Harder, longer lasting, more virile eyelashes
I saw an advertisement last night for a lip gloss that not only offered more shine but “more nutrition.”
Now I like a good lip gloss as much as the next woman, but nutrition?
Admittedly the commercial was on during Packed to the Rafters, which from now on should be known as Packed with the Products, so deliberately are the labels on the beer bottles in the hands of the Rafter men at the kitchen table aimed at the camera.
The young women in the show are in so many ads during the episode its hard to tell when the program stops and the commercials begin.
One minute they’re taking good care of their skin with this fantastic moisturiser you too can buy at the supermarket, the next they’re practically giving money away for a major lender. Cash even flows out of the garden tap when the PTTR beauties are nearby, but apparently none of them have been able to get a loan or they might have moved out by now.
I half expected two of them to start discussing which brand of tampon they preferred during a scene where they were laughing about one girl’s attempts at internet dating - no prizes for guessing which dating site she was using in her disaster-filled quest for her Prince Charming.
And at one point I could have sworn I saw Kochi and Mel promoting a segment on this morning’s Sunrise that was allegedly inspired by a storyline in the program. Surely my eyes must have deceived me. If it was what it looked like I also think they put it in the wrong ad break. The scene they seemed to be referring to had taken place about half an hour beforehand.
Anyway, even in the face of this barrage of cross-promotion, product placement and ad breaks that slipped seamlessly into the program I was most struck by the lip gloss offering more nutrition.
Now there might be some women whose calorie intake is so low a quick lick of the lips could put be enough to send them screaming to the treadmill. In fact, after the show I Googled “lip gloss nutrition” and found a discussion board with 150 comments on the question: “does lip gloss contains any calories? it must with the taste and all the kinds of oil they use, right?”.
This was enough to halt my indignant “how stupid do they think we are?” rant. Evidently, pretty bloody stupid, and maybe they’re not wrong after all.
The lip gloss ad was quickly followed up by a commercial for a mascara that promised to instantly make your eyelashes nine times thicker with just one coat.
Those claims have been around for ever. We know they are garbage, but we buy the mascara anyway and hope each morning as we apply it that today will be the day our lashes will indeed stop traffic. If not there’s always plan B, which is to leap across the roofs of the taxis like the confident lashtastic woman in the ad.
It’s like a little game between women and the advertising industry: you let us brag that we’re on to your ridiculous claims, as long was we keep buying your products in the secret, minute hope you’re actually telling us the truth.
Is it just women who are this eager to play along?
I wonder how many blokes are going to subconsciously go for the (not telling you which brand) beer next time they’re at the bottle shop because that’s the one Dave Rafter drinks and he seems to get lucky with his Missus pretty often, so he must be doing something right.
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