Grand Final Exclusive: Some people in NSW might back Manly
A lot of people are upset that there is only one NSW side in tomorrow’s grand final, but in fact this is a great thing for the state. It means that for one day of the year all of us in NSW can put aside our petty rivalries and unite behind a single team.
Obviously I am referring to the Auckland Warriors. However recent research reveals that a small handful of Sydneysiders will also be going for Manly.
Previously this statistic had never come to light because it was not known that Manly was actually a part of Sydney. However local government divisional records from 1826 reveal that technically Manly is a “suburb’’ and not, as commonly thought, a wormhole to another planet where the dominant species is a Nissan Pathfinder.
In the years that passed, the species known as ifpeninsularis insularisnf went about their lives largely unmolested by the rest of the population, notwithstanding the occasional inadvertent incursion by lost British backpackers. The quarantine arrangements worked well for the best part of two centuries, however with the Sea Eagles in the grand final, there is renewed attention on this peculiar race.
Indeed, many Manly supporters have expressed a degree of nervousness about having to interact with the rest of NSW during the finals season and have been known to panic when confronted with strange and terrifying objects such as train lines, female voters and Asian food.
It is therefore incumbent upon this newspaper to do what it can for these frightened and delicate creatures. To give not just some words of warning but also words of comfort.
The renowned naturalist Joseph Banks made these observations upon first exploring the area with Captain Cook in 1770: “They are a moste passing strange people, with skinne of deepest browne but blonde hair and blue eyes. Their skinne is covered with etchings of the Southern Cross, whych the Captain supposes they use as navigational devices. We sent them greetings from Mother England and they echoed back in goode spyrit: “F*** off, we’re full.’‘
For example, it’s true that on grand final night they are going to be belted around by a bunch of Maoris in front of a roaring crowd, but at least this will be no different from Saturday night at the Steyne.
Likewise many Manly supporters will have difficulty getting to ANZ Stadium for the big game because it is in a mysterious uncharted place called ``the western suburbs’‘. And to be fair to them, it is no easy task for ordinary Sydneysiders anyway.
Given half the city’s roads have been shut down and the trains are being run by CityRail, the the average trip to Homebush ranks somewhere between The Lord of the Rings and Apollo 13.
Fortunately for Manly supporters, however, the stadium is relatively easy to get to by yacht. And just to be sure I am including with this piece a comprehensive set of directions: Go to Port Jackson and turn right.
Of course not every Manly supporter is a millionaire. A lot of them are blue-collar tradesmen, and they earn much more than that.
And it is also hardly fair to have a crack at Manly fans for driving around in 4WDs with sunroofs. Clearly they need the extra headroom for their top hats.
Nor is it fair to bag them for all living in giant mansions overlooking the water. If they didn’t do that how would they be able to see the houses of Roosters supporters on the other side of the harbour?
Australia is nothing if not a tolerant and multicultural society, and it’s about time we put aside our prejudices and started to embrace Manly fans. It would be racism of the worst kind if we did not treat with respect what is undoubtedly the whitest group of people God ever created.
For one day of the year anyway.
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