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Changing your name doesn’t make you a feminist traitor

Rita Panahi

by Rita Panahi

05 Feb 05:55am

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Filed under: Feminism, Marriage, Names, Social Issues

141 comments

It has always baffled me why feminists desperately cling to the notion that keeping your maiden name after marriage is somehow an indication of how empowered you are as a woman.

Anyone want to call Hillary Clinton weak for taking the surname of some dude called Bill? Pic: AFP.

How does choosing your father’s name over that of your husband make you any more independent? Either way you end up with a man’s name. At least you get to choose your husband.

Footy WAG and mum-to-be, Rebecca Judd (nee Twigley) is the latest high profile woman to be criticized for her decision to adopt her husband’s name. Feminists cannot understand why so many young, professional women prefer to legally change their name & give up their identity. I don’t pretend to speak for Mrs Judd but I can completely understand her decision and applaud her for embracing traditional values over the flawed feminist obsession with symbolism and semantics.

The trend of women adopting their husband’s name is as strong in Australia as it is in the UK and US. Studies show that the overwhelming majority of women, about 9 in 10, intend to change their name after marriage.

Sure it may be inconvenient in the short term, but marriage shouldn’t be a short term proposition. Well, not unless your name is Britney Spears or Greg Norman.

Most women change their name not just as a show of commitment to their new husband but because they want their family to share the one name. Why would any mother want to have a name different to that of her child?

Of course, for the sake of equality you could inflict hyphenated names on your children but imagine if Shiloh Jolie-Pitt marries Brooklyn Adams-Beckham? One can only wonder what would happen after just a couple of generations of such insanity.

Sharing the same name as your children is the main motivator for women changing their name. For Gen X and Gen Y women, the decision to take your husband’s name isn’t seen as some act of subservience or an endorsement of patriarchal values.

I wonder whether those critical of young women changing their name still embrace all the other traditions of marriage that one can construe as sexist. Did they have their father give them away at their wedding? Did their children take their husband’s name instead of their own? And do they genuinely believe that changing one’s name is tantamount to giving up your identity?

No one would accuse Margaret Thatcher and Hillary Clinton of being meek, weak-willed women. Their decision to take their husband’s name wasn’t an indicator of their waning influence and ambition.

It would be refreshing if feminists would focus on issues that really matter to modern women. Issues of substance and consequence such as the inequality in government benefits for women who stay at home with their children compared to those who return to work.

Or how about tackling the shocking practice of female genital mutilation, a hidden epidemic that affects more and more immigrant women in Australia. Last year Melbourne’s Royal Women’s Hospital recorded around 700 women seeking treatment who had suffered genital cutting. That is just one year at one hospital.

Surely such an evil practice is more deserving of feminist outrage or are they too concerned with political correctness to tackle such an issue? Much safer to criticize the choices of educated, accomplished women who simply choose to conform to the social norm of changing their name after marriage.

Be under no illusions, keeping your maiden name is not a statement of individuality or strength. All it means is that you are clinging to your father’s name in preference to the one shared by your husband and children. If that is your choice then good luck to you but please refrain from judging women who want their family to share the one name.

They are not submissive or weak; they’re simply women who recognise that the battle for equality has nothing to do with whose name they take.

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141 comments

Show oldest | newest first

    • Bec says:

      05:26am | 05/02/11

      So what, Rita? The only people whose name is really theirs are dudes, and women’s surnames are just placeholders until something better comes along?

      My surname is part of me. I have articles published under it. It forms part of a nickname that I’ve had for over twenty years. And frankly, between the choice of my dad’s surname and my fiance’s (which is actually *his* dad’s), who is better to honor: my dad, who has been a wonderful and loving source of support and guidance, or my fiance’s dad, who buggered off and hasn’t been heard from in many years?

      He’s free to take my name, but ultimately, on the scale of things that harm your husband and kids in years to come, me keeping my name falls slightly behind “making them wear Big W clothes” and “not cleaning out the lint trap” in terms of things that fuck up a childhood.

      Reply

    • Clark says:

      08:59am | 05/02/11

      Bec, I could not agree more.

      It’s not a feminist thing, it’s a personal thing.  I’ve already got a name.  I like it and don’t intend to change it.  I never want to disassociate myself from my father’s family.  I want my kids to know how close that group of people are to them - I want it to be obvious.  My grandkids will call me Grandma Clark.  I don’t think it’s wrong to admit it is about identity.

      It’s up to my husband to carry on his name.  I’m not chosing my dad over my husband .. because this is already my name, I didn’t chose it.  I’m just deciding not to change it.

    • KH says:

      12:34pm | 05/02/11

      In some European countries women don’t change their names.  In the Netherlands its common that a woman has a different surname to that of her children - and its no big deal - ultimately, you know you gave birth to them, and of course, the father couldn’t - so they get his surname.  I wouldn’t change my name - I think women who do are kind of ridiculous, but its not my problem….....

    • Joan says:

      02:10pm | 05/02/11

      When your name and you become a successful brand . ie household name, I think it is silly to change your name professionally.  Norma Jean became Marilyn Monroe .... she was smart enough to leave it as Marilyn Monroe and not change it with every marriage.

    • Emm says:

      04:02pm | 05/02/11

      Do you care more about your articles Bec than sharing a name with your children? Typical feminist cluelessness. Plenty of very famous women changed their name and no one is confused about their body of work.

    • Andrewk says:

      06:04pm | 05/02/11

      Bec, I think you’ve slightly missed the point on this one. The article isn’t advocating that women should absolutely change their name when they get married, nor the opposite of it. Rather, it’s advocating the freedom to make the personal choice to do so and not suffer the petulant stigmitisation of old school feminists.

    • bec says:

      09:02pm | 05/02/11

      I don’t have kids, so I am yet to damage anyone. But why am I selfish for not changing my name? Is my fiance selfish if he doesn’t want to change his name?

      Your position is illogical, irrational, and tied to meaningless “tradition”. I save over a hundred bucks by *not* having an official name change, people are in no doubt as to who I am, and I don’t have difficulty with professional recognition. Perfectly logical.

    • Rob r Charteris says:

      02:48am | 06/02/11

      For crying out loud…. get back in the kitchen wench!

    • bec says:

      08:48am | 06/02/11

      C- trolling. On the one hand you manage to sneak in that ironic moment of retro hatorade. What let you down is that you didn’t carry the theme further with “white straight men are the most oppressed group on earth”. Lack of commitment lost you points, Rob.

    • BH says:

      01:51pm | 08/02/11

      I agree with Bec.  I don’t believe it has as much to do with feminism as personal identity.  My wife has kept her name and I support her completely.  You might take your family name from your father, but it is you who makes it your identity.

    • EJ says:

      03:48pm | 08/02/11

      Rita!!  What an offensive suggestion that feminists diss name changers and not genital cutters.  Feminists fight long and hard to establish women’s rights to our own genitals, our own names, and our human rights.  The whole POINT of feminism is that these things are interlinked.  The symbolism of ‘taking’ a man’s name is not a nice, family values tradition, it symbolises a man’s ownership of a woman.  The notion of other people, whether they be men (in the case of name changing), or communities (in the case of female genital mutilation), owning women’s bodies is ancient, oppressive, and only disappearing because of the hard work of hundreds of years of feminists.  This is an outrageously poorly thought out and constructed argument.

    • Jade says:

      06:15am | 05/02/11

      I personally can’t wait to get rid of my last name, its my Mothers maiden name (as my father wasn’t around when I was born) we both hate it, its embarrassing.  And then I do also want my family (partner and future kids) to all have the same name too.

      There are more important issues than a surname though.  It comes down to the couples choice, if the husband is happy for the wife not to take on his name, great for them.  If not it could create some resentment (have seen it happen before, the marriage lasted about a year)

      Reply

    • shelagh says:

      01:40pm | 05/02/11

      “why would any mother want to have a different name to that of her child?” quite simply because if your last name has been the source of ridicule for you , why would you want to put that on your kids if you have another option available?

    • Stephy says:

      08:47pm | 06/02/11

      Shelgah, completely agree. My husbands father was born a Goodenough. I kid you not, his last name was Goodenough. Thankfully, when he married, he changed it to Munroe. If he hadn’t changed it, hubby would have grown up to be a Goodenough, and I would have married him and become one. Though, thinking about it, I probably would have stuck with my fathers name, Howse. Nothing really to ridicule in that. My children would have thanked me, anyhow.

      Legally, the children don’t have to take on the fathers name. You can put your maiden name down on their birth certificate and they can be named after you. I’m guessing the trend of naming your children with their fathers name - adise from showing legitimacy - is a very old one. Same as taking your husbands name after marriage.

    • TChong says:

      06:34am | 05/02/11

      “Slaribartfast.”
      “Slartibartfast?”
      “I said it ( names) wasnt important”.
      (episode 3 HitchHikers Guide To The Galaxy.)

      Reply

    • Against the Man says:

      06:51am | 05/02/11

      This is a non issue. Anyone male or female has the right to change their name, not change their name or whatever.

      Feminist should be more taken aback by having Gillard claiming to be our country’s 1st female PM, more like a 1st ‘fake’ PM who can’t get the job done and make women leaders everywhere feel a shamed to have her claim to be a ‘leader’.

      That should be more offensive to women.

      Reply

    • gonzo says:

      10:51am | 05/02/11

      aarrggghhh…. touché.

    • refused to marry, let alone change name says:

      11:18pm | 05/02/11

      that’s a pointless contribution to the debate

    • Rob r Charteris says:

      02:54am | 06/02/11

      gonzo says:10:51am; “aarrggghhh…. touché” nah just little mans disease. He fights with himself if you haven’t noticed the nick.

    • Megan Simm says:

      06:54am | 05/02/11

      I agree with you that it has nothing to do with equality and the feminist movement….. however I take issue with the “clinging to your Father’s name” line - the name you are born with is YOUR name, just like your father was born with his name - or would you say he was “clinging to his father’s name”?
      The point you’re trying to make is valid, I just wish you’d used a different approach.

      Reply

    • MJ Leaver says:

      06:58am | 05/02/11

      Oh, so it’s okay for you to assume that it’s only raging feminists who want to keep their own surname, and then to throw out lashings of judgements about it? Of course, it’s much better to make sweeping assumptions about decisions than it is to acknowledge ‘the choices of educated, accomplished women ’ who might have an attachment to their own name.

      Reply

    • Faz says:

      07:05am | 05/02/11

      It’s a little ironic to make Hillary an exemplar of the point you’re making given that her name is Hillary Rodham Clinton.

      The thing about our patralineal tradition is that, historically, a whole lot more than the name went with it. Men virtually owned women along with other property. The whole social group saw its history in terms of the male line.

      Feminist of not, that’s just not the way it is in now so if women don’t want to buy into that ‘tradition’, why should they?

      @ bee
      Spot on

      @ Jade
      If you and your mother hate your surname, change it. Why wait for a man to come along and effectively give you (and not your mother?) permission?

      Reply

    • Jasmine says:

      10:09am | 05/02/11

      Actually you are wrong. Hillary removed Rodham when she first ran for the senate. She’s just Hillary Clinton now. It caused a bit of uproar when it happened.

    • xyz says:

      04:29pm | 05/02/11

      Jasmine, actually you are wrong.

      http://www.state.gov/secretary/

      She was forced to start using ‘Clnton’ in 1982 so Bill could win the election and become governor (due to the ulra-conservative electorate of Arkansas). When he became president in 1993 she started using Rodham again and has ever since.

    • K says:

      05:04pm | 05/02/11

      Nah, Jasmine she’s definitely still rolling with the Rodham, here’s the Secretary of State page. http://www.state.gov/secretary/

    • Anthony Sharwood

      Anthony Sharwood says:

      08:54pm | 05/02/11

      Ok, so hands up who wants me to change the pic on this piece to Maggie Thatcher? If I get 10 people typing “me” below this by 5pm Sunday I’ll do it

    • Carla says:

      09:29am | 06/02/11

      She got rid of Rodham when she ran for senate. I remember discussing it at Uni & being forced to read US commentary on it. Maybe she’s gone back to it now but the fact that she drops it whenever it’s convenient shows how little it means to her.

    • xyz says:

      09:55am | 06/02/11

      Rita says “No one would accuse Margaret Thatcher and Hillary Clinton of being meek, weak-willed women. Their decision to take their husband’s name wasn’t an indicator of their waning influence and ambition.”

      The fact that Hillary drops/takes up Rodham due to political expediancy makes a mockery of Rita’s statement that ambition has nothing to do with her selection of a surname.

    • BK says:

      12:49pm | 06/02/11

      @ Anthony

      I’m happy not to see Margaret Thacher again and will be very happy if I never hear her voice again.

    • NESLIHAN KUROSAWA says:

      07:44am | 05/02/11

      Hi Rita;

      Feminist traitor??  Most definitely not, because even though I personally considered myself to be “a true feminist”, I still took my partner`s name!! When I look back now, I just realise that I was a dreamer.  Because true life for me definitely began with all its struggles, not so much after a marriage!!  However, it definitely began for me after I became a mother and I had this innocent baby to care of.  To my own amazement, I began to notice other mothers with prams as well as the elderly and the disabled more often!!

      Until that time, I truly believed that “equal rights and opportunities” were achievable in my life time.  Anyway, that is what feminism really meant to me back in those days.  Straight after I became a mother, I also realised that I had this strongest bond to the baby, than the father, really!!  I think you might call it a connection, but I am glad that I actually changed my surname.  To me personally, it is not that important, most places you these days they still ask for my mother`s maiden name even though I can not quite work out why??

      Somehow, it is wonderful that I have the same surname as my child.  It does not mean that I still do not have the same ambitions and the ideals as twenty years ago!!  I am still the same person deep inside and stopped asking the questions “who I am anymore”!!  No more identity crisis, right??  Being older also coming to terms with who we all actually are, instead of who we are supposed to be!!  And It feels really, really good for the first time ever in my life.  Best regards to your editors.

      Reply

    • Erick says:

      07:45am | 05/02/11

      “Men virtually owned women along with other property.”

      This is a feminist myth. Women were independent property owners at almost all stages of history. They usually had inheritance rights defined by law.

      In traditional marriage, men and women “owned” each other. It was far from a one-way street as some would claim.

      As for names, it’s no big deal. Most surnames only exist because communities grew too large to be able to adequately identify people by first name alone. “Do you mean Peter the butcher, Peter the smith, or Peter with brown hair?” - a possible origin of three surnames.

      Reply

    • TChong says:

      09:07am | 05/02/11

      C’mon EcK, you know the rules,Feminism 101 decrees: ” All women is all victim, all the time.”
      I’m sure the usual crowd will remind you of that soon enuff.

    • NEFFA says:

      03:39pm | 05/02/11

      sorry Tchong, but it’s ericK that is the victim.

    • Kirsty says:

      08:13am | 05/02/11

      I read, and re-read this article and following comments with interest.  Firstly, why is the (very personal) choice of changing one’s surname a matter of public scrutiny!?  I am in my early 30’s and I got married last year.  I have known my husband for several years and I love him to bits, but as someone who has carved out a career and livelihood for herself pre-marriage, I made it clear long before we got married that I was not overly keen on the concept of changing my name post-marriage.  This is not a personal slight against my husband, right or wrong, or some misguided attempt at making a feminist point, it is a PERSONAL CHOICE.

      Reply

    • Drunk Guy says:

      03:57pm | 05/02/11

      Thanks for a voice of reason and sanity,
      Honestly choosing to accept a “Family ” name (I.e. That of their husband)is optional for women, it is not optional for men they are stuck with theirs, how can that possibly be seen as repression of femininity?

    • Ks says:

      05:55pm | 06/02/11

      Drunk Guy anyone can change their name.  I know people with the surnmae Dick who legally changed it.

    • mary says:

      09:28am | 05/02/11

      Better still; pick your own. Take your time and when you’re ready take it to the registry and for the mere sum of around 149 bucks you can not only have your very own surname but also your very own first and middle name.
      Problem solved.

      Reply

    • KL says:

      10:14am | 05/02/11

      Pick your own? Wouldn’t that devalue your heritage? Will people with ethnic names choose Anglo names? Saves you the hassle of spelling it ours all the time.
      I’m single but will change my name when I get married because I wouldn’t want my kids to have a different name to me.

    • gonzo says:

      11:02am | 05/02/11

      Careful with what you advise, mary… we have enough difficulties putting up with horrible bogan names… No need to double that up with a wave of made up bogan surnames, please.

      Following up on Erick’s examples above: Peter Butcha, Peter Smif, or Peter Breaunne?

    • shelagh (that's sheila) says:

      01:36pm | 05/02/11

      i thought that i would do that when i was old enough- pick my own name- trouble is that by the time i was old enough to do it, people knew who i was so it would have caused a whole lot of headaches probably. and i couldn’t think of what i ‘d really like to change it to. in the words of one of the young ones- best not to think about it:)

    • Elin says:

      04:19pm | 05/02/11

      KL several people have said something about having the same name as your children, including the author, but why can’t women just give their name to their kids? It sounds like you can’t think of any other option than changing your name because you want it to be the same as the kids…. But YOU pick your kids names… ridiculous.

    • mary monica roche says:

      09:51am | 05/02/11

      What is a name?
      what is your name again?
      the only time you have to remember your name is when you have to fill out endless billions of forms for government departments and private enterprise

      Reply

    • Joan says:

      01:56pm | 05/02/11

      How about those surnames made up of 15 letters…..that`s a challenge for computer forms as are the double barrel names as Rodham Clinton.

    • Mary Monica Roche says:

      09:56am | 05/02/11

      I remember one girl once used to ask males, what their names were, every time they tried to join female conversations or try to outshine women in conversations in classes.
      what ever happened to her? Her birthday was May 25.
      She certainly kept men in their place.

      Reply

    • Angela says:

      10:06am | 05/02/11

      Maybe this is feminism backlash, but I’m a young Gen Y-er, and I think that not taking your husbands name is quite possibly the most disrespectful thing you could do in a marriage. ‘Yes I love you…but not that much. I care about myself and my image too much’.
      That’s what the use of ‘nee’ is for.
      My parents have been married for more then half their lives, and shock horror! They have the same last name!
      I’m exceptionally proud of my family, but instead of being keeping my surname, I’ll name my children after family members and carry on the family name that way.
      Maybe feminists, like Rita says, should stop screaming about something which actually doesn’t make any difference, and start focussing on something useful instead.
      ‘A rose by any other name would still smell as sweet’.

      Reply

    • bec says:

      12:47pm | 05/02/11

      Angela, may I please ask you a question?

      Why is it disrespectful to not take your husbands name? Is it disrespectful if my fiance refuses to take my name? Is it selfish of him to insist I take his name? I suspect not, though I won’t name any particular reason for this (though cognitive dissonance comes immediately to mind). If this doesn’t make any difference at all, I would be gladly rectified of the grievous misconception I am obviously labouring under.

      I am sure you’ll also note that the issue was brought up by an anti-feminist, and that it was even brought up at all by her makes her equally as guilty of “doing something which actually doesn’t make any difference”. You will also divulge to me what it is that is “more important”. I am sure you are actively and enthusiastically participating in issues that grant women and men better opportunities and liberties as much as I do.

    • The Badger says:

      10:15am | 05/02/11

      When people take on their partners surnames and keep their own, it has the potential to get hilarious.
      Imagine the look when filling out form or telling someone over the phone your surname is Crapp - Beer
      http://tinyurl.com/6x5arx

      and what happens when people with hyphenated surnames marry people with hyphenate surnames and then their children marry others with multi-hyphenated names. This start to get ridiculous
      Think of the Children someone.

      Reply

    • mary monica roche says:

      10:16am | 05/02/11

      As university clerks say of university forms
      “Don’t worry so much about the name!
      Just make sure you get your student number right!

      Reply

    • Thommo says:

      10:26am | 05/02/11

      Good Article. pity about the typically poorly thought through responses from the feminists above.

      Reply

    • Joan says:

      10:41am | 05/02/11

      Each to their own choice with name. If you have a family it is unifying for all to have same family name . I took on my husband`s family name, and my best friend`s husband took on her family name as his was truly disgusting and open to ridicule and jokes. Some unmarried women go through life with mutiple partners and choose the impregnators surname for child`s surname so a woman may have 4 children each with different surname. C`est la vie!

      Reply

    • Cini says:

      10:51am | 05/02/11

      Rita is always finding a way to beat up the “feminazis”. Let it go sister- we are not coming for you.

      Wanting equality for wages and the opportunity to make the most of our talents far outweighs any distractions like whether you take you husband’s name etc.

      Please, Punch, less lightweight drivel from Ms Panahi.

      Reply

    • Liam says:

      02:29pm | 05/02/11

      Did you even read the article? Because what you said in your comment is exactly in line with the Rita’s opinion.
      There are major issues facing today’s women, even more important than equality of wages, and as Rita accurately pointed out, feminists; should be more focused on these issues rather than bickering over surnames.

    • bec says:

      03:26pm | 05/02/11

      But, Liam, who is the person who brought up the issue of the surname change? Rita. I am yet to encounter a single feminist who even knew about Rebecca Judd taking her husband’s name, much less found it the topic of conversation. I don’t really care. She can do whatever she wants on the proviso that she doesn’t attempt to dictate how I live my life.

      To be perfectly honest, the decision to change my name or not took me roughly five minutes and no longer. If people ask in the lead-up to my wedding, I simply say “it took me twenty-five years to learn to spell the first one, so I might as well keep it” and fix them with a bitchy-glare until they stfu and mind their own damn business. I am continually hearing comments like “why are you so disrespectful to your fiance”, or “don’t you want your family to have one unified name”? Especially when I haven’t repaid the favour of unsolicited advice or judgefuckery to women I know who *did* change their name.

    • Erin says:

      04:27pm | 05/02/11

      Liam that is precisely why this article is nothing but drivel. “It would be refreshing if feminists would focus on issues that really matter to modern women” So you put that focus on to important issues by writing an article about how awesome it is to change your name to your husband’s? How do you not see the irony in that?

    • Lee says:

      09:40am | 06/02/11

      Careful ladies, the ugly feminists in you is coming out. Wasn’t Rebecca Judd criticized in news ltd papers when she changed her name? I for one love hearing from Rita. Refreshing change from the usual feminist drivel we put up with.

    • Liam says:

      10:33am | 06/02/11

      Ok, fair point Erin.

    • BK says:

      01:00pm | 06/02/11

      @Bec

      Do you “fix them with a bitchy-glare until they stfu and mind their own damn business” when people praise you for keeping your maiden name? Those people are telling you how to live your life too. These freedom of choice arguments are used very selectively.

    • bec says:

      04:56pm | 06/02/11

      BK, when I encounter it, I might. So far I am yet to meet anyone who has suggested or told me to keep my maiden name, or congratulated me for it. I have met plenty of people who look at me as though I’ve just told them I have cancer of the puppy when I say I want to, however. I don’t know why: it’s a pretty freaking awesome name, too.

    • Holly says:

      10:52am | 05/02/11

      Since when has feminism had anything to do with whether or not you choose to change your surname to your husbands.  What other startling facts do you know about feminism?

      Reply

    • Sam says:

      01:28pm | 06/02/11

      If you don’t think this is a long running issue for feminists then you are either illiterate, ignorant or just too boneheaded to acknowledge facts.

    • Mrs Reardon says:

      11:10am | 05/02/11

      When I got married many years ago, I was criticised repeatedly by a (former) close female friend because I had changed my name to my husband’s. Her claims that my identity was lost and that I was putting myself in a position submissive to my husband’s hurt deeply (even though I knew them to be untrue) as I was proud to have my new surname. She wasn’t the only person to do this - my employer and some co-workers also took her stance, saying that my fifteen year professional career was now also non-existent as a result.

      Over the years, I have lost count of the number of women I heard complaining about and criticising those who change their surname due to marriage. Yet we dare question their choice and all of a sudden the tables get turned on us and further criticisms get thrown our way. It does happen alot.

      It’s not about giving up your identity or your position or whatever other negative connotation you think, it’s about wanting to share everything with your spouse and children, including the family name.

      Reply

    • Amanda says:

      04:31pm | 05/02/11

      It’s just that it’s only ever the dude’s name that gets passed on. How many husbands take their wives’ names?

    • Jan says:

      07:53pm | 06/02/11

      I had exactly same experience. Women who I thought were friends criticising me for changing my name. The funny thing was that the two proud feminists who gave me the most grief about being backward & weak were both in unhappy marriages where they were treated poorly. Neither had the strength to leave but according to them I was weak.

    • rb says:

      12:06pm | 05/02/11

      When I look at childhood photo of my brothers and myself I think ‘the B%$#@!kids’. I still feel that. I also like my name because I have no middle name.

      Reply

    • xyz says:

      12:23pm | 05/02/11

      Rita, I agree with your point that it has little to do with being a feminist, however I can’t agree with your other points.

      I have some questions for you:

      1) It is simply a western tradition for a woman to take her husband’s surname. What do you propose she do if/when she gets divorced? What should she do if/when she gets remarried (perhaps multiple times)? Why didn’t you mention this at all?

      2) It is simply a western tradition for the children to be given their father’s surname. Children can be given any surname (even totally unrelated to either parent). Why didn’t you mention this at all?

      3) Where did you get the ‘9 in10’ stats from? My family and circle of friends do not reflect this stat at all.

      BTW, Hillary Rodham Clinton has kept her own name… incase you didn’t know.

      Reply

    • Lisa H. says:

      12:27pm | 05/02/11

      I totally get where you are coming from, Rita!
      My father was a loving man, but his work hours were shorter than my mother’s, her pay was less and her future was tenuous. Yes, she was mum.

      Usually it is the woman who does the majority of the work associated with children, from growing them inside her, risking her own body to produce them and then sidelining her own life to nurture them.

      So why is it a ‘feminist’ statement to honour your father’s family when it is your mother whose years of labour are reflected in your upbringing?

      Names are arbitrary. Therefore, working as I am within an essentially patriarchal naming system, I am happy to show my respect for my husband by following the tradition. In doing so, I also signify both his responsibility to me, my reliance on him, and the co-operative nature of our bond.

      I guess the alternative is to invent a totally new last name for the married couple?

      Reply

    • Grant says:

      12:38pm | 05/02/11

      I have been divorced for 2 years after 18 of marraige and, much to my surprise, my ex-wife has kept my surname, even though her maiden name sounds much better. The reason? Because she wants to have the same name as our children. When we got married, she was going to keep her maiden name, but change her mind at the last minute. I had no opinion on it or input into her decision. As others have pointed out; its a personal thing. As long as a woman makes the choice freely and for herself, it doesnt matter what anyone else thinks, feminist or traditionalist.

      Reply

    • Christopher Sharp says:

      12:59pm | 05/02/11

      It sounds like this article started because ‘feminists’ criticised Rebecca Judd. In light of that, far from being a ‘non-issue’, this article instead becomes a spirited defence of someone’s right to use their partner’s surname.

      Only thing is, I’m just a casual reader of feminist blogs and opinion pieces, but I can’t find this criticism Rita’s referring to. Okay, so there are some comments on the following piece:

      http://www.heraldsun.com.au/news/national/to-change-or-not-to-change/comments-e6frf7l6-1225992934354

      But we’re not talking about a concerted attack here, like Rita somewhat suggests it to be. Hell, there isn’t even a criticism there of Mrs. Judd herself; just the idea of name changing. So as far as I’m concerned this whole article is a waste of time.

      On a side note, I’m giving serious thought to changing my surname to my partner’s when we marry, she having no brother to, ahem, ‘carry on the name’. I’d lose a nickname, but I’d get to keep my initials. We’re also friends with a couple who, when they married, created a new surname for themselves, rather than be burdened with the hyphen.

      Reply

    • bec says:

      01:26pm | 05/02/11

      I too am fascinated to find where this feminist criticism of Rebecca Judd is coming from. My usual daily blogs and newsfeeds have brought up nothing. Is there now a super-secret elite feminist cabal discussing WAGs and stilettoes that us regular schleppy feminists don’t have access to?

    • Emm says:

      11:24pm | 05/02/11

      You two obviously haven’t heard of Google! LOL there was lots of criticism of Twigley when she became Judd including a Op-Ed piece in the Herald Sun written by Sally Morrell. Google it.

    • Ben81 says:

      01:01pm | 05/02/11

      “Welcome to San Francisco. I’m Peter Thompson. This is my wife, Nancy Jarvis, and our son, Brian Thompson-Jarvis”

      Ahhh, South Park.

      Reply

    • Mary Monica Roche says:

      01:22pm | 05/02/11

      Your comment:
      Should feminists take their mothers surnames?

      Reply

    • Kate says:

      03:53pm | 05/02/11

      I’ve read The Punch since it started but this article makes me question how rigourous your editorial standards are. I too haven’t heard feminists up in arms over the Twigley name change. Saying feminists are “desperately clinging” to maiden names is subjectively inventing an issue. The line “studies show 9 out of 10” reads like a cliche ridden uni assignment. What studies exactly?  And using Hillary Rodham Clinton as an example of someone who ditched her maiden name when she in fact kept it is journalistic suicide. C’mon Punch, you’re meant to be some sort of gatekeeper that spares us from this sort of tosh on the net. (and usually do!)

      Reply

    • P.Dipper says:

      04:13pm | 05/02/11

      Well i have be separated for over 16 months and i didnt have any kidz in the 10 years of marrage,So i dont wish to those who have children change there names back to the mothers maiden name in anger to there x husbands,but a women being married and having to take the husband surname just to have a identity with that family… i do wish my x wife does change to her maiden name because she doesnt deserve mine ..but thats just my opinion.. grin

      Reply

    • Gannik says:

      04:15pm | 05/02/11

      Simple. By taking your husbands name, you have symbolically submitted to be his property, (which in the past was simply part of the marriage contract… hence the “giving away” by the father (and not the mother)

      In fact by marrying you have shown how unempowered you are. Marriage is an archaic and exclusive insitution that isn’t legally required in the 21st century, and can’t be obtained by anyone except straights!

      At least thats one opinion. As far as I’m concerned you should be able to marry whoever you want, and change your name to whatever you wish. Too bad all the stickybeaks love to jab their noses in where it isn’t wanted.

      Reply

    • James In Footscray says:

      04:31pm | 05/02/11

      That is some straw man!

      Where are these feminists who’ve called Rebecca Twigley a ‘traitor’? Where’s this on-going criticism of high-profile women changing their names? And where are the feminists ‘obsessing’ about ‘symbolism and semantics’?

      Reply

    • Emm says:

      11:31pm | 05/02/11

      James you don’t read much obviously. This has been tiresome issue for yonks. Lots of feminists have written about it I remember a particulary silly article by Catherine Deveny. When Rebecca Twigley got married Sally Morrell wrote an article in Herald Sun criticizing her for it & every other women who makes the same decision. It’s always a topic of discussion and thank god someone with some sense has finally tackled it. Only thing I don’t agree with is the easy dismissal of hyphenated names.

    • bec says:

      08:46am | 06/02/11

      Sally Morrell? Noted feminist whose main accomplishment is… marrying noted anti-feminist Andrew Bolt? Fail. Just… fail.

    • Jan says:

      12:15pm | 06/02/11

      You are nasty and bitter, Bec? Mandatory for feminists these days as is a complete inability to think rationally. Sally Morrell’s biggest accompolishment is marrying Andrew Bolt? How dismissive of you. Jealous that she is a widely read columnist while you troll just comments sections? You own fail.

    • bec says:

      04:54pm | 06/02/11

      Jealous? If I had any inclination to be an author of journalist I might be, but given that I’m not it seems quite impossible. Widely read? Our standards clearly differ. Mind, I do read *real* news papers, so that would explain it. And what is a “you own fail”? Do I have to buy it to possess it or is it available through some sort of trade-in scheme at a servo, much like barbecue gas?

    • Grumpy says:

      04:44pm | 05/02/11

      Problem with feminist movements or anyone who is fighting for human rights, is they do it from a position of wealth. The people who really need help in human rights rarely have a voice or the attention of the public because we are so far removed from the real problems that humans face in other countries. Feminism just isn’t important anymore, life for women and as a result men, partially because of feminism is just how it is!. its normal now. whats that saying? flogging a dead horse…. Its human rights thats important, feminism is now a contradiction of human rights….the idea of a group that supports 50% of the population seems a little outdated. Before my time i guess. May as well be a black panther or something. get over it, you can do whatever you like these days. Theres kids starving to death.

      Reply

    • James In Footscray says:

      09:14pm | 05/02/11

      Grumpy, I think we can walk and chew gum, as it were ... we can help starving kids and argue for gender equality at the same time.

    • Denise Webber says:

      05:00pm | 05/02/11

      I took my Mums maiden name when I changed my name, to honour her for the way she brought me up, I kept my maiden name after I got married, made it easier when I got divorced. My kids managed just fine with me not sharing their surname.

      There was nothing feminist in it at all.

      Reply

    • Truther says:

      05:46pm | 05/02/11

      Feminism is all about man hate. It’s just another Communist oppressed group to divide and conqueror. Women, Blacks, Lesbians, Bisexuals Homosexuals, Atheists, Witch’s, Jews, Zionists, Other Ethic Minority’s, all claiming oppression, Why not add the planet to the oppressed class’s and climate? all this oppression caused by the evil white straight racist christian man.

      I suggest you people look up critical theory and Frankfurt school, Intellectual subversive cultural communist to find out where feminism was born. It’ was born on lies! Feminism’s main purpose was to divide the western man and western women and to weaken the cohesion of western nations against the communist agenda . All oppressed class’s are used to divide and conqueror. Minority’s are given moral high ground, while the majority’s are told they are good for nothing. Most of them believe in this delusion.

      Reply

    • bec says:

      08:49am | 06/02/11

      A-. Conspiracy theories, indiscriminate capitalisation, blaming it on the commies all make for top quality crazy trolling.

      Next time, if you don’t include the Illuminati or ivory tower elitists, you’ve pulled up too short.

    • Truther says:

      10:03am | 06/02/11

      Keep telling your self how Communism is so great. It’s a delusional ideology that relies more on ego then logic and reason to keep it together.
      Liberalism is the child of Communism.  The West is falling into decay because of the communist influence in America, UK, France, Germany.

    • bec says:

      10:52am | 06/02/11

      I don’t think communism is great in the slightest. I just think you’re batshit insane, so I’m reading your comment as though it were performance art to help preserve my faith in humanity.

    • Concerned says:

      12:31pm | 06/02/11

      Bec I don’t think you are in any position to judge if someone is “batshit insane” as you put it. I’ve only started reading The Punch this weekend and your idiotic comments are everywhere! How about getting a life or even better getting an education. Judging by your comments you could do with both.
      On this issue I’m also sick of feminists telling women how to live their lives and what decisions to make. I had heated discussion with 2 work colleagues who were very critical of my decision to use my husband’s name. Feminists are irrelevant in 2011. Read the garbage that Greer, Cox and their less accompolished sisters write and you realise why young women would rather be called fat than a feminist.

    • Alex the commie gay feminist says:

      03:17pm | 06/02/11

      @ Bec, you sound like a grounded and interesting person. Keep up the good work.
      Most people are biased and ignorant and heavily influenced by culture and family so you will always have women not understanding what feminism is and balless men scared of it

    • Steve M says:

      11:13am | 07/02/11

      Concerned, thank you! You are obvoiusly an experienced goose spotter

    • Kate says:

      06:21pm | 05/02/11

      I can’t wait to change my name when I get married, but it’s nothing to do with feminism or lack thereof. I just think my last name is shit and inspires dumb jokes. Also, it’s rather boring, whereas my boyfriend has an awesome Irish surname that I love.

      My parents are not offended that I’m choosing to ditch their surname, and my boyfriend probably wouldn’t care if I wanted to keep it. For many women it’s a bit of a non-issue.

      Reply

    • Loxy says:

      07:04pm | 05/02/11

      Little hypocritical Rita don’t you think to state that women who don’t change their name are clinging to their fathers but how dare we make any comments on those who do change their names.

      I’m all for the family having the same name but why should it always be the women to change her name? If logic dictated instead of a silly tradition then the married couple would choose the best surname and go with it! In my case, I happen to really like my surname, it’s simple, easy to say and spell and quite trendy. My husband’s is the complete opposite, as such I didn’t take it and he didn’t mind at all.

      If a women truly wants to change her name to her husbands then go for it. However, in my experience most women change their name because their husbands expect or even demand it - hardly empowering!

      Reply

    • Ian says:

      08:08pm | 05/02/11

      My second (and Current and I hope forever wife) has retained the surname of he first husband.  This was for her son’s sake.  We then adopted a wonderful child who bears my surname.  I I have to admit I struggled with the concept of her having the surname of my wife’s previous husband although I had no problem with her maiden name being part of the equation.  So the children (including two from my first marriage) have different surnames - they have no problems with this, nor do their friends - it is only the adults that struggle.
      Recent occurrence- daughter traveled to Brisbane with her brother to visit family.  They were being picked up by my wife’s ex.  Question from Qantas ” What is the relationship of the adult receiving the child’ ...  ‘It is her brother’s father, it will not be on your drop down choices’.
      Complexity is good if only to confuse the crap out of us old farts

      Reply

    • heather says:

      09:01am | 07/02/11

      I also kept the name of my first husband, the father of my children. My current husband - and best friend - couldn’t care less. The reasons I call myself by my first husband’s name is because I have been known as that for 20 years…that name is “me” now; also, I am a professional person, and degrees etc are in this name, it goes really well with my first name; and I didn’t feel that my birth name reflected my personality and how I had grown from my immature youth (feminists should be more concerned about calling their birth names, “maiden” names, now THAT is sexist) . I sometimes use my current husband’s name too, say when booking hotel or restaurants. I am not in the least a feminist, but consider this really trivial, and so does my husband. However, I am good friends with my first husband, and perhaps, if I hated him, I might not use his name.

    • Jean-mic says:

      08:42pm | 05/02/11

      Interesting and strong article and equally strong counter opinions on the piece in comments. 

      Before Feminism, before humanism or even chauvinism was the bilateral choice to bind oneself to only one other as the most important unit of currency that society has; the couple. 

       In this age of same sex couples, bound as they may be in the same deep commitment, the absolute position will be established. Are you ms jones or ms jones-smith or ms smith-jones in a lesbian couple; I know many jones-smiths many smith-jones and many just jones’. 

      To my mind the argument is not about the perceived primacy of  The individual over that the family or couple. It is not a gender thing.

      Reply

    • jg says:

      10:40pm | 05/02/11

      My name goes all the way back to 1066 and the invasion at Normandy. It is a long and distinguished line, yet my partner and I have decided to join our names and hyphenate it.

      It seems the fair thing to do.

      Reply

    • Amelie says:

      11:04pm | 05/02/11

      Feminists address all kinds of issues that effect women, semantics and language being one of them because language plays such a fundamental role in how we interpret and experience the world. An interest in language and semantics doesn’t exclude feminists from addressing other issues that effect women such as female genital mutilation, a practise which has been brought to light precisely because of the analysis and actions of feminist women around the world. The fact that women are compelled to identify ourselves by the names of our fathers or husbands alone should be a ‘light bulb moment’ to women, not a reason to bag out feminists.

      Reply

    • marley says:

      11:51am | 06/02/11

      I’m unaware of any law “compelling” women to adopt the name of their husband. I don’t think there ever was such a law.  50 years ago, it was certainly customary, but not mandatory, so far as I know.  And these days, it’s not even all that customary.  Oh, and there are places where the woman MUST use her maiden name. 

      Personally, I prefer the option.  Feminism was always about giving women the freedom to choose, not about forcing them into a mold.

    • Anna says:

      11:11pm | 05/02/11

      If it’s just about the whole family having the same name, then why does it have to always be the woman who changes her name?  Why don’t more couples sit down and figure out which name means more to them, or just which one they like better?  And what about couples who don’t intend on having kids?  Should the woman still be under pressure to change her name? 

      I’ll be keeping my name, because I like it and it’s part of who I am.  If anyone else has a problem with that, they can bite me.

      Reply

    • loxy says:

      11:49am | 07/02/11

      Anna I completely agree! I don’t really consider myself a feminist but I am all for equality and there is nothing equal about the fact that it is women changing their surnames the majority of time! Nor do I believe the argument that women are (for the most part) choosing to change their names. Most men I’ve come across expect their wife to change their name and women mostly concede simply because it’s how it’s always been done. I’ve had many a friend who wanted to keep her surname but changed it under pressure from her husband! My lovely husband luckily didn’t mind at all that I kept my name!

    • Robert Smissen, rural SA, God's own country says:

      11:20pm | 05/02/11

      I don’t have a surname I’m Jess’s Dad, the first time I turned up to watch her play lacrosse a couple of girls asked whose father I was (It was a team of teens & adults) When I replied that I wasn’t necesarily someone’s dad & that I could be a team member’s husband or boyfriend, They replied Nah that’s not possible we know all the married one & that I was too old to be anyone’s boyfriend. So from that day onward if I bought a raffle ticket, I’d just write Jess’s Dad on the ticket stub, they always found me when I’d won something

      Reply

    • Robert Smissen, rural SA, God's own country says:

      11:24pm | 05/02/11

      Claudia Schiffer broke off an engagement to a bloke named Peter Brains because if she hyphenated that she’d be known as Claudia Schiffer Brains

      Reply

    • Robert Smissen, rural SA, God's own country says:

      11:28pm | 05/02/11

      Yes it would seem that taking your partner’s name or not is HUGELY important but female genital mutilation is of no importance to uber feminists, I wonder why? ? ?

      Reply

    • lou says:

      02:00am | 06/02/11

      I am so tired of reading about the evil feminists! Feminism is meant to be about equality and if it still isn’t equal between the sexes in something as simple and visible as a name then I can see why thats an issue.

      It’s frustrating to see that interpreted as ‘oh no they are angry because we are changing our names’ - that is not the feminist focus at all. Men and women should be socially free and able to change their names any which way. Same to gay couples.

      Reply

    • Erick says:

      05:59am | 06/02/11

      If this isn’t a feminist issue, why are so many feminists up in arms about it in the comments?

      Reply

    • lou says:

      12:34pm | 06/02/11

      It is a feminist issue! But i think its cheap to change the focus to women being angry at other women for changing their names. It’s about making it equal between men and women.

      It’s further frustrating that you think that just because people comment on something that they must be coming from a feminist perspective!!

    • Double Barrel says:

      06:51am | 06/02/11

      A friend of mine added his wife’s name to his - such style!

      Reply

    • Spike says:

      08:53am | 06/02/11

      Don’t know who styles her hair but she would look a lot more presentable if she cut off about 6 inches of it. Looks pretty scruffy to me. Might give Bill a trim as well!!

      Reply

    • xyz says:

      09:24am | 06/02/11

      Off topic… but I couldn’t agree more.

    • xyz says:

      09:19am | 06/02/11

      Rita says “Why would any mother want to have a name different to that of her child?”.

      Why not? Why should the child be given the father’s name instead ot the mother’s name? Who cares? This is a straw man argument put up by Rita to support her nonsense article.

      It’s just tradition and has nothing to do with feminists but everything to do with being female or a fair-minded male.

      If the act of changing your surname upon marriage means that you are showing your love and devotion to your spouse, then why don’t most men do this? Why is it only expected that women must do this?

      Reply

    • AJ says:

      09:52am | 06/02/11

      Fantastic article & by the number of irrational, nasty comments from rabid feminists it has definitely struck a chord. Keep up the great work.

      Those claiming that feminists don’t think this is an issue have been living in a cave for the last 40 years. Are you guys serious?

      Reply

    • Chris says:

      12:04pm | 06/02/11

      Great read and you are on the money AJ about the irrationality of feminists. They are now pretending that Hillary Clinton isn’t really called Hillary Clinton so shouldn’t be used as an example lol!  Someone alert every newspaper editor in the world. Since when has she ever been referred to with a hyphenated name?
      But if you want to see some really crazy feminist nonsense on this issue then try the Lucy Stoner league. Those ladies are nuts.

    • Lauren says:

      01:08pm | 06/02/11

      “Footy WAG and mum-to-be, Rebecca Judd (nee Twigley) is the latest high profile woman to be criticized for her decision to adopt her husband’s name.”

      What? Where? Oh right, Herald Sun. Now that’s just cheating, Rita!

      Seriously, women changing/not changing their surnames is a PERSONAL issue, and just as people shouldn’t judge women for adopting their husband’s surname, you’ll do well to remember not to judge those women who ‘cling’ to their “father’s name in preference to the one shared by your husband and children”.

      Here’s an idea - stop the feminazi BS and actually write an article on female genital mutilation in Australia.

      Reply

    • Emm says:

      10:00am | 07/02/11

      I love this article and the angry response it’s generated from fickle feminists but I agree with you that I would love to see something written about female genital mutilation in Australia. To be honest I never thought it was a problem until reading those stats. The issue deserves more media attention.

    • Megan says:

      02:38pm | 06/02/11

      Rebecca is a smart woman not just a pretty face. If we are going to abandon the traditions of marriage then what about a father giving away his daughter?

      Interesting that all the angry feminists rants about this article not one has mentioned the shocking genital mutilation statistics quoted. They prove the authors point that feminists are obsessed with semantics over substance.

      Reply

    • Aunt Melanie says:

      03:21pm | 06/02/11

      Honestly.  You are all young whipper-snappers I guess.  Back in the 50s and early 60s women not only took their husbands’ surnames, but were actually referred to as Mrs. John Smith.  There was no mention of her name at all in formal situations.  We got from there to the option of keeping your maiden name in the 70s.  I took my husband’s surname and kept it after divorce so mine would be the same as my children’s names.  Now I have stopped using Mrs. and went back to Ms.  Who knows…if I ever marry again I may make up a new name completely!

      Reply

    • Sara says:

      09:47am | 07/02/11

      Whilst I was married, my grandmother insisted on sending me cards addressed to ‘Mrs John Smith’, even though I had kept my name. I wouldn’t have minded if she had written ‘Mrs Sara Smith’, but referring to me like I had no identity beyond being Mr Smith’s wife really did annoy me.

    • LG says:

      11:24am | 08/02/11

      I find it incredibly insulting to be referred to as Mrs John Smith. I changed my name after marriage to that of my husband so that our family could have the one name. Not so that I could forfeit my identity or become his property.

    • Eno The Wonderdog says:

      04:01pm | 06/02/11

      I think it’s Finland where my son would be called “Enosson” and my a daughter called “Thewife’sdottir” as a surname. How cool is that? Geneaology is apparently a bitch though.

      My wife is on her second marriage - changed her name back to maiden name and then to mine after her divorce ‘cause she felt it was the right thing to do. She is the bacon winner - I’m “Mr Mum”. Go figure the dynamics..

      Reply

    • marley says:

      06:20pm | 06/02/11

      No, Iceland.  I used to work with a guy whose last name was Sigurdson - because his dad’s first name was Sigurd.  His sister’s last name, so far as I recall, was Sigurdsdottir.  Still patrilineal, but with a twist.  And I believe Iceland also allows matrilineal   names as well.

    • Ray says:

      03:26pm | 07/02/11

      Jesus Marley you are hard work

    • Carl says:

      05:25pm | 06/02/11

      Feminists stop being in relevant in the early 80s. Calling them man haters is misleading as they hate women who don’t agree with them more than men.

      Reply

    • Valerie MacDworkin says:

      06:17pm | 06/02/11

      How does choosing your father’s name over that of your husband make you any more independent? Either way you end up with a man’s name. At least you get to choose your husband”

      Women wouldn’t end up with their father’s name if their mothers didn’t adopt their husband’s name. Pretty easy chain to break. So if your only point is that neither your father’s nor your husband’s name makes you an individual, then isn’t that kind of the point that feminists are making?

      And I’m pretty sure you’ll find that feminists are tackling the other issues such as female genital mutilation. Not aware of the feminist movement which dedicates its time solely to fighting for women to not change their surnames.

      Reply

    • Jan says:

      08:13pm | 06/02/11

      That would make sense only it never happens. Of all the women I’ve known who kept their maiden name only one has hyphenated for children and all the rest had children take father’s name. I’ve never got that? Why make such a point of keeping your maiden name but it’s just assumed that kids will get dad’s name and they do.

    • Ray says:

      03:25pm | 07/02/11

      Jan, Men are the superior beings, so why not. Don’t want to be associated the inferior from birth, so why accept the handle of the second class, preference grabbing , oxygen thieves posing as parents in between manipulating all and sundry to their advantage. I know what comes first and it aint children, pets or husbands, and probably in that order

    • Frank says:

      11:19pm | 06/02/11

      Rita the maneater I like your work.

      Reply

    • Andrew says:

      06:10am | 07/02/11

      Margaret Thatcher was female???

      Reply

    • Von says:

      06:29am | 07/02/11

      Of course adoptees don’t even get to keep their father’s name or their mother’s, they take on some other man’s name.Yes it matters, names are about identity as some of you have s ated.

      Reply

    • Roddy Sexton says:

      07:25am | 07/02/11

      Men are the only gender with their own name; females either keep their father’s name or take their husbands. Either way, they cannot grow hairs on their ovaries.

      Reply

    • Katie says:

      09:13am | 07/02/11

      My husband and I have our own names still… but this is simply because we can’t decide who’s to take! My name sounds awful with his last, his sounds awful with my last. We’ve decided that, once we find a last name we can agree on, we’ll take that instead. How’s that for breaking away from all our fathers! (Nevermind that he uses his mother’s maiden name as his last name, in respect for her raising him by herself).

      Reply

    • Geena says:

      02:00pm | 07/02/11

      Since when have feminist cared about anything that matters to real women?

      Reply

    • James A says:

      02:26pm | 07/02/11

      Women who keep their maiden names or worse still double - barrel their kids names are the embodiment of the puffed-up, self-important wanker.

      Reply

    • Loxy says:

      04:11pm | 07/02/11

      Puffed-up, self-important wankers is an excellent way to describe men who expect their wives to take on their name!

    • Anna says:

      04:14pm | 07/02/11

      And men who keep their names are what exactly, James?

    • Elle says:

      03:58pm | 07/02/11

      Ah, I see the straw feminists have struck again. Personally, no way am I changing my name. I like my name - I am used to it, and my parents put a lot of thought into picking given names which flowed well with it. So I’m not changing it.

      Unless my fiancee’s surname is Batman.

      And yes, I am a (gasp) feminist. Quick, hide your bras before I seize and burn them!

      (By the way, my mother didn’t change her name, and as far as I am aware, she never got confused and forgot she was my mother because of it.)

      Reply

    • Julie Sweet says:

      06:20pm | 07/02/11

      Great piece Rita - its a subjective experience and we are in the business at Certificatesonline of legal changes of names, so its very interesting to find more and more men opting to change their names to their female partners’ names. The number of men wishing to do this is increasing, as roles change, along with relationships. Its indicative of the era we are in and we naturally welcome it.

      Reply

    • MnM says:

      07:50pm | 07/02/11

      The only issue I have with this article is that it equates all feminism with the keep-your-maiden-name stance. It’s entirely possible to be feminist and change your name to your new husband’s. I did, after all.

      And no, there’s no reason for anyone to care what I did. The problem with this issue is that both sides invariably come out with a lot of “do as I tell you or you’re an idiot/man-hater/oppressed airhead” which is frankly tedious. Change your name or don’t, it’s no big deal. And please, Rita, understand that there are as many feminisms as there are feminists.

      Reply

    • Monique says:

      07:28pm | 08/02/11

      I only just came across this, and I cannot bear to read all the comments but this is complete bull. Justify your name change on one of many reasons ... you wanted to ... it was traditional ... it was blah blah, but claiming it is feminist in disingenuous crap.

      And as for me ‘clinging to my fathers name’, bull again, I am clinging to the name I was given at birth and there is a lot more dignity in that.

      PS Hilary’s name is Rodham-Clinton, it was only Clinton on campaign posters to deal with the sexist twats in the US of A.

      Reply

    • Maria says:

      07:17pm | 16/02/11

      Are you kidding? What mother would want a different name to her children? Me - that’s who - someone you’ve just disparaged with your ignorance - who changed hers back to her maiden name after 17 years in very difficult marriage ... or maybe you think I didn’t have enough commitment to the ‘tradition of marriage?’ Perhaps you’ll look back at this stupid article in a few years & be embarrassed that you wrote it.  Acknowledging that you had very little life experience under you belt & yet you still chose to judge others.

      Reply

    • Marissa says:

      12:27pm | 19/05/11

      for the most part i believe in equality but there are limits. we were created differently for a reason!

      i cannot wait to take my future husbands name, it unites us as one single family unit. and yes, he will be the head of the family, yes i work in male dominated industries, play rugby, kickbox and yes i’m an attractive young female. i want to stay at home raise my children and cook dinner every night.

      Equality within reason - i do not have a penis and am never going to think or act like i do.

      Reply
 
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