Friday dilemma: My dad’s a bad driver. Do I dob him in?

PG says:

11:43am | 22/07/11

I suppose you could just wait until he cleans someone up. That would be a great outcome. Would it be too difficult to have an adult conversation with him about it? Honestly I don’t see what the dilema is. Would you rather him live (or possible die prematurely) from the guilt of killing or injuring someone?

BTW - the red lights on the car in the picture are BRAKE lights, not breaks (though if they are ignored, something probably will break).

Jenni says:

12:03pm | 22/07/11

Which will make you feel worse - the sadness in your father’s eyes as they take his driver’s licence away OR the sadness in your own when you bury him after he has an accident (and perhaps takes some other people with him)?

... your choice.

Vaunted says:

12:03pm | 22/07/11

Let’s see, Dad has probably driven, say 2.5 million km in his life without particular incident, and almost certainly put up with your lousy and/or dangerous driving when you were on L plates. You worry about staying alive or hurting other people with your own driving Lucy, and let the law take care of your Dad if it’s warranted.

RyaN says:

12:06pm | 22/07/11

I think you should talk to him about it, perhaps be subtle and give him the Sophie Delezio book and ask if he wants to be responsible for doing something like this to another kid.
http://www.borders.com.au/book/letter-to-sophie-from-her-mum-and-dads-private-diaries/1221394/

Point out that the person who did this to her was in many ways similar to him.

Super D says:

12:09pm | 22/07/11

Driving and the elderly is a modern dilemma.  On one hand when you take away someone’s driving license you take away their independence to a large degree.  On the other hand you stop older folks mowing down nuns and causing accidents as a result of their doddery distractions. 

The fact remains though that more accidents are caused by men under 25 than men over 75 - ask any insurer. 

I for one think that there should be an age at which everyone simply hands their license in irrespective of their competence.  This enables people to plan for a car free existence rather than have it suddenly thrust upon them.  To this end perhaps over 70’s shouldn’t pay stamp duties when they move to a property with superior public transport options.

Kylie L says:

12:20pm | 22/07/11

I work as a psychologist in dementia assesment and diagnosis in Vic, and sadly in this state there is no mandatory re-testing age. I genuinely believe there should be- maybe at 75. I regularly see 80 and 90 year olds in the early stages of dementia who are driving- once they are diagnosed they are legally obliged to have a driving assessment, but some people can have the condition for years before diagnosis.
Talk to your dad and express your concerns. Can you enlist your mum? If that fails and you’re in Vic you can report your concerns anonymously to the RTA and they will follow it up. In Vic, many seniors are advised (or, in the case of a diagnosis of a medical condition, required) to have a driving assessment… this means a specialist goes out on the road with them in a dual control car, and depending on hwo they perform they will either pass, fail, or get a restricted pass- in which case they are only allowed to drive within (say) 5km of home, and/or during daylight and/or during off peak, and/or not on freeways, etc.

iansand says:

12:23pm | 22/07/11

NSW RTA brochure
http://www.rta.nsw.gov.au/licensing/downloads/worried_about_older_driver.pdf

James says:

12:31pm | 22/07/11

In my opinion the best approach would be to express your concern with his driving in a caring and compassionate way. Aggressive confrontation will only make him feel threatened and defensive.
Ask him how he is feeling about it, is he experiencing any difficulties? Is he aware of any bad driving habits? Gently talk to him about what you experienced.
Other important questions include, how much driving does he do? Is it daily? Is it to familiar local areas? Night? In the rain? If he is having difficulty, perhaps work out what he can scale back to reduce the how much he has to drive in challenging situations. You need to encourage him to be aware of his driving and to take action.

If he indicates that he is having any physical or cognitive difficulties while driving, one option is to organise a visit to a GP and maybe get a referral to a driving Occupational Therapist. They can help ascertain how he is going with his driving and what can be done about it.

I want to stress this point though: We’re not talking about a hoon here, this is no matter for the police. Its sound like we’re talking about an elderly man who needs to be made aware that his driving is not what it used to be. This is a challenging point in one’s life and needs to be handled with care. Furthermore, it is important this is dealt with because there are considerable risks involved.

Hope this helps.

Nathan says:

12:52pm | 22/07/11

Normally I would say no, but being the age he is it’s a different story.

Fiddler says:

12:56pm | 22/07/11

There is nothing I can add beyond what Zeta has said except to say reporting him to the RTA (or equivalent) is the way to go, they have the power to issue a “question of fitness” and force him to undergo a driving test and if necessary take his licence off him. Police would most likely refer you to them anyway and you can do this anonymously

Leto says:

01:17pm | 22/07/11

It’s a big thing to give up a drivers licence. The freedom you felt when you first got your licence; remember that?

It has been my experience that older people don’t realise that their ability to drive has degraded until they have an accident. Hopefully it will be in a car park when the accelerator and brake pedal are mixed up and only a parked vehicle/bollard are involved.

Old people are far more likely to be hurt in an accident. Their bones are more brittle and they take far longer to heal. It will be a hard conversation to have with your dad, but one you need to have. For the safetly of all motorists.

Driving’s the most dangerous thing most of us do on a regular basis.

Kricket says:

02:15pm | 22/07/11

Why don’t you just talk to him?
Sheesh. I talk to my parents all the time because they are far more reckless than I am while driving.

If your talk doesn’t work, then book him into a defensive driving course or notify the police.

Kika says:

02:20pm | 22/07/11

Yes. Dob him in. Do you want him calling himself or someone else?

Emily says:

02:22pm | 22/07/11

We’re facing the same dilemma with my 82 yo grandfather. A couple of months ago he hit the accelerator instead of the brake and mowed down his face. As I keep trying to explain to my dad, sure it was just a fence this time but what if next time he’s in a shopping centre carpark and a little kid runs out in front of his car?

dr deen says:

02:25pm | 22/07/11

zeta i would rawl if this floor wasnt so dirty

Graham says:

02:49pm | 22/07/11

My Mum’s 85, and she just passed her test. Every 5 years, now in WA.

bec says:

05:04pm | 22/07/11

Timely. An elderly man backed into my car in a carpark a few weeks ago. My normal procedure is to call insurance ASAP, but I admit that the sight of about a million chemo tubes in his neck and the comparative minor damage to an already old car that only has another 70 thou in it made me reconsider.

If I believed in karma, which I don’t, I’d say I’d be in for a windfall.

H B Bear says:

05:21pm | 22/07/11

Suggest that he wears a burqua.  That seems to work (in NSW at least).

RyaN says:

05:26pm | 22/07/11

Be wary of the Grey Dawn!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4P7_t4-WsB8

Vicki PS says:

06:44pm | 22/07/11

I have the same concern with my 77 year old father.  I don’t know what the laws are in the state your anonymous reader lives in, but in Queensland drivers over 75 (I think) require medical clearance to renew their licence annually.  Dad’s useless drone of a doctor just ticked everything without really testing his competence.  The family’s next step was to confront him and ask that he either surrender his licence or restrict his driving.  For the moment he has given up driving longer distances.  Next step, if he doesn’t pull the pin himself, will be to front his doctor and insist he do what the law requires.

Dobbing an unsafe driver in to police doesn’t mean an expectation that the person will be charged: presumption of innocence doesn’t come anywhere into the equation.  It might, however, result in the driver being forced to face reality.

Cath says:

07:00pm | 22/07/11

Don’t dob him in, Lucy, you wowser.  Just make sure you don’t have to be driven by him.  My dad’s a shocking driver (sounds worse than yours), but he hasnt been killed or killed anybody.  We reckon its his and mum’s guardian angels, if you are a praying girl, commend your dad every day to the care of his guardian angel!  http://www.catholic.org/prayers/prayer.php?p=281

AKeefy says:

10:38pm | 22/07/11

This is a plant story right? If not, your grans on a flippant trip, and by the sounds of it could quite possibly take you with him on the next beefeater ride home. Dob him into a councilor. Cops process this legal slap of bad character as fines. At 75 maybe he’s gone GAF.

4 the dumbies. Give A Fu#K

Eva says:

10:43pm | 22/07/11

I sat in the car with my father recently and had exactly the same experience. Strangely he complained about other drivers not using their indicators but wasn’t worried about himself. He has always been a shocking driver so I am not sure if there has been a recent deterioration that requires a retest or not. Drivers over 70 certainly can be a huge worry and with the great increase in their numbers a good system needs to be put in to practice by governments to ensure only good drivers remain licensed.

Tell His Dr Now says:

08:50am | 23/07/11

If you don’t tell the authorities about your father, you could have his death or someone else’s n your conscious.  And don’t use the childish term “dob in”, it is so unthinking - makes law abiding citizens scared of being called a dobber.  Like “tittletat” at school - that’s how bullies are made.

atthepub says:

06:19pm | 23/07/11

What’s wrong with having 70+ and 80+ sticker in the windscreen so that we can all think, oh it’s granpa, let’s give him a little space. I wouldn’t mind when I get to that age. Same for the under twenty punks .. give us all a little warning.

we will all be there one day says:

06:23pm | 23/07/11

I recently sat in a Dr’s surgery and listened to two elderly ladies talk, one had her license taken from her already and the other was at the Dr because the Police wished to take her’s. My grandfather was a police officer and he handed in his license when he got to 75 because he said that’s what is the right and safe thing to do but I felt so sorry for these two ladies as I listened to their conversation, I walked into the Dr’s room and declared to her, Old age is a bitch…isn’t it she replied.

manual keeps you alert says:

07:37pm | 23/07/11

Maybe the elderly should be driving manual only.
I’ve witnessed these out-of-control foot-on-wrong-pedal accidents -  automatic in the three cases.

Leo says:

10:59pm | 23/07/11

I believe that everyone over the age of 70 should have to take a driving test every year. The majority who are no doubt safe sensible drivers should have no concern with a requirement to show their competence annually. Those who have lost the ability to pass a driving test should not be on the road. I still recall that tragic incident with the elderly driver and that dear little girl Sophie Delezio. I am not picking on the elderly per see. My own dear mother who is now over 70 falls into this very same category and would not pass a driving test if I were her examiner. She has never had nor caused an accident, nor has she any traffic violations but her driving has become overly defensive and she is bewildered by busy intersections. We largely do not encourage her to drive and thankfully she does not need to, though she still holds her license.

Kate says:

08:34pm | 24/07/11

I’d probably report it to his doctor, who will chat to him about it and will probably suggest that he re-sit his driving test. I know it sucks for elderly people when they can’t drive any more and feel they have lost their independence, but some people just should not be on the roads. My grandmother recently sold her car at age 90, and not a moment too soon as she was a truly terrifying driver. She has very little vision left, so she’d drive at 30km/h with half the car in the bike lane and seemed to forget the purpose of indicators. And she thought I was a hoon when I’d drive her places doing 58km/h in a 60 zone.