumb and stupid thing to call anyone that. For quite a few reasons. One it says way more about the person saying it than the person on the receiving end.  Secondly If they are religious, maybe remind them of matthew 5:22; whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire.

      But ultimately it is a sad reflection of our society.

      What about the world disabled? It tells the person that they are not able. In comparison to who? Where is this 100% able person that we’re measuring up against?

      More accurate is the definition of the World Health Organisation which defines disability in the context of how society is set up to respond to people’s needs.

      Finally anyone dumbing another person down is obviously struggling with their own massive insecurities. It is good to be aware of that when on the receiving end of any kind of insult.

    • Crow says:

      10:35am | 16/03/11

      Mary - sadly, it is not always correct that those bullying are struggling with their own massive insecurities, sometimes it is because they can, so they do.  They simply have no care for others, and are mean and nasty to people because they can be. 

      I know that some bullies are cowards and bully out of fear, but this ‘clique’ of girls who terrorised me as a child simply had supreme power and did not care.

    • Stella says:

      12:12pm | 16/03/11

      Mary, the word “disabled” is not the opposite of “abled”. I’ve always thought it was a shame that disability can be split like that to imply that disability is an antonym for ability. It means nothing of the sort.

      Identifying as a disabled woman does not tell me that I am not abled. It tells me that I have barriers to knock down. Barriers that are largely put there by non-disabled people and policies.

      Being disabled isn’t about what your body can and can’t do. It’s about prejudice.

    • Deafgirl says:

      01:09pm | 16/03/11

      “When we use the terms deaf…................ it’s clearly not politically “correct”.”  I am deaf in one ear.  Deaf.  Not hearing impaired - deaf.  When I need to tell some-one this because I can’t hear them I tell them I’m deaf.  I want them to get the point and understand completely what I’m trying to say.  It’s short, to the point and explains exactly what my problem is.  What is not PC about it?  Oh, and it’s not just OK for me to use the word deaf in relation to myself.  I’m happy for anyone esle to do it as well.

      The point to the rest of your story is taken.

    • Al says:

      01:39pm | 16/03/11

      Retard and Retardant have very specific meanings:
      Retard - Resist or slow.
      Retardant - a substance that resists or slows (i.e. Fire Retardant).

      Of course using these words to describe a person is not realy appropriate anymore, same as calling someone ‘slow’ (i believe the correct term no is ‘challenged’).

    • Stew Henstock says:

      01:57pm | 16/03/11

      Heaven forbid if we develop into a US styled nation of politically correct nancys.
      What’s happened to the thick skinned Aussies i grew up with where calling your mates a “poofter” or “retard” was the norm.
      Now we’re stuck with these lattee drinking girly people dictating how everyone else has to live because of their insecurities.
      After all a word is just a word…it’s the intent behind the word that matters and this just boils down to good manners.

    • skepdad says:

      02:36pm | 16/03/11

      AC, there are two separate and distinct uses of the word “retard”.  One is slung at those with intellectual disabilities by persons of low wit, who would in the absence of that word use another word with the same intention of shoring up their own insecurities with abuse hurled at others.  That is to say it is not the word itself, but the peculiar culture of those who directly mock people with disabilities, which is the problem.

      The second usage, being the common vernacular, is not intended as a slight towards those with disabilities but simply a shortcut to say “you have done something so foolish that one might wonder if you have an intellectual disability”.  This I find no more offensive than “nerd”.

      As someone who works in the disability sector, has a (minor) physical disability myself and has dealt with mental illness in my family all my life, I am quite happy to take my advice from Ponceman (of Retarded Policeman fame) and refuse to give the word “retard” the power that some would ascribe to it.  Ponce is, I believe, an excellent ambassador for Downs; able to connect with his contemporaries and foster greater understanding and acceptance of those with intellectual disabilities than could ever be achieved with sterile ad campaigns or PC word bans.

    • timelady says:

      08:03pm | 16/03/11

      I use the word cripple deliberately (i am disabled, use a wheelchair, and have decided to not fight the results of my car accident five years ago, but live with them in a way that makes me feel stronger). I use it around people i trust (and shock them accordingly, but they grok me sufficiently to understand.

      However, I could never, ever, use it around a person who i didn’t know.  What if they were disabled, and felt pain as a result? Same for the word retarded - ‘tard’ , or any of the variants. Words have power. I choose the power of the words associated with my disability. I have no right to choose it for others.

      Of course we need to agree on common language to communicate. That does not mean we ned to agree , as a society, to use harsh, painful language. In fact,  as a functioning, and hopefully, improving, society, we need to do fa better,

    • Colleen says:

      11:20pm | 16/03/11

      I still don’t get why it’s NOT OK to use the term “retarded”, and it IS OK to use the word “cripple”. To suggest that it’s on a par with words like “blind” and “deaf” is ludicrous! I can’t imagine a scenario where the word “cripple” would be used in a kind, accepting way. It is an offensive, outdated label, just like “retarded”.

    • Steve says:

      08:52am | 17/03/11

      Then you missed the whole point of the aticle Colleen. Being derogatory about our bodies is one thing, being cruel about our intellect, that’s another ball game altogether.

    • Colleen says:

      01:33pm | 17/03/11

      No. I didn’t miss the point. The discussion turned into how bad a word “retarded” is, but didn’t address the use of the word “cripple”. My point is why is one ok and the other not? They are both outdated and derogatory, and it makes no difference whether we are referring to intellectual, physical, race, creed, sexuality…..pigeon holing and labeling by the use of offensive terms is simply wrong.

    • Steve says:

      09:12am | 18/03/11

      You clearly *have* missed the point. If it’s ok to use “deaf” and “blind”, then why shouldn’t it be OK to say “Crippled”? The difference between these and “retarded” is that retarded applies to our intelligence, not our physicality.
      A “crippled’ nuclear reactor? - It physically has been “broken”. A “retarded” kid at school who *isn’t* retarded? Soul destroying.

    • Woolrich Stores says:

      09:25am | 11/12/12

      They will arrive in half an hour.My treat.Being criticized is awful!Manners are quite different from country to country.You are a chicken.Can you put me in the picture about the World Cup Football Match? Can you imagine how much he paid for that car?I don’t have any cash with me.Walt invented the steam engine.It took years of hard work to speak good English

 

Facebook Recommendations

Read all about it

Punch live

Up to the minute Twitter chatter

Recent posts

The latest and greatest

The Punch is moving house

The Punch is moving house

Good morning Punchers. After four years of excellent fun and great conversation, this is the final post…

Will Pope Francis have the vision to tackle this?

Will Pope Francis have the vision to tackle this?

I have had some close calls, one that involved what looked to me like an AK47 pointed my way, followed…

Advocating risk management is not “victim blaming”

Advocating risk management is not “victim blaming”

In a world in which there are still people who subscribe to the vile notion that certain victims of sexual…

Nosebleed Section

choice ringside rantings

From: Hasbro, go straight to gaol, do not pass go

Tim says:

They should update other things in the game too. Instead of a get out of jail free card, they should have a Dodgy Lawyer card that not only gets you out of jail straight away but also gives you a fat payout in compensation for daring to arrest you in the first place. Instead of getting a hotel when you… [read more]

From: A guide to summer festivals especially if you wouldn’t go

Kel says:

If you want a festival for older people or for families alike, get amongst the respectable punters at Bluesfest. A truly amazing festival experience to be had of ALL AGES. And all the young "festivalgoers" usually write themselves off on the first night, only to never hear from them again the rest of… [read more]

Gentle jabs to the ribs

Superman needs saving

Superman needs saving

Can somebody please save Superman? He seems to be going through a bit of a crisis. Eighteen months ago,… Read more

28 comments

Newsletter

Read all about it

Sign up to the free News.com.au newsletter