Friday’s dilemma: My niece is exposing herself on Facebook

Lisa says:

05:05pm | 08/04/11

Stay out of it - unfortunately there are lessons to be learnt here.  For you and for her.  In my experience these kidlets think you are wrong / stupid / ancient/ don’t know what’s going on in the real world anyway - and your advice will be ignored at the very least - and potentially laughed at anyway.  You are right - she is wrong - and at some stage in her life - someone will explain to her - someone of her own age perhaps.  Sorry - its a no win situation for you

Tom says:

08:53pm | 08/04/11

How did this make The Punch’s front page? Stop writing about your personal problems… please.

Dan says:

09:28pm | 08/04/11

I agree. The messenger will always be shot; it’s not worth it.

acotrel says:

08:09am | 09/04/11

It all depends on how you see your duty of care?  If It was my neice, even if I was at odds with my brother, I’d send a brief email outlining the danger.  Blood is thicker than water, and at least you care.  Your brother should appeciate that unless he’s an absolute d*ck!

skepdad says:

08:06am | 10/04/11

“telling her to set her page to private”

Here’s your mistake.  She’s 19.  You don’t get to “tell” her.  By all means, send her a message with your opinion, which she might not have fully considered; and make sure it comes from a place of concern, not sanctimonious nannyism.

“The true secret of giving advice is, after you have honestly given it, to be perfectly indifferent whether it is taken or not, and never persist in trying to set people right.”
- Hannah Whitall Smith, 1902

Hilton says:

03:30pm | 08/04/11

Super D has a point.
Make a fake profile and send her a message.

Whether you decide to scare her, or just send a message that politely explains the situation is up to you.

Simon says:

04:23pm | 08/04/11

She won’t get bitten, though. Potential employers won’t tell her they’ve not considered her due to her facebook profile, they will tell her she is unsuitable for the job. No employer would admit to that, despite the fact that plenty do it.

I like your fake profile idea. But, if I’m honest, I couldn’t care less what he does.

Dave-o says:

04:31pm | 08/04/11

I think I just puked a little. Maybe you could wear this while doing it; http://www.tshirthell.com/funny-shirts/uncle-with-benefits/

acotrel says:

08:19am | 09/04/11

@Hilton At some point we must all behave like responsible adults.  Hiding behind a fake ID can have some very undesirable consequences!

acotrel says:

08:15am | 09/04/11

@iandsand I agree! Sometimes there are poisonous bastards in families who will even use their kids to promote ill feeling.  Aunts and uncles have some rights as family.

SMcQ says:

04:15pm | 08/04/11

Sorry Gladys, but your understanding of genetics is woeful. We have two copies of every gene in our body (except those on the sex chromosomes in the case of men), one from each of our parents. Each sperm and egg contains a half complement of a man or woman’s genes; consequently, brothers and sisters can share anywhere between 0% and 100% of their genes (again excepting the sex chromosomes), depending on which ones they get from their parents. More to the point, human relationships have got very little to do with genetics - it’s the social component that matters. People may rhapsodise about the importance of genetic relationships, how in sync they feel with their family members and all sorts of other rubbish, but this is more fantasy than science.

JL says:

04:38pm | 08/04/11

Gladys are you trolling or seriously clueless? If a brother and sister shared 100% of their genes, they’d be identical twins. Which is impossible. Each person gets a randomly selected half of their total genes from their mother, and half from their father. It’s possible that a sibling pair have none of the same genes.

A neice or nephew might have up to 25% of the same genes as his/her aunt/uncle but that would require the parent and aunt/uncle to be identical twins.

Besides, even a 50% genetic similarity cannot instill a genuine connection in some people.

All that aside, the OP has not said anything about a genuine connection with the neice. My advice, OP? Butt out - there’s no indication you have the kind of relationship with this girl that would make her listen to you.

Gladys says:

05:39pm | 08/04/11

I’m not a troll or a geneticist. I barely passed science.

What I am is I’m outraged and I’m telling the anonymous person she has a right to feel concern about her niece because they share a bond.

How do you think she would have felt to be told ‘mind your own business, your neice isn’t your problem’? I’d have felt sick to the guts that all you people would let your nieces and nephews make serious mistakes with their lives and said nothing.

What i am sick of (to the back teeth no less) are anonymous people telling the dilemma folk they have no right to feel concern.

This.Is.Why.Its.A.Dilemma.

Offer some real solutions but don’t tell people to butt out.

acotrel says:

07:23am | 10/04/11

So now prospective employers search the internet for dirt on their new employees?  HOW SWEET AND ARROGANT?  Perhaps job seekers should search the list of Workcover offences before they apply for jobs anywhere? And especially if they’re negotiating their salary?

intrigued.. says:

05:12pm | 08/04/11

Can I have a link to the tits & blowjobs page..?

Facebook User says:

10:19am | 09/04/11

Bwahahahahahhahaha! Love it. Yes.

david says:

11:33pm | 08/04/11

what is a sky fairy believer?

ZSRenn says:

09:23am | 09/04/11

@ David. It is what a fundamentalist in the belief of disbelief calls God.

He absolutely hates the church and everything it stands for.

So much so that I think he may have been molested as a child and it’s left a bad taste in his mouth.

I gave him a hammering in a couple of forums so now it seems he is going to place snide remarks around the pages.

Meanwhile I was thinking this girls fb page sounds like it is very similar to mine.

sir ronald bradnam says:

01:02pm | 09/04/11

David, True definition of a sky fairy believer is someone who believes that their invisible friend is actually real, controls the universe and also moulded it from bare rock 5000 years ago.
Generally they can be indentified as they wander around looking lost with a vacant look in their eyes, some try to give out pamphlets to the unsuspecting and they generally feel the need to congregate and ritualise their beliefs with other sky fairy believers in an old building with spires that has been built using the tax free dollars donated to them with which they use to build great wealth whilst children all over the world starve.
Most follow a silly old man in a funny dress and tend to do anything he says as they dont have the ability to act or think for themselves. He also takes a cut from the money siphoned of from other taxpayers all over the world.
Most find it hard to form an opinion other than what they have been told to say, as you can clearly see from the rambling in RSZenns reply.
All believe that they have the knowledge so are somehow superior to the secular, aetheist whatever you want to call them and that only their opinions are valid.
None througout history have ever been able to produce one shred of evidence of the existence of their omnipresnt supernatural dictator who lives in the clouds, but that still doesnt stop them from believing as they have a handbook written years after and added to over centuries and used as a weapon to control a population through fear.
This fear is brought about by telling vulnerable people who will listen that unless they bow down and kiss the feet of their god there is no way you are going to sit on a cloud looking down at the non believers for eternity and the only way to get to there god is through them.
As for giving me a hammering this proves that they truly are delusional, take a look for yourself on ’ The faithful are feasting on religious freedoms’ and you can judge for yourself, its is quite funny really seeing how hysterical he gets because no one understands his veiws as he finds it very hard to string together several meaningful sentences.
Hope this helps as I had to keep it brief.

ZRSenn just for your sake I have never been abused by anyone and that sort of comment shows the gutter level you go to. I just happen to not believe.

ZSRenn says:

02:16pm | 09/04/11

See David It’s also usually not worth reading so I didn’t!

Seano says:

07:36am | 09/04/11

She’s an adult not a child.

Reggie says:

12:16pm | 10/04/11

jeffg “if ya know stuff, tell people about it. that’s how people learn. oh yeah, they also learn from their mistakes,” 

.... it’s also how completely untrue gossip is disseminated.  It’s funny how people who spread gossip always think they are performing a public duty.

Somewhat like suggesting Erick is gay. We know it’s not true. Don’t we?

Seano says:

04:34pm | 09/04/11

Clowns like you make me laugh. On the one hand you whinge about PC BS and on the other hand you advocate an nanny state mentality. Are you sure we’re the idiots?

The person in quesion is an adult. The person wanting to offer advice is an estranged relative who claims not to want to have anything to do with this branch of the family but then cyber stalks them and wants to interfere because he/she has formed an opinion that certain behaviour is inappropriate.

The whole thing is a no brainer (so you should be able to stay with me).

1. You can’t offer advice to people you don’t want to have or haven’t got a relationship with and expect it to be taken on face value as being offered with the best intentions. Even if it is being offered with the best intentions about which I have my doubts.

2. Adults are allowed to be silly and make mistakes that’s the great thing about becoming an adult we get to cut the apron strings and find out for ourselves that as teenagers hey it turns out we don’t know everything.

3. She’s embarrassing herself (in the opinion of anonymous) on FB not committing self harm or taking drugs. If it costs her a few jobs she’ll learn a lesson, she’s not going to learn anything from a busy body Uncle (or Aunt).  If she’s got any gumption she will like most teenagers dig her heels in and tell anonymous where to get off.

Again PC BS versus interfering in other people’s lives…funny stuff.

Chris says:

08:56pm | 09/04/11

Seano I’ve seen a few of your post and you are the only clown around here. I’d like to put you up for King of the idiots. Read on as to why.

You clearly don’t know what a nanny sate is.
Maybe look it up on Wikipedia. I’d guess that you believe everything on there like most nuffies.

How am I advocating a nanny state mentality? I’m advocating blood relatives actually looking out for each other. Experienced co-workers looking after junior works. Things that are lacking in a society full of selfish pigs who rather turn a blind eye then lend a helping hand.
I bet you would walk away instead of help a stranger in need be it changing a tyre on the fwy or stop some guy beating up on a women in the street.
Looking out for others is perfectly fine and not interfering..
Lucy does not want contact with her brother. Not her niece.

She is not of the opinion that “certain behaviour is inappropriate”. She thinks it will hamper the young woman’s prospects of gaining employment.

You can say for certain she is or isn’t going to learn anything from a Aunt or uncle nor is she going to dig her heels in.
You certainly can’t say the advice is or isn’t give with the best of intention.
BTW
Nanny states are when Governments running your life. Not one where people who actually give a stuff about society and others in general.
As for interfering on the lives of others. Giving advice is far from it. Now if Lucy was to constantly contact the girl or other family she knows saying she needs to do this or that in an attempt to get the outcome she wants that would be interfering.

Now if you have the intelligence to get you pea brain around that you can run of the what ever “I don’t want to get involved and help” stink hole you crawled out of. If not you should add yourself to the list of people who are the reason the world is such a dump.

Malay style says:

08:43am | 10/04/11

Chris
I don’t know about nanny sate, but I do love chicken sate.
PS - Everyone is entitled to their opinion. Stop being such a self righteous clown

Seano says:

09:51am | 10/04/11

“How am I advocating a nanny state mentality?”

How about interfering in the lives of adults. Do try and understand a point before writing long bilious replies, you look silly otherwise.

“’I’m advocating blood relatives actually looking out for each other. ?”

You’re advocating someone who has no relationship with this 19 year old and who claims not to want to have a relationship with that branch of the family sticking their nose in. You can’t not want to be involved with this teens family and want to be an uncle/aunt as well.

“I bet you would walk away instead of help a stranger in need be it changing a tyre on the fwy or stop some guy beating up on a women in the street.”

What a truly moronic coment. You haven’t got a sensible point so you get personal which why I had a go in the first place. Grow up.

“Lucy does not want contact with her brother. Not her niece.”

LUCY, LUCY…Lucy is the name of the blogger who posted the article (lovely name btw same as my daughter) not the name of the person with the dilemma who has gone by ANONYMOUS. No wonder you can’t put together a cogent argument, you’re having trouble understanding what’s going on.

“She is not of the opinion that “certain behaviour is inappropriate”. She thinks it will hamper the young woman’s prospects of gaining employment.”

Did you read that before you wrote it? Of course anonymous thinks the behaviour is inappropriate BECAUSE he/she thinks it will hamper the neice’s job prospects. What a silly comment.

“Nanny states are when Governments running your life.”

I said “Nanny state MENTALITY”, not “nanny state” note the extra word, it makes all the difference goose.

“If not you should add yourself to the list of people who are the reason the world is such a dump. “

The world is not a dump. But you demonstrate quite effectively how much work we still have to do to lift educational standards.