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30 Nov 05:44am

Filed under: Christmas, Lists, Shopping, Society, Tradition

The so-called “festive season” needs a new name.

What's wrong with this picture? Christmas Day on Bondi Beach, Sydney

Because as it stands right now with it’s smug connotations of happiness, relaxation and general mirth-it’s terrifically misleading.

Take for instance, this incident one night last week.

I was walking with a friend discussing our Christmas holiday plans when she told me about a conversation with her Texan sister-in-law.

Despite having lived in Australia for a number of years my friend’s sister in law said that she just didn’t understand Christmas in Australia.

She’d noticed a terrible irony in the fact that just as summer descends here and work and school begin to wind down- we’re all running around like headless chickens buying gifts, entertaining and generally stressing ourselves out.

Where by contrast at her home in Texas, Christmas falls in the winter months when aside from the fact you’re more inclined to cluster indoors and eat with abandon, the summer months are left to do nothing but enjoy the warm weather and relax.

And she’s right. With the general shopping, feeding and drinking mayhem, it’s a wonder we get to enjoy the summer here at all.

Or maybe it has nothing to do with summer.

In a recent piece for TimesOnline Carol Midgley argued that December is the worst time possible time of the year to be single.

She went on to say that a London radio station had put a call-out for loved up couples to “tone things down” out of respect for those people waking up alone this Christmas.

What a great idea. I completely agree.

So, inspired by the wisdom of my friend’s lovely Texan relative I think we all - single, married, de-facto or other - need to make some changes to our interaction at this time of year.

Here’s my top five suggestions. What are yours?

1. Shopping times should be staggered and segregated according to levels of enjoyment and hysteria. This would ensure that people who hate shopping and want to get it done quickly shop at a different time and therefore completely avoid the people who appear to linger in shopping malls till the very last second on Christmas Eve.

2. Cards, wrapping paper, sticky tape and batteries should be sold at the checkout of EVERY department store. There is nothing worse when you realise you’ve forgotten this JUST as you drive away from the shopping centre.

3. A universal China-style quota needs to be imposed on children’s presents. Ideally this means that every child is allowed one present per family member. Agonising over gifts for younger family members then watching them tear off the wrapping paper, throw it on the ground and announce “next” at the top of their lungs is among the most frustrating of all Christmas traditions.

4. We need to realise we DON’T actually need to catch up with every single friend “just before Christmas”. At this time of year the ‘casual’ social catch-up can be draining and a bit of an effort on-top of everything else we are doing. And dare I say it- chances are that if you’ve been too busy to catch up with the same friends for months beforehand- maybe you’re not actually good friends anymore.

5. All alcohol served in the festive season must come with a “no hangover till February 2010” guarantee.

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12 comments

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- iansand says:
  
  08:55am | 30/11/09
  
  1 Hit the shops at 8-30 am. All fully staffed but no punters. Brilliant.
  
  Reply
- Liz says:
  
  09:30am | 30/11/09
  
  Why not just tone down the expecttions,obligations and duty to something realistic,comfortable and manageable? Our lifestyle and climate are ideal for a laid-back Christmas, just cut out the bits that stress and don’t make you happy or content!
  
  Reply
- caroline says:
  
  10:34am | 30/11/09
  
  and set up secret santa systems for all the groups you would otherwise buy gifts for… everyone gets one present, and it can be a good one as people don’t have to buy as many. it lessens the christmas shopping load on everyone and means that people are more appreciative of the few gifts they did get. we do it for the adults in our family, at work, and with my closest group of girlfriends. everyone’s a winner.
  
  Reply
- Ann and John from Perth says:
  
  11:02am | 30/11/09
  
  1.At least attend one Church or public gathering during that time.
  
  2.Don’t eat or drink too much.
  
  3.Spend the time with the close family and loved ones,call or send card to friends and people you can not be with. Don’t abuse the visiting of others.
  
  4.Only one present per child, and one to your partner.
  
  5.Remember others who are less fortunate then you.
  
  The number six is get as much rest as you can , so you can have energy to party at New Year’s Eve.
  
  WE used this easy rules that were passed down from my parents and grandparents and it worked of us for the last 57 years.
  
  Have a wonderful Christmas and Very Happy and Healthy Year 2010!
  
  Reply
- Bruce says:
  
  11:24am | 30/11/09
  
  1.Reduce electricity costs so I can enjoy air-conditioning. 2. Stop fuel companies increasing petrol costs over christmas. 3. Stop artifially high grocery costs at supermarkets.
  
  Reply
- Kade says:
  
  11:32am | 30/11/09
  
  “...it’s a wonder we get to enjoy the summer here at all.”
  
  Oh please. What a load.
  
  We have arguably the best deal in the world at Christmas time. Doubt there would be any of this nonsensical whining if perhaps Lucy would spend an entire winter - Christmas and New Year included - in a frozen city somewhere in the upper Northern Hem.
  
  Give me a Santa hat on the beach any day.
  
  Reply
- Anita says:
  
  12:47pm | 30/11/09
  
  Re point #3: I’m glad I’m not the only adult that’s over the awful greed that even the nicest kids fall prey to at this time of year…I was feeling a bit old and crochety. When they throw your carefully selected (and PAID FOR!) gift on the floor and move on to the next one, I just want to snatch it all back.
  
  Reply
- L says:
  
  03:13pm | 30/11/09
  
  I like #5. Although I’d like to extend the delay of hangovers to all months, not just December. I’ll just clear one week a year to have the combined hangovers of the previous year. In fact, maybe we could start trading hangovers, kind of like the ETS - the HTS. People can be paid to have the hangovers for you
  
  Reply
- ~Rumpleteazer~ says:
  
  03:33pm | 30/11/09
  
  This year, cold seafood delicasies by the pool. Ice cream plum pudding and lots of Leyla cool drinks. All the family gathered around with music and laughter. We are giving $50.00 gift vouchers and one small gift [for under the tree]. Every year we all spend mega bucks on full price items before Christmas. This year we will have fun spending our vouchers on half price goods after the big day. We are all on a budget, so this is still fun but less expensive.
  
  Reply
- marley says:
  
  03:40pm | 30/11/09
  
  1. Abolish “turkey with all the trimmings” for Christmas dinner. Turkey is suitable for Christmas in northern climes but is horrendous when the temperature is anything over 20 degrees. And as for the stuffing - words fail me.
  2. Get rid of any Christmas card that features snow, sleighs, reindeer (unless they’re wearing sunglasses), snowmen, holly or English village scenes. And while you’re at it, get rid of the chintzy store displays featuring the same.
  3. Give kids one present and a lot of empty boxes. They have more fun with the boxes anyway.
  4. Go to the beach, take photographs, and mail to all friends and relatives living north of the equator. You’ll feel so much better.
  5. I like the hangover rule. That one can stay.
  
  Reply
- Michellemac says:
  
  05:21pm | 30/11/09
  
  @ Marley - LOL re# 4. When I lived in Europe and used to come back to Oz for Christmas one of my favourite things was going to the beach for a Christmas morning swim and listening to all the UK expats ringing home on their mobiles…“Hi Mum, guess where I am?...” hanging up “Hi Bro, guess where I am..?” ad infinitum!
  
  There’s something magical about a winter wonderland Christmas but come on! Light evenings, warm -hot days, an abundance of fantastic fresh food in season, asking the kids for a walk to see all the Christmas lights, outdoor carols by Candlelight…and then when it’s all over we still have summer holidays of January to look forward to (as opposed to the depressing dreariness of back-to-work-in-the-dark January in the Northern Hemisphere) we certainly come off winners in the ‘who’s got the best Christmas’ debate!
  
  Reply
- Maree says:
  
  09:42am | 03/12/09
  
  I have a niece and nephew (from one particular branch of the family) who fit into the number three category. I don’t buy for them. The rest of the family does a limited cash amount Secret Santa and we’re all happy with that.
  I used to buy my kids very expensive stuff at Christmas but called a halt to it about five years ago because it was just ridiculous. They understand and we’re happy to just spend the time together.
  
  Reply