Levi Johnston might be my favourite “baby daddy” since Kevin Federline.
The one-time almost son-in-law of Sarah Palin made headlines – and centrefolds – this week with a secret shoot for premier willy-wagging mag, Playgirl. His management has let slip a couple of details on the hush hush pictures due out next week: 19-year-old Johnston won’t be going full monty, but there will be a hockey stick involved.
Pity poor Sarah Palin. With her already best-selling book, “Going Rogue,” hitting US bookstores this week, her daughter’s wayward beefcake ex is stealing her promo thunder.
Not only did Johnston grab attention for posing for the gay-friendly magazine – the Bible belt is unimpressed! – but he stuck around in New York after the shoot to collect an award from porn blog, Fleshbot, for “best Mainstream Crossover to Porn.” We haven’t seen the likes of Johnston since Rob “Millsy” Mills.
But thank God for Levi. It’s a pretty slow news week over here. There’s a bit of debate about Afghan troop levels, the labyrinthine health care legislation is still churning through the senate, gay rights has some riled up and others are busy deciding whether the Fort Hood shooter was a terrorist or not.
Lindsay’s been quiet, Nicole’s playing mum and Britney’s well back on track. All’s quiet on the Jackson front, too.
Levi, take your cue.
Johnston has been circling Palin like an albatross since he broke it off with her daughter Bristol early in the year. In a series of “tell-all” interviews since the breakup, Johnston’s been spilling his guts on life inside that Palin house with the nice view of the Kremlin.
He told talk show host Tyra Banks he thought Palin knew he and Bristol were having sex in the Alaskan governor’s mansion and told Vanity Fair that Palin offered to raise his son, Tripp, as her own. In the same interview he took a swipe at Palin’s all-American “mom” image:
“There wasn’t much parenting in that house. Sarah doesn’t cook, Todd doesn’t cook—the kids would do it all themselves: cook, clean, do the laundry, and get ready for school. Most of the time Bristol would help her youngest sister with her homework, and I’d barbecue chicken or steak on the grill.”
For Palin, Playgirl might be the straw to break the moose’s back. For us, it’s just another instalment in an increasingly grimy and ever-watchable family saga. The Levi-Sarah publicity fest is as captivating as that not-in-the balloon boy show from a couple of weeks back. Who could turn away from this stuff?
A new chapter unfolded Monday when ABC aired Palin’s hotly anticipated interview with Oprah Winfrey. The stage was set for a dramatic soft-focus exchange between Quit Machine 49 and Winfrey, who had publicly backed Obama for President during the campaign.
Aside from Palin sporting a set of cheap-looking highlights better suited to a Zoo Weekly spread, it was a pretty bland hour. Oprah didn’t even give us the “Sarah Palin’s here!” shriek she might have used to introduce John Travolta.
The most interesting exchange – and the one most of the blogs picked up on –involved Levi, naturally. Winfrey, who was accused of snubbing Palin during the campaign, reserved a segment of the heavily promoted interview to discuss the Palin family’s own rogue. The former governor took a few moments out from throwing the McCain campaign under the bus to address the hockey-playing elephant in the room.
Describing the Playgirl shoot as “porn,” Palin told Winfrey, “It’s a bit heartbreaking to see the road that he is on right now.” She also denied Levi’s claims he lived with the Palins for two months after the election – “The whole premise of Levi ever having lived with Bristol is false,” she told Winfrey.
The most fantastically awkward moment came when Winfrey pressed Palin on whether Johnston was invited over for Thanksgiving. Cornered, the Alaskan governator gritted her perfect teeth and extended “an open invitation to come to Aunt Katie’s house for thanksgiving dinner in Washington.” We assume, she doesn’t mean Katie Couric.
Levi, I implore you: go home for Thanksgiving. Eat the turkey, say hi top Tripp. Play nice, take pictures, and take notes. Then, please schedule a meeting at the E! Channel. I don’t know how long I can wait for the next chapter in this True Wasilla Story.
The clock is ticking. Palin made another frightening revelation on Oprah yesterday. More a non-revelation, really. Asked whether she would be running for the Republican presidential nomination in 2012, Palin gave no answer. We know what that means – this rogue wants the keys to the White House. Maybe the Mayans were right.
When crocs go rogue in Australia, we hunt them down, shoot them and split their bellies open to see what secrets – or German tourists – they’ve been hiding. In America, huntsman Levi Johnston is on the job. If he muddies up her pants suits and puts Sarah Palin a few more heartbeats away from the Presidency, more power to him. I won’t be changing the channel.
Now, I just can’t wait for the rap album.
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