A lot of people are upset that there is only one NSW side in tomorrow’s grand final, but in fact this is a great thing for the state. It means that for one day of the year all of us in NSW can put aside our petty rivalries and unite behind a single team.

And we call this place, New South Wales

Obviously I am referring to the Auckland Warriors. However recent research reveals that a small handful of Sydneysiders will also be going for Manly.

Previously this statistic had never come to light because it was not known that Manly was actually a part of Sydney. However local government divisional records from 1826 reveal that technically Manly is a “suburb’’ and not, as commonly thought, a wormhole to another planet where the dominant species is a Nissan Pathfinder.

In the years that passed, the species known as ifpeninsularis insularisnf went about their lives largely unmolested by the rest of the population, notwithstanding the occasional inadvertent incursion by lost British backpackers. The quarantine arrangements worked well for the best part of two centuries, however with the Sea Eagles in the grand final, there is renewed attention on this peculiar race.

Indeed, many Manly supporters have expressed a degree of nervousness about having to interact with the rest of NSW during the finals season and have been known to panic when confronted with strange and terrifying objects such as train lines, female voters and Asian food.

It is therefore incumbent upon this newspaper to do what it can for these frightened and delicate creatures. To give not just some words of warning but also words of comfort.

The renowned naturalist Joseph Banks made these observations upon first exploring the area with Captain Cook in 1770: “They are a moste passing strange people, with skinne of deepest browne but blonde hair and blue eyes. Their skinne is covered with etchings of the Southern Cross, whych the Captain supposes they use as navigational devices. We sent them greetings from Mother England and they echoed back in goode spyrit: “F*** off, we’re full.’‘

For example, it’s true that on grand final night they are going to be belted around by a bunch of Maoris in front of a roaring crowd, but at least this will be no different from Saturday night at the Steyne.

Likewise many Manly supporters will have difficulty getting to ANZ Stadium for the big game because it is in a mysterious uncharted place called ``the western suburbs’‘. And to be fair to them, it is no easy task for ordinary Sydneysiders anyway.

Given half the city’s roads have been shut down and the trains are being run by CityRail, the the average trip to Homebush ranks somewhere between The Lord of the Rings and Apollo 13.

Fortunately for Manly supporters, however, the stadium is relatively easy to get to by yacht. And just to be sure I am including with this piece a comprehensive set of directions: Go to Port Jackson and turn right.
Of course not every Manly supporter is a millionaire. A lot of them are blue-collar tradesmen, and they earn much more than that.

And it is also hardly fair to have a crack at Manly fans for driving around in 4WDs with sunroofs. Clearly they need the extra headroom for their top hats.

Nor is it fair to bag them for all living in giant mansions overlooking the water. If they didn’t do that how would they be able to see the houses of Roosters supporters on the other side of the harbour?

Australia is nothing if not a tolerant and multicultural society, and it’s about time we put aside our prejudices and started to embrace Manly fans. It would be racism of the worst kind if we did not treat with respect what is undoubtedly the whitest group of people God ever created.

For one day of the year anyway.

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25 comments

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    • thatmosis says:

      06:55am | 01/10/11

      Sounds like a case of sour grapes to me. Manly always has been a suburb of Sydney although for soem it seems a place of mythology where the rich and elegant go to live whilst the bogans inhabit the rest of the world. I was born in Balmain but even I knew about Manly from an early age and the stories parents told their children which gave the place an feeling of being far away and distant from the rest of us mere mortals. I will be barracking for manly as they are an Australian side against the NZers and thats all that really matters. Go Manly

    • Michael N says:

      09:38am | 01/10/11

      “...they are an Australian side against the NZers and that’s all that really matters”. Too true. I never thought I’d say this: GO MANLY!

    • Austin 3:16 says:

      08:51am | 02/10/11

      No true blue Australian would support Manly under any circumstances.

      Go any other team, and I do mean any.

    • Craig of North Brisbane says:

      01:11pm | 03/10/11

      I didn’t barrack for the Warriors.  I barracked for “Not Manly”.  If there was any doubt, seeing that goose Des Hasler carrying on after the game only cemented by view.

    • JFrench says:

      07:07am | 01/10/11

      As someone who is from Manly (until I escaped to Marrickville) I can say that what is written here is true..maybe that’s why it’s so hilarious. I have friends and relatives who still live on ‘The Peninsula’ who are loathe to drive south over the Harbour Bridge and pretty much spend their entire lives without leaving their Northern Beaches Bubble.
      Go Warriors

    • Nathan says:

      07:08am | 01/10/11

      Love it….Come on Warriors

    • Waynevan says:

      07:11am | 01/10/11

      Trouble is, if it wasn’t for Steve Matai this Manly team would almost be sorta likeable. How can you not like smokin’ Joe Galuvao and gorgeous George? I’m sorry but I just can’t conjure up the hatred of Manly like I used to. And PS you can’t see Roosters fans homes from Manly. I never met one til I moved to Blacktown. There’s millions of them out there.

    • VVS says:

      11:33am | 01/10/11

      Dessy Hasler (of the flowing mane) and Geoff Toovey (of the Lollipop Guild) are still on the sidelines…

      Where’s Cliffy “Pornstar Moustache with Soulglo Hair” Lyons???

    • Mahhrat says:

      07:20am | 01/10/11

      Previously this statistic had never come to light because it was not known that Manly was actually a part of Sydney. However local government divisional records from 1826 reveal that technically Manly is a “suburb’’ and not, as commonly thought, a wormhole to another planet where the dominant species is a Nissan Pathfinder.

      Best paragraph on the ‘net ever.  Well done, Mr Hildebrand.

    • Henry says:

      08:45am | 01/10/11

      Love this!! I’m watching the game from the States, and still can’t muster up enough patriotism to support Manly..go Auckland!!

    • mick says:

      09:26am | 01/10/11

      Manly has been a ‘hated’ club for many decades.  This is so because the club has a reputation of playing dirty and maybe a silvertail suburb as well.

      I won’t be watching the grand final this year.  That says it all. Go the Warriors???

    • Virginia Gordon says:

      10:02am | 01/10/11

      Mate, you’re sounding like a Melburnian,. Think you mixed up The Shire with Manly!! It has a fabulously diverse population but perhaps not in the Anglo bloodhouses you visit when you catch a ferry over to hear a band. Tho being a hipster you prob don"t ever leave the inner suburbs to go adventuring:) Happiest years of my life were coming down from the country to holiday with my grandparents in Manly and enjoy the Northern Beaches. the best 21sts were the beachside parties. Admittedly when I was at Syd Uni the northern beach boys turned up to Economics One wearing sarongs and the girls had used a lot of lemon juice in the sun, but what’s there not to love about a quintessentially Australian suburb, I’ll be cheering the mighty Sea Eagles - yes I am out and proud on that fact.

    • Condor says:

      05:43pm | 01/10/11

      I thought this would be better written for the Shire (Cronulla Sharks), too. The Shire is far worse for boganism than any other subuirb in Sydney.

      Maybe, though, the only reason the riots occurred in The Shire was because it’s easier to get to for Bankstownians than the impossible drive along Military Road.

      Although, Manly is a second-rate Bondi Beach.

    • Bruce says:

      08:27pm | 01/10/11

      Rather Manly, or any other side,  than the cheats from Melbourne.

    • Fred says:

      10:35am | 01/10/11

      I don’t get it. I’ve lived here all my life and have yet to escape. I’ve been meaning to but yeah, the drive is horrendous. The people here mostly aren’t snooty, not unless you call reverse bogan snobbery snooty. Most people here just lucked it into having an extra few hundred k to spend on their house. And it costs way more to live on the North Shore or the Eastern Suburbs, even the Inner West, definitely if you’re talking about places like Balmain or Glebe. You could call the Lower North Shore Manly territory but I think they look down their noses at League and sport in general probably and would only care about Rugby Union at best.

    • cherry says:

      11:17am | 01/10/11

      GO MANLY! they are really a great bunch of respectable guys, i know them personally, they will do anything for their supporters and are genuine people. regardless, i dont doubt a lot of guys in league are stand up as well.

    • SMack says:

      12:35pm | 01/10/11

      Joe Hildebrand from South Australia - The place that is living proof that Tasmanians can swim.

      Go Sea Eagles!

    • Horns Up says:

      12:43pm | 01/10/11

      At a recent Manly game their fans held up a sign “nobody likes us but we don’t care”.....ummmm you cared enough to make a sign. They were right though nobody likes them.

      Manly fans in tears, that’s would make my day.

      Go warriors!

      \m/

    • Auckland just as Bad says:

      12:58pm | 01/10/11

      Very Funny!  Having lived in Auckland, the perverse thing is they are just as bad, hate to cross the bridge (in Auckland) for anything…  Having said that, still can’t support Manly, first time in my life I will support a Kiwi in any sport, shows how dirty Manly are, as there are many who think like me.

    • Insularis Peninsularis Rex says:

      03:03pm | 01/10/11

      Joe Hildebrand hates me and everything I stand for. Life’s good!

      The only downside to being a Manly fan is that it means I have something in common with the Mad Monk.

    • PW says:

      06:25pm | 01/10/11

      ANZ Stadium is a damn sight easier to get to than its predecessor, the Sydney Football Stadium, for the vast majority of Sydney folk. The train takes you right to the door, whereas to get to the SFS you have to climb that horrendous hill from Central. You could also get the bus, so long as you took out a second mortgage to do so, but climbing the hill is much quicker.

      And one other thing, if you draw a line north-south so that half of Sydney’s population is on either side of it, the Olympic Stadium is in the eastern half. The last time Homebush (actually Homebush Bay as the ANZ is several km from Homebush) could have been regarded as a Western Suburb is around the time the Wests Magpies played their last game at Lidcombe Oval.

      Maybe the stadium should have been built at Ropes Crossing, Leonay, Winmalee or Jordan Springs, just so Eastie bogans would really have something to whinge about.

    • iansand says:

      08:35am | 02/10/11

      The team is called Manly-Warringah.  Fortunately we Warringah (dare I say Pittwater?) bred folk appear to have escaped Hildebrand’s attention.  The cloaking shields appear to be working.

    • Graham S says:

      10:06am | 03/10/11

      That Manly is the most hated NRL side defies logic until you realise that Manly is an up market suburb inhabited by succesful, well to do, articulate,  educated ,sophisticated North Shore locals and that is the reason their hated because rugby appeals to the moronic, outer suburban, semi literate bogan, jealous of succesful people & unable to afford to live in Manly. The AFL is made up of teams similar to Manly whereas as Collingwood / Port Adelaide are hated because their supporter base, read NRL types, drag the rest of us down.

    • Kika says:

      11:33am | 03/10/11

      Pity the actual players don’t reflect the local Manly caste…

    • Gracye says:

      09:13am | 17/10/11

      Very true! Makes a change to see soomnee spell it out like that. smile

 

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