Friday’s dilemma: Kid wrecks computer, how to punish?

Likes Joining Dots says:

11:44am | 25/03/11

So you got frustrated with your Mac? That’s understandable, these things do happen to everyone from time to time, but I think it’s reprehensible to point at the innocent 4 year old and proclaim - “He did it!”. The poor tyke.

‘fess up Ant, we’re an understanding bunch.

Pete says:

11:48am | 25/03/11

that pic is the weirdest looking laptop I’ve ever seen. How big is the bag?  I bet it’s a mongrel to get through the security screen at the airport.

CheckeredRepairService says:

11:49am | 25/03/11

if it were the computer in question…
then it would be the apple that fell far far far away from the tree.

spose insurance is out of the question now.

if it’s any consolation I purchased a nice laptop for my sister,  only to have it handed back a couple of months later with a request “can you please fix”.
“It looks like it has been thrown against a wall”, I said.
Yes, that was one truth, the other was that the culprit was a 37 y.o. slammer slammer by trade?! Go figure.

Ron E Coote says:

12:02pm | 25/03/11

Anthony, I have a four year old son, too.
It all makes sense, now.
The upside is, if you want to directly replace your machine, in all probability the new one will be half the price of the original, and twice as fast.
Get a Mac.

Gregg says:

12:56pm | 25/03/11

Well now Ant, your kid!
What can we say?
Inherited genes!
The real problems here are
Why leave your LT or anything valuable to accessible to a four year old, a boy at that!
The parent learning curve you may have missed is
. Kids can be inquisitive yet they do not understand how things work.
. Boys in particular can be destructive! and have enormous strength you would not imagine.
[ A neighbours 18 month YO not only had the cute habit of being able to get into and stand in a toilet bowl and attempt to flush himself but he was also strong enough to turn outside garden taps on. ]
. A four year old is not going to associate a pen that should not have been there with a computer and could get exceedingly angry when he couldn’t see his scribble on the screen.
So Ant., welcome to the closeted years and keep kiddies away from that which they are not mature enough to handle with care.

All is not lost however for
. put your mind to work and come up with the flexible screen/keyboard and squashable pen combo kit and it ought to be a marketing gem.
. get out in the BY, bowl a few balls to him regularly and in between time build that cubby house for him, maybe not a tree house however, well not without council approval depending on where you live.

And, Insurance!
You wanted a newbie afterall so go buy the kid an ice cream.

Gregg says:

12:59pm | 25/03/11

I should have added, too
How come there isn’t a good functional LT that does not have a slam me down screeen?
Maybe there is already!

Matthew says:

01:18pm | 25/03/11

Ron, it’ll only be half the price and twice as fast if he buys a PC.  When it’s a Mac it’s either not that old, in which case it’s still the same price, or Apple no longer sells it because it’s more than 6 months old.  If you do buy one that’s “twice as fast” with a Mac then it’s still the same price as the other one was new.

Also, 4 year olds break stuff.  You need to teach them the right way to do things so they don’t rather than scold them for doing it wrong (they’ll like you more for it when they grow older).

mike j says:

02:10pm | 25/03/11

You’re already giving your kid irreversible brain damage by letting him use a Mac in his formative years. Surely that’s punishment enough.

P.S. Are you sure The Punch isn’t in breach of its endorsement contract with Apple by failing to publish the Apple logo somewhere on this page?

Dave-o says:

04:35pm | 25/03/11

@Gregg, Panasonic Toughbook FTW

TimB says:

01:01pm | 25/03/11

You do realise that the dilemma’s aren’t coming from the same person everytime right?

Ron E Coote says:

08:24pm | 25/03/11

I do now, Tim.
The byline, is as misleading as the photo of the computer, as it turns out.
All was not, as would seem.
Obviously not many Mac users here, either.

Reg says:

10:51pm | 27/03/11

This is only the modern equivalent of the kids feeding their toast into the VHS or someone slamming the bonnet closed while the radiator cap is on top of the intake filter.

“They” reckon it costs a million dollars or something to raise a child and you’re still in the first fifty thousand. It’s never too early to Introduce him to the lawn-mower and defray some of the outlay. Current price is $50 for the lawn and edging, tell him $10.

notSue says:

12:57pm | 25/03/11

Excellent comments. Wholeheartedly agree. My qualifications: I used to be a four-year old, have raised several since, and now borrow a couple occasionally!

HeatherG says:

07:37pm | 27/03/11

I’ve raised 6 (yes, six) 4 year-olds and this post is the most sensible.

As is, by the way, not allowing a 4 year-old boy to use such an expensive toy without close parental supervision. Just a thought.

Reg says:

10:59pm | 27/03/11

Enough of this namby-pamby stuff, I’ve raised six as well Heather and even WORSE, four of them were girls. Boys are SO much easier but I confess, I may been responsible for my own hardship.

Here’s the list, don’t regard any of them as punishment, regard then as opportunities. http://www.popularmechanics.com/home/skills/4281414

Cate P says:

11:52am | 25/03/11

Phew, thanks for the clarification Mr Sharwood!  We’ve been through this with our video player and our oldest son.  Too late for an angry response.  Make is a firm teaching opportunity, man to man.  Take some time to teach him to be careful with things generally, not just computers.  Use the busted computer as a lesson about caring for other peoples things generally.  Also, if he has another electronic device - PS or DS or something - that he likes don’t let him use it for a day or two, (making sure he knows why, you always have to connect the dots with four year olds, because they end up with weird pictures if you leave them to connect the dots themselves) until he shows you can trust him to be careful, because he broke your computer.  Even if/when you get a new computer, reinforce by making it an issue of trust.  After a day or two let him use it supervised if he can show you that he can be careful opening and closing it, and checking its clear before he does so.    I have four sons, but they don’t break stuff, they are habitually careful (they taught each after our oldest’s ‘learning experience’).  My daughter of course is perfect,  just like me.  Good luck!

Cate P says:

11:54am | 25/03/11

You’ll make a great parent someday Elphaba, right on the money!

Elphaba says:

12:24pm | 25/03/11

Thanks Cate!  I just think about “What would my Mum do in this situation?”

So I guess the credit goes to her.

Thanks again.

AdamC - another childless armchair parent says:

12:36pm | 25/03/11

I’m inclined to agree. Surely with kids this young, it is a matter of positive and negative reinforcement to condition behaviour going forward? To that end, responses would have to be immediate, so the kid knows why they are being punished, and basic, so that the kid knows they are being punished.

This is the sort of situation in which smacking is ideal. But I understand that’s quite controversial nowadays. Didn’t that supernanny have a naughty chair that was supposed to do wonders?

Elphaba says:

01:15pm | 25/03/11

@AdamC, my mum used to smack me.  Very rarely.  I can count on one hand the number of smacks I remember getting.  I still think it has its place.

Of course nowadays, if I back chat her, I get the “You’re not too old for a smack”, hehehehe

*cue parents condemning me for endorsing child abuse*

notSue says:

01:30pm | 25/03/11

Elphaba, a 4 year old isn’t a two year old. Their memories aren’t that short and they have ‘object permanance”. They know that ojbects don’t disappear when covered. Taking away a favourite thing is a very good way to reinforce the value of an object. A smack will only say that Mum and Dad are upset, but it won’t explain exactly WHY they’re upset. The child can understand much better if he/she experiences a similar emotion, coupled with an explanation.

Elphaba says:

01:39pm | 25/03/11

@notSue, I guess that’s why parents can raise their kids however they see fit.

I didn’t say smacking was appropriate in this situation (and clearly it isn’t because the incident is done and dusted), I just said it had its place.

notSue says:

02:29pm | 25/03/11

Don’t misunderstand, Elphaba. I’m not in the “smacking is always wrong” crowd. Sometimes, a short,sharp smack is the fastest and most efficient way to say STOP! DON"T!  It just needs to be used when it’s going to be effective. In this case a lesson needs learning (by both parants and child, I suspect!) that a smack won’t deliver on it’s own.

Elphaba says:

02:47pm | 25/03/11

@notSue, it’s a pity that the kid is not about 10 or 11, because then you could ground them.  From what I understand, thats one of the best parts of being a parent!  My mum seemed to like it, since it was a frequent punishment, lol

notSue says:

02:58pm | 25/03/11

and sheesh, *why* is my spelling so sucky today?ha!

notSue says:

03:27pm | 25/03/11

@Elphaba. Ha, my Mum liked it as well!  She was also fond of using a brush on my backside - which I *don’t* recommend! LOL!

Elphaba says:

03:32pm | 25/03/11

@notSue, grounding worked really well on my brother, because banning the TV was tantamount to torture.

Unfortunately with me, Mum had to try it a few times, because she didn’t realise that sending me straight to my room was no problem, because that was where all my books were.  Once those got taken off me, grounding was more effective.

AW says:

02:14pm | 27/03/11

You obviously don’t have kids. My 2.5 year old understands consequences for his actions and has a memory like an elephant. At 4, he knows what he did was wrong, you just have to pick the punishment. I’ve found taking things away works a treat. But I also find kids are a bit like dogs - you have to do the punishment then and there.

Petra says:

01:01pm | 25/03/11

Fully Agree!!

Yak of the Goldfields says:

03:12pm | 25/03/11

Protect the car keys at all costs.

We are off on a holiday, nice early start. Yeh! Do you reckon we could find the keys anywhere. Darlingness thought she would post them in a tissue box. I mean, who would look in a tissue box for lost keys? It’s the first place we look now.

Reg says:

11:15pm | 27/03/11

Hang about, there is a very important hurdle at 2 to 2.5, a child is in the process of becoming self-aware and it’s a very new field to both child and single-child parents. Strewth some aren’t even aware of the difficulty with their second child. This is NOT the time to punish a child, it is a time to read to them and gently guide them and the greatest need is PATIENCE.

There’s another problem that multiplies the terrible twos. That of blood-sugar-levels. A two and a half (or later) with low BSL after heavy play or pre-school will be impossible to handle. Feed cuddle and wait, even distract, although I’ve had third thoughts about the positivity of distraction.

Anyhow the child was only doing as he had seen it done by adults.

marley says:

01:43pm | 25/03/11

It could be worse.  He could become an IT geek.

notSue says:

11:15am | 26/03/11

Darragh (love the name btw!) I wanted to read this post, Truly I tried..but it kinda felt like a diatribe and frankly, I couldn’t be arsed on this subject. Sorry. :(

Melrusk says:

04:36pm | 25/03/11

A four year old knows when they have done something wrong they just don’t get why it is wrong.
Children will learn to respond to different situations based on what they experience themselves.
So if your four year old does something unacceptable show them disapproval. Ultimately they want your love & attention.
In my experience a quiet word or the suggestion of a smack even removing something special like a blanky till it all calms down is far more effective than a shout.
If I shout at my children they think that is how to respond to conflict.
So yes it is relevant to a four year old.

Elphaba says:

02:27pm | 25/03/11

Aahh, yes… a kid who definitely needed a good smacking!!

Galinda says:

03:54pm | 25/03/11

is that what they do? cant wait to babysit my sisters kids this weekend…....

TimB says:

06:38pm | 25/03/11

A classic Shane.

But now I think of it, does anyone think that he might be Marillyn Shepherd’s kid?