I’m lucky that only two of my work colleagues have school age children attending a Public School.
So only about four times a year will they accost me at my desk with boxes of Freddo Frogs and other assorted chocolates.
And only four times a year will I have to tell them to piss off because I’m not buying.
If the money was for a school camp, I’d buy the chocolates. If it was to fund the classroom sponsoring a Child in Africa, I’d buy the chocolates. If it was so the kids could purchase a Hamster to learn important lessons about life and death, I’d buy.
But today’s fundraising choccies aren’t for purchasing classroom extras. Nowadays, the money is used for classroom essentials and vital maintenance. Schools are selling chocolates to cover the holes in their budgets, and that is wrong.
To me, nothing highlights State Government failure quite like fundraising chocolates. So I don’t buy.
Instead I find out what State Electorate my colleagues live in. Then I write an email to their local member, asking why the schools need to fundraise when they should already have all the money they need.
Then I get back to work and try to ignore the sugar cravings that come on during the mid-afternoon slump. Cos let’s be honest, who needs more chocolate?
I have the same problem with The Royal Children’s Hospital Good Friday Appeal. Why should the Children’s Hospital be fundraising? That place should be awash with cash. The public toilets in the Royal Children’s Hospital should have gold plated fittings and the toilet paper should be rolls of $50 notes.
When I walk into the Royal Children’s Hospital, I want to see a Van Gogh in the foyer, next to a Rembrandt, so I know they’ve got more money than they need. Instead, I’ll have to saddle up for next year’s Run for the Kids so they can buy vital life-saving equipment. Good on you, everyone who donates money and time.
Shame on you State Government that it needs to happen.
Back to the chocolates. Not only do they represent Government failure, I’m starting to think they represent a failure by the schools as well. Cos let’s be honest, who needs more chocolate? Obesity, Type 2 diabetes, Heart disease, ADHD, sedentary lifestyles, the list goes on.
More chocolate is good for none of that. If the fundraising has to be done, let’s get creative.
How about fundraising Stand-Up Comedy nights? 400 parents at $20 a head equals a much better result than shifting a few boxes of chocolates. The benefits of laughter are well documented. T
There’s not a parent anywhere in the country who couldn’t do with a good laugh, not to mention the teachers. It means more work for comedians too, so everybody wins.
Let’s take it further. How about fundraising gambling? Every year Aussies tip Billions into the pokies, the TAB’s and the Casinos. Let the schools take it over.
Gambling games are very instructive in teaching kids about mathematics. Adding, subtracting, probability. And imagine what the money could do for your average State School.
Why use Hamsters to teach kids about life and death when an African Elephant or Galapagos Turtle could do the job? Don’t just teach the kids about astronomy and the planets with a school camp to the National Observatory; put them on Virgin Galactic and send them into orbit. That’s learning!
Let’s take it further. What about fundraising drugs? It’s another Billion dollar industry and it’s in the hands of Bikie Gangs and Multi-National Crime Syndicates.
They’re certainly not spending their ill gotten gains on better learning outcomes. The War On Drugs has been a failure so let’s change tack. Let’s take drugs away from the Gangs and the Cartels and give them to the schools. The agriculture plots and sports ovals could be turned over to marijuana, poppy and coca cultivation.
The chemistry lab has all the necessary equipment. They just need access to the right pre-cursor chemicals. After that, it’s just a matter of ensuring the teachers are supervising the class effectively. That’s hands on learning for the kids involving science, mathematics, accounting and more.
Suddenly our schools would be swimming in money. Teachers could check the rolls with gold-plated astronaut pens. The kids could pile into Stretch Hummers for their school excursions.
Gail Kelly could quit Westpac and chase a job as School Principal for the salary and bonuses. Best of all, at 3 o’clock in the afternoon, when my work colleagues show up with their fundraising cocaine, I’m buying!
Note – the author of this article has never used Cocaine. He snorted a line once, but didn’t inhale.
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