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Hey, Supermum. Spend a bit of real time with the kids!

Lucy Kippist

by Lucy Kippist

16 Mar 05:40am

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Filed under: Alison Gopnik, Celebrity, Elle Macpherson, Kids, Motherhood, Society, Supermodel, Women

80 comments

Gee, doesn’t Elle Macpherson look fabulous. Still so lean and tall, with her trademark tousled blonde-tipped locks falling all over her shoulders.

This man does not need his mum to pack his lunch

“She looks a woman half her age,” fawned a Daily Mail reporter over recent pictures of the supermodel, wearing a cowboy hat and swaggering through the streets of Rio.

You’ll not catch me disagreeing, Elle’s definitely still got it. But there’s a reason she has so much time to primp and preen.

The glamorous mum of two has a “manny” - Mike Tanner - whom she hired as a driver five years ago. He is now a full-time carer for her two boys,  Flynn and Cy, who were fathered by her millionarie ex-husband, Arpad Busson.

Mike pretty much does everything for Flynn and Cy, except at bedtime when Elle swans in from the Milan catwalk to kiss them goodnight.

As she recently told reporters:“There is nothing in the world that touches me more than that hour I get with them before sleep time.”

That’s a beautiful sentiment and one that is no doubt shared by thousands of busy working parents all over the globe.

But stories like these annoy the bejesus out of me.  And no, that’s not because I’m jealous of how great she looks or how much money she has. Nor am I a parent.

I did however, grow up with parents who saw the value in regular family holidays and it’s the memories I have from the times spent dagging it out with mum and dad on a beach somewhere, that leaves me wondering just what Elle’s two young kids make of their situation.

Sure, Mike seems like a nice enough guy; he looks fit enough to be heaps of fun in the surf and the waves and probably on the day-to-day grind of school-time, play-time and meal-time, too.

But are Flynn and Cy really happy to be palmed off to the manny when on holidays with their mum?  Or are they old enough now to wonder if they’ll ever get to hang out with her on their own? 

I’m not paying out on working families or the pressures of juggling modern life and childcare. Nor am I bagging people fortunate enough to have nannies (or mannies). With the rising costs of traditional childcare centres, they’re becoming less of a luxury and more of a necessity for time-poor parents.

One friend who’s recently had her first baby is seriously contemplating hiring a part-time nanny for the convenience and price-competitiveness on her return back to work.

I have another friend, who works in a busy child care centre in Sydney and she says it’s becoming increasingly common for parents to employ the services of a nanny to do the childcare drop-off.

She’s also told me about kids who’ve started to walk and talk during their long days at the same centre, before their parents get to see it. That’s so sad.

Yes,life is busy. But what will be the impact on the next generation of kids as they grow into adults? Will their early childhood memories even involve their parents?

American psychologist Alison Gopnik gave a recent talk in Sydney to promote her new book called, The Philosophy of Babies.

About halfway through her lecture, the discussion turned to developing imaginations and imaginary friends.  Gopnik gave the example of her four-year-old niece - an only child who had created an imaginary friend, Charlie Ravioli, to whom she could only speak via an imaginary mobile phone.

Only problem was, Charlie Ravioli was always “unavailable”.

“He never answers his phone,” the exasperated four-year-old would tell her parents over and over.

At face value it’s a cute little anecdote about modern life. But when Gopnik went on to explain the kids’ father was a successful writer for the New Yorker magazine who was often on the phone and more often than not at work, it begins to feel like something else altogether.

Pressure on modern parents is overwhelming and kids by and large have been proven to be far more resilient that most people give them credit for.

But every now and then, it would be good to see a supermodel, or a so called supermum who actually does some of the real parenting themselves. Now that really would be super.

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80 comments

Show oldest | newest first

    • John C says:

      04:54am | 16/03/11

      How about minding your own business and let other people, including the rich and famous, lead their personal lives the way they wish to.

      We have no interest in the way that Elle McPherson chooses to raise her family. The only public interest in that would be if the kids were in some dNger if harm or neglect in which case, if she is in this country, she and they should have the same rights and obligations as the rest of us.

      Reply

    • Justine says:

      07:31am | 16/03/11

      it might be easier for Lucy to mind her own business if Elle McPherson wasn’t constantly in the media boring us with her tales of how she is an amazing earth mother.

    • Lucy Kippist

      Lucy Kippist says:

      08:16am | 16/03/11

      Thanks Justine, that’s exactly what I mean to say in reference to Elle. I am not in anyway trying to offend working parents, or any kind of parents. It’s just an observation and I’m interested in what you guys have to say about this issue.

    • Sad Sad Reality says:

      08:16am | 16/03/11

      That’s it JC. Don’t mess with EM. She’s untouchable because she’s really pretty. How white is your knight costume?

    • John C says:

      10:00am | 16/03/11

      Sad sad reality

      I am not defending Elle. I don’t give a toss whether she is a famous model, a fame seeker or Mother Theresa. My point is that she, like everyone else, has the right to bring up her kids as she sees fit, so long as she does not neglect or mistreat them to the extent that the law, as it reflects our society, thinks it should interfere.

      You, I, or the writer of this article, when she becomes a parent, have the same rights. If you, I, or the writer of the article disagree with the way McPherson, or anybody else, raises their kids, we should perhaps keep our remarks private.

      Lucy

      See my comments above.  I would be more persuaded by your comment that you were just making an observation had it not been accompanied by the headline - Hey Supermum, spend a bit of real time with the kids. This suggests to me more than an observation - it suggests you are giving gratuitous advice in a situation where you have no knowledge and no concern.

      The kids look healthy and happy enough to me from the little that I have seen of them in pulp magazines while visiting the doctor. You would be better off worrying about the thousands of kids in this country who are grossly neglected and ill-treated and are at real risk.

      Typical nanny attitude.

    • Jade (the other one) says:

      11:40am | 16/03/11

      I think, JC, the article’s author is making the point that Elle Macpherson is in fact, NOT raising the children she bore. And questioning the impact that being raised by someone employed for the task will actually have on their social and emotional development.

      I can well imagine that growing up knowing that the person feeding you, clothing you and who was present at your milestones was not someone who was supposed to love you, but someone paid to be there could potentially be a deeply scarring experience. I could not imagine performing in the school play knowing that the person in the audience was there because it was their job, not because they cared for me or were actually proud of me, but because they were paid.

      I imagine if studies were done, we may find that these children experience some of the same attachment and other emotional problems of children raised in foster care or who experience neglect at an early age.

    • Robert Smissen, rural SA, God's own country says:

      10:24pm | 16/03/11

      I’m with Lucy & Justine, we hear about the rich & powerful but blue collar women are still working to early 20th century rules, also check out how child care workers caring for these “super women’s” kids get poorly paid & taken advantage of. If Elle Mcpherson dropped dead tomorrow, nothing would change but if blue collar women withdrew services Oz would grind to a halt

    • A Good Dad says:

      10:26am | 17/03/11

      Anyone in the public is open to scrutiny - it’s the choice of the famous that they willingly make. You should harden up princess Johnnie - methinks this article hit a raw nerve Mr Stay at Work Dad. My friend is the same , he pretends to work late nights and weekends so the chore of looking after the kids is left to his wife. He’s even told me he doesn’t plan to do any hands on parenting until they are playing Under 12’s soccer. this is way more common than people think.

    • bec says:

      05:36am | 16/03/11

      I see the converse too with a lot of students: kids who spend *so* much time with their parents that they never have sleepovers with other kids, who aren’t used to socialising with children, and who fall to bits when they’re separated for a night or two.

      I think once kids get older they need the independence and time to be feral that being away from parents allows these kids. My happiest time growing up was when I *wasn’t* with my parents, who were convinced that they had to spend as much time with us as possible. Why? Pretty basic - you get to do the fun stuff that you’re not allowed to do when they’re there, like eating revoltingly unhealthy food, saying words like “fart” and “arse” that were grounds for getting a mouthful of tabasco when said around the olds, and because you’d get to do the awesomely dangerous yet fun things that kids are automatically drawn to do by virtue of the fact that we are kids.

      Enough of making people feel guilty about time not spent with their kids - my parents rightly feel regret that they didn’t spend time on themselves or on nurturing relationships with their own friends.

      Reply

    • HB says:

      09:49am | 16/03/11

      I agree, children need to develope coping skills so that they are not reliant on the parent to always be present, but is 4 weeks the appropriate age?  Too many babies are spending their very early months under the care of someone other than their mother and that is not motherhood.  Nor should a 4 year old spend all day with their face in front of a screen.  The early years are when you cement what your lifetime relationship with your child will be like.  It will be the foundation that supports you when you hit the teen years and will determine whether you have any influence during a time when your child is fighting for independence.  Parental gulit is a given regardless of what you do or don’t do but that should not be used to justify parental behaviour.

    • Bill Whizz says:

      06:19am | 16/03/11

      The reality is that if you take time away from a career employment prospects vanish.  As an ex house husband who took four years out to be with the kids, when I returned to work I had to say goodbye to my previous career and find other work.  I was told what I had done was “unusual” putting family first was not standard corporate behavior.  My personal experience of organisations with grandiose work life balance statements is that they are just some fine words that are there because everyone else seems to be using them these days.

      Reply

    • A Bob says:

      07:35am | 16/03/11

      I was denied pay rises because I was viewed as a ‘9 to 5 guy’ with no commitment to my job because I balanced my family life with work. It didn’t matter that I was the top performer in my team, delivering near perfect scores in all the areas we measured objectively. What counted was my ‘poor attitude’ and the perceptions of others.

      This was in a company with women making up 80% of the management.

      I don’t regret it. I still got the best part of deal. The world is full of arseholes and I just have to live with it.

      My opinion of the ‘quality time’ cliche is that it’s an excuse for selfish parents to ration the time spent with their kids. I don’t think setting aside an hour around the kitchen table where everyone is expected to say something meaningful does much good. All time is quality time, and sometime just hangin’ is what is required. Making the effort to be there is what counts.

      As for what Elle does, it’s her business. I like the way I do things and my kids appear to be benefiting from it. Hopefully Elle’s kids do too. I’m in no position to judge in the same way I’m not about to let an opinion piece make me feel judged.

    • Jugg says:

      06:38am | 16/03/11

      Childcare facilities should be in the workplace in the bigger companies.

      Reply

    • Baffled says:

      09:39am | 16/03/11

      Agree! If on-site childcare was available for parents in a company, then the work/life balance would be easier, more straightforward and in the end - more profitable for the company. It’s a shame that this mentality is so rare, my husbands company just built new headquarters with games rooms, a kitchen, bar , gym, showers- but no childcare. Despite their workforce being very heavily weighted (both genders) to the 25 -45 age bracket ie. those in their childbearing years.

    • KH says:

      06:44am | 16/03/11

      What about the fathers who don’t even have that hour before bedtime?  Why don’t you have a go at them for shirking their parental responsibility….....

      Reply

    • Sad Sad Reality says:

      08:32am | 16/03/11

      Because babies don’t grow in them and working three days a week just doesn’t cut it in the modern world?

      Are you going to have it all too KH?

      Is Elle a wonderful example of what you’d hope to be?

      Valued purely for your looks with an endless array of nannies to take care of your responsibilities?

      Me too.

    • MB says:

      08:57am | 16/03/11

      KH - if you didn’t need to work and could spend more time with them, you would right?
      The point is, she says she is a great mother but doesn’t spend great deal of time. Not that it matters, I don’t know her from a bar of soap and don’t really care. I was just curious as to what others thought.
      My point is, she could have that hour before bedtime and even more. She has enough money to not have to work.

    • Muttley says:

      10:23am | 16/03/11

      and what does any mans behavious have to do with the writers commenst on Elle? How does one bad act excuse another?

    • Adam Diver says:

      12:33pm | 16/03/11

      I agree with MB. This case with Elle is particular perplexing

      “There is nothing in the world that touches me more than that hour I get with them before sleep time.”

      It sounds like its a court appointed visitation. Perhaps its the inner poverty stricken individual in me, but if the hour of power with your kids is the best in the world, surely a better life/work balance could be struck for someone with as much money as Elle.

      What is worse it sounds like she thinks herself a good parent for being able to spend an hour a day with her kids when its patently obvious she does not need to work.

      I hope Lucy has taken this particular quote out of context and if not she should be derided not praised.

    • Jugg says:

      06:44am | 16/03/11

      We live in an amazing era.  The rise of the anonymous internet blog has allowed us to criticise, judge and interfere in issues we would never dare discuss publically or to someone’s face.  How someone raises their children is another example of this.  Watch the contributions today where people who have no idea, judge Elle’s parenting skills and abilities.

      It’s an interesting era, where nobody minds their own business.

      Reply

    • Bilby says:

      09:14am | 16/03/11

      Minding your own business is a *very* recent phenomena in human history. When people still lived in small communities everyone’s business was everyone else’s. Of course the glorious right to do whatever we want with not so much as a comment from other people is the current fad, but I think, as always, the best solution lies somewhere in the middle.

    • Muttley says:

      10:24am | 16/03/11

      its a blog for opinions would be the main reason. If you want to mind your own business, try turning it off eh?

    • Tubesteak says:

      07:40am | 16/03/11

      Well said, Lucy. My mum has been saying the same thing for the last 20 years as she has worked in a childcare centre. She sees the same types of parents over and over again: the parents drop the kids off as soon as the centre opens at 6am and they’re the last ones to pick the kids up when the centre shuts at 6pm only the hand the kid over to a babysitter (if the sitter isn’t the one picking them up). They’re the parents with the McMansion and the Korean SUV.

      There’s no point having kids if you’re going to spend all your time working and no time raising them.

      Reply

    • fairsfair says:

      10:20am | 16/03/11

      I totally agree.

      I have so many friends who think having kids is just having a cute, sleeping baby sitting in a pram at the end of table when the go for Sunday brunch. Oooh and they get to buy heads of stuff! yay!

      People suprememly underestimate the impact a child has on your lifestyle. I don’t have kids and I can see it - don’t whinge to me when you can’t afford to go out on the weekends and you are tired all the time, your “career” suffers - that is the outcome of your choices and it is simply not my problem.

      The completely unpalatable thing however is when they start the lecturing on how well they manage. People who refuse to acknowledge their own failings and hypocrisy make me chuckle - Elle is just a good looking version of most parents. I say let them live on in their deluded bubble, when their kid drives the Korean SUV through the loungeroom of the McMansion seeking attention at age 17 - maybe they will realise they don’t have as much power and control that they first thought.

    • AdamC says:

      07:57am | 16/03/11

      “But stories like these annoy the bejesus out of me.  And no, that’s not because I’m jealous of how great she looks or how much money she has.”

      You could have fooled me. So, if a woman is a stay-at-home mum/homemaker, she’s a 1950s throwback addicted to dependence. But if she is independent and successful, she’s not spending enough time at the sink! I mean, I don’t go in for all this “woe is me, I’m a modern woman” claptrap, but you are doing a pretty good job of demonstrating how many women are damned if they do and damned if they don’t.

      At least you can all fall back onto mediocrity and conformism. They aren’t controversial.

      Reply

    • John Smythe says:

      08:41am | 16/03/11

      Actually AdamC, I think Lucy’s article would have been the same if it were say a divorced male that’s looking after the kids in the same settings.

      I read it as a overly busy parent issue as opposed to any of the typical Punch feminist articles.

      To be honest, it made me stop and think about how much time I should be dedicating to family and not work. My dad was a work-a-holic, but he certainly took the time out to take us on regular camping trips. I’ve failed in the latter. We’ve had some good times for sure, but for the last 10years I can honestly say we, as a family, have worked around the work schedule.

      If anything, this article is a reminder to me to work more around the family schedule.

    • Sad Sad Reality says:

      08:45am | 16/03/11

      AC, Lucy is merely showing that there are some biological realities to being a woman, and one of those is nurturing your own children. Testosterone-filled career women may enjoy lying to themselves and shaming others for their perverse masculine pursuits but the double XX chromosome wants what it wants.

      Ask a working mother of 50 what is the one thing she regrets about her career, the overwhelming majority will say not spending enough time with their children when they were young. Elle has the money to spend as much time with her children as she wants, yet her vanity and monstrous ego have her bent over shiny new cars in nine-inch heels. It’s a shame and a real signpost for the way women are evolving. Each generation becoming progressively more selfish and decadent. Every whim must be catered for and there can be no accountability.

    • Tombarina says:

      10:20am | 16/03/11

      Dear Sad, Sad Reality

      Thank you for your stunning insights into the species Careerus Feminae Generalisationus.

      If not for your well-considered observations, I’d never have realised I’m a ball-busting harridan with a knack for self-delusion.  Nor did I fully appreciate my apparent passion for ‘peverse masculine pursuits’ - I was under the krazy impression I worked in management, not as a pig-shooting brickie with a sideline in cage-fighting.

      Again, thank you for showing me the error of my ways.  I see now how much more fulfilled I’d be if I quit work, sat at home all day, baked lamingtons, collected Franklin Mint dolls and looked pretty for my hubby.

    • Sad Sad Reality says:

      10:57am | 16/03/11

      No you’re right Tombarina, you’re way better off where you are halting progress through constantly airing unrelated or tangental concerns in business critical meetings, preventing more attractive women from achieving positions of power and then rationalising same for the remainder of the afternoon and scheming up ways to convince your alpha CEO stud to see you as more than a drunken Friday night mistake. Weekends should be spent crying, pranking the CEO’s wife and getting Chinese characters tattooed onto your cankles. You’re right. That’s living.

    • AdamC says:

      12:31pm | 16/03/11

      John Smythe, funny we never get these sorts of articles about the blokes, though ...

      SSR, oh dear, here we go again. First comes the junk science gender-determinism, which Tombarina calls you up on. What is your comeback? An embarrassing, sexist rant. At least this time it was a funny, embarrassing sexist rant.

      So, congratulations, SSR - you’ve finally added some value!

    • rufus says:

      12:32pm | 16/03/11

      That’s a pretty large load of bile and stereotyping to dump, Sad, sad, reality 10:57am. From dealing with you yesterday I learned there was something sad about you but it wasn’t necessarily reality. What are ‘cankles’ BTW?

    • Sad Sad Reality says:

      01:13pm | 16/03/11

      @AdamC, admit it, you laughed and then felt guilty. I love your posts. So full of superiority yet offering so little in the way of insight or entertainment. I have the distinct feeling if you underwent the test in Blade Runner, I’d need a laser riffle to tell you the results. 

      @rufus, back again are we for more hilarious destruction? Wonderful use of my avatar. You truly are a deep thinker. How does CSIRO spare you? Cankles, my out of touch friend, are those puffy pontoons of adipose your wife sports in the place her ankles should be.

    • AdamC says:

      01:56pm | 16/03/11

      SSR, actually, you have the sequence wrong. I felt guilty for deigning to read your comment, then I laughed. I am happy to give credit where it is due. On the superiority point, sorry, but I am not going to pretend your absurd views on matters of gender (and probably anything else) are in any way as valid as mine. Though I do draw the line at clumsy and obscure personal attacks based on references to classic Ridley Scott films.

      As it happens, from your comments here, it’s pretty obvious that you missed one of the important themes of Blade Runner. And you’re probably not too keen on Eleanor Ripley, either.

    • Sad Sad Reality says:

      02:10pm | 16/03/11

      “deigning to read”

      “in any way as valid as mine”

      Te he he.

      That is all.

    • AdamC says:

      03:35pm | 16/03/11

      SSR, and now you don’t even take my bait. How consistently disappointing you are.

    • Sad Sad Reality says:

      04:01pm | 16/03/11

      What can I say AC, you’ve reached a level of warped projected insecurity that even I can’t match. And I make Kyle Sandilands look like the Dalai Lama.

    • David B says:

      08:00am | 16/03/11

      Yeah, you didn’t have to say you don’t have kids.  It’s pretty obvious from your article.

      We had a nanny for a little while, because the mornings and afternoons were really tough, with work and kindy/school pickups and dropoffs.  We didn’t feel good about it.  In fact, we felt very guilty about it.

      In a perfect world, we’d all love to spend as much time as possible with our children, without work getting in the way. 

      It’s not a perfect world. 

      Sacrifices have to be made when you’ve got a mortgage and other bills piling up.

      This article shows that you have no understanding of this.  And unless you’re in that situation, you can’t understand how difficult it can get.

      Reply

    • Ando says:

      09:25am | 16/03/11

      “Sacrifices have to be made when you’ve got a mortgage and other bills piling up.”

      I think Elle may have paid her mortgae off by now.  There is a point where you are working for selfish reasons. What would be wrong with Elle sacrificing her career for 5 years to spend more time with kids. If she doesnt want to fine but that is not a supermum.

    • Tracy says:

      09:40am | 16/03/11

      for goodness’ sake!!! Lucy spelled it out in black and white (well, pixels) that she wasn’t having a go at working families!!!!!!!!!!!! aaarrrggghhhhh!!!!!!!!!

      And btw…I AM jealous of EM and I DO hate her wink

    • Mum of 2 says:

      10:41am | 16/03/11

      Did you read the article? She wasn’t having a go at working parents. But on that…My husband and I have two young children not yet in school but we’ve decided that I will be a stay at home mum till they are and then I’ll take on a part time job if I want to. We’re about to have a house built so will have a mortgage and I’ll still be able to stay at home. We made sacrifices (or choices) like not living in the city and not having brand new cars. It can be done if you really want it to, just takes some planning and saving.

    • Mouse says:

      08:12am | 16/03/11

      “That’s a beautiful sentiment and one that is no doubt shared by thousands of busy working parents all over the globe.
      But stories like these annoy the bejesus out of me.  And no, that’s not because I’m jealous of how great she looks or how much money she has. Nor am I a parent.”
      I always have a chuckle about what makes people without children agro about people with children. It’s like relationship councillors that have never been married. How easy is it to be knowlegable, especially if you read the right books.
      “I did however, grow up with parents who saw the value in regular family holidays and it’s the memories I have from the times spent dagging it out with mum and dad on a beach somewhere, that leaves me wondering just what Elle’s two young kids make of their situation. “
      That’s great Lucy and I am sure most of us our age did have all of the above. But, to be honest, I reckon Elle’s kids have got it good. I know children who have 2 working parents, or a Dad that works away, or who’s parents are divorce/separated, etc, etc, etc. What you are born into is your reality. I never came from a wealthy home, so I will never miss all the trimmings. Dad’s that work away is the norm for their house. Kids survive, and they survive pretty well. I am pretty sure too that the 4 year old will not turn into a mass murdered that carves Charlie Ravioli into her victims chests.
      I am pretty sure that Elle’s kids will have fantastic childhood memories, just like most of all the other kids I know.

      Reply

    • Barney says:

      09:58am | 16/03/11

      I always have a chuckle that when people have kids, they seem to suddenly think they’re an expert on all things kid. Nobody else is allowed to consider hypotheticals or realities because their experience is less worthy - observation of others doesn’t seem to matter, even if you’re around other people with kids all the time and can see plain as day what they deal with.

      Everyone’s situation everywhere is different. Having your own kid doesn’t make you any more knowledgeable about other people’s kids, just like not having a kid doesn’t make you ignorant about other people’s kid situations either.

    • Muttley says:

      10:27am | 16/03/11

      lol. actually Barney, what better insight could there be to raising a child than say, oh i dont know, raising a child?

    • Mouse says:

      11:08am | 16/03/11

      @ Barney, thanks for the observation. I can remember what it was like BC (before children), I was never going to let MY child do that, MY child was always going to be obedient & never answer back, MY child was going to be kind, considerate and totally selfless. Then I had my first. lol Hello reality! Don’t get me wrong, my kids are loving, caring adults now and make me proud of them. BUT there were times I wasn’t sure that I would survive their childhood!
      What I was trying to say is that kids are a 24/7, 52 weeks a year proposition. It is absolutely necessary that people sans kids have their opinions, share their experiences of their times spent with them. Everyone has their own way of seeing the big picture and sharing this is how we grow. No-one has all the answers. On the other side of it, other parents can be sympathetic whereas, in many cases,  non parents can only be empathetic.  I doubt though many have the experience of staying up all night with sick kids, dealing with authorities if the child does wrong, pacing the floor at night because your “baby” is late then blowing your top when they finally come home safe & sound. All part of being a parent!
      But putting a parent down because their way is not a good way as far as one peson without kids is concerned is a bit cheeky, don’t you think. As you said, everyone’s situation is different and if it works for them, why is it wrong?

    • Tezza says:

      01:16pm | 16/03/11

      I reckon Elle’s kids have got it pretty good too, getting to hang out with the hunky guy who takes them roller-skating any time they like.
      I’ll bet the only downside is every night when their freakin’ mum shows up and spends an hour making them admire her latest photos, when all they really want to do is to watch television.

    • Chris j says:

      08:47am | 16/03/11

      Lucy, interesting article and it’s good that you want to illicit comments. While I agree that spending time with your children is, for the most part, a great thing. I would like to point out that there are a lot of parents out there who do not provide an appropriate role model and the pre-school or school may be the only chance that kid has to break out of a vicious cycle. This may not be true of Elle or your friend, but we should not underestimate the benefits of early education or the reality of many kid’s home life.

      Reply

    • mum is 24/7 says:

      09:08am | 16/03/11

      Awesome Lucy. Mum is 24/7 till you die, top priority.

      I don’t own my own home because I worked in the family business instead of earning a zillion dollars as a career woman. Very deliberate decision. When my (very much part time) nanny started to have too much fun with my kids, I in return employed a cleaning lady and accountant so that I was more available for my kids to have fun with their mum. And when I couldn’t find a decent nanny, I scaled down work big time and employed people to do what I couldn’t so that I could spend time with my kids.

      I realise that many of us aren’t that fortunate to have these kind of options but for those of us who have, and there are plenty of them too; the most important thing any one can ever do for their kids is to spend time with them and just be there for them. Any substitute is just that, a substitute.

      I very deliberately made the decision to spend as much time as possible with my kids and consequently my bank account and career status reflect that. That’s what it boils down to in the end for most of us, where do you choose to put your attention, what is most important to you? Many of us say one thing and do another.

      Reply

    • Sad Sad Reality says:

      09:10am | 16/03/11

      I love how people are saying we can’t comment on this. I’m sorry but when you stroll to the beach with your sarong strategically opened to lure paparazzi, I think we can wonder why you’re not taking care of those children you decided to have because they match the couches.

      Elle is the woman more women should be. A formerly beautiful clothes hanger who reads Dolly Magazine for the insight, spends eight to ten hours a day in a surgery with more lasers than the Death Star, spends her afternoons fake smiling and pretending the pawpaw-infused cream she’s whoring is responsible for the creaseless expanse of her heavily-botoxed melon, spends her evenings throwing herself at random billionaires with progressively increasing desperation on neon-lit superyachts, and then home at 1am to kiss the little ones on the forehead and watch the HD recording of their first steps with a bowl of zero calorie, butter-less, saltless, air popped pop corn. Responsibility. Thy name is Elle.

      Reply

    • Sceptic says:

      09:16am | 16/03/11

      Just a question Lucy - do you have any kids yourself, or are you one of those people who see themselves as perfect parents as they haven’t been there?

      Reply
    • Lucy Kippist

      Lucy Kippist says:

      09:33am | 16/03/11

      @sceptic no I don’t have kids and if I did I would expect to be far from perfect. Is there even such a thing? Don’t see why that eliminates my right to ask questions about parenting though?@kateinlondon love that you’ve posted this and glad to hear it.

    • Kateinlondon says:

      09:21am | 16/03/11

      You know what? I live a block away from Elle mcp in London. Needless to say, her house is a wee more impressive than mine. I don’t follow her media comments around parenting, but I do see her constantly on her bike riding her kids to school, having coffee in westbourne grove with one of her sons, or standing on the school steps, (which is on my way to the tube, I am not actually stalking her). I couldnt care less about her parenting and i have no idea what goes on in her life, but someone sent me this article and it struck me as a pretty unfair judgement on a mother who looks to me like she spends a fair bit of time with her children.

      Reply

    • Amy Sturt says:

      10:35am | 16/03/11

      This is a woman who travels in first class while her children and their minder travel with the plebs in economy.  She’s a first class cow.

    • kateinlondon says:

      07:42am | 17/03/11

      @Amy Stuart - as someone who has to do the 24 flight with three kids several times a year, if I could afford it, I would TOTALLY be flying up the front while they were down the back.

    • Rebecca says:

      09:24am | 16/03/11

      When we chose to have a family we ‘downgraded’, so to speak. Which sounds pretty weird because ppl normally do the opposite, but I wanted to stay home with my babies. So we moved out of the city, into the country on a couple of acres, got some chooks and a veggie patch, some fruit trees and a boat. Now my fourth child is at school Ive returned to study and plan to move into a different career; we have less money than others but I have a great relationship with all of my children, and thats more valuable than riches in my book. I do still get my long tousled locks tipped blonde though. smile

      Reply

    • fairsfair says:

      11:28am | 16/03/11

      Good on you Rebecca. You clearly realised early on that if you want to have children they have to become the priority. I fail to see the point in mum’s working part time so they can pay off the daycare bill and meet the repayments on the new Prado that never gets taken off road because “nobody has time”. I appreciate that some mum’s have to work just to make rent - but the Prado-Upsize disease is currently striking all of my friends and I can’t work out if I should laugh at them or feel sorry for them.

      My father worked away at the mines when we were kids (before working in the mines was desirable). He was a heavy equipment mechanic and would drive 8 hours through the night just to have a day with us kids. He was alwasys cranky though because he was tired. He did all of this so we could have Billabong boardshorts and live in our nice big house. Even at 9 I remember thinking I’d wear Big Dub boardies just to go fishing with dad on Saturday mornings. My dad never wanted my mum to work, so she managed 3 acres, as many kids and the business books. Lucky she didn’t work though, because she would never have been able to earn as much as all that would have cost (as they would have been required if she wasn’t there). What was it all for though? He had a massive stroke driving home one night and put things into perspective.

      Luckily they still have their house and kids who love them, but I often wonder if the stress of keeping up with the Jones’ ultimately cost my dad his quality of life. People like Elle McPherson spruiking this crap makes others think there is something wrong with them. Prado-Upsize consumerism is killing families. I wish more people could see that the completely unnecessary pressures that they put on themselves sometimes have really shithouse results.

    • Slick says:

      09:27am | 16/03/11

      I am a working mum.
      Not because I HAVE to, but because I WANT to.
      I spend my day away from my kids because then when I do get time with them I relish it rather than finding every little thing an annoyence. Kids are difficult. They are precious and special and make you want to cry with happiness when you see your two(or 3,4,5,6+) kids playing so happily and with a beautiful giggle coming from both of them.
      But they are also very hard work, “why”“what”“mum, mum, mum, mum, MUMMMY!!!” “I want”“can I please have” and so on and so forth. Everything is huge for them and you do what works best for you.
      I suppose the difference between myself and Elle, is that I have never proclaimed to be a supermum, hell I’m not even sure I’m a good mum, but I do try my hardest. And I love my kids.

      Reply

    • Sad Sad Reality says:

      10:12am | 16/03/11

      You should never have had children.

    • Slick says:

      11:14am | 16/03/11

      I take it you are a stay at home mother?
      I take it you have done everything for your children and they are currently having their nap whilst your on the computer?

      I stayed at home for the first year of my youngest, then worked part-time for the next 4 years on and off. I have only recently returned to the workforce full time and my kids are both in school.

      How dare you make that kind of judgement? What makes you god?
      If I was a drug addict who prostitued out their child, or an abusive parent, or an alcoholic who doesnt know where her kids are, maybe you could say something like that and be slightly justified. But as I am not, I would like you to either explain why you feel you can say something like that to someone else or to issue and apolgy.

    • Pixie says:

      11:27am | 16/03/11

      I competely understand what you are saying!  I am a stay at home mum, and those two days that my youngest is in daycare (one of which is today!) is absolute bliss!  I can be a human again and be myself, instead of a wife and mother!

    • Slick says:

      11:55am | 16/03/11

      Thank you Pixie.
      I am glad someone else can understand. It is nice to be a real person again and not just a mum. Sometimes that word gets so annoying, how come it isnt ever “dad, dad, dad, DADDY” ?
      My husband said it is because they love me more:) I think he is just hoping that it never becomes as such:)

    • TracyH says:

      11:56am | 16/03/11

      don’t listen to SSR…he’s on a hell of a downer!!! I know exactly what you mean…kids can be the biggest PITA regardless of how much you love them…a bit like SSR, really smile

    • Sad Sad Reality says:

      12:38pm | 16/03/11

      When you have children you give up your independent life. If you’re not happy to do that until they are old enough to fend for themselves you shouldn’t have children. It is that simple. Rationalise your behaviour all you want, but it’s selfish and you know it.

    • Pixie says:

      02:12pm | 16/03/11

      I would rather be selfish than be a mindless twit that can’t converse on anything other than their children!

    • Sad Sad Reality says:

      03:15pm | 16/03/11

      “I would rather be selfish”

      The modern mum in a nutshell.

    • mary monica roche says:

      09:37am | 16/03/11

      bugger the kidsand family life.
      Kids can look after themselves and any male partners.

      Reply

    • Tombarina says:

      10:09am | 16/03/11

      As long as kids are loved, happy, healthy and understand boundaries, they’ll be fine.
      Work, don’t work, hire a nanny, a manny, a granny - I don’t care.
      What I DO object to are people who have kids, collect their baby bonuses and their Family Payments, then bitch about the cost of childcare and expect the rest of society to pick up the tab.

      Newsflash: Kids cost money. If you can’t afford them, or you’re not prepared to make adjustments to your precious standard of living, don’t have ‘em.
      At least I’m not underwriting the cost of Elle’s manny. 

      PS: before anyone goes postal, I’m a mum, working full-time, and my offspring has never been in subsidised childcare. I had this nutty old-fashioned notion about funding that myself. Plus, I’d have gone utterly potty sitting at home all day fingerpainting. Upshot: one loving, happy, healthy, popular, well-adjusted, funny, sporty, respectful kid.

      Reply

    • Sad Sad Reality says:

      11:02am | 16/03/11

      “As long as kids are loved, happy, healthy and understand boundaries, they’ll be fine.”

      Sounds a lot like a rationalisation you mumble to yourself while rocking in bed wondering why your kids don’t respect anyone. Simple: you never really respected them. Cat’s in the cradle.

      “Newsflash: Kids cost money.”

      There’s some other things they cost. Your career is one. Your complete self absorption is another.

      “Plus, I’d have gone utterly potty sitting at home all day fingerpainting.”

      That’s fine. Don’t have children then.

    • Shane says:

      12:31pm | 16/03/11

      I would like to meet your parents, Sad Sad Reality. They obviously did something rather drastic to make you such a sad, judgemental prat.

    • Sad Sad Reality says:

      01:29pm | 16/03/11

      Shane, my parents raised me to tell the truth, even if it was something people didn’t want to hear. All I see throughout this blog is endless justification for selfish behaviour, which is fine, you can be selfish, but not when you have children. Lie to yourself all you want that they grow up exactly the same when they’re in childcare all day while you primp and preen at the office, but the truth is they don’t.

      They feel abandoned. And they internalise this feeling as normal. They will also normalise your materialism and self interest as more important to you than them. Is that really what you want your child thinking?

    • Tombarina says:

      01:44pm | 16/03/11

      Dear Saddie

      You’re so right.  I’ll make a point of apologising to my son this weekend, in between us going to a comedy festival, running between a couple of cricket matches, finalising plans for a holiday, cooking for a houseful of his mates and drilling him on his homework.

      Hopefully, it’s not too late to salvage some sort of loving relationship. 

      And I’ll be careful not to have any more children. God knows, the world doesn’t need another kid like mine.

      Thank you for setting me straight. And how is the weather on Planet One-Eyed Fundamentalist?

    • Sad Sad Reality says:

      02:12pm | 16/03/11

      It rains a lot.

    • TracyH says:

      12:23pm | 16/03/11

      Slick…I posted before about SSR but they won’t put it up…but DO NOT under any circumstances fall for his vitriolic crap…he does it on purpose because he’s a sad sad person.

      Reply

    • Slick says:

      03:13pm | 16/03/11

      LOL.

      Thanks Tracy, I just wondered why anyone felt they had the right to say that to someone else.
      Admittedly I got in trouble with a friend the other day for saying “Thank god” a drug addicted stripper who was drunk everynight had a miscarriage.

      I suppose we are all judgemental and think we are better than everyone else.

    • Sad Sad Reality says:

      03:52pm | 16/03/11

      You think thanking god for a woman having a miscarriage is the same as me holding you accountable for admittedly selfish behaviour?

      Step right up folks. The modern mum show rolls on.

      Publish this one Lucy?

    • Slick says:

      08:41pm | 16/03/11

      Yes SSR I do. Because I thought I knew better than that person.
      Kind of like you thinking you know better than I do what MY children need.
      The fact that you made a judgement call on me without knowing what age my kids were and any other circumstances is presumptuous, rude and arrogant.
      Don’t worry, I won’t hold it against you.

    • Adam Diver says:

      12:24pm | 16/03/11

      Don’t worry Lucy, I will fight for you, (even though I regularly disagree).

      You work to live, not live to work. Honestly its probably the most important saying in my life.

      I have knocked back several jobs paying 2 or 3 time my very meagre wage now. The only reason was that I would be away for long periods from my kids.

      I made a value judgement, was it better to have the extra funds, or would I regret this lost time with my kids, much like my own father does?

      I am not going to criticise peoples judgements, that is for the individual to decide, simply ask you, whether you have made that decision, or simply arrived into it.

      Reply

    • Elphaba says:

      01:58pm | 16/03/11

      I don’t want kids because the idea of dragging myself to soccer practice/dance recitals etc etc makes me want to eat a bullet.  Kill.  Me.  Now.

      I was looking at everything I do during the week - work, socialising, gym, music practice etc etc, and then the one-off regular stuff like travel, gigs, museums and all the other stuff I like to do whilst I’m not working, and I realised, there was no way I could fit in kids without giving one or two things up.  Just so not interested.  And I think to be a good mum, it does have to be all about the kids.  That’s how I was raised, and I think it works.

      So no thanks.  Others can do it however they like, and I salute them - parenting is one of the hardest, most thankless jobs in the world - but I’ll pass.

      Reply

    • S.L says:

      02:08pm | 16/03/11

      Elle, Angelina Jolie, Nicole Kidman and her famous for being famous sister Antonia, Danni Minogue are just a few examples of media “supermums” that makes me feel as sick in the stomach as you Lucy. I bet I have changed more nappies than all of them put together and I’m a male with only 2 kids! I used to laugh when Antonia Kidman did an mothers advice segment on Sydney radio. All I could think was her only suggestion could be was hire an extra nanny!

      Reply

    • Kate says:

      06:02pm | 16/03/11

      I definitely plan on working when I have children, but not to the extent that someone else spends more time with the kids than I do.

      Yes, as a mother, your children are your number one priority. But you can’t lose your sense of self completely. I’m the sort of person who can’t not work - I love a weekend or public holiday, but I go nuts after a prolonged period of not working. I need the intellectual stimulation that you just can’t get from staying at home with kids.

      I also believe that older children thrive on a certain degree of independence from their parents. Kids the age of Elle’s children do need their parents more, but teenagers need time alone, privacy and the ability to learn life skills like cooking simple meals, catching public transport etc. I’ve had friends who have moved out in their 20s and don’t know how to operate a washing machine or cook anything beyond two-minute noodles, because their parents babied them all their lives.

      I guarantee you I will not be working full time, parenting and managing to look as good as Elle though. Now that is impossible.

      Reply

    • Danielle says:

      08:27pm | 16/03/11

      I’m a full-time single mum and a full-time Masters student at university and let me tell you, the student part is definitely a lot easier. To those women (and men) who do it day in and day out without the outlet of a job or study, you people are ****ing amazing and I wish I had your stamina!

      Reply
 
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