Early-onset or ‘precocious’ puberty is on the rise, thanks to increasing child obesity levels and possibly environmental hormones.
Now, scientists from the Conds Institute have pinpointed a trend towards early-onset middle age, and their hypothesis is that it could also have to do with obesity and sedentary lifestyles.
They warn that Australians in their 30s or early 40s may already be experiencing a range of symptoms including stray hair, inadvertent grunting, and increasing issues with bodily secretions.
Stray hair: Males are often oblivious to this concerning symptom until a hairdresser or other carer points it out. The nasal passages and ear canals are particularly susceptible and in severe cases, the hair can extend centimetres beyond the bounds of flesh. The eyebrows are also often affected.
In females, stray hairs can be singular or in patches. Enlarged follicles produce spiky black hair in areas previously forested with soft, light growth. In one case study a 30-something strawberry blonde was found to have a single black hair sprouting from her forearm, and another from her cheek.
In both sexes, moles also may begin to send out dark shoots.
Inadvertent grunting: This generally becomes apparent when the person is raising themselves from a couch. Where previously a young adult may have sprung up unaided from a seated position, a clear symptom of early onset middle age is the inadvertent grunt that now accompanies the effort.
Inadvertent grunting may also be heard upon lifting a not-particularly-heavy weight, while stretching, and sometimes apropos of nothing at all.
Bodily secretions: Various bodily fluids can cause irritation for the prematurely middle aged. Blocked sinuses are common, as is increasingly clumpy ear wax.
The wee hours add their own burden, as undisturbed sleep becomes an ever more elusive goal.
If you are suffering these, or any other symptoms, feel free to share below, and a representative from the Conds Institute will be on hand later to sell you an overpriced and decidedly ineffective remedy.
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