Imagine the same people who ran Australia’s big four banks ran your local Italian restaurant. It’s the little things you would notice first – the asterisk at the bottom of the bill alerting you, in six point type, to the $2 cutlery retrieval fee imposed the moment the waiter brought you a knife and fork.

Looking at the specials board would also incur a $2 charge. So would asking for a high chair.
If on one unfortunate night you had a soggy carbonara and they forgot the garlic bread, you would have to return to the restaurant to organise a meeting with the owner, explain that it was nothing personal but things weren’t really up to scratch, fill in an exit form and pay them $1000 before you’d be able to transfer your custom to the trendy new bistro which had just opened up the road.
Upon arriving at the trendy new bistro – which is of course one of just four Italian restaurants you can visit under Canberra’s “Four Restaurants” policy – you would find that, in a zany example of red-hot competition, they also impose the same fees and charges as all the other restaurants for cutlery retrieval, the specials board and high chairs.
Now that some – some – of the heat has gone out of last week’s interest rates outrage, our bank chiefs might care to set aside some quiet time to reflect on the public relations strategies they put in place. Commonwealth Bank CEO Ralph Norris obviously has the most to reflect upon and has admitted as much, but fellow CEO Mike Smith from the ANZ could also afford a bit of think about the way he conducted himself. Here goes.
1. Don’t use a national day of celebration as cover for unpopular decisions.
A few years ago the unlamented former NSW Transport Minister Carl Scully – who in fairness actually looks like an policy genius compared to his successors – used the last working day of the year to announce an increase in the Sydney Harbour Bridge toll. He concluded the press conference with a zinger of a line: “Merry Christmas.” It ran on high rotation on every news bulletin for the rest of the year. Bunging up interest rates by almost twice the RBA’s official cash rate when 90 per cent of the country is drunk and wearing a fascinator is bad form.
2. If you’re going to make an unpopular decision, explain your reasons for it.
Don’t hide behind some industry front such as the Australian Bankers Association, which holds its meetings in a telephone box, and leave the heavy lifting to them. Oh, it will also make you look a bit more courageous if you try to stay in the country.
3. If you’re going to attack your critics, attack them on the basis of what they have actually said.
The ANZ’s Mike Smith was strident in his criticism of Joe Hockey over his plan to legislate to give government the power to interfere in commercial banking decisions about interest rate increases. The only problem was that Joe Hockey had said no such thing and became a large but undeserved straw man in the banks’ defence.
4. Don’t write the headlines for us.
Ralph Norris took much of the fun out of journalism last Thursday when he finally broke his silence and defended the .45 per cent interest rate hike. His Homer Simpson “touche” moment came when he said “It’s not my job to be popular.” Mission accomplished, Sir Ralph.
5. Measure your actions against the promises made by your marketing department and your advertising campaign.
“Determined to be different” mighty sound like an inspirational message but when you demonstrate that difference with actions which most normal people regard as an audacious act of theft, you’re probably not really acting in line with what the focus groups were after. And when you’ve gone ahead and ignored that feedback anyway, you might want to spare the angry public those cutesie-pie advertisements where the bulldog talks to the poodle.
6. Consider the role of your own actions in generating public anger.
Ralph Norris was on a hiding to nothing when he complained that bank staff were being abused. No reasonable person would condone abuse – and would clearly abhor spitting, to the extent that it was found to have happened. Yet the failure of the banks to foresee the fact that people would be so upset, and convey their displeasure to front-line stuff, suggests a degree of remoteness which can only come from spending your life holed up in mahogany-panelled luxury at Martin Place. Expressing surprise at the level of the reaction was a Polly Anna assessment of the public mood.
While the banks, particularly the Commonwealth, may think they endured the mother of all pizzlings last week, in reality they should be counting their lucky stars that the coverage wasn’t worse. In crass media management terms the Qantas dramas could not have come at a better time and succeeded in knocking the interest rates and competition issue off the front pages. It has only disappeared briefly and will be repeated unless these remote and extravagantly paid souls can somehow harness a little of the common touch.
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