Prev
Next

Gosh, hasn’t the tennis been smashing this year…

Anthony Sharwood

by Anthony Sharwood

28 Jan 05:55am

Must Reads

Eurovision can’t drown out the human rights abuses - this is a caption

Eurovision can’t drown out the human rights abuses

14

Revenge. It doesn’t get a whole lot better than this - this is a caption

Revenge. It doesn’t get a whole lot better than this

50

Friday dilemma: can school bullies grow out of it? - this is a caption

Friday dilemma: can school bullies grow out of it?

122

Filed under: Australian Open, Channel Seven, Pigeons, Ratings, Satire, Sport, Tennis

62 comments

9.42 pm. Saturday night update. Three match points to Clijsters. Please ignore everything below. This has been a totally engrossing women’s final… unbearable tension. Hang on. Gotta let the cat in. 

So I’m watching an Australian Open mixed doubles battle between four players who are almost as good as suburban A-grade singles players. Then whoosh! Just like that! A pigeon lands on the ledge outside my office window.

Pigeons. Nearly but not quite as interesting as Vera Zvonareva. Pic: Sam Ruttyn

And not just any pigeon, but one of those really rare and beautiful grey ones! Awesome! An actual grey pigeon. Wow, what a sight.

But back to the tennis. Things are getting really exciting in a fourth round women’s match between two grunting Russian baseliners when… hang on. Hey, I just noticed we’ve still got our Christmas decorations up at work. Oooh, and what about that gorgeous row of paper dalmation baubles. It must’ve been up six weeks and I swear I just saw it for the first time. Heh-he. Dalmatians.

But the tennis. I’m supposed to be writing about the tennis. The exciting, thrilling tennis.

I, for one, have hardly missed a rally. Wait… you won’t believe this. There’s a moth on the windowsill. A really big moth. In fact you’d have to say it’s a… wait for it… pun coming… it’s a… a behemoth!!! Yeah!

Shockingly, some of society’s miserable types are snivelling that they lost interest in this year’s Australian Open when Stosur and Hewitt were knocked out. According to The Australian, viewers are down up to 29 per cent on two years ago. This I find incomprehensible. I mean, do people have short attention spans these days or what?

Hey, by the way. I was watching Judge Judy this afternoon - during a break in the tennis of course - and I reckon she tends to favour men over women in her judgements. It’s like Judge Judy has this reverse sexism thing going on because I swear, she’s much harder on the female plaintiffs. I’d love to see the stats on it. Betcha the men would come out way in front.

Speaking of men way out in front, some say the women’s half of the Australian Open draw is flat this year without the absent Serena Williams. Are these people watching the same tournament I am?

The current crop of elite women have HUGE personalities. Sure, women’s number #1 seed Caroline Wozniacki and #2 seed Vera Zvonareva have never won a Grand Slam tournament, but this only adds to their allure.

The knockers point to massive flaws in the WTA rankings system, discrepancies evidenced by the fact that neither player made this year’s Oz Open women’s final, which will be fought out between China’s #9 seed Li Na and Belgium’s #3 seed Kim Clijsters.

The truth of the matter is… hang on, there’s one of those really interesting Ch 7 promos on. Gee, that Ageing Desperate Horny Lost Housewives looks like a good show. Can’t wait to catch the first ep.

Sorry. What I’m trying to say is that the top echelon of women’s tennis is riddled not just with rare talent but with fascinating characters. Just look at Maria Sharapova, who once used the phrase “I love shopping” 211 times in one sentence. And that was at a charity event for the flood victims.

Meanwhile, the men’s side of the draw is as hard to read as a James Joyce novel. Or to use a more original Joycean analogy, as hard to read as a Barnaby Joyce press release. 

The really sad thing is that Rafael Nadal will now not get the chance to hold all four major tennis trophies concurrently. Not this year, anyway.

Nadal is blessed with such blistering groundstrokes, you almost overlook the fact that his personality is as dynamic as the slow red clay on which those groundstrokes have their greatest effect.

That said, seasoned tennis observers were stunned by his unprecedentedly human, teary outburst on losing two nights ago, while robot technicians frantically scurried to fix the short circuit - and to find a new key for the Spaniard’s back.

In other tennis news… wait. You’re not going to believe this. I just looked out the window and saw a whole flock of pigeons in the park below. And get this. Some old bugger was feeding them. Imagine that.

No doubt about it. The 2011 Australian Open has been the most engrossing since the unforgettable 2003 version, which culimated in that epic three set men’s final between Andre Agassi and obscure German Rainer Schuttler. What a bottler that was.

Most commented

429Australia, you have nothing to fear but fear itself
390There's no one Thomson won't burn to save his skin
333Animal experiments won't cure me from cancer
313Thomson didn't answer the question everyone is asking
265Who murdered the Arts degree?
246A big day for Thomson, who thus far is guilty of nothing...
231South Australia. It's the middle bottom bit.
231Craig Thomson speaks. Meanwhile, in Australia...

62 comments

Show oldest | newest first

    • Jake says:

      06:10am | 28/01/11

      ‘what about that gorgeous row of paper dalmation baubles’

      Give yourself an uppercut!

      Reply

    • acotrel says:

      12:19pm | 28/01/11

      Good sportsmanship must be a sexist concept which doesn’t apply to psuedofemale tennis players?  Wha t sort of a controlling body accepts an outright attempt to cheat, such as Sharapova’s yowl?  It’s clearly an attempt to distract her opposition - she doesn’t do it when she’s practising. I wonder why we have a taxpayer funded Australian Institute of sport?  Is this another dumb sports bureacracy which achieves nothing?

    • Jake says:

      06:13am | 28/01/11

      ‘The truth of the matter is… hang on, there’s one of those really interesting Ch 7 promos on. Gee, that Ageing Desperate Horny Lost Housewives looks like a good show. Can’t wait to catch the first ep.’

      I can’t read any further…

      Reply

    • Macca says:

      07:39am | 28/01/11

      Jake obviously hasn’t met a teenager in a few years…

    • ibast says:

      06:26am | 28/01/11

      I haven’t been able to get interested in Tennis since early in the Agassi era.  Now it’s not only an elitist sport, it’s a boring elitist sport.  The only emotion (besides boredom) I can arouse about tennis, is annoyance resultant from the interruption to TV schedules.

      Reply

    • bella starkey says:

      12:49pm | 28/01/11

      Everything is more exciting when the players are on meth!!!

    • Vaunted says:

      07:07am | 28/01/11

      Ah professional tennis. Large, outrageously wealthy youths mechanically serving aces at 10,000 kph and their female counterparts apparently afflicted with some kind of unfortunate shriek reflex. Altogether just about as interesting as that other great spectator sport, pro basketball. Yawn.

      Reply

    • Mark the most annoying voice in the world Taylor says:

      09:15am | 28/01/11

      What about the most boring sport ever to be invented. EVER
      Cricket.
      Talk about boring.
      but wait, look—- - there’s a seagull over there.
      YAWN.
      5 days of YAWN
      sorry, no result.
      How exciting.

    • Lazy Jesus says:

      10:30am | 28/01/11

      Thanks “Mark the most annoying voice in the world Taylor”, I bet a college $100 some wanker would come into this debate and lay into cricket.

      Cheers dude, score!

    • Mark the most annoying voice in the world Taylor says:

      10:50am | 28/01/11

      Of course cricket is a wankers game jebus.

      Where else can you stand around for 5 days feeding the gulls your seed?
      and still get no result.

    • Ernie says:

      10:58am | 28/01/11

      You obviously missed the thrilling 7 game series for NBA supremacy between the Lakers and Celtics then Vaunted? That is what you mean when you refer to pro-basketbal, right? Maybe you were at the Opera or an art exhibition or something. Yawn!

    • Vaunted says:

      01:56pm | 28/01/11

      Cricket, the true reflection of life - now there’s a game. Comedy, tragedy, strategy, skill, danger, bravery, hope, disappointment, the best laid plans laid waste in a single moment, one chance blown and you’re gone. AFL, all ball skill, excitement and action, high scores and home for a beer in a couple of hours. Then of course there’s Rugby, the true physical commitment game they play in heaven, only let’s hope to goodness I’m not picked in the team to play this Saturday.

    • Levi says:

      02:47pm | 28/01/11

      let me guess “Mark the most annoying voice in the world Taylor “, you’re a GAYFL supporter. Wow that game is sooooo much better than cricket man. yeh man. yeh

    • iansand says:

      05:45pm | 28/01/11

      Best solution for basketball - make the score 80 all and play the last 3 minutes.  Much more efficient.

    • thatmosis says:

      07:17am | 28/01/11

      Your comment:If I wanted to watch men and women grunting like that Id watch a Porno. Overpaid ball hitters, who cares. Would rather watch paint dry or grass grow than subject myself or others to these clowns, what a farce.

      Reply

    • Justin says:

      07:25am | 28/01/11

      Change your name to “Former World Number One”, put on a wig, grunt a lot, & you’ll get a start in the womens’ draw. Gotta be more interesting than watching it.

      Reply

    • Denny Crane says:

      08:03am | 28/01/11

      Anthony totally agree, this years open has lacked something, but i beleive its more then that its a gradual decline in the game, that we have lost those who by mentioning thier name you want to watch the match.

      On womens draw, love her or hate her Serena Williams will get interest, she is not in the draw, that has effected it,

      The 1 & 2 seeds have never won a grand slam another factor

      Samantha Stosour going out early hurt, but she was never going to win, the pressure was immense from round 1, you see her doing ads, that was once the domain of grand slam winners.

      The womens only real draw card is Kim Clijsters, and we cling to her because she once dated Hewitt many moons ago, Channel 7 has not been able to get any other women over in the draw, to get them to garnish attention which translate into ratings.

      The mens draw, well we do have Roger Federer, has Agassi said the clark gable of the game, and he gets people to watch, and he nearly went round 1, but Roger is in his last couple of years now, and soon will be gone.

      Nadal - Still trying to work out why people want to watch him, being a tennis fan he is a good player but dosent have ratings appeal.

      The aussie perspective well Hewitt went round 1, Tomic was last man standing, but he needs to get better, and also to connect with the fans.

      Who else in the mens draw can get over with the fans no one, there is no characters there, all the same, its very much like the cricket, everyone is conforming to a robotic style dont be different.

      Agassi was the last great charcter and champion to leave the game, now there is no one left, the womens game will soon see Serena Williams go, then both will be left with trying to find players to lift the profile, or is that just me, could it be bacuase there is so many european top players we cannot connect, we find it easy to connect with Aussies and Americans

      Reply

    • Budz says:

      08:33am | 28/01/11

      Ahh Denny, I liked your random ramblings a lot more on Boston Legal!

      Anyways, I do agree that Aussies and Americans struggle to relate to a lot of these players, that’s because most of them are from non English speaking backgrounds. Aussies and American kids have been growing up playing on hard courts which don’t help their baseline game. It isn’t a coincidence that most of the players that have come from those 2 countries recently have the massive serve, but not much else from the back of the court, and play really attacking games that don’t help on slower surfaces.

      Roddick, Isner, Fish etc.
      And the Aussies used to have Wayne Arthurs, and that tall lefty Ranga I can’t remember.

    • Denny Crane says:

      10:44am | 28/01/11

      Budz, I do ramble on sometimes, but i am dealing with the mad cow

    • PD says:

      11:43am | 28/01/11

      Wasn’t it you, Denny Crane, that was once a contributor of pithy, funny pieces on Ask Bossy? What happened? Did someone administer a round of ECT treatments? Where’s the weird humour? You’re writing sober, serious stuff about tennis, man. Tennis! Two grown people thwack a fur-covered rubber ball up and down until someone thwacks it over a white line or into a net. They concede a point and do it all again, for hours.


      Sometimes, just sometimes, there is an amazonion black woman showing rippling thigh and shoulder muscles beneath skin of a glorious black sheen. Otherwise, its zedsville all the way.

    • Stamps says:

      04:47pm | 28/01/11

      Robots? Yet when Djokovic was being funny everyone cried ‘how dare he immitate other players its rude’. Crowds loved it but players hated it - especialy Nadal (you know…the guy pinching poo out of his undies)

      Yes you guys keep watching Cricket and AFL and become even more Isolated from rest of the world. Formula 1 gone… Tennis aswell. Problem with Australia is that we are not just locationaly isolated from rest of the world..but with sports and everything else. We are only interested in AFL and cricket where nobody else really plays it (somewhat like our american brothers and their baseball and football). That way we are ‘champions’. Where are we in soccer? basketball? volleyball? TENNIS??? any other popular worldy sport??? By rest of the world i dont mean 3..4 countries competing (eg like in cricket) but at least 100 countries.

      Problem is Australians will follow sport only if their team is winning. No wonder nobody invested in soccer for last 50 years! Not to mention basketball, volleyball, handball. Put your hand up if you know anything about handball?

    • not Sue says:

      08:08am | 28/01/11

      I see. it looks like only the idiots who agree with yoyur moronic point of view will be published. You make me angry, Sharwood. I find your brand of sports commentary puerile in the extreme. You obviously know little about the game, how it’s changing and evolving and choose to only watch the boring matches so you can have a whinge and stir up male v female commentary *yawn*. I wouldn’t glorify your comments by calling them satire either.

      Nadal had class, not making excuses for his loss. Federer re Djokovoc last night was as engrossing a contest as you could wish for and Li Na’s emergence onto the women’s scene as a real contender will be a massive shot in the arm for Chinese tennis.

      Reply

    • Yokahontas says:

      09:44am | 28/01/11

      ...‘shot in the arm’ is probably an unfortunate phrase to use with regard to Chinese tennis, given the means by which Chinese athletes in some other sports have found their way onto the world stage in the not-too-distant past…

      In fact with drug use so rife across many sports it’s probably an unfortunate phrase to be used in any sporting context. Also makes me giggle when football commentators say ‘so-and-so really needs to inject himself…’  (they used to say ‘inject himself into the game’ but seem to have shortened the phrase now).

    • notSue says:

      10:43am | 28/01/11

      @ yokahontas. Oopsy! haha, I take your point. (*wink wink*)

    • Romli065 says:

      12:37pm | 28/01/11

      Thanks “not Sue”, well said!  Clearly Sharwood is not a true fan of the game of tennis.  If he was he would appreciate the nuances and subtleties in the personalities of the game, and the way it’s changing all the time. I for one am a huge fan and whilst mourning the inevitable demise of past champions (and real characters) like McEnroe, Agassi, Ivanisevic, I am also fascinated with the rise of new talent and new personalities. 

      Yes, the women’s game can be a bit annoying with the grunting, but that match between Kuznetsova and Schiavone a few days ago was pure magic - grunting and all! A brilliant display of skill by both women and a world record breaker at that being the longest women’s match played in a Slam ever.

      The author shouldn’t bag something just because he isn’t interested in it. Poor form Sharwood, disappointing.

    • notSue says:

      02:55pm | 28/01/11

      @ Romlio

      Agreed! That Schiavone match was sensational! It ended up being the equivalent of about 8 sets didn’t it? Both women were exhausted at the end, but they played their hearts out! I’m not a fan of the grunting either, but it’s a minor irritant which has accompanied increasing physicality in the women’s game. They are so strong, fit and powerful these days! We have past champions like Martina Navratilova to thank for the beginning of that trend.

      I miss some of the characters too, however, people like Andrea Petkovic and Li Na are on their way up to keep us entertained. It’s sad to see Justine Henin retire though, I must say. I’ll miss her fighting spirit.

      Amongst the men, Jo- Wilfried Tsonga and Gael Monfils that soupcon of French crazy that keeps me laughing, and remembering Henri LeConte!

      Cheers. Enjoy the finals.

    • Dave says:

      08:11am | 28/01/11

      Tennis is boring.

      Reply

    • Huey says:

      08:55am | 28/01/11

      No! Dave it is really, really, truly, most emphatically boring as a very boring thing.

    • iansand says:

      08:53am | 28/01/11

      Make them play nude.

      Reply

    • Jason says:

      10:07am | 28/01/11

      But I’m a creep,
      I’m a weirdo…

    • PD says:

      11:45am | 28/01/11

      Iansand is right, It would inject some much-needed interest. Nothing creepy about an admiration of the human form.

    • Shifter says:

      12:07pm | 28/01/11

      ... what the hell am I doing here?
      I don’t belong here.

    • Roger says:

      05:04pm | 28/01/11

      Oh god the thought of Serena running around a court nude is just too much!

    • Roger says:

      05:05pm | 28/01/11

      Oh god the thought of Serena running around a court nude is just too much!

    • Larry says:

      08:25pm | 28/01/11

      I can think of too many things bouncing watching Serena playing nude.

    • SM says:

      08:56am | 28/01/11

      One thing lacking more than the tennis is 7’s hopeless coverage.  If pretending matches are being broadcast live when they’re on delay isn’t bad enough, last night the ultimate embarrassment:  Djokovich beats Federer and 20 mins later they show Federers press conference, but not Dlokovich’s!  Populist garbage aimed not at tennis fans but at Mums and Dads who only want to see Federer, Nadal, or freakin “Aussie” Kim.

      And they have the hide to run those ridiculous ads demanding that live sport be kept on free to air TV

      Reply

    • The Badger says:

      09:33am | 28/01/11

      Viewers in WA could care less.
      Do you want to watch a match that you already know the result of?

      Even if you did want to watch the tennis, you would have to isolate yourself until the matches start, because they are all delayed by 3 hours.
      So, if you want to watch the news on TV, or listen to the radio, you can’t, because they will either give you the result, or a progress score.

      You would have thought that will all this “more for me” crap that free TV could have freed up a digital channel to see the tennis live instead of some 30 year old re-run of an American sitcom.

      I mean really, great way to put off a million possible viewers.

      Reply

    • PD says:

      11:47am | 28/01/11

      Hopefully, the advent of digital TV will soon allow those who want to watch a sports event live to do so on the 2nd-3rd channel if it’s not live on the main one.

    • Yak says:

      12:14pm | 28/01/11

      Viewers in regional WA are really shafted.
      Not only do we get the Aussie open on one of our three commercial channels, we had the pleasure of getting the delayed coverage of the exhilarating Queensland Open? as a lead up. For a whole week. That really got the juices flowing. Luckily they would put on re-runs of F-Troop when there was a rain delay. Not all bad then…..

    • TheRealDave says:

      09:38am | 28/01/11

      I wish we got Kim in the breakup instead of Leyton :(

      Reply

    • hot tub political machine says:

      09:40am | 28/01/11

      Tennis reached its high point in the 90’s - both because there wasn’t just “one way” to play - we used to have baseliners and serve volleyers then - but also because the points lasted longer when they were players rather than athletes.

      Also, I begin to think of what hell Sharwood must have gone through working at Alpha - I mean someone familiar with joyce working at a place which promotes “laddism” must have been rough.

      Reply

    • Gregg says:

      10:12am | 28/01/11

      It’s for sure Anthony the pain from the tests debacles withdrawal is still savagely pummelling your internals.
      But you have missed the highlights and Vetronovic is it, a german would a be still maturing player certainly showed us some nice dance moves with a wriggle of the hips befitting a good belly dancer, the wriggle that is, not the hips.

      And then for the kinky, we have the Italian Mum of Schianevo like name, the French Open killer of our Sam and she kind of takes you back a decade or two in terms of sexxy tennis appeal - I did say for the kinky and she has a good grunt too - kind of a cross between a Yeehah and a Heervee

      But having our Kim in a as described by Todd Woodridge it would seem to Renae Stubbs and passed on in a text apparently ” Is she preggers again ” but looking reasonable anyway, it does seem she was always something of a lady in waiting whose time has come after being a mother, more from demise of others.
      Maybe La Nin is the new rising star!
      Still liked the Vetro vandangle dance steps and Francessca it is for gutsy performance.

      All that is left is to see if Roger has a tear to shed for his love of Australia.

      Reply

    • Thommo says:

      11:00am | 28/01/11

      Team sports are australian. Individual sports are for ego driven americans. We shouldn’t be supporting our tennis players, golfers or athletes - they aren’t team players. Simple as that. Now get out and watch the KFC Big Bash if you want some excitement and stop thinking your sarcasm is cool. It’s as lame as a duck called Obama.

      Reply

    • GB says:

      11:13am | 28/01/11

      I actually thought this year’s Aus Open has been a lot better than last year’s.

      In terms of viewers blame Ch 7 for not showing it live in Qld, SA and WA.

      Reply

    • mini says:

      11:47am | 28/01/11

      I’ve actually enjoyed the Aus Open and I’m not even a huge tennis fan.

      I guess because I’ve been plugging for Li Na since early last year for no other reason than she’s not an annoying player who shrieks like a bloody dying harpy. Plus she was hilarious in her post-match interviewy thing.

      And a shirtless Rafa is good enough for me in the men’s draw.

      Reply

    • Roger says:

      05:02pm | 28/01/11

      My wife was very disappointed in Rafars body when the shirt came off, no six pack and a bit podgy was her comment. Made my day, I’m still a chance!

    • John Tracey says:

      12:18pm | 28/01/11

      when I get home from answering the Punch daily forum questions and using the internet computer at this internet cafe, I am usually too tired and too exhausted to watch anything on television.
      Not even cricket, let alone tennis.
      Each year,  tennis, cricket and football are usually the same or very similar each year.

      Reply

    • iansand says:

      02:16pm | 28/01/11

      Tennis could be improved by a few scrums.

    • stephen says:

      09:25pm | 28/01/11

      No, by a few scums. The game is now insipid.
      And I think it is because of the racquets. They are too taught, which gives the advantage to either the server, or base-line vollyer.
      The speed of the ball is the problem, however.
      Too fast, which is turning the game into grass-court -table-tennis.

      Slow it down, then baggy shorts will then be de-rigeur.
      (Well, if it’s not a real sport, - because it’s development is entirely finite ? -  then maybe it can be stylish.)

    • buell63 says:

      12:22pm | 28/01/11

      watching sport on tv is for boaring people to lazy to go out do something with own lives bah

      Reply

    • John Tracey says:

      12:22pm | 28/01/11

      every year, the tennis, the football and the cricket just repeat themselves.
      it is called recycled sport.
      No other products are recycled so much, so often,  and so successfully.

      Reply

    • Robert S McCormick says:

      12:25pm | 28/01/11

      The men’s has been great & it’s great to see a few new people winning.
      But, when, oh when are the people who control, run, manage Tennis here & Internationally going to put their foot down when it comes to Women’s Tennis?
      Almost every female who walks onto any court anywhere starts their obscene (apologies to the world’s Pigs) pig-like gtunting every time they hit the ball. Whether the feminists like it or not men are stronger than women. If these women have to play against men & want/need to hit the ball every bit as hard as their male opponents then to grunt would be understandable. But, except for the occasional Mixed Doubles, the Men play against Men & the Women play against Women.
      There are some women players who can, & do, go through an entire match without a grunt but they are few & very far apart.
      The Tennis Austhorities, here & overseas, should impose massive fines, say $5k per grunt, on these people. There is no neccessity whatsoever for these players to hit the ball so hard they appear to be suffering the pain endured during an un-drugged birth process.
      Their behaviour ruins the entire spectacle for the spectators & they should try to remember that it is largely thanks to the Paying Public that they get such big cash rewards.

      Reply

    • Spell Cheque says:

      02:18pm | 28/01/11

      And fine Djokovic(or any other server) for every time they bounce the ball more than 3 times on their serve, blatant unsportsmanlike behaviour.

      The none-live feed to QLD, SA and WA is a killer for ratings.  The tennis has been great

    • Clare says:

      02:25pm | 28/01/11

      It’s the commentators! Not one, not two, but Three!!!!!! sycophantic gushing histrionic dribblers changing their view of the match and the players after every ball is struck. Someone needs to put Jim Courier out of his misery….(annoying as a player, even more annoying now).
      One exception….Henri Leconte…he actually seems to be enjoying himself,. and doesn’t take it too seriously.

      Reply

    • notSue says:

      03:05pm | 28/01/11

      I’ve enjoyed Jim’s commentary. He’s no Henri, but he’s erudite and insightful. The guy knows the game backward! I could do without Brooce “speehshal!” McAvaney though…and Pat Rafter was fun last night!
      He was an irritanting player, I’ll give you that. Stonewall Jackson had nothing on him! ha!

    • Davo says:

      03:35pm | 28/01/11

      In all seriousness, does Bruce wear rainbow coloured undies because there was some serious Rafter loving going on last night?  Made me puke a lil in my mouth as I struggled to reach the mute button.

      Reply

    • Roger says:

      04:58pm | 28/01/11

      Aussie Kim and Radwanska played a great game of quality tennis and the best thing was they played tennis as it was intended. No grunting, squealing or bounching the ball 1,000 times or walking away and talking to their raquet before every point. Tennis administrators need to stop the players making all their stupid noises and speed up the game. 20 seconds between points is the rule, Nadal averages 35 and often takes much more. Have some tennis balls and warn them then fine them or lose spectators.

      Reply

    • please. says:

      12:32am | 29/01/11

      I thought this article couldn’t get any more pathetic, and then you insulted Rafa. One of the most popular, energetic, humble & alluring sportsmen to walk the planet.
      If you don’t care for tennis (I sure the millions around the world who do will easily make up for yoru absence) that’s fine, but as a journalist, you REALLY need to be more in touch.
      In a country where we worship one of the greatest snoozefests in world sport - cricket - this article is a joke.
      My guess is you’re not a fan of any women in sport, or you could never master a tennis raquet.
      Maybe both.

      Reply

    • Sam Chowder says:

      03:51pm | 29/01/11

      I saw a porno that made tennis quite interesting, perhaps the professionals could introduce some of those elements into their game.

      Reply

    • hugoagogo says:

      05:31pm | 29/01/11

      I actually noticed something new this year in the in the Open Ladies Screaming…

      Some of them were bringing along tennis raquets.

      Reply

    • Honesty says:

      01:27pm | 30/01/11

      Sitting on my a#se for hours watching some spoilt ponce leap around the court like a gazelle on lsd, hitting a ball desperately to win huge amounts of money, then sulk and pout and scream when they don’t win is NOT my idea of fun. “Sport” was encouraged by the old ruling classes to keep drunken idiot lower mazing, after hundered of years, it still works. P.S EVERY year at least one child is sexually assaulted in toilets at the tennis, but nothing is ever done to change security.

      Reply

    • Michael says:

      05:37pm | 30/01/11

      Tennis?  Good?  The two words in the same sentence constitutes an oxymoron.  Tennis is boring, tedious and somwhat akin to synchronised swimming in it’s mediocrity.

      Reply
 
Comment

Facebook Recommendations

Read all about it

Punch live

Up to the minute Twitter chatter

Paul Colgan

Colgo 25 May 12 10:37PM

Greece makes the final and Ireland gets in on a golden ticket. How awkward and embarrassing. Love it. #sbseurovision

Anthony Sharwood

antsharwood 25 May 12 10:00PM

Every single #eurovision band is roxette #sbseurovision

Anthony Sharwood

antsharwood 25 May 12 09:58PM

The weird thing about #eurovision is you've got this massive collection of dorks in a room and no one is wearing Spock ears #sbseurovision

Anthony Sharwood

antsharwood 25 May 12 09:52PM

Europe has the large hadron collider which is light years ahead of its time and #eurovision, where the eighties never die

See all tweets

Recent posts

The latest and greatest

Eurovision can’t drown out the human rights abuses

by Claire Mallinson

14

Eurovision can’t drown out the human rights abuses

Last year, thousands of Azerbaijanis spontaneously took to the streets of Baku shouting and chanting.…

Revenge. It doesn’t get a whole lot better than this

by The Punch Team

50

Revenge. It doesn’t get a whole lot better than this

Last month, Katy McCaffrey boarded the Disney Wonder cruiseliner. At some point during the trip, a sneaky…

Friday dilemma: can school bullies grow out of it?

by Tory Maguire

122

Friday dilemma: can school bullies grow out of it?

ClubsNSW is set to introduce a fresh new effort to combat schoolyard intimidation, insisting on a principal’s…

Nosebleed Section

choice ringside rantings

From: They must pay for one’s bitter disappointments

Michael S says:

"A teacher at Geelong Grammar had criticised her for using words that were too long, which had left her confused and had made her doubt her ability to write essays. She became ''quite distressed'' when her English marks began to fall." I can sympathise. My scholastic mentors conveyed to me a causal relationship… [read more]

From: Welfare for breeders is a bonus for everyone

Change Up! says:

I have no problem paying my taxes. As a single, childless person on a very decent income, I can afford it and not have my life severely altered. Plus I understand that my taxes paying for things like schools, childcare and infrastructure is ultimately a good thing. A better community is better for me… [read more]

Light weight

Gentle jabs to the ribs

They must pay for one’s bitter disappointments

They must pay for one’s bitter disappointments

A private school girl’s family is sueing her elite, extremely expensive private school for not… Read more

243 comments

Newsletter

Read all about it

Sign up to the free daily Punch newsletter

Subscribe to The Punch RSS feed