Gaddafi vs Sanders: a comparison of colonels
While the world is rightly celebrating the death of the tyrant Gaddafi today, here in the chicken coop the mood is more sombre. Across the world, millions of my fellow hens continue to be slaughtered daily in the name of another colonel.
These two colonels lived different lives, on different continents, in different eras. But the hens and I had a scratch around in the dirt today, and we came up with a few similarities. Begeeeeerrrrk!
1. They both weren’t real colonels
Gaddafi was a Lieutenant when he came to power in 1969. Sanders had his honorific bestowed upon him by the Governor of Kentucky in 1935. In both cases, the title bestowed a certain undeserved gravitas.
2. World domination
From what I’ve been able to gather here in the coop, Gaddafi had vague but hugely ambitious plans to unite Africa. He generously offered himself as potential leader, which may or may not have been the stepping stone to world domination. KFC now has 36,000 stores. They’re doing somewhat better.
3. Many chicks
Gaddafi had a crack bodyguard comprised of former Eastern European female gymnasts. Sanders preferred his chicks frying instead of firing. The bastard.
4. Gratuitous facial hair
No one in the world looks better with a goatee, for the extremely obvious and self-apparent reason that it makes you look like a goat. Trust me, if there’s one barnyard animal we hens make fun of all the time, it’s those silly goats.
5. Eccentric taste in clothes
Where do you start with Gaddafi? Every second tablecloth and napkin in Libya seemed to end up either on his head or cloaking his ample frame. As for Sanders, that ubiquitous white suit and string tie were just plain spooky. He was even buried in them.
6. Changed branding
Gaddafi totally changed his global standing when he offered money to Lockerbie victims in exchange for the bombers’ freedom. Ultimately, that was all about oil. When Kentucky Fried Chicken rebranded as KFC in 1991, that was about oil too.
7. Secret stuff
Gaddafi had secret weapons, secret plans, secret tunnels and will be buried in a secret location. KFC has the herbs and spices, which actually aren’t secret anymore because they’re on the internet. Which means you can make it at home using meat other than chicken. Good news, eh?
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