Most people won’t even register that there is something different about this year’s census, but I will be cracking open the champagne and waving a flag. A big, bright, rainbow flag.
The Australian Bureau of Statistics gets a gong this week for being the first government department to recognise my overseas same-sex marriage to my partner, Sarah.
One small tick for the box, one giant tick for the ABS.
On August 9th, when the kids are all tucked up in bed, Sarah and I will have our own quiet, private ceremony. We will hold hands and put a line through the box Husband or Wife of Person 1 in Question 5. Then we’ll raise our glasses for a toast.
For the first time, in the country we have both chosen to be our home, our marriage will be recognised. And that is cause for celebration.
It was seven years ago now that Sarah and I first attempted to have our Canadian marriage recognised when we returned home to Australia after our fabulous lakeside wedding in southern Ontario.
But before the courts had the chance to determine the legal validity of our marriage, the then Howard Government amended the Marriage Act, by inserting the words “one man and one woman.”
When the rest of the world was moving towards a greater acceptance of gay people, Australia was doing the opposite.
The amended Marriage Act effectively knocked out our legal challenge and ensured that no overseas same-sex marriages would be recognised. And so Sarah and I found ourselves in a permanent state of relationship limbo, playing “now we’re married”, “now we’re not” whenever we visited relatives in Canada and the UK.
Having the ABS acknowledge us in the latest census is a great big step in the right direction. Thanks, guys.
Perhaps what the ABS has realised is that the world is changing. Perhaps it has heard that 75% of the Australian population believe same-sex marriage is inevitable.
Perhaps it knows that it will be counting Australian same-sex marriages in the next census and thinks it should start practicing now. Whatever the ABS knows, I think it should share it with the government.
This month saw the first same-sex weddings in New York. Looking at the pictures of the couples getting married and reading their stories, I was struck by how ordinary they were – old and young, black and white, every class and background, every shape and size – yet at the same time, how extraordinary.
The first couple to be married were Phyllis Siegel, 76 and Connie Kopelov 84, who left their walking frame and wheelchair at the side of the room so they could stand before the judge.
Ray Durand, who married his partner of 42 years said after his wedding: “We feel a little more human today.” Mr Durand reminded me once again why we are fighting this battle in Australia.
When I married Sarah in Canada, when our celebrant officially declared us married, when we signed our marriage certificate, I felt a little more human, too.
Sarah and I don’t feel not married, just because the government doesn’t recognise our marriage certificate. The crazy thing is, our entire community – parents, teachers, neighbours, shopkeepers – thinks of us as married. It really is about time our government did, too.
To be honest, most people just don’t see what all the fuss is about. The oft quoted opinion of ordinary Australians who support “one man and one woman” just doesn’t ring true anymore and everyone knows it.
Sarah and I go about our business everyday surrounded by those ordinary Australians and, quite frankly, they don’t give a stuff. Every other married same-sex couple I know say the same thing.
I’ve filled out a lot of official government forms in my life and it galls me every time. Do I tick Married when I know my marriage isn’t recognised? Do I tick Single, which I’m not and haven’t been for 20 years? Do I cross through all the categories in black pen and write my own.
Thanks to the ABS on August 9th I will be able to fill out a government form honestly. I am married, and it will be nice to tick the box that says so.
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