Yet again it’s that time of year when having over-eaten, over-drunk, over-spent and generally over done it in the last few months you’re supposed to open a fresh Word document and draft up a blueprint for The New You.

Oh and at number 17, howsabout blokes wearing mankinis. Borat came out nearly 7 years ago…

After one last hurrah tomorrow night, it’s all going to change.

You’ll exercise more, sleep more, home-cook more and concentrate more on the things that count: seeing family and friends, making time for other people, giving more, really experiencing the moment instead of rushing crazily about (possibly due to the fear of missing out).

In short, I reckon what a lot of us are really shooting for when we make our so-called “resolutions” is a more authentic-feeling life.

Less time spent on meaningless trivia, less getting distracted by trashy shiny things, less social-media inspired angst about stuff like whether the person on the next iPhone is right now putting up a far more exciting post on their (more popular) Facebook/Twitter/Tumblr or Pintrest account.
In fact, I reckon a good motto for 2013 could be all you need is less.

And on a serious note, here’s some stuff I reckon most Aussies would have a richer year without:

* Toxic personal insults pouring out of the telly from Canberra (and flushing the tone in comment streams online beyond the gutter and into the sewer).

* “Gender wars” (I think we established in 2012 that the old song lyric “War, what is it good for, absolutely nothing hasn‘t lost its relevance).

* Driver versus cyclist aggro—which got bad enough here in Melbourne this year for some (including me) to hang up their ride.

* New parenting trends which involve even more self-sacrifice and obsessive child-coddling than the many in fashion this year.

* Scare tactics by the anti-vaccination lobby, or credibility given to them.

* Pounding of the family budget but factors such as greedy banks not passing on the full amount of rate cuts, and unjustified utility price-hikes.

* Social media platforms. We already have so many it’s hard to find time to live enough fresh life to fill all your accounts!

And since many of us are on holidays, and in the mood for fun, here are some of the sillier things I think we could live quite happily in 2013 without:

* Even a single story on Jennifer Aniston’s fertility status.

* All magazine front pages with headings including “Too thin?” or “What Stars Really Eat To Lose Their Baby Weight”, or “My Body Battle”.

* Any advice about how to raise a baby or child as happy and healthy as theirs by celebrities with a personal staff, including a nanny and chef.

* All new celebrity perfumes. As any tram commuter will tell you even one is usually too much.

* Any article on how to be a good wife, or good woman by the “Other Women Hate Me Because I Am Too Pretty” and “Independence? A Career? Who Needs Them! (A husband who prizes your looks, not your mind is the key to a happy marriage)” author, UK pest Samantha Brick. [Ed. note: If you missed Ant Sharwood’s pisstake of Brick’s column earlier this year, click here]

* Any more information on how perfect Nicole Kidman’s relationship is. Alright already, you win at marriage!

* Suri-watch…I think that child deserves a paparazzi amnesty of the whole year, though I very much doubt she’ll get one.

* Kim-watch. The longest-lashed Kardashian probably doesn’t want even a day’s paparazzi amnesty but the rest of us sure need her to have one.

* Any exploitative reality show starring a woman who doesn’t realise that the real reason her life made it to TV is so she’s the butt of a million water-cooler jokes. Enough!

Comments on this post close at 6pm AEDST.

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19 comments

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    • willie says:

      05:12am | 30/12/12

      The whole bottom half of your article is basically calling for an end to celebrity worship. That’s never going to happen while the media, and that means you too, write about these people.

    • BrianB says:

      09:43am | 30/12/12

      Got it nailed Willie. If these journos ignored these bottom feeding so called celebrities, maybe they could concentrate on more meaningful comment and opinion about real people.

    • PW says:

      10:50am | 30/12/12

      “If these journos ignored these bottom feeding so called celebrities, maybe they could concentrate on more meaningful comment and opinion about real people.”

      Unfortunately, perhaps, if there is a demand for something, someone will attempt to make a living filling it.

    • sunny says:

      06:43am | 30/12/12

      A hairy man wearing a mankini on a golf course is taking a serious risk - some half blind old codger might take a swing at ya privates with a nine iron thinking he’s found his golf ball in the scrub.

      “Ya reckon that’s a drop?”
      “No fear Jack, play it where it lies.”

    • yeah-no says:

      08:07am | 30/12/12

      Coming up with a list of things when stuck for a topic for an opinion piece.

    • Mayday says:

      08:17am | 30/12/12

      2012 must be the last full year of the present federal government.

    • Shane From Melbourne says:

      10:20am | 30/12/12

      So? All that means is that in 2013, the Australian public might vote in a new set of wankers called the Coalition…....

    • Duh says:

      11:40am | 30/12/12

      Fine work, Sherlock. We’re due for an election in 2013, so we’ll have a new Federal Government, regardless of who wins.

    • Gregg says:

      08:51am | 30/12/12

      A really simple solution for you wendy to accomplish all of what you want would be a broad brush approach to wiping away the media industry.
      Short of that, you’ll just have to be more selective of what you read/contribute to and quicker with the channel change button or at least mute control.

    • Paul says:

      09:12am | 30/12/12

      @ Wendy: Loved the article. How about we go one step further and those with Facebook accounts delete them permanently as a New Years resolution.

    • Rose says:

      03:46pm | 30/12/12

      Why? Because you don’t have one you think no one should. Facebook may be abused by some but for many it is a very useful way of keeping in contact with friends and family, near and far!!

    • Amanda says:

      09:45am | 30/12/12

      agreed with all those pints Wendy!

    • sam says:

      09:52am | 30/12/12

      I love the mankini golfer.  Gold clubs can be such stuck up places. They feel like they are trapped in a world where there is no such thing as bigotry, discrimination or sexism.  Its a game FFS., a Kind of lame one at that, get over yourselves.  They wouldnt even let me play at a course in Brisbane because my shirt was not collared.  Friggin Prudes.

    • lower_case_andrew says:

      09:54am | 30/12/12

      And how about we have fewer people being “offended”.

      This really was the Year of the Whinger.

      Everyone was being offended by something, with someone apologising for harm they may or may not have caused, to someone, somewhere.

      Being Indignant is now a profession, and entitlement culture has run rampant.

      Free speech in a modern, pluralist, open, liberal society is the antithesis of a a controlling, reactionary, stifling culture of indignation.

    • Kurisu Sonsaku says:

      01:10pm | 30/12/12

      Tell that to Nanny Roxon.

    • Luc Belrose says:

      12:39pm | 30/12/12

      To start with let’s dispense with that stupid photo of the dimwit in paragraph 1 of the item. Also the word celebrities is so platitudinous, it has lost its true meaning and let’s face it we are not blessed with too many true celebrities down under.

    • vox says:

      01:34pm | 30/12/12

      Every one of those areas complained of existed because enough people wanted them to exist. The society in which we live has been reduced to a society of triflings, ably and energenically assisted by a media also obsessed with matters of no, or little, import.
      A slaughter is in progress in Afghanistan where innocents of all persuasions are dying, and for what? No-one questions the morality of that situation, or criticises those who selfishly brought it about, yet months of questions are asked, in public and in the Parliament, about whether it is moral for an athiest by choice to have the right to call a believer, by indoctrination a “hater of the idea of women in power”.
      Do lives hang in the balance of this unimportant inquisition? Nup!
      A woman who chooses a career over motherhood is criticised by a Party led by a bloke who worships at the feet of another bloke, (?), who chose a career over fatherhood. And it is an acceptable use of everyone’s valuable time for this to draw condemnation from every side. Well done!
      Meanwhile children are dying, being sexually abused, (no convoy of condemnation for that), and generally pushed into deprivation as they run second in the race for supremacy. The “Joneses” dictum has become the new order.
      Maenwhile, Obama is criticised because he does nothing. Alone, there’s nothing he can do, but he’s a target because he represents the media’s description of a target. And it is a lot easier to just blame Obama, (or Gillard), for the Nation’s woes rather than to sit down and analyse the causes of those problems. That’s way too difficult.
      I hope for better things in ‘13, but I’m not holding my breath. Perhaps I would be content, simply, with a perceived separation of Church and State. That would eliminate so many associated problems, and I’m sure would indicate good intent.
      Happy and healthy 2013 everybody.

    • nihonin says:

      05:09pm | 30/12/12

      So you’re pretty much whinging over the fact, other people hold a different opinion or ideology to yours.  lol

    • Ravi says:

      08:09pm | 30/12/12

      Resolutions are for mental infants.

 

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