Mayors are an integral and important part of our political process. Who else would bin the bin emptiers? Who else would wear the oversized ceremonial necklaces? Who else would weigh in ponderously on whether a significant tree is dead or just resting?

We have nothing to fear but the aliens and their vastly superior killing technology! Pic: Supplied

So despite the obvious fact that you can put just about anyone in the position, you can’t just put ANYONE in the position. Here is a short list of people who should be ruled out of ever being Mayor of Anywhere.

1. Kim Kardashian. She reportedly wants to run for Mayor of Glendale, California.

It would be vaguely entertaining, one imagines, having a vacuous, good looking mayor. We could chortle condescendingly as she comes up with hare-brained schemes to have drive-through divorces and to broadcast a spiced-up version of council meetings.

Ultimately, though, she’s just another one of these beautiful people that feel they have to somehow justify their existence in the real world by developing the veneer of a third dimension.

2. John Abbott – mayoral candidate for the Gold Coast.

Abbott was the leader of a male vigilante group, the Blackshirts, a groups that campaigned for adultery to be punishable by death. You can forgive a lot in a Mayor. You could forgive his stalking conviction, he has paid his dues. But being part of a fringe extremist group like the Blackshirts should knock him out of contention. Even in Queensland.

3. Alec Baldwin. He was rumoured to be running for New York City as mayor, then ruled it out. But today he said he may, after all, seek political office.

Baldwin’s a smart guy. He’s a funny, charming guy who is engaged in many social issues. He’d probably be a great Mayor. But if he has any spare time then he should just make more episodes of 30 Rock. The end.

4. Ken Livingstone, former Mayor of London, who wants his old job back.

Sometimes known as ‘Red Ken’, Livingstone has had two mayoral terms already, so in a sense he’s had his shot. And it looks like he jumped the shark going for his third round when he said challenging Boris Johnson would give the voting public “a simple choice between good and evil”. “I don’t think it’s been so clear since the great struggle between Churchill and Hitler,” he said, thereby proving that like so already-rans he has a far too trumped-up idea of his own importance.

5. Ita Buttrose confirmed last year she was considering going up against Clover Moore in Sydney.

Buttrose is a great woman who has achieved remarkable things in her career, and no one can say that women’s magazines are anything but an incredibly positive and hefty contribution to society and birthday cakes and self esteem. But in all honesty she got her bounce from Paper Giants, that fabulous series with that really fabulous Asher Keddie. So while it may appear that she would be popular, most of us probably just really wanted Keddie.

Most commented

58 comments

Show oldest | newest first

    • Brimstone says:

      03:10pm | 18/04/12

      Baldwin said he’s going to be leaving 30 Rock, though. And if he does that it might mean a better timeslot for Community.

    • Get With The Times says:

      03:39pm | 18/04/12

      But I like both shows, I don’t want him to go..
      Haha timeslots, get out of 1999. It’s called the internet.

    • CD says:

      04:31pm | 18/04/12

      @GETT…..might be a better Internet for Community?
      Huh?

      Still needs a timeslot unless your downloading and then that has nothing to do with timeslots but hey don’t let vacuous comments against posters stop you being a little nasty to someone talking about TV viewing and not the Internet.

    • acotrel says:

      05:34am | 19/04/12

      @Tory
      ‘Abbott was the leader of a male vigilante group, the Blackshirts, a groups that campaigned for adultery to be punishable by death. ‘

      Being an idiot must be a genetic thing ?

    • Chump says:

      08:14am | 19/04/12

      CD, maybe you should reread the comment to which you replied. Every part of it, including the name.

    • Damocles says:

      04:04pm | 19/04/12

      @ alcotrel - “Being an idiot must be a genetic thing”.....you must be genetically related to a parrot…......parroting the same ALP bullshit and lies. ALP will be very soon an ex-parrot…....cease to be!

    • Anubis says:

      03:16pm | 18/04/12

      Robert Doyle should be included in this list too - failed State politician who became Mayor of Melbourne. Should never be allowed near a mayoral office.

    • Daniel says:

      07:09pm | 18/04/12

      Couldn’t agree more… His problem is that he doesn’t understand the his powers, as mayor don’t go past the CBD, and if you look at the CBD it’s not that great a place to go to day or night.

    • acotrel says:

      05:31am | 19/04/12

      Blocked off Swanston Street to make a mall - nobody goes there.  Now Hoddle street and all the cross streets approach gridlock every evening.
      Swanston Street Mall and Federation Square and Jeff Kennett’s head are all ugly monuments to the Liberal party.  Doyle will probably move on to a job at Luna Park - one of those clowns that you pop the balls into it’s mouth while its head turns from side to side.

    • Tony of Poorakistan says:

      09:22am | 19/04/12

      So should Tory Shepherd; her borough would be importing refugees from every country on the planet as the ultimate expression of multiculturalism. 
       
      All at the expense of those of us who actually pay tax here.

    • ZSRenn says:

      03:18pm | 18/04/12

      I was was going to say Clover Moore who wanted to rename Australia Day Invasion Day. Now there is someone who should never be Mayor especially of Sydney.

    • Tubesteak says:

      03:35pm | 18/04/12

      Totally agree. She’s ruined many parts of Sydney. I wish kicking her out applied in the opposite manner. Leave her in State parliament where she is drowned out. Kick her out of Sydney Council where she can do too much damage.

    • Master Cylinder Pants says:

      03:47pm | 18/04/12

      Absolutely. Red Clover should be top of this list.

    • M says:

      04:37pm | 18/04/12

      Clover was doing alright until she removed lanes for cars and gave them to bicycles.

    • TimB says:

      06:06pm | 18/04/12

      Clover is annoying. And the constant whining of ‘Barry forcing her out of Parliament’.

      Shut up Clover. Barry hasn’t forced you out. You can stay if you want, you just have to give up the Mayor’s job. Make a choice like other states have to. Cambpell Newman made the choice. You should have to as well.

    • Granvillain says:

      07:42am | 19/04/12

      Mind you, this is the same Clover Moore who fought tooth and nail to stop Bob Carr from making the NSW upper house unable to act to block bad legislation back in the late 90’s. 
      I’d rather have a ‘loony lefty’ who respects the structure and purpose of our parliamentary system than a shifty right-winger who believes in subverting the safeguards against bad laws and corruption.
      Plus, despite the constant pissing and moaning of the rusted-on right -wingers… She keeps getting elected because she is actually good at what she does.

    • TimB says:

      08:33am | 19/04/12

      “She keeps getting elected because she is actually good at what she does. “

      Whatever. She can go and be ‘good at what she does’ at one level of government only please. Her choice as to which one.

    • Fiddler says:

      03:20pm | 18/04/12

      Alec Baldwin, he’s my hero. The single greatest actor of all time

    • subotic Jong Il says:

      03:47pm | 18/04/12

      Mine’s Arec Barwin, the *other* single greatest actor of all time.

      Gee, I feel ronery….

    • Joe Q says:

      03:29pm | 18/04/12

      “Election in November, Election in November,”
      “Again!? This stupid country!”

    • Happymonkey says:

      03:32pm | 18/04/12

      Damn, I was going to say:

      6. Clover Moore.

    • Peter says:

      03:33pm | 18/04/12

      Christopher Pyne.
      He should never be Mayor of Dapto - let alone a federal pollie. What a shril bitter man. Do like his pompadour though.

    • Jarrod CL says:

      04:52pm | 18/04/12

      It was embarrassing watching him on Q&A.  Everyone else contributing something, and the first thing he starts babbling about is party-bashing rhetoric.

    • Tell It Like It Is says:

      07:30am | 19/04/12

      No minds “party bashing rhetoric” when it’s coming from the other side! I very much like Christopher Pyne!  He is an asset to the Liberal party and an excellent debater.

    • Tell It Like It Is says:

      07:31am | 19/04/12

      P.S. And what a hoot! What could possibly surpass the embarrassment of our PM and her clown colleagues!!

    • Economist says:

      03:43pm | 18/04/12

      Cmon Tory, you’ve missed the best quote of the London campaign so far:
      “I see a risk that City Hall will be recaptured by a bunch of semi-reformed Trotskyist, car-hating, (Venezuelan President) Hugo Chavez idolising, newt fancying, tax dodging, bank bashing hypocrites and bendy bus fetishists”, Boris Johnson on Kenny.

      This is genius, why can’t our pollies be so honest and forthright.  I want Boris to stay.

    • AdamC says:

      04:06pm | 18/04/12

      I second that!

    • bella starkey says:

      04:46pm | 18/04/12

      Boris should only be mayor until after the olympics and then they should probably hire a real person.

    • Peter says:

      02:52pm | 19/04/12

      Boris says wonderful things after he’s been drinking.

    • The City Hall says:

      03:53pm | 18/04/12

      Five People who should never be Mayor , Premier or Prime Minister
      1) Tory MacGuire
      2) Mark Kenny
      3) David Pemberthy
      4) Andrew Bolt
      5) Piers Akerman

    • SimonFromLakemba says:

      04:42pm | 18/04/12

      *High Five*

    • Shane says:

      10:24pm | 18/04/12

      add to that list;

      Julia Gillard, couldn’t lead a bunch of lemmings over a cliff
      Wayne Swan, emminently qualified to be treasurer of the local footy club
      Craig Thomson, can’t be trusted with the petty cash

    • Mr GG says:

      09:10am | 19/04/12

      And Add Tony Abbott, Turnbull and Hockey.

      You know what just add everyone currently in Federal politics

    • Damocles says:

      06:38pm | 19/04/12

      Funny how you’ve picked 5 people who speak out against, or question, the corrupt, lying Labor/ Greens/ Independents “government”. You must be with the ex-Greens leader Brown, who wants anyone who criticises the inept fools that now are rooting Australia, to be gagged or black listed. So much for you lefties and your policies of being there for the people…..“We’re only there for you if you agree with us, otherwise shut up!” How low can you go?

    • subotic says:

      03:56pm | 18/04/12

      Jello Biafra for One World President.
      Henry Rollins for One World Vice-President.
      Mumia Abu-Jamal for One World Minister for Information.
      Elvis for King®

      Burger King that is….

    • adam says:

      04:10pm | 18/04/12

      Chuck Norris for OWP
      Steven Seagal for OWVP
      Jackie Chan for OWM for Infomercials
      Royce Gracie for OW Minister for Conflict Resolution
      Mohhamad Ali for King

      King of the Ring that is…

      The Government that can’t be beat

    • Paul says:

      04:20pm | 18/04/12

      @ Subotic: I would’ve said Frank Zappa for One World President.

    • the freedom hall says:

      03:58pm | 18/04/12

      Five People who should be Mayor, premier or Prime Minister
      1) Tory shepherd
      2) Anthony sherwood
      3) Malcolm Farr
      4) Bob Brown
      5) ME

    • the freedom hall of the Left says:

      04:40pm | 18/04/12

      Free rides for all to the left side of the village, I’m guessing.

    • Ginger Mick says:

      04:25pm | 18/04/12

      If they all stood for the A.C.T. Legislative Assembly, they’d have a fair show of success. The snivelling drones that are standing have my bowels rumbling!

    • Markus says:

      11:12am | 19/04/12

      I’m leaning toward the Motorist Party.
      Even if all they do in a term is put in a speedway and fix the roads while letting everything else fall by the wayside, that’s still two things more than Labor (and Greens) have managed in the last decade.

    • Cienfuegos says:

      04:36pm | 18/04/12

      I’m torn about Mayor McCheese, he seems likeable but his law and order policy is pretty shaky. Hamburglar seems to be constantly on the loose.

    • AL says:

      04:42pm | 18/04/12

      John Abbott sounds like a relative of Tony Abbott to me. Probably has the same funny ideas. So Tony should not be the PM.

    • Bev says:

      05:13pm | 18/04/12

      Please backup your argument.  I don’t find John Abbott at all acceptable but linking him with Tony Abbott is in the gutter.

    • The righteous one says:

      11:26am | 19/04/12

      He probably got confused by the fact that Tony wore a black shirt as well in his younger days. The same sort as George.

    • CD says:

      04:43pm | 18/04/12

      Whoa that is one scary dude - John Abbott.  Just saw his pic and I know I’m going to have nightmares tonight. No wonder he wore balaclavas.
      Then again if he wanted to stalk and scare women I suggest he wear nothing on that head of his.
      Death for adulterers?  For women only or men too?

    • n_dude says:

      01:20pm | 19/04/12

      I wonder what his stance on having multiple wives is?

    • Bev says:

      04:49pm | 18/04/12

      Any of them would probably be better than the fronts for developers and Real Estate agents.

    • Tigger says:

      05:01pm | 18/04/12

      Clover Moore
      Julia Gillard
      Rob Oakshot
      Tony Windsor

    • papachango says:

      05:34pm | 18/04/12

      being part of a fringe extremist group like the Blackshirts should knock him out of contention.

      I don’t approve of this John Abbott fellow at all, but being part of ‘a fringe extremist group’ hasn’t stopped the anti-semitic discriminator against Jewish businesses Fiona Byrne from being elected as mayor of Marrickville.

      The Sociliast Alliance are another fringe extremist group, and they have an elected councillor here in inner Melbourne.

    • Granvillain says:

      07:29am | 19/04/12

      FYI, you can make a stand against Israel’s utterly appalling treatment of Arab-Israelis and Palestinians without being ‘anti-semitic’.
      The only people that conflate the two are the apologists who believe that Israel has the right to annihilate civilian infrastructure, imprison huge swathes of the population, murder children and engage in ongoing programs of ‘wet operations’.
      Try reading ‘The Ethnic Cleansing of Palestine’ by Ilan Pappe (a Jewish Israeli academic) or ‘Palestine’ by Joe Sacco before you start accusing supporters of Palestinian human rights of being bigots or racists.

    • HappyG says:

      08:52am | 19/04/12

      Granvillian,  we’re talking about who should be in charge of collecting the rubbish or fixing the pot holes in the street. I don’t think too many punters would be happy about their local council getting involved in this kind of stuff. It’s not like they do such a stirling job with what they’re supposed to do now !

    • Daniel says:

      10:01pm | 18/04/12

      I read this about Kim Kardashain and couldnt believe it. What policies does she have though? How could anyone with any brains actually take her seriously though?

    • Chris says:

      01:30pm | 19/04/12

      Of Course people will take her seriously, the same brain dead idiots that watch her show.

    • Biggles says:

      11:24pm | 18/04/12

      To all those that believe Mayors are just property developer cronies,they are not all like that.  Here is a mayor who works hard and is dedicated to serving his community,
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aZc_50n-GLc

    • Mattou says:

      11:22am | 19/04/12

      “Even in Queensland.” Charming.
      Alec Baldwin is a very well considered sensibilities. A man who would be good at whatever he wanted; don’t be fooled by characters he portrays.

 

Facebook Recommendations

Read all about it

Punch live

Up to the minute Twitter chatter

Daniel Piotrowski

@jennijenni a few companies are known to do that - ask for story ideas from job applicants so they can steal them later

Malcolm Farr

: Bruce Springsteen: "I get roughed up crowdsurfing… people try to pull chunks out of me" http://t.co/jiHqt8agt9” it was him, @patricklion

Daniel Piotrowski

Ray Hadley fires back at Carlton. Great @candacesutton1 get: http://t.co/7fQzk4Xixh

Malcolm Farr

@Drag0nista Can't see it bring re l 'ship Cos lots of Ruddites don't back gay marriage (Joel, Bowen) and lot of Gillardians do.

Recent posts

The latest and greatest

The Punch is moving house

The Punch is moving house

Good morning Punchers. After four years of excellent fun and great conversation, this is the final post…

Will Pope Francis have the vision to tackle this?

Will Pope Francis have the vision to tackle this?

I have had some close calls, one that involved what looked to me like an AK47 pointed my way, followed…

Advocating risk management is not “victim blaming”

Advocating risk management is not “victim blaming”

In a world in which there are still people who subscribe to the vile notion that certain victims of sexual…

Gentle jabs to the ribs

Superman needs saving

Superman needs saving

Can somebody please save Superman? He seems to be going through a bit of a crisis. Eighteen months ago,… Read more

28 comments

Newsletter

Read all about it

Sign up to the free News.com.au newsletter