Gosh, hasn’t the tennis been smashing this year…
9.42 pm. Saturday night update. Three match points to Clijsters. Please ignore everything below. This has been a totally engrossing women’s final… unbearable tension. Hang on. Gotta let the cat in.
So I’m watching an Australian Open mixed doubles battle between four players who are almost as good as suburban A-grade singles players. Then whoosh! Just like that! A pigeon lands on the ledge outside my office window.
And not just any pigeon, but one of those really rare and beautiful grey ones! Awesome! An actual grey pigeon. Wow, what a sight.
But back to the tennis. Things are getting really exciting in a fourth round women’s match between two grunting Russian baseliners when… hang on. Hey, I just noticed we’ve still got our Christmas decorations up at work. Oooh, and what about that gorgeous row of paper dalmation baubles. It must’ve been up six weeks and I swear I just saw it for the first time. Heh-he. Dalmatians.
But the tennis. I’m supposed to be writing about the tennis. The exciting, thrilling tennis.
I, for one, have hardly missed a rally. Wait… you won’t believe this. There’s a moth on the windowsill. A really big moth. In fact you’d have to say it’s a… wait for it… pun coming… it’s a… a behemoth!!! Yeah!
Shockingly, some of society’s miserable types are snivelling that they lost interest in this year’s Australian Open when Stosur and Hewitt were knocked out. According to The Australian, viewers are down up to 29 per cent on two years ago. This I find incomprehensible. I mean, do people have short attention spans these days or what?
Hey, by the way. I was watching Judge Judy this afternoon - during a break in the tennis of course - and I reckon she tends to favour men over women in her judgements. It’s like Judge Judy has this reverse sexism thing going on because I swear, she’s much harder on the female plaintiffs. I’d love to see the stats on it. Betcha the men would come out way in front.
Speaking of men way out in front, some say the women’s half of the Australian Open draw is flat this year without the absent Serena Williams. Are these people watching the same tournament I am?
The current crop of elite women have HUGE personalities. Sure, women’s number #1 seed Caroline Wozniacki and #2 seed Vera Zvonareva have never won a Grand Slam tournament, but this only adds to their allure.
The knockers point to massive flaws in the WTA rankings system, discrepancies evidenced by the fact that neither player made this year’s Oz Open women’s final, which will be fought out between China’s #9 seed Li Na and Belgium’s #3 seed Kim Clijsters.
The truth of the matter is… hang on, there’s one of those really interesting Ch 7 promos on. Gee, that Ageing Desperate Horny Lost Housewives looks like a good show. Can’t wait to catch the first ep.
Sorry. What I’m trying to say is that the top echelon of women’s tennis is riddled not just with rare talent but with fascinating characters. Just look at Maria Sharapova, who once used the phrase “I love shopping” 211 times in one sentence. And that was at a charity event for the flood victims.
Meanwhile, the men’s side of the draw is as hard to read as a James Joyce novel. Or to use a more original Joycean analogy, as hard to read as a Barnaby Joyce press release.
The really sad thing is that Rafael Nadal will now not get the chance to hold all four major tennis trophies concurrently. Not this year, anyway.
Nadal is blessed with such blistering groundstrokes, you almost overlook the fact that his personality is as dynamic as the slow red clay on which those groundstrokes have their greatest effect.
That said, seasoned tennis observers were stunned by his unprecedentedly human, teary outburst on losing two nights ago, while robot technicians frantically scurried to fix the short circuit - and to find a new key for the Spaniard’s back.
In other tennis news… wait. You’re not going to believe this. I just looked out the window and saw a whole flock of pigeons in the park below. And get this. Some old bugger was feeding them. Imagine that.
No doubt about it. The 2011 Australian Open has been the most engrossing since the unforgettable 2003 version, which culimated in that epic three set men’s final between Andre Agassi and obscure German Rainer Schuttler. What a bottler that was.
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