Despite it being the dawn of the Sunshine Parliament, Julia Gillard is going to have to make some decisions about her cabinet based very much on the darker and drearier realities of the last Government.

All cabinet decisions will now be out in the open

Between former Prime Minister Kevin Rudd, former Prime Ministerial backstabbers and powerbrokers in Mark Arbib and Bill Shorten and Robb “this could go on for a while yet” Oakeshott, Julia Gillard is faced with political equivalent of a surgical face transplant in a NSW public hospital.

Heres are a few people and portfolios that are going to leave the Prime Minister with some headaches:

Kevin Rudd

He’s not so much the elephant in the room as he is an erudite 200 kilogram, opera singing multi lingual gorilla in the room that regularly supplies analysis for the six o’clock news. Queensland was apparently upset that he got dumped as PM, but as he never really seemed to disappear so it’s unclear why they were so upset.

Gillard knifed him, then promised him a cabinet position and then asked him to help out during the election. It’s a wonder there hasn’t been some kind of Co-Prime Ministership arrangement sorted out between the two. So what’s Rudd going to do? Well Foreign Affairs Minister is the obvious one. Not only does he love all that “the Russians will never stand for this” kinda stuff, but, if his time as Prime Minister is anything to go by, he’ll never be in the country. There was some talk of him demanding Treasurer, but that’s crazy talk and it would just confuse the children.

Mark Arbib

If this were Elizabethan England Julia Gillard would just lock Mark Arbib up in the Tower of London. The benefit of locking political prisoners up in the Tower was that they can’t go anywhere or do anything but there’s no public execution to rile their supporters or the public, people would just assume he got bored of politics and really into How I Met Your Mother DVDs. But until Julia Gillard creates such a tower she’ll have to put him somewhere. Moving him looks like punishment, and as fashionable as it is to beat up on the guy, she’s only in the job because he and the other members of the Bloods (that’s gang slang for NSW Right) decided to move on Rudd. Who knows, Rudd may have lost them the election anyway. Why not just leave him where he is, that’s punishment enough. Think about it: do you want to be Employment Participation Minister for the next three years?

Tip: Failing tower, stay put
Bill Shorten

Short of organising some kind of tower sharing arrangement with Mark Arbib, Gillard is also going to have to do something with Bill Shorten. What she’ll do with Bill Shorten is frankly anybody’s guess. Like Arbib, Shorten was a key figure behind the Rudd putsch so she owes him on one level, and unlike Arbib, Shorten is from a state in which Labor won seats. Given Shorten has also been a good performer in his role as Parliamentary Secretary for Disabilities it would be hard to overlook him, plus we all know what happened when he thought Rudd did that. So here’s an idea: give Jenny Macklin a break and make him Indigenous and Social Inclusion Minister. It’s a substantial policy area to prove himself in but one in which he’ll get no free rides. Another option is Immigration, where he could go toe to toe with Scott Morrison who has been running rings around the ALP. 

Tip: Indigenous Affairs or even Immigration

Rob Oakeshott

Oakeshott is the creepy kid Anthony from the Twilight Zone who everyone is really nice to and gets everything he wants,  so as a result he’s a really nice kid. But there’s a lingering undercurrent of fear in the household about what the creepy kid is actually capable of if he doesn’t get everything he wants. Then you realise they’re only nice to Anthony because he can control everything they do. Given the crucial independent has been offered something Gillard is obviously prepared to put him somewhere. It’s apparently some kind of Regional Affairs Development thingo. The downside is he’ll eventually have to be told that he won’t be able to get everything he wants - September Smile Month for example could be a no goer - and then things could get ugly.

Tip: Just don’t upset him in the Regional Affairs thingo job

Whoever gets stuck with immigration

Does anyone want this job? Anybody, anybody? No didn’t think so. Labor leader in the Senate Chris Evans is almost certainly not going to do this job anymore. The party has a perception he stuffed it up and he has perception that they can go get stuffed. Given the Gillard Government’s current asylum seeker policy is literally somewhere between Christmas Island and East Timor and the Coalition has been crucifying them on the issue, it’s hard to see anyone running towards this thing. Short of putting Garrett up for the sake of some kind of final suicide mission, why not go with West Australian Gary Grey? He’s been a trooper in the first Government and like Evans is a West Australian, who could shore up support by meeting the boats on the high seas like Lord Nelson (that sounds stupid now but wait till it happens). The other option is the aforementioned Shorten, who would have the added bonus of not making Jose Ramos Horte feel short during negotiations with East Timor.

Tip: I dunno, what about the next person that says “mango” in the party room.

So there’s a few headaches for Julia Gillard, but I’m sure you can think of plenty more. 

leo@thepunch.com.au

Don’t miss: Get The Punch in your inbox every day

Get The Punch on Facebook

117 comments

Show oldest | newest first

    • Tony of Poorakistan says:

      07:07am | 09/09/10

      Give Immigration to Krudd. He can practise his renowned diplomatic skills on Xanana Gusmao as he tries to bring Joolya’s election commitment about processing illegals in East Timor to fruition without forcing Woodside to put their processing plant there as well. 

      Good luck with that, but hey, she promised it.

    • Marg says:

      09:43am | 09/09/10

      Not going to happen Tony, Bob Brown is now strutting his stuff and he says NO Joolia !!

    • Tony of Poorakistan says:

      10:14am | 09/09/10

      Marg

      you are, I suspect, correct.

      But she promised it, so will that be her first election commitment broken or will it be something else?

    • Ryan says:

      11:24am | 09/09/10

      @Tony of Poorakistan: I would say it doesn’t matter what she promised during the election, going on Labors record and a well renowned statement made by one of their own “When we get elected we will change everything”, we should not be surprised that NONE and I repeat NONE of the election promises will EVER be delivered.
      Anyone who believes they will deliver is seriously deluded, especially when it comes to the so-called East Timor solution.

    • Kevin says:

      01:28pm | 09/09/10

      Election promises are usually prefaced by the words “If elected, I will ....”.  According to many coalition bloggers, Julia has not been elected so that does that mean she is not bound by those promises?

    • Lemon Man says:

      06:06pm | 09/09/10

      It wasn’t just Xanana saying no, it was the whole East Timor parliament.  It will never happen in East Timor.  Back to the drawing board with that one.

    • farkurnell says:

      09:47pm | 09/09/10

      I reckon Bob Katter Minister for Immigration.-all the boat people can get a big hat when they arrive.Also Wilson Tuckey’s looking for a new job ,how about Ambassador to Nahru.

    • Super D says:

      07:11am | 09/09/10

      The theme song for the Gillard rainbow coaltion has to be “Stuck in the middle with you”.

      “Jokers to the left of me, clowns to the right” pretty much sums it up.

      Can the punch arrange a suitable montage?

    • Vicky Verse says:

      08:58am | 09/09/10

      What about ...The dead skunk in the middle of the road…or even… Its my party and I,ll cry if I want to.

    • T.Chong says:

      09:26am | 09/09/10

      No Super, and V V, the song (naturally) is “We are the Champions”
      with extra emphasis on “no time for losers”  while glancing towads the hereditary opposition, Abbott, Bishops, Hockey et al ,sitting in their usual places.

    • Super D says:

      10:13am | 09/09/10

      @T.Chong, you are always great for a chuckle.

    • Leigh says:

      10:16am | 09/09/10

      Super D, perfect, sums it up beautifully.

      T Chong, surely you’re not that smugly confident that you think this will actually last?  Old GG will have less of a constitutional crisis and more of a family crisis when she has to throw this lot out.

    • ZSRenn says:

      10:51am | 09/09/10

      Sorry but I get Lesly Gore

      “Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows,
      Everything that’s wonderful is what I feel when we’re together,
      Brighter than a lucky penny,
      When you’re near the rain cloud disappears, dear,
      And I feel so fine just to know that you are mine.”

      I am not sure if it is one of the boys in Drag or Jooles miming the lyric though?

    • Mike T says:

      02:26pm | 09/09/10

      T Chong…. im glad your looking at this like you favourite sporting team got up and you see a great opportuntiy to wave your flag and sing the ALP theme song. The rest of us are concerned with how the govt will work and what effect will the indecisions have on our daily lives. No doubt you will respond to this post with a “Up Up the ALP” or “woo hoo the mad monk got done”........

    • Bruce says:

      12:36am | 10/09/10

      The problem for illegitimate GreenAlp government is to find competent people who have not already stuffed up or back stabbed, including Joolya.

    • pelu says:

      10:23am | 11/09/10

      Bruce mate, as long as they do a good job I don’t give to hoots about the backstabbing. When you are in a plane you don’t care if the pilot cheats on his wife. You want the pilot to take you to destination safe.

    • peter Warrington says:

      08:58am | 09/09/10

      make rudd Treasurer. he needs a real job after all these years.

    • Poor Old Pensioner P.O.P says:

      09:08am | 09/09/10

      I am absolutely amazed that the jokes haven’t hit the scene as yet, perhaps the situation is to macarbe even for them.

    • Henri_k says:

      09:24pm | 09/09/10

      POP. The joke is here,  it is called Federal Labour(sic)

    • Raymondo says:

      09:10am | 09/09/10

      Perhaps la Gillard and Rudd could form a duumvirate?

      That seemed to work a treat last time it was proffered to the electorate.

    • Catullus says:

      01:34pm | 09/09/10

      A dumbvirate seems more likely.

    • Wayne Fehlhaber says:

      09:45am | 09/09/10

      The sleeper among all this speculation is one Stephen Smith . As Foreign Affairs Minister he has done a credible job in the Rudd/Gillard govt. A quiet intellectual achiever , he harbours a burning ambition for higher rewards.
      Rudd is seemingly in line for Foreign Affairs so Smith is the logical Labor patsy . Mark my words , he will not take kindly to being ripped off . He is well aware that he handled his portfolio in a competent manner . There is only one way to deal with such a travesty of justice and that is to be a future ( not too far away ) contender for the top job . Smith is also well aware that there is burning resentment within Labor’s ranks at the role played by Gillard in the disastrous election outcome.

    • Jarrod says:

      10:26am | 09/09/10

      Most likely they’ll give Smith education as it’s the ministry he’s been after from the start

    • DJ says:

      10:26am | 09/09/10

      agreed .... Smith was the shining light in this failed government if Gillard upsets him it could be to her peril.

    • Sickemrex says:

      11:23am | 09/09/10

      If we could have voted for a PM out of each party’s proposed Cabinet, I would vote for Smith!  Here’s a new “paradigm” - each party proposes a Cabinet before the election, each voter votes for local member, the Senate, and their selection of PM from each proposed cabinet.  Work out who got the most local members (yeah ok, tricky this time), then count the votes for PM.  I would hate to see him ripped off, the only shining light in the darkness of the Labour front bench.

      PS I would have voted for Turnbull on the other side!

    • Evan Findlay says:

      08:20pm | 10/09/10

      Wayne,
      No doubt about you. You should apply to Barnaby Joyce, the shadow minister for conspiracy theories and delusional rantings, and ask to be his speechwriter.
      Smith can move to defense to make way for Rudd. There, was that hard. Both very good portfolio’s and both represented by good politicians.
      And I’m not sure how you include Gillard in the “disastrous election outcome”. She was basically bullied into it, survived the ramifications and then went on to out manoeuvre Tony in negotiations.

    • bemused says:

      09:46am | 09/09/10

      Leo - you have emerged from the cave and I see that you are salivating!

    • Marg says:

      09:47am | 09/09/10

      If she gives KRudd Foreign Affiars what happens to Stephen Smith? Of all the ministers in this pathetic government, he is probably the best. The man goes about his business in a quiet and dignified manner without all the dramas the rest of the bunch go on with.

    • Jim says:

      10:57am | 09/09/10

      Yes, Smith and Roxon are the only two who shouldn’t be taxed on the oxygen they steal…it’s just a shame they’re in the Labor-Union-Green corner. Imagine what they could do in a real government!

    • Gregg says:

      03:31pm | 09/09/10

      Stephen Smith could always decide the coalition benches do not look so bad, especially if he is summarily axed from FA and the possibility of retaining it with the coalition was a possibility.

      Maybe Bob Brown will be throwing a few hats into the ring as well!

    • Denny Crane says:

      04:01pm | 09/09/10

      Gregg,

      I would love to see that if Stephen Smith, is railroaded i would not blame him if he went across to the coalition.

      And there is also a possibility if another MP, has to fall on his sword so Oakeshot becomes a minister, we could see that MP, become very upset

    • Frances of Melbourne says:

      12:05pm | 10/09/10

      “......Roxon are the only two who shouldn’t be taxed on the oxygen they steal”

      Roxon is still peddling the lie that Abbott supposedly ripped $1billion out of health.

    • Denny Crane says:

      10:06am | 09/09/10

      Give Garrett imminration, that would be the greatest laugh.

      What the public needs to know, with Julia saying open government.
      With Oakeshot going to be a minister, with labor party member, has been dumped for a independent, who has to fall on the sword for this guy.

      That person, will immediately have a grudge with Gillard

    • Rosie says:

      10:27am | 09/09/10

      It is going to be more than a headache for our installed PM!

      Oakeshott & Windsor have guranteed Julia Gillard a 24/7 severe chronic migraine while she remains in high office. Like the way in which she attained the job it will be debilitating and she can forget Oakeshott’s choice of words of letting the sunshine into Parliament. Sunshine, bright lights will only lead to more ferocious loud bickering within Parliament and intense throbbing and pulsing in our PM’s head.

      To survive through her chronic migraines she needs to keep herself away from the bright sunshine and remain in darkness. It won’t be a matter of trying to keep the Australian people happy to survive through her chronic migraine but must at all times please those in her rainbow minority govt especially Windsor & Oakeshott whom she bought so as to relieve her desperation as PM of Australia.

      Leo isn’t that Tim the boyfriend in the picture? Now that he is going to move into the People’s Home can we know more about him?  I once suggested he perhaps could be the “speaker” after Oakeshott has his way with Parliamentary reform.

    • nosthow says:

      10:32am | 09/09/10

      Ms Gillard, Leo is a shrewd operator - even Tony paid her that compliment recently so I am sure she will balance her new Cabinet to maximise efficiency. My heart goes out to the Mad Monk who may have a few extra buddies with him but what a bunch of dopes - Truss, Dutton, Bishops x 2, Hockey (clueless) - need I go on Coalition supporters ? I am predicting a robust and exciting 3 years to come then a triumphal re-election of another Gillard Labor govt with the deadwood of the Coalition flushed down the political sewer !

    • Greg says:

      01:28pm | 09/09/10

      You are very optimistic aren’t you?

    • Wayne Fehlhaber says:

      02:20pm | 09/09/10

      nosthow :  Heh heh heh , you seem to forget that Tony Abbott brought Rudd down as P.M. and went within a political ace of bringing down the Labor govt. after one term. Abbott’s achievement will be recorded in political history as being a sterling effort to removed a failed govt. from office after one term.
      We now have a rabble cobbled together by two Judas M.P.‘s , with the remnants of the the failed Rudd/Gillard govt. , supported by the Looney left Green party .
      Your prediction makes me smile , as this excuse for a govt. is unlikely to go three months.

    • Jason CR says:

      04:24pm | 09/09/10

      Nosthow
      Thought you said you had a clear head today?
      You’re saying “even Tony paid her a compliment” like it means something positive.  Are you a closet Abbott fan afterall??
      Speaking of closets, now that the election is over can someone open the broom closet at Parliament House and let Garrett and Wong out.
      As for Peter Dutton he’s a good operator.

    • nosthow says:

      04:28pm | 09/09/10

      @Wayne Fehlhaber - winners are grinners Wayne and the losers can please themselves - hows that warm lemonade tasting ?

    • The Badger says:

      05:26pm | 09/09/10

      Jason,

      They can let Truss, Barnaby and the rest of the nationals out of whatever closet they’ve been hiding in as well.

    • MDMConnell says:

      06:12pm | 09/09/10

      Go easy on nosthow guys.

      We all know he’s a 16 year old Young Liberal who’s being paid to impersonate a loony leftie.

    • nosthow says:

      06:25pm | 09/09/10

      @Jason CR - how ya goin Jason - hows that Emergency Services work going - with all the floods etc you must be flat out ?

    • nosthow says:

      06:28pm | 09/09/10

      @MDMConnell - hey buddy love you too. Am actually a self funded retiree old boy and I will let you in on a secret - I vote Labor !  hahahah

    • Billy B says:

      06:28pm | 09/09/10

      nosthow - Like I said “I will walk down the main street in Geelong naked if the Labor nuts get a second term”.

    • Jason CR says:

      06:31pm | 09/09/10

      @Badger

      We’ve got Barnaby but you’ve now got Oakeshott…SNAP.

    • Wayne Fehlhaber says:

      06:41pm | 09/09/10

      nosthow :  ” Winners are grinners”  hmmm the precarious situation this govt. is in won’t leave much room for a smile , let alone grinning.

      ” Hows that warm lemonade tasting. ”  Not as bad as the poisoned
      chalice Julia is currently sipping. !

    • Nicole says:

      07:23pm | 09/09/10

      MDMConnell, I don’t think he’s being paid !

    • Jason CR says:

      08:31pm | 09/09/10

      Nosthow
      Well done on the result BTW.  A win’s a win.
      Hopefully the floods have peaked.
      It’s also been a sombre day with what happened in Sydney last night.
      Puts politics into perspective.

    • nosthow says:

      08:45pm | 09/09/10

      @BillyB - well hullo Billy - send a pic right now into the punch team of that nude walk as Labor are just starting on their 2nd term.

    • farkurnell says:

      10:33pm | 09/09/10

      You left out the Barnaby and the Devil.
      Also @wayne -another Glorious Defeat from a wannabe Lib PM. If they keep putting Tony up Joolz will be PM for a long long time.
      @nosthow - I think Tony was celebrating with warm Shandy.
      @Jason ,we’ve got the Oakster now ‘,you can have him next time ,we wont need him.

    • Christian Real says:

      07:16am | 10/09/10

      nosthrow
      You forgot to add Robb,who along with Hockey and Abbott ,couldn’t explain their policies or costings.
      Thank God that Abbott was made to submit his policy costings to the Treasury, who found a $11 billion black hole.
      If between Abbott, Hockey and Robb,  they can’t get their sums and adding up right, how do they expect to run the Country and have the budget in surplus like they claimed they would do, if they were elected.

    • Christian Real says:

      07:38am | 10/09/10

      nostrow,
      Malcolm Turnbull I believe is only waiting for Tony Abbott to completely stuff up, and he then will challenge Abbott in a Leadership spill in the Liberal party room.
      Originally Malcolm Turnbull resigned and left Parliament, only to suddenly reconsider and contest his seat of Wentworth.
      The fact that he is back in Parliament, should have Tony Abbott worried and continually looking over his shoulder,but Malcolm Turnbull will strike when the time is right and when he has the numbers and a better chance of regaining leadership.
      I would be suprised if Tony Abbott sees out the 3 year wait in Opposition,because I feel that he will be toppled and the deadwood in the Liberal party will more likely to be flushed down the political sewer well before the another election is called.
      And nowthow, your prediction of another Gillard and Labor Government victory at the next election could possibly be correct, so perhaps we will have to stock up on tissues, so that we can hand them out to the Liberal supporters, who will desperately need them when the Liberals get done again at the next election in three years time.

    • Christian Real says:

      07:53am | 10/09/10

      Billy B
      Seeing that Labor has got a second term, does that mean that you are now going to walk down the main street in Geelong naked?

    • simon says:

      10:33am | 09/09/10

      I agree Marg, I am a coalition supporter however I have no problem Stephen Smith. He is a quiet achiever, which I like!!!!

    • TCM says:

      10:43am | 09/09/10

      Oh how delicious this is going to be !!! After the tedium we have endured things are starting to look up ........
      ps Great article as well !

    • Bev says:

      10:48am | 09/09/10

      While we have you naysayers who needs the government to stuff things up.  I for one have a cup half full and those who bothered to listen to both Independents and look at their obvious fatigue from making a decision which saved us from racism misogyny and greed, should tie their writing fingers to their brain and practice typing the words hope trust and faith,

    • Nicole says:

      11:42am | 09/09/10

      Oh Bev, could you please refrain from making such side splitting comments so early in the morning? I’m sick to death of my coffee coming out my nose!

    • Christian Real says:

      09:22pm | 10/09/10

      Nicole
      That does seem a strange ritual to drink coffee through your nose, do you use straws ?

    • Nicole says:

      03:30pm | 11/09/10

      I drink it upside down and can usually manage to keep it in, but when I read such funny comments, it just doesn’t work. Oh, I can read upside down too. The blood does seem to run straight to my head though. I shall leave you with that vision…......

    • Carl says:

      12:17pm | 09/09/10

      Who cares about the rest as long as Conroy is fired from his portfolio (preferably into the sun) .

    • Gerard says:

      01:50pm | 09/09/10

      Agreed. He seems to spend all his time inventing new ways to spy on the public and deny access to online material the government doesn’t want us to see. He’s also fatally compromised by his $250 million deal with the TV networks, and on top of all this, he knows as much about computers as Tony Abbott.

    • Matthew says:

      01:59pm | 09/09/10

      Unfortunately the NBN has been successful for them so far (about the only thing) so I don’t see him going anywhere depite the fact he is the worst person for the job.

    • cybacaT says:

      12:27pm | 09/09/10

      Whichever way you look at it, the make-up of the Government Australia Didn’t Want is going to be a circus of clowns.  Shuffle them around, but they’re still clowns.  There are very, very few good performers in Labor ranks - and this has been abundantly clear in the past 3 years.

    • Nicole says:

      12:36pm | 09/09/10

      Is anyone else going to miss Harry Jenkins? QT just won’t be the same.

    • Joolz says:

      12:45pm | 09/09/10

      Leo!!! If it was Elizabethan England, Gillard wouldn’t lock Arbib in the Tower. She’d get him assassinated.

      And if it was Elizabethan - Shorten would go and his MIL (the GG) would be sacked, Feeney would be popped on the rack and then split open by horses.

      Ah, the ol’ days.
      But by whom…. E1 had Walsingham. Can’t see Tim the Hairman doing it.

    • Stuart James says:

      12:50pm | 09/09/10

      Labor has finally realised that it is being attacked from within by the Greens and independents that it got into bed with despite many warnings that this would happen.It’s desire to be in government at any cost is starting to hit it hard with many more disappointments to come.It may be that they won’t be able to sustain the pressure of a coalition with people of a different political persuasion,and that they may have to go back to the polling booths.

    • Rick says:

      01:00pm | 09/09/10

      If Gillard has to do some thinking about her cabinet she at least has some talent great talent to work with - Rudd, Smith, Swan, Nixon, Crean, Shorten to mention a few.  One has to spare a thought for a thought for Abbott - particularly the ‘kinder, gentler’ persona.  After all he has to cater for Truss (who?), Joyce, Dutton, Stone and both the Bishops etc.  None of whom would ever be in a cabinet/shadow cabinet if they were being selected on ability alone.  On top of that he has to accommodate the man he knifed - Turnbull.  He also has to include Robb who played Brutus to Turnbull and who dearly wanted to knife Bishop.  They are such a happy lot - NOT!  At least they are a ‘kindler gentler’ group. LOL

    • Scarneck says:

      08:22pm | 09/09/10

      You forgot about Eric Abetz…LOL.

    • Aysha says:

      03:20am | 10/09/10

      So funny so early in the morning. Quite the little joker. My dog’s got more talent than those you named.

    • robie says:

      01:31pm | 09/09/10

      now that’s a joke Rudd, Smith, Swan, Nixon, Crean, Shorten -  talent LOL .. yeah right!

    • GreenGoblin says:

      08:20pm | 09/09/10

      Yes robie, but have a look at who they stack up against, dear oh dear. How long would Barnaby Joyce last debating the economy with Wayne Swan? Andrew Robb debating Kevin Rudd, Joe Hockey taking on Stephen Smith. Really. Warren Truss and Stephen Conroy, the list is endless. Don’t you worry about the ALP, you would be well advised to have a look at your own lack of talent first.

    • tommy says:

      01:35pm | 09/09/10

      the majority of voters in qld didnt vote for the liberal party.they voted a sympathy vote against kevin rudds dismissal.  get over it liberal voters you have been saved from barnaby joyce, joe hockey, andrew robb, just to name a few.

    • Aitch B says:

      03:55pm | 09/09/10

      So tommy….. a sympathy vote in protest against the ALP that goes to the Liberal party isn’t a Liberal vote?

      Interesting to say the least…........

    • Matti S. says:

      06:40pm | 09/09/10

      Reply to Tommy.How come this sympathy vote had big swing
      against K.Rudd in his electorate.Shouldn’t it be other way
      around.

    • Scarneck says:

      08:11pm | 09/09/10

      The ALP had a swing against it of 5.4% (primary vote) and the Liberals had a swing to them of 0.7% the latest count still has the ALP about one million votes ahead of the Libs. Spin that how ever you want. As for the TPP vote, not much being said about the current vote, the con servatives have gone a bit quite on that front.

    • Mike T says:

      02:22pm | 09/09/10

      Sigh…. i long for the day when postings go to those that can do the best job for the country! This governement wont be the case as there is SO many pay offs that need to occur.

    • tony of potts point says:

      02:31pm | 09/09/10

      This is so funny because it is so true!!! Thanks for brightening my day.

    • Mike says:

      02:41pm | 09/09/10

      Its time for Mr’s Gillard to organise pay Day for the troops/comrades

      “righty everyone one, line up for pay day and MOVE FORWARD in an orderly fashion. Mr Rudd, where is Mr Rudd, there you go Kevy here is your antileak bonus. Mr Brown, here is the payment for the deal that we never had, wink, wink. Mr Shroten, dear Mr Shorthen, here is yours for organsiing the hit Kevy…there is also a lil extra if you promise not to challenge me for the next 3 years. Mr Arbib here is what i owe you for the cab fair to the lodge, please dont be seen agin for the next three years. Mr Windsor you have already been paid so get out of my office and enjoy your retirment. Mr Oakshot i have posted your envelope as i dont have three hours to discuss the content with you, if you need to talk to me, please put it in an email. Where are my two favourite boys that cant be brought, ah there you are Mr Brandt and Mr Wilkie, you lil devils you!! I have yours here aswell. Mr Garret?, thank you for not being seen i dont have any thing for you as no one seems to remember who you are”

      So will any of the ministries go to those that will do the best job?? me thinks not…cause its pay back time!!!

    • MH says:

      05:17pm | 09/09/10

      Here is a shortlist of talent available to Julia:

      John Faulkner
      Lindsay Tanner

      Hang on…

    • Happylittlelabourite says:

      05:42pm | 09/09/10

      Tony Abbott would love to have Julia’s problems. Opposition is a soul destroying role where the most productive thing you can do is write a letter to the editor. Even the person on community service picking up papers makes a more useful contribution to society.

    • Gerard says:

      09:05pm | 09/09/10

      Not in this case. It’s still quite possible for an opposition to pass legislation in a parliament where the government doesn’t have a majority- they just have to get the independents to agree. And the independents have incentive to approve opposition legislation to demonstrate their impartiality.

      The coalition will be keen to get some bills passed- every popular bill they successfully introduce will undermine public confidence in the Labor government, as will every instance of the Red Barren having to negotiate with the independents or having a bill rejected by them. I’m sure Labor will have a new leader at the next election.

    • Lucee says:

      03:23am | 10/09/10

      Poisoned chalice she got and who in their right mind would want that.  You won’t be so happy when we are back to the polls in 12 months max time and Jools is given the big boot into oblivion. Then we will get a real govt, not one cobbled together and bribed into submission as we have now.

    • Happylittlelabourite says:

      07:47pm | 10/09/10

      Gerard, 80-90% of people don’t really follow politics, if the liberals get anything good through then labour will get the credit. Remember how all the liberals tried to get in on the sod turning ceremonies for school buildings. At risk of being impartial I also saw labour members in Tasmania trying to take the credit for those few things that Howard did to benefit the community

    • Shane From Melbourne says:

      06:03pm | 09/09/10

      The poison chalice in this case is the Department of Defence. No minister, Labor or Liberal, has been able to reform this department in the past 20 to 30 years. It has been the career killer of many a minister and a bleeding ulcer on national expenses….

    • MDMConnell says:

      06:05pm | 09/09/10

      Rudd is going to be a problem no matter where you put him. Foreign Affairs would be the worst thing Gillard could do, it would give Rudd plenty of scope to strut around the world and portray himself as PM-In-All-But-Name (which he would certainly take advantage of).

      She should probably shunt him into something important but low-profile, that will take up alot of his time but not giving him much chance to front the camera. I’m thinking something like Industry, or Trade, or maybe Finance.

      Oakeshott would be monumentally stupid to accept a ministry. After all his “New Politics” rhetoric, how would it look if the first thing he did was to throw away his independence and do a backroom deal with Labor to give himself more power and money?

    • GreenGoblin says:

      08:02pm | 09/09/10

      Of course Mr Rudd must get foreign affairs, it is ludicrous to suggest otherwise. As for Oakeshott, if he was offered a portfolio and he did it well, what then? I’m more curious as to whether the con servatives are going to carry on like school children (sorry kids) for another three years?

    • iansand says:

      06:28pm | 09/09/10

      Liberals have never been totally comfortable with the concept of democracy.


      From your China Correspondent

    • dead to me says:

      06:40pm | 09/09/10

      Labor wants power and if Kevin was sacrificed without a 2nd thought, I can’t imagine our fate under the Gillard led ALP….

    • stephen says:

      10:05pm | 09/09/10

      John Faulkner and Lindsay Tanner are going, and they were two of the best.
      Who else have they got, except Mr. Swan ?
      Hugh White reckons Mr. Rudd is too timid for Foreign Affairs.
      He’s right, so let’s see who’s left….........................................................................?!

    • tommy says:

      10:15pm | 09/09/10

      labour is in power thank goodness.what was the alternative,no policies for the future,couldnt add up costings.  the liberals had only one policy and that was to tell qld voters every day that kevin rudd was no longer p.m.  as a failed opposition leader how long do you think tony abbott will last

    • Christian Real says:

      09:17pm | 10/09/10

      Tommy,
      With Malcolm Turnbull back in the Liberal fold, it is only a matter of time before Turnbull challenges Abbott for the leadership role.
      Abbott should watch his back, and should also be constantly looking over his shoulder.
      He should also make sure that plastic knives and forks are supplied in the Liberal party room.

    • Gerry Sinclair says:

      02:42am | 10/09/10

      Nothing that the 3rd Julia in 2 months (anyone here old enough to remember the movie 3 faces of Eve?) says will mean diddily squat if Rudd gets a cabinet position - well apart from non thinking rusted on Labor supporters that is.
      Once again we are going to have mutually exclusive positions promulgated -i.e “I am going to change from the terrible non inclusive policies of my predecessor that nearly cost us Government, but I am going to promote that same man to a position of power in my cabinet”

      Actions peak louder than words, if she was serious about change now that she is the PM (luckily, but still is PM) she would say I am going to run this Government (or at least the labor part of it) differently and unfortuntaely Kevin that means there is no place for someone of your style of management.
      Unsaid would be I was right in knifing Kevin, I saved the Labor Party from defeat and we dont need Kevin anymore.
      Then the non rusted on non Labor voters & swinging voters would sit up and take notice, and then if she could hold it together she could really steal momentum back from the coalition.
      I never like him but it is what Keating would have done as he believed leaders should lead.
      Its also what Menzies would have done & what Margaret Thatcher would have done.
      People respond to leaders who take the tough decisions, particularly when they standing out like the proverbial to be made.

    • Moi says:

      04:21am | 10/09/10

      For Oakeshott and Windsor to act as they have done will blight their names forever. To act in such blatant self interest i.e. to preserve themselves from untimely electoral retribution under the guise of “stability”; this is the very definition of corruption.

    • Nightwork says:

      05:27am | 10/09/10

      Up from parliamentary Secretary to Outer Cabinet
      Jason Clare - Employment Participation
      Bill Shorten - Veterans Affairs
      Gary Gray - Defence Materiel and Science
      Up to Cabinet (or shuffled in Cabinet)
      Attorney General - Penny Wong
      Foreign Affairs - Kevin Rudd
      Climate change - Stephen Smith
      Defence - Greg Combet
      Regional Development - Rob Oakeshott if he takes it
      Environment - Anthony Albanese (will have to move for Oakeshott)

      Back to Parliamentary Secretary
      Peter Garrett - (Maxine’s old job perhaps)
      Mark Arbib (pull your head in son)

    • farkurnell says:

      10:28pm | 10/09/10

      nightworker, do you know something we don’t or are you a mate of the 1st Bloke

    • Frank De Nile says:

      07:34am | 10/09/10

      Dozen matta mate ,all the ministers are consigned to the political trash can,tell me of the great achievements of any of ,em. over the last 40 years.  Please I need to know , I,m racking my brain or I,ve got short term ,or   long term memory problems.

    • Steve says:

      09:03am | 10/09/10

      Julia MUST resign.Got the top job twice but was never voted in.1st time by backstabbing & 2nd time by the independents who had their own agendas.

    • Christian Real says:

      11:23am | 10/09/10

      Steve
      There is no reason for Julia Gillard to resign as you suggest, it is sour grapes on the part of all you Liberal whingers.
      I suppose if the independents had voted Abbott’s way you wouldn’t heard any of this diatribe coming from un-educated people like you.
      The Liberals have their party room spills also,and Prime Minister John Gorton comes to mind as a Liberal prime Minister that was toppled by William McMahon in a party room spill.

    • Ryan says:

      12:59pm | 10/09/10

      @Christian Real: unfortunately the independents that went Juliars way were not representing their constituents in the slightest. So regardless of what you say, the travesty here is that just like communist parties in the past (something Juliar obviously is well experienced in), they remain in power to subject their will on the people who have spoken and don’t want them.

    • Paula says:

      10:00am | 10/09/10

      Whoever the Foreign Minister is they will not be able to travel as often as they would like as their vote is desperately needed now.  No one can be sick, take maternity leave, do anything wrong etc etc.  Fragile, very fragile, handle with care.

    • Godamighty says:

      10:12am | 10/09/10

      Pairs.

    • taiabada says:

      11:12am | 10/09/10

      It now seems clear Rudd will get the Foreign Affairs ministry which will at least be a plus for Gillard in one way.  It will create jobs.  Qantas are probably advertising already for new reservations staff to an their Internatonal Reservations.

    • Christian Real says:

      01:30pm | 10/09/10

      Tony Abbott has now joined a former colleague, John Hewson as being an Opposition Liberal Leader to lose ‘an un-loseable election’
      Hewson didn’t know how much GST that you would pay on a cake, and Abbott didn’t realise that he had an $11 billion blackhole in his policy costings until he finally agreed to have Treasury look over them.
      The two want a be Prime Minister’s, one a former Opposition Leader and the other one a current Opposition Leader that both have no mathematical skills,and perhaps should not have been in the leadership position in the first place.

    • TimB says:

      02:58pm | 10/09/10

      @ Christian Real, how in gods name was this an unloseable election for the Liberals?!

      The mind boggles at Laborite spin:

      Labor supporters before the election- “Tony Abbot unelectable, Labor to romp home”

      Labor supporters after the election- “lolz Abbot fails, Can’t even win election against Labor despite Labor problems” etc etc.

      Strangely enough when anyone pointed out these problems before the election, they were denied/defended by Laborites. Just like Rudd’s failures were defended & denied until the day he got rolled.

      It must be an amazing feeling for Labor supporters to have, when their view of reality ripples and morphs into something completely different in the space of a mere 24 hours.

    • Mike T says:

      03:05pm | 10/09/10

      @ christian

      Where you giggling when you typed this??

    • Christian Real says:

      09:24pm | 10/09/10

      Mike T
      I was, how did you guess?

    • farkurnell says:

      09:58pm | 10/09/10

      Spot on Christian ,another glorius defeat for LNP ,maybe next time they can buy Tony & Joe a new calculator.Although the Rainbowites are saddled with the Oakster,dont forget LNP have got Barnaby ,now he is real lead in the saddle bag.

    • Likes Joining Dots says:

      10:48pm | 11/09/10

      @ Christian Real
      I was about to quote real stats to you. Things like Rudd in the last 12 months having the highest rating as PM since 1654AD or some such thing.  But really, that is irrelevant now. 

      What is astounding is that a Labor supporter such as yourself thought this election was unwinnable for Labor,  even after just one (shortened) term, despite our history of first term governments being re-elected and rocketing polls in Labors favour. 

      Yet still, you thought the coalition could not lose

      Your statement speaks volumes to me.

    • Fred says:

      01:59pm | 10/09/10

      I thionk Gillard will struggle to get a good cabinet in the Rainbow coalitions

    • TONY says:

      09:06am | 11/09/10

      Julia now has to pander to 75 self important souls, any one of whom could vent their spleen and send her government into another quick election and political oblivion.

    • Pelu says:

      10:19am | 11/09/10

      I started reading this blogs and after Ryan 10:24 09/09 & Kevin 12:28 09/09 I just had to start writing. Just 2 comments guys: Ryan, are you saying that all parties have “core promises” and “non-core promises”? Well, the Labor party is catching up then. And Kevin, mate check the Australian constitution. Is a dull document but it tells you how government is form in Australia and contemplates exactly the situation that happened on this elections. Cheers.

    • Ryan says:

      11:42pm | 12/09/10

      @Pelu: well lets see now, if there were “core promises” and “non-core promises” then there might actually be some that this incompetent bunch of clowns might have delivered, sadly there are zero notable deliverable promises (other than some half baked tokenistic, insincere speeches).
      If the promise is to spend every last dime this country has with the result of absolutely nothing to show for it except the preventable deaths of four kids trying to earn a dollar then they would be well on track, nope it appears that isn’t a promise, its a Labor fait accompli.

    • Neil says:

      02:41pm | 11/09/10

      Don’t lose too much sleep Gillard. It’s only a short term problem for you to fix.

    • Godamighty says:

      10:54pm | 11/09/10

      A bit more on the mysteries of “pairs”,  that fine old piece of parliamentary courtesy for absent members.

      Surpwise surpwise, thanks to those wascally wapscallion independents, the “pairs” arrangements are now much better,  to the gain of our parliament and all parties.

      “One controversial change was to provide automatic pairing for all MPs. That means if a government MP were absent for a vote, an opposition MP would be ‘‘paired’’ automatically and not vote.

      This would mean there would be no numerical gain for the opposition and stability in a tight parliament would be maintained.

      Normally, pairs have been negotiated on a case-by-case basis and the reason for granting a pair has had to be compelling.

      The changes ensure that while there will be automatic pairing for ‘‘essential absences’’ by party MPs, the independents will be guaranteed pairs ‘‘provided there are reasonable grounds’‘.

      One of the independents, Bob Katter, has a low attendance record for votes in the Parliament and Coalition sources believe the proposal was designed with him in mind.”
      http://www.smh.com.au/federal-election/trio-get-their-wishes-on-changes-to-parliament-20100906-14y20.html

      Good, eh.

    • Barry says:

      09:29am | 12/09/10

      Congrats on the election result News Ltd, although it proves you shouldn’t wish too much for something otherwise it might come true. Who thought the result of relentlessly rubbishing Labor for 3 years would be a minority Labor govt with the balance of power in the hands of flaky powerbrokers and a green dominated senate? It’s just a step to the left….

    • Steve E. says:

      01:56pm | 12/09/10

      Nice to see Julia Gillard has already “broken” her first promise of her minority Government. She promised Rob Oakeshott a ministry job for his casting vote but her promise was broken by default when he didn’t accept. Very convenient indeed for the PM, who must now feel very relieved, especially going on the public perception that it was a complete and utter bribe… and who knows how much “faceless” Labor pressure was put on Oakeshott to NOT take the ministry job.

    • Tim Anderson says:

      01:24am | 24/02/11

      Why Rudd became chopped liver, Gillard is just a caretaker PM waiting for Bill “showbags” Shorten to claim his prize, he has already stated he will be Labor leader before the next election. Bill has been stacking branches in Victoria and panders to some lobby groups for support.

      http://www.hereticpress.com/Dogstar/Religion/Faith.html#faceless

 

Facebook Recommendations

Read all about it

Punch live

Up to the minute Twitter chatter

Lucy Kippist

RT @JenBrockie: A take on social media from India http://t.co/5XCerDTB @tehelkadotcom

Lucy Kippist

RT @alaindebotton: So many of our problems would be alleviated if we had 3 or 4 exceptional friends living within a 2 minute radius.

Paul Colgan

RT @latikambourke: Yes, @PeterSlipperMP is genuine.

Anthony Sharwood

It's terribly unfashionable to admit but my Cityrail train just left on time again

Recent posts

The latest and greatest

Interest rate barney barely even rates as interesting

Interest rate barney barely even rates as interesting

Stop all the cheering, cut off the champagne. Prevent the pollies from barking and silence the drums.…

Life slips away while you’re filming it on your phone

Life slips away while you’re filming it on your phone

Some friends of mine had lunch on Saturday with a mate who spent so much time artfully composing photos…

Other stuff to be angry about today (with chorizo pic)

Other stuff to be angry about today (with chorizo pic)

That dopey Spaniard. Three-time Tour de France winner Alberto Contador has been banned for two years,…

Nosebleed Section

choice ringside rantings

From: City vs country: What would you change your life for?

Dieter Moeckel says:

We made the tree change from Darwin to Wonbah more than 15 years ago. After fencing, a road, and couple of dams our money was gone. Super is enough to live comfortably. We have geese growing old and stringy the only one that made it to the pot committed Kamakazi by flying into a tree; the chooks are… [read more]

From: I’d rather have a piece of toast than listen to crap lyrics

Erick says:

Led Zeppelin are responsible for my all-time favourite mixed metaphor: "There you sit, sit and stare, like a book on a shelf rusting." (Misty Mountain Hop) I laugh every time I hear it. Hmmm, I believe I've decided what to play on the way to work today. [read more]

Gentle jabs to the ribs

No wuckin forries. These nuckin futs are tuckin fops

No wuckin forries. These nuckin futs are tuckin fops

Well, puck me with a fitchfork. The F-word is apparently an acceptable part of Australian speech. That’s… Read more

150 comments

Newsletter

Read all about it

Sign up to the free daily Punch newsletter