Friday Dilemma: Does this look “easy to assemble”?

Will Pope Francis have the vision to tackle this?

by Hannah Harborow

110
Advocating risk management is not “victim blaming”

by Sarrah Le Marquand

210
Defeating bullying one child at a time

by Peter James

310
Why can’t I be pope?

by Xavier Toby

410
My democratic dilemma after the death of a despot

by Gabriel Pizani

510
Punch on: Open thread 14/03/2013

by The Punch Team

610
Atheist church’s faithless flock proves value of religion

by Sam Clench

710
There’s no such thing as a free bus ticket

by Jessica Irvine

810
Politicians can’t control the economy

by Albert Alla

910
How far do the National Rifle Association’s sights focus?

by Scott Limbrick

1010

by Anthony Sharwood

30 Mar 12:45pm

Must Reads

The Punch is moving house

385

Will Pope Francis have the vision to tackle this?

122

Advocating risk management is not “victim blaming”

251

Filed under: Big W, Exercise, Friday Dilemma, Ikea

64 comments

Look at this explosion of nuts, bolts, wires and assorted metal doo-dats. Just look at it.

A piece of pie. Actually, more like a dropped pie. Author's pic.

It’s the first page of the instruction booklet for the rowing machine I recently purchased from my local Big W, and the large black words on the side of the box said “easy to assemble”. Easy my big fat (but for long!) backside.

I bought the machine having spotted it in a mailbox catalogue. The catalogue said nothing about self-assembly until the extremely fine print on the very last page, which I originally missed. So when I went to the store, I was a little surprised they gave me a box. Like I say, though, the box said “easy to assemble”.

Yeah, right. Maybe I nodded off too much in metalwork classes at school. Admittedly, I am no great handyman. But this thing was no row in the park. It took several hours and many curses to put gotether. Indeed, I only successfully threaded the wiring for the electronic display with the aid of the slender limbs of my children.

The fine print on this page said nothing about self-assembly

Hooray for child labour. And hooray for the IKEAfication of the world, where everything is to be taken home and assembled. What next: you go to the local pizza joint and the guy gives you a slab of dough and a handful of olives and mushrooms and tells you to go home and bake it?

Then again, perhaps you think it’s fair. The thing was only $298 and it works perfectly. So far, I haven’t maimed myself once.

Oops, I really should have closed the door to the outside loo before taking this pic

All the same, I still maintain that “easy to assemble” doesn’t equate to 120 different bits and pieces of stuff that require hours of labour to put together. You say?

Share post:
Print page:
- Print Article

64 comments

Show oldest | newest first

- Jeremy says:
  
  11:49am | 30/03/12
  
  I hate it when you put together shelves, and then you realise half way through that one board is the wrong way around and you have to undo everything. Also have built a couch that said one person could easily put it together, but it took three pretty proficient guys to do it.
  Lucky for us it’s just a waste of time, Ant, I feel sorry for people (elderly or less able, or women (he he)) who wouldn’t actually be able to do it themselves at all.
  
  Reply
che says:

12:06pm | 30/03/12

Hey! That’s offensive to women! I could do it! (with help from my dad) lol
Emma says:

12:15pm | 30/03/12

Meet the IKEA expert—> *me*

Nothing is more fun and causes more stress in a relationship than being able to assemble a drawer quicker than your partner! Hehe.
KH says:

12:29pm | 30/03/12

Emma - you may have some competition in me….......bwahahahaha I did have some trouble with a large bookshelf from ikea - i put it all together fine including the fiddly drawer and cupboard parts, but it was laying on the floor (one of those expedit system ones, you know the ones…....) and when I finished - I couldn’t lift it up…..........turns out you need two people for that part…..................funny, who would have thought the weight of the box (which I couldn’t get into the car by myself) was an indicator of the weight of the finished shelf? bwahahahahahahaha
PW says:

07:31pm | 30/03/12

It’s not that women couldn’t do it, it’s just that most wouldn’t even attempt it.
- che says:
  
  11:51am | 30/03/12
  
  I guess if they wrote ‘hard to assemble’, it may put people off? You get what you pay for.
  
  Reply
SteveKAG says:

01:18pm | 30/03/12

Exactly - serves you right for buying a DIY from Big W
- TimR says:
  
  11:55am | 30/03/12
  
  You will have spent more time putting it together than you will using it.
  I’ll give you $50 when it appears on ebay, fully assembled!
  
  Reply
Gordon says:

12:18pm | 30/03/12

Make sure you get the one or two tiny parts that were left over.
- Farken says:
  
  11:56am | 30/03/12
  
  so your hands are just one more thing your no good with lucky you found a kid to do it for you lol
  
  Reply
Anthony Sharwood says:

12:02pm | 30/03/12

No need to be like that Farken. But as long as you are, you might as well learn to spell “you’re”!
Farken says:

12:46pm | 30/03/12

look you made 2 things to day 1 was giving big w a free promo or was you paid for it and 2 as they said you got a column out of it . . yes i am like that
Anthony Sharwood says:

01:21pm | 30/03/12

Yep, Big W paid me to do a story about their very nearly but not quite misleading catalogue and their shitty service. Duck your head! Flying pig!
kyzz says:

01:36pm | 30/03/12

I’m not defending farken, but your was used correctly.
1) Your hands - correct
2) You’re (you are) hands - incorrect.
Macca says:

02:05pm | 30/03/12

Kyzz., “...one more thing your no good with…”
che says:

02:13pm | 30/03/12

@kyzz - Your no good = incorrect
You’re no good = correct
kyzz says:

02:39pm | 30/03/12

ah, apologies.
Little Joe says:

05:15pm | 30/03/12

It appears that Ant is just a silly person with an arts degree suffering from mechanophobia!! As soon as he gets away from the 2D computer screen he gets dizzy.
- amy says:
  
  12:05pm | 30/03/12
  
  I put together my flat-pack desk
  
  Im very proud of that
  
  Reply
- HappyCynic says:
  
  12:07pm | 30/03/12
  
  Haha I played with Meccano as a kid (the real metal stuff not the plastic crap that passes for Meccano today) so these kinds of things don’t bother me in the slightest, indeed I get some sort of childish joy from putting stuff together like this and many hours wasted is fine with me.
  
  Pro-tip: get a tarpaulin or a big white sheet, lay it out flat across the floor, tip the whole box out on to the tarp (making a joyful mess and wonderful noise) and sort everything in to neat piles (same size screws in one pile, tools neatly laid out like in a surgery etc) around you in a circle, then start to break up the instructions in a similar manner and start building all the small pieces first and piling them up together. When all the pieces are built then join them up together in to your finished product.
  
  Much easier that way and this way you get all the fiddly, annoying bits done before you get frustrated
  
  Reply
sunny says:

01:08pm | 30/03/12

I like assembling fitness gear too and hate actually using it.

There’s probably business venture potential in that ..
“The Assemblers ..who puts the Ass in Assembly, we do!”
- Cynicised says:
  
  12:16pm | 30/03/12
  
  It’s because you’re a bloke, Ant. Women are much better at this kinda stuff, especially in my house. The Male Of The Household is far too impatient to follow the instructions and uses the time-honored method of “when in doubt, use a hammer”. This, I find is not generally recommended for delicate parts of intricate machinery or furniture which comes with an Allen key! LOL!
  
  Here’s a little suggestion. Maybe next time pay a teensy bit more for one that comes already assembled?
  
  Reply
KH says:

12:45pm | 30/03/12

Its true - I think they just can’t be bothered reading the instructions…......well, that was my brothers excuse with power tools - he used to come home from bunnings via my place so I could figure it out first then just show him…..................mmmmmmmmmmmmm
Ally says:

01:33pm | 30/03/12

Agreed. As a ten year old I watched my dad and grandfather trying to assemble a bird aviary once. A few hours later I went out and actually read the instructions and it was finished within a half hour. After that I was in charge of assembling anything flatpacked.
Rocket Surgeon says:

09:00pm | 30/03/12

It’s not a hammer, it’s a persuader.
- Emma says:
  
  12:17pm | 30/03/12
  
  What do you need it for anway, Ant? Have you reached the “mid life I cant eat pizza at 3 am anymore without getting a muffin top” crisis?
  
  Reply
- Gordon says:
  
  12:29pm | 30/03/12
  
  Actually you got a column out of it. If you are paid more than $298 you are ahead mate. Subsequent column ideas: how I tried it as a %^&$seat; how I did my back in; how my wife tripped over it and hates me for it; how my kids played war-galleys & broke it; how I had to send it Chengdu for repairs; how it looks on my nature strip on hard rubbish day.
  
  Reply
Redeker Plan says:

01:32pm | 30/03/12

Bwahahaha! Comment of the thread so far! I would add a column about the traumas of trying to flog it on Gumtree first - the photo of it outside looks exactly like one from there. Only after the abject failure of Gumtree - endless emails and calls and no-shows - do you whack it out on hard rubbish…
- Tim says:
  
  12:42pm | 30/03/12
  
  They should design these types of things for idiots instead of mildly competent individuals.
  
  Perhaps this is where you’re going wrong?
  
  Reply
Your name:Monty says:

02:55pm | 31/03/12

“A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.”

~ Douglas Adams
- Blackadder says:
  
  12:44pm | 30/03/12
  
  Bought a garden shed from Masters as an opening special…saleskid said “my dad and I put it up in an afternoon”. Yeah right.
  
  Two days later, re-working doors and other components, as well as having to admit defeat at one point and call their help line as the instructions were indecipherable, I finally got it assembled. Two months later, it’s still water-proof and, more surprisingly, still standing.
  
  But then, I saved $150 on the price of the equivalent at Bunnings, so I was happy. Always remember, the cheaper the item, the more assembly that is required, as well as the more liklihood that the manual is a translation to English…from someone who doesn’t speak English…!
  
  Reply
RED says:

04:29pm | 30/03/12

The value of your day is therefore less than $75?
- Martin says:
  
  12:44pm | 30/03/12
  
  Piece of piss, but then again I’m an engineer.
  
  Men who can’t assemble things, read maps, reverse park, barbeque meat, kill spiders, unscrew lids, administer satisfactory shoulder massages or fart under the doona are a disgrace to the XY chromosomes.
  
  Reply
Emma says:

01:02pm | 30/03/12

Barbeque as much meat as you want but make sure you clean the bloody thing afterwards as well and everything else you have used.

My dad was so clever to make such a mess in the kitchen when my mum forced him into it, that she now rather does everything herself - its less work.
Markus says:

01:40pm | 30/03/12

If you’re going to clean your barbeque after every use you may as well just be using a frypan.
Tim says:

01:45pm | 30/03/12

Why would you clean your BBQ?

It would be a crime against humanity to waste all the greasy goodness and flavour left after grilling some big steaks on the BBQ.
- Draconian says:
  
  01:08pm | 30/03/12
  
  The worst thing about IKEA products is when you’re putting them together and realise after hours of frustration that they’ve given you a wrong part.
  
  I’ve had that happen twice now.
  
  Reply
- Fred says:
  
  01:09pm | 30/03/12
  
  Assembling stuff sucks. Assembling stuff for other people is even worse, unless they root me for it.
  
  The rowing machine looks reasonably straight forward but I believe you when you say it wasn’t.
  
  Reply
Gordon says:

02:33pm | 30/03/12

Fixed a young woman’s VCR* once. Later overheard her telling a friend: “yes, he fixed it for me, and I didn’t even have to f%^& him”.

Lesson in life: if you’re good at something NEVER do it for free.

* primitive recording device used to playback embarrassing baby videos.
- iansand says:
  
  01:12pm | 30/03/12
  
  It’s much easier the second time ...
  
  A mate and I once put 5 identical flat pack wardrobes together on one day. By the third we were whipping through.
  
  Of course not many people need 2 rowing machines, so this theory is of limited utility.
  
  Reply
SteveKAG says:

07:51am | 31/03/12

By your very own logic then, this comment is also of limited utility
iansand says:

03:07pm | 31/03/12

SteveKAG - “Limited” is not a word I would apply to any of your comments.
- Micky G says:
  
  01:14pm | 30/03/12
  
  A mate of my old man’s who was a British lorry mechanic in WW2 replaced the brakes in my car once…and had bits left over! I asked him and he said “ah you dont need those”...then why were they there?!
  Having said that I never had any trouble with the brakes but it did increase the anxiety levels every time I noticed the left over screws rolling around the centre console…
  
  Reply
- thatmosis says:
  
  01:22pm | 30/03/12
  
  Doesnt seem that hard from what I can see, Try stripping a diesel engine down to the bones and rebuilding it without the manual and then tell me what you have is hard to do. Common sense and the ability to use the brain and the hands in unison, something that seems to be sadly lacking in todays youth. Oh sure they can text and drive and crash at the same time and think they are kings and queens of the techno age but give them something that requires a bit of common sense and thought and its DOH.
  
  Reply
Skitz says:

05:54pm | 30/03/12

^^ what he said!
- Talon says:
  
  01:35pm | 30/03/12
  
  Neat. Good quality instructions. I have dealt with a lot worse. Do you not have a sense of accomplishment after doing something technical and out of the normal routine. Good start to an ego when starting to lose waight via excercise.
  
  Reply
Talon says:

02:01pm | 30/03/12

Weight, w-e-i-g-h-t, weight. Its Friday and I swear that my mind has gone on holiday and neglected to invite me…... again.
- Kirsty says:
  
  01:38pm | 30/03/12
  
  I put together a stationary bike from Target once and was pretty proud of myself especially because I didn’t swear much when doing it unlike other people I have seen assembling stuff.
  On another note Ant, you have an outhouse? As a kid I hated them because I was terrified of toilet snakes.
  
  Reply
Draconian says:

02:14pm | 30/03/12

Had an outhouse while I was a kid. Hated to go out there at night because there was no light and I was terrified of red back spiders. Couldn’t get the song “There’s a red back on the toilet seat while I was there last night…” out of my head every time I went out. *shudder*
- Anna C says:
  
  01:38pm | 30/03/12
  
  I love assembling things. Whenever someone in my family buys something that needs assembling there is always a fight between me and my dad over who is going to assemble it. The rest of my family couldn’t assemble squat especially my brother-in-law who should be ashamed of himself. How can he call himself a man and not be able to assemble a shelf????
  
  Reply
Emma says:

01:46pm | 30/03/12

How can you call yourself woman when you ARE able to assemble something??
- Oliver says:
  
  01:59pm | 30/03/12
  
  I bought my 8yo a 2300 piece lego technic set (8110) in preparation of dilemmas like this.
  
  Reply
- Classic McTaylor says:
  
  02:00pm | 30/03/12
  
  Classic tick tick would fix this in a jiffy!
  
  Reply
- wearestardust says:
  
  02:35pm | 30/03/12
  
  Was it difficult to assemble, or just slow and tedious due to the number of parts? There’s a difference. Just repeatedly having to use spanners (or, better still, a socket set) and screwdrivers is tedious. Having to deal with misalignment of parts, needing more than two hands to do certain stages, or - and no real man wouild admit to this - not having tools and having to rely on the spanner-screwdriver combo thingy in the box, are difficult. I note the comment about threading cables.
  
  I once bought a pergola kit. I was rather dismayed to find it was a bunch of planks and a few metal feet.
  
  Reply
- Rick of the Dustbowl says:
  
  02:59pm | 30/03/12
  
  Well I see your (you’re the) problem right there…....you read the instructions. That is the last resort, if all else fails.
  
  Reply
- ShamWow says:
  
  03:55pm | 30/03/12
  
  I wish people who pay rock bottom prices wouldn’t complain so much, you get what you pay for.
  
  Reply
- reid wright says:
  
  04:51pm | 30/03/12
  
  This article is clearly misrepresenting. The housing and internals of the main operating mechanism are already pre-assembled. They show you the exploded diagram for future reference when it breaks down as a parts reference. The step by step instructions are quite simple if you can translate broken english and are mechanically sound.
  To imply that you assembled the mechanism within the housing is not cool as you are only required to assemble the feet, shaft, computer and various other components with a few nuts and bolts. These machines are supplied boxed and partly assembled so they can jam 5000 of them into a container to bring you their everyday low prices.
  not impressed.
  
  Reply
- JASON says:
  
  05:05pm | 30/03/12
  
  quite frankly most of the time they design the construction manual to be as easy as they can, you realise that you are a consumer and you can assume they’d want you back for repeat business.. sometime in the future (hoping your machine wont break too soon) so quite frankly if they wrote ‘easy to assemble’ and you found it hard…. maybe your simply below average of what people would consider to be ‘easy’
  
  as shamwow says.. you pay rock bottom you get what you paid for… you couldve opened the box looked at the manual, decided its too difficult for you and returned it and maybe picked something ‘premade’ for you.. what a baby.
  
  there are people out there who buy puzzles in their spare time.. they enjoy it.. but you find it too difficult and decide its their fault.. HAHAHAHAH.. can you even do the basic crossword and sudoku puzzles in the newspapers? nah too hard.
  
  Reply
- zag says:
  
  05:30pm | 30/03/12
  
  As a trades person, if you know you can’t understand the instructions or know you can’t put stuff together then don’t buy stuff that you can’t actually put together yourself.
  
  That diagram is quite easy to read everything expands out so if you want you can follow a blot furtherest out and simply follow the line leading to the next part.
  
  think of it as like that body part song, then you’d get the drift.
  
  I would suggest never bring this up with a trades person as you’ll be treated as being a bit slow or special shall we say.
  
  Reply
- marley says:
  
  06:26pm | 30/03/12
  
  We bought an (allegedly) easy-to-assemble shed.
  
  Package arrives. Check. Two of us, plus the driver, drag package to appointed position. Check. Open package. Check. All parts, plus assembly instructions, present . Check. Assembly instructions have no actual words. Terrific (I have, in the past, had to rely on my somewhat basic knowledge of French and German on assembly instructions because the English was incomprehensible).
  
  Start to assemble frame. Start to put in some of side panels. Four hours. Electric drill dies. Electric screwdriver dies. Let’s start again tomorrow because the dog wants his afternoon walk. Check.
  
  Next morning. Realise part of the frame is wrong and dissassemble. Reassemble correctly. More side panels plus roof. Electric drill dies. Exhausted. Dog. Check.
  
  Third morning. Rest of panels. Find we need tool we don’t have. Go to neighbour. Neighbour puts in pop rivets. Says, “nice shed.” Leaves. Final panel put in and last four screws to frame. Three fit. Fourth set of holes don’t line up. Not even close. Get drill. Get drill bit. Break drill bit. Second drill bit. New hole. Screw it (literally and metaphorically).
  
  Three days, about 12 hours, shed upright. And three years later, still standing. Next time, we hire someone to assemble it - easier on us, the shed and the dog.
  
  Reply
- stephen says:
  
  07:24pm | 30/03/12
  
  For a hundred bucks you could have bought a bicycle and got run off the road by a gym manager, (I was once, and when I rode up to his door at the next lights, I said, ‘righto mate, get out and we’ll have a talk’ ... well, out stepped a giant, with bricks for biceps. Gulp.)
  
  I bought a director’s chair from Big W a couple of weeks ago - quite nice, with orange padding - and it was a put together job, too.
  5 parts, and do you think I could weave the holding rods which holds the seating to the frame ?
  I’ve done Ikea, but Big W should get a construction Manager on the floor to offer free advice for those don’t like paying 60 bucks for a chair, get it home, then have to put the thing together themselves.
  
  Reply
- Dave says:
  
  10:35pm | 30/03/12
  
  It’s a good thing to build stuff from a kit. That way, if something goes wrong down the track, you’ve got much more chance of fixing it yourself. Though, I’m a little biased, as I’m very much against the disposable commodity culture we’ve locked ourselves in to.
  
  Reply
- Tel says:
  
  06:33am | 31/03/12
  
  :D There might be a career opening here - assembling ‘Easy To Assemble’ kits for the ten thumbs brigade!
  
  Reply
- Lies says:
  
  08:31am | 31/03/12
  
  Sue them for false and misleading advertising.
  
  Reply

Sorry, comments are now closed for this article.

Facebook Recommendations

Read all about it

Punch live

Up to the minute Twitter chatter

See all tweets

Nosebleed Section

choice ringside rantings

From: Hasbro, go straight to gaol, do not pass go

Tim says:

They should update other things in the game too. Instead of a get out of jail free card, they should have a Dodgy Lawyer card that not only gets you out of jail straight away but also gives you a fat payout in compensation for daring to arrest you in the first place. Instead of getting a hotel when you… [read more]

From: A guide to summer festivals especially if you wouldn’t go

Kel says:

If you want a festival for older people or for families alike, get amongst the respectable punters at Bluesfest. A truly amazing festival experience to be had of ALL AGES. And all the young "festivalgoers" usually write themselves off on the first night, only to never hear from them again the rest of… [read more]

Light weight

Gentle jabs to the ribs

Superman needs saving

Can somebody please save Superman? He seems to be going through a bit of a crisis. Eighteen months ago,… Read more

28 comments

Friday Dilemma: Does this look “easy to assemble”?

Must Reads

Most commented

64 comments

Jeremy says:

che says:

Emma says:

KH says:

PW says:

che says:

SteveKAG says:

TimR says:

Gordon says:

Farken says:

Anthony Sharwood says:

Farken says:

Anthony Sharwood says:

kyzz says:

Macca says:

che says:

kyzz says:

Little Joe says:

amy says:

HappyCynic says:

sunny says:

Cynicised says:

KH says:

Ally says:

Rocket Surgeon says:

Emma says:

Gordon says:

Redeker Plan says:

Tim says:

Your name:Monty says:

Blackadder says:

RED says:

Martin says:

Emma says:

Markus says:

Tim says:

Draconian says:

Fred says:

Gordon says:

iansand says:

SteveKAG says:

iansand says:

Micky G says:

thatmosis says:

Skitz says:

Talon says:

Talon says:

Kirsty says:

Draconian says:

Anna C says:

Emma says:

Oliver says:

Classic McTaylor says:

wearestardust says:

Rick of the Dustbowl says:

ShamWow says:

reid wright says:

JASON says:

zag says:

marley says:

stephen says:

Dave says:

Tel says:

Lies says:

Facebook Recommendations

Read all about it

Punch live

Up to the minute Twitter chatter

Recent posts

The latest and greatest

Nosebleed Section

choice ringside rantings

From: Hasbro, go straight to gaol, do not pass go

Tim says:

From: A guide to summer festivals especially if you wouldn’t go

Kel says: