Science is so amazing it can put an ear on a mouse and make Dolly the Sheep, and yet they still haven’t managed to make a unicorn. What’s with that?
Scientists themselves have shown just how whimsical they can be – they’ve studied belly button bugs and made glow-in-the-dark cats (LOL!) and created the perfect woman (Lisa).
Why stop there? Here’s five things they should get cracking on.
1. Unicorns
Everyone likes unicorns. They’re the puppy dogs of the make-believe world but with a thing for virgins. People got quite excited recently when North Korean archaeologists announced they’d found a unicorn’s lair. When greeted with scepticism, they “reconfirmed a lair of the unicorn rode by King Tongmyong, founder of the Koguryo Kingdom” had been found.
Sure, it turned out to be a mistranslation mixed with bullshit, but still. Why not inspire awe and wonder at the powers of biotechnology by creating a horned horse - it could have the added side effect of turning Creationists onto science as unicorns feature in the Bible. Win!
2. RuddBull
If you smashed together Kevin Rudd and Malcolm Turnbull’s DNA you’d have a leader that people actually like, according to… well, Twitter. No one knows what it would be like under an uber-rich ear-wax eating leader, but apparently we want to find out. Next stop: Netanyabbas!
3. Yeti
This could be the greatest hoax since a couple of crap Royal impersonators got through a hospital switchboard. This mysterious biped has been spotted (be-watched and non-bewatched) all over the world. Make people’s dreams come true, lab guys.
4. John Faulkner
Imagine a wise veteran of the Labor Party able to see with X-Ray vision exactly what the problems of our rulers are. If only lab technicians could fuse the DNA of Sun Tzu and Yoda. Put on some enormous spectacles to enhance sincerity and whammo – surely everyone would listen and learn?
5. Drop Bears
Tricked you! They already exist, according to the Australian Museum. Go science!
What else should they do?
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