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Chris Harrison

by Chris Harrison

14 Dec 05:40am

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Filed under: Memory, Passwords, Society, Technology

41 comments

Ali Baba had it good. In medieval Persia, one password was enough.


Imagine Ali nowadays, having to modify the magic words once a month. From OPEN SESAME to oPen1sEsame%. Hieroglyphics are back in fashion.

I recently tried to log into my online bank account (or was it Centrelink, health insurance, superannuation, the ATO, email, Twitter, Facebook or any of the dozens of “services” for which I now need a password?) and received the following gibberish masquerading as a message:

The password supplied does not meet the minimum complexity requirements. Please select another password that meets all the following criteria: is at least 8 characters; has not been used in the previous 9 passwords; must not have been changed within the last 2 days; does not contain your full name; contains at least 3 of the following 4 character groups: English uppercase characters (A through Z); English lowercase characters (a through z); numerals (0 through 9); and non-alphabetic characters (such as !,$,#,%).Type a password which meets these requirements into both text boxes while standing on your head, tapping your nose, rolling your eyes and robotically repeating - “The world has gone certifiably bonkers!”.

Can’t they just scan my teeth or take a toeprint?

The average citizen now needs the memory of a computer to remember all their passwords, presuming they can remember the password to that computer.

Out of sheer desperation and memory overload I have taken to writing them down, which strikes me as ironic and counter-productive given they are intended to protect my security. But I have no choice. I can only store so much in the cluttered space between my ears.

It’s a similar story with PINs. Far too many. I am beginning to think that PIN stands for PROLIFIC IN NUMBER. Credit card, mobile phone, alarm system, frequent flyer membership… My wife and I only have a joint bank account so we can remind each other of the PIN. Unfortunately, she wasn’t with me at Sydney Airport recently.

Before boarding a flight to Cairns, I decided to buy my young daughter a present. At the shop counter, when prompted for my PIN, my memory went black-hole blank. I raised my head, narrowed my eyes and scanned that space between my ears. The shop assistant tapped her painted nails on the counter.

As though recalling a song from the 70s, when the number finally surfaced I forgot its sensitive nature and unwittingly voiced it aloud while keying it in - 6, 1, 9, 8!

Boarding the flight a few minutes later, pink gumboots for my daughter in hand, I realised the shop assistant had both my card number and PIN and could shout herself some new nail polish should she wish.

I fastened my seatbelt and rang my bank.

“What’s your password for the account?” the tele-teller asked.

That space between my ears is even more cluttered than I thought.

A dozen security questions followed as I attempted to prove I was me, something I even doubted myself at one point. The only time in history I needed my flight to be late it was, of course, ahead of schedule. A steward had me hang up before I could answer all the questions. The shop assistant had three hours to splurge, depending on headwinds.

My problems with passwords aren’t restricted to planes. Cars cause me similar headaches. I purchased one recently, complete with handsfree Bluetooth as standard. It took a matter of minutes to sign myself up to years of repayments but a full ten days for the dealer to remember the password to the Bluetooth. First, they tried four zeros. Then four ones.

“That’s what most people use as a password these days,” said the bemused dealer, who would never have got a job at News of the World.

Passwords are ruining my life, overcrowding my brain and ensuring there is no room left in my head for high school French or wedding anniversaries.

Like Ali Baba, I now have just one password for everything. I know it’s foolish.

Those 40 thieves will have a field day.

Most commented

41 comments

Show oldest | newest first

    • Captain Obvious says:

      04:46am | 14/12/11

      Modify all passwords to one complicated password.

      Save your pin number inside a phone number on your mobile.

      It’s not that hard.

      Reply

    • iansand says:

      07:10am | 14/12/11

      What bugs me is that the organisations that insist on arcane combinations of letters, numbers and symbols tend to be the ones that have least need for security - things like receipt of free newsletters where I have never provided personal or financial details and never will.

    • MarkS says:

      08:27am | 14/12/11

      Until you lose your mobile. Then there are sociopathic luddites like me, who refuse to have a mobile phone, people might ring me.

    • TheRealDave says:

      09:46am | 14/12/11

      I agree Captain Obvious - put your secure passwords into your mobile phone with a fake name…...like Mr Pinnumber…...that pearler has only been going around for 15 years or so….and with the number of lost or stolen phones….well you don’t have to be Captain Obvious do you?? Or do you??

    • Ludititious says:

      10:33am | 14/12/11

      Careful Dave
      People will try to tell you that wireless broadband is the future.

    • Peter says:

      10:34am | 14/12/11

      Sorry Mr Obvious, but I must be missing something because most of the sites/organisations require me to change my password every now and again (at different times of course).  Also, they have different requirements regarding length/case/numbers/symbols so one size does not fit all.  And, they don’t allow me to use old passwords, so if I’ve made a mistake (like I have) and have to reset my password, it needs to be differentiated from the master-key. 
      How do you resolve all that?  Curious, honestly.

    • Brian says:

      11:34am | 14/12/11

      I used to have six brilliant passwords. Four of them were random sequences of letters which had been given to me as the initial password for things - I promptly changed them on that account, memorised them and used them for other accounts. The fifth was the name of a pet mouse I had who died nearly two decades ago and the other was the name of a character I played in a single player game fifteen or so years ago.

      Not one of these met the ‘different character set’ test, so now I just use one of them and change the number at the end each time I need to update it - I can remember that, but not which of the eight random letter sequences is up to which number. In other words, as a direct result of needing more complex passwords, my security has been hugely reduced.

    • Captain Obvious says:

      12:02pm | 14/12/11

      I didn’t realise so many Punch readers struggled with basic life skills.

    • Mahhrat says:

      07:18am | 14/12/11

      We have all this because Australian’s don’t want an I.D. card.

      Which is fair enough, but unless you want that, get used to it.

      Capitan Obvious’ suggestion is a good one, but then of course if you’re a forgetful twit, you’ll probably just lose your phone.

      Reply

    • St. Michael says:

      03:16pm | 14/12/11

      We already have the Australia Card.  It’s called the Tax File Number.

    • Wayne says:

      07:20am | 14/12/11

      I write down all my passwords at work - I currently have 9 of them, and most need updating between 1 and 3 months - but in code.  I know the code, and I know the key, but it means I don’t have to remember the passwords, as they are written in front of me, and anyone else seeing them will think it is jibberish.

      Works for me.

      Reply

    • MarkS says:

      10:31am | 14/12/11

      If the passwords are real words & the key a simple substitution key, then I would have it broken in 10 minutes or less.

    • Peter says:

      10:40am | 14/12/11

      Wayne, so you know, you are protected by the Bank for things like credit card theft PROVIDED THAT you were not negligent in protecting your pin/password numbers.  If you have written these down it could be argued that you were in fact negligent in protecting the identity of your passcodes and so might not be indemnified for losses due to theft etc.  So be careful.

    • Tony of Poorakistan says:

      08:06am | 14/12/11

      What gives me the shits is that each site is different. Some allow certain characters, others do not. Some insist on 6 characters, some want 8. In other words, you simply cannot have one or two passwords to do the lot.

      Reply

    • stephen says:

      08:11am | 14/12/11

      This security bullshit’s driving me crazy, like, you meet a couple at a party, and ask what’s up, and suddenly they’re telling you they’re security professionals - guns, dogs, 2kilo radios and V8 utes and such like.
      (In Qld, ‘what’s up’ is another way of saying, ‘watchya drinkin’ ?)
      And it’s Christmas, so at my next party it’s gonna be all-girl, (‘what’s up’s’ gonna be rhetorical speed-of-sin, I’d reckon.)

      Reply

    • Wayne Kerr says:

      08:15am | 14/12/11

      ..and everyone here whinging about being told to change passwords, to make them complicated will be the first ones crying foul and blaming the institution when they’re accounts are compromised.

      Reply

    • Sarah says:

      09:52am | 14/12/11

      Too true.

    • Ben says:

      10:39am | 14/12/11

      Hear hear!! Complexity requirements exist for a reason. If you’re struggling, use the same cryptic word with different characters/numbers. I can’t believe an article was published about this :| It really isn’t that hard!

      Remembering a complex password is one thing, forgetting your PIN is another. Those people need help.

    • Phill says:

      08:18am | 14/12/11

      Change your password to “incorrect”. 
      That way whenever you get it wrong, your computer will remind you what it is smile

      Seriously though, I tend to use a handful of passwords and just repeat them over and over it is the only way to do it.

      Also for your PIN, add a contact to your mobile that you know is not real i.e JOHN SMITH and make the last 4 digits of their phone number your PIN.

      Reply

    • Zopo says:

      08:23am | 14/12/11

      There should be a universal system that links to everyth…..

      Actually Ill save that idea it could be worth a few million.

      Reply

    • I forget who I am says:

      08:26am | 14/12/11

      The NBN will fix your problem, just like Julia has saved the country by forming another two Dept’s.nIt is quite simple like the ALP supporters.AbC0246.

      Reply

    • TheRealDave says:

      09:43am | 14/12/11

      Ahh so its the NBN and Jules’s fault YOU can’t remember your password?

      *yawn*

    • Old Chook says:

      01:39pm | 14/12/11

      What has the ALP got to do with you remembering you own password or pin numbers. You need to get help with your tunnel vision

    • Nic says:

      08:45am | 14/12/11

      Like good little problem solvers that we are, computer scientists have come up with both technical and physical ways of solving this problem without compromising security. Some are expensive, some are free. A quick Google search should help you out on this.

      Reply

    • MD says:

      09:01am | 14/12/11

      Ahh old people, always forgetting their passwords, pins, where they left their keys, what day it is…

      Reply

    • Nathan says:

      09:24am | 14/12/11

      Whenever a site forces me to use a gibberish password, I always think of this XKCD comic about password strength: http://xkcd.com/936/

      If you’ve got a large collection of different passwords though, a password manager like 1Password (https://agilebits.com/onepassword) is incredibly handy. Saves you from having to remember them all.

      Reply

    • Stavros says:

      12:35pm | 14/12/11

      1Password is possibly the most useful application I’ve come across. All of my passwords are 24 charters of gibberish which I can unlock with one simple word.

    • P(A)IN In The Butt says:

      09:24am | 14/12/11

      I hear ya Chris! It’s so damned annoying! I try not to have too many variants of my regular password or PIN but even then I often have to cycle through the alternatives when I try to log in!  Arrgh! I love the convenience of net banking, of buying tickets online, of being a member if various sites/organisations which interest me, but I LOATHE all the log-in hassles.
      Grumpy Old Grrrrrrrrrr!

      Reply

    • Ricardo says:

      09:39am | 14/12/11

      My system is I have 3 passwords I can remember. A very simple one for low security situations, a more personal but easily remembered one for medium security situations, and a non personal more complex one - memorised - for high security situations. Works for me grin

      Reply

    • ZSRenn says:

      09:41am | 14/12/11

      Sometimes I wish “The Punch” needed a password I couldn’t remember!

      Reply

    • TheRealDave says:

      09:41am | 14/12/11

      Ant, and the second one of your accounts is broken into or worse still - you’re entire work network is compromised because of your laziness to have a proper password - who are you going to blame?? Yourself?? yeah, good one.

      In the IT networks I look after its nothing to see over 10 000 attempts to access the system in one night, mostly from China but plenty of local and US based ones as well.

      So when we do make what you might see as ‘ridiculous’ password complexity requirements its because we are trying to secure the integrity of your companies data, your money in your bank accounts, your personal details etc

      The reason why you haven’t had your bank account cleaned out, your companies data splattered all over the web/tabloids, your compromising pictures stolen and put up on the web or your employer finding out about your Job applications during work hours is because of IT people knowing their jobs and doing them properly -  a thank you would be nice rather than bitching or whinging.

      Reply

    • XiNiX says:

      10:37am | 14/12/11

      Absolutely, my humble server records hits all the time and causes loss of performance.

      Someday, hopefully soon, we may be able to retaliate automatically to these criminals, pity we can’t send a few nasties back at them.

      Have even considered converting an old laptop to a NT bastion host but probably better to build a small box with two (or more) network cards and run a Linux based package like SmoothWall Express.

      Meanwhile I am in the market for a good hardware firewall, any suggestions?

      Have a FUN day   grin

    • Peter says:

      10:45am | 14/12/11

      @TheRealDave, these IT controls are put in place to protect the Bank’s money, not the customers.  ie. in most cases it is the Bank that will lose out if one of your Chinese infiltrators is successful in accessing an account and shifting money, not the customer.

    • K says:

      11:34am | 14/12/11

      @TheRealDave, if only someone could secure the integrity of your grammar.

    • Brian says:

      11:38am | 14/12/11

      As an honest question, is it more difficult for a computer to guess a random string of solely upper-case letters or a random string of all different character sets? I know that the first has fewer possible combinations, but unless the password cracking software already knows that, it still has to try them all.

      Basically, I want to know whether regular cracking software tries the single-character options first or not?

    • Simonious says:

      10:28am | 14/12/11

      Use a password manager. Most of your desktop security software has them built in nowadays and you can even get them for mobile devices. So stop whinging your ass is on fire and put it out.

      Reply

    • yourname says:

      10:35am | 14/12/11

      I calculate my passwords, using a secret algorithm I invented and memorised, with the name of the website as input. If I forget, I just recalculate on the fly.

      Reply

    • Question says:

      10:58am | 14/12/11

      To not change your password regularly begets idleness.

      And idleness begets heresy…..

      Reply

    • n_dude says:

      12:34pm | 14/12/11

      What about a tool which stores your paswords in the one place and only needs one password to access. There are plenty of these available on the market and IT guys use them all the time to manage their paswords. These can even run on your smartphone which means you can carry it around with you. There are many but I have found KeePass to work well.

      Reply

    • Utopia Boy says:

      02:58pm | 14/12/11

      Lets See:
      Bank 1:
      ATM / EFTPOS PIN
      Login pword
      Transfer pword
      Bank 2:
      Login pword
      Transfer pword
      CSA
      Mobile Phone
      Facebook 1
      Facebook 2
      Facebook 3
      Hotmail 1
      Hotmail 2
      Hotmail 3
      Yahoo 1
      Yahoo 2
      Laptop
      Laptop Admin pword
      Internet Router
      Porn site 1
      Porn site 2
      Internet bookshop
      E Bay
      Travel agent
      Online clothes shopping
      Work database 1
      Work database 2
      Photography website
      Gmail
      iTunes
      Couchsurfing
      Airline frequent flyers - personal
      Airline frequent flyers - business 1
      Airline frequent flyers - business 2
      Airline frequent flyers - business 3
      My Location for The Punch

      It really is no wonder I’m a wreck!

      Reply
 
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