Tabby or not tabby? That is the question.
Another key question in the wake of the tragic death of “Meow” the 17 kilo cat overnight, is why oh why did he have to die so young? It’s not like he brought it on himself. He was just naturally big boned and big whiskered. And big tailed and big furred and big, big tummied.
Vets said Meow died overnight as a result of complications from his morbid obesity. Well, those remarks are just plain catty. “Meow” spent his whole life on the high protein Catkins diet, yet still ballooned out to a catastrophic weight.
Breaking mews: he wasn’t purrfect. There’s no point pussyfooting around on this issue. We might as well let the cat out of the bag and admit that Meow often came within a whisker of sleeping for the entire day.
Neither was he known for his devotion to exercises like catlisthenics.
But Meow didn’t choose to be born big, lazy and overfed. He wasn’t the one opening the tins of catfood himself. The fact that people would blame him for his size should give us all claws for concern.
Other, insidious forces made Meow fat, not the cat himself. Supersized cat food tins, longer catnapping hours, a condition in his family…
Meow actually enrolled at that well known chain of gyms, Kittens First. But have you ever tried to wear oversized gymwear in a room full of glamourpuss fitness freaks? Meow was no scaredy cat but this was more than he could handle.
And so he ate, partly out of comfort, and partly because enormous cans of jellied liver, lamb eyeballs and fish heads are an important and oh-so-delectable part of any cat’s diet.
Meow was dedicated to trying every brand of catfood on the supermarket shelves, and was feline fine when he stopped breathing because his stomach grew too big for his windpipes. For this he has been cruelly catstigated.
But Meow was no hell cat. He was the cat’s pyjamas.
Rest in peace Meow. Just as you did for 23 and a half hours of each day you spent on earth.
Cat got your tongue? Make Twitter friends with @antsharwood
The Punch reminds its readers that we have loads of budget coverage coming this evening and overnight, with two key staff in budget lockup. But while the top cats are away… the mice will do stories like this
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