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Feed your kids with dreams, not clobber from Cotton On

Angela Mollard

by Angela Mollard

15 Jul 05:55am

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Filed under: Childhood, Children, Dreams, Imagination, Men And Women

27 comments

When my children were babies, we’d lie in the garden, bums in the sun (theirs not mine), and gaze up at the sky. As the clouds drifted, they’d suck their toes and I’d tell them the hopes and dreams I had for them.

We need to take some inspiration from Roald…

“Gobble the whole apple of life, darling – even the core,” I’d whisper into their ears, as they kicked and gurgled then peed on my leg. “Live big, even if you’re always small.”

But as they grew older and we moved further from the ‘extraordinary’ of their births to the ‘ordinary’ of child raising, life became more transactional. “Eat your vegies, then we’ll go to the beach”, “Clean your room”, “Get dressed” became the dominant dialogue, and somewhere between making sandwiches (one with avocado, one without) and laundering, the dreaming disappeared.

But as my eldest storms into her second decade and a teacher remarks she’s not the sort of girl who grows up “living round the corner”, I yearn to reclaim a more macro, less micro approach to parenting; to lead her with passion, spontaneity and vision – hell, I should run for PM – rather than carp about minutiae.

I want her to see what matters to me and then look further and figure out what matters to her. In essence, I’d like my parenting to stand for something.

OK, I sound pretentious, but stay with me. Growing up, my parents had awful taste in music. Car journeys were torturous as we listened to Kenny Rogers and John Denver. But there was a Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young song that made me listen: “Teach your children well/Their father’s hell did slowly go by/And feed them on your dreams/The one they pick, the one you’ll know by”.

“Feed them on your dreams.” Not macaroni cheese or maths tutoring, or clobber from Cotton On, but possibilities, values, creativity. I love what those lyrics command us to do; it’s big-picture parenting from a time when childhood was about being, not doing.

You can’t drive past a billboard these days without being ambushed by company slogans: “Just do it”, “Because you’re worth it”, the Commonwealth Bank’s “Can” (although when I asked my bank manager to lop $20K off my mortgage, he said, “I can’t”).

Individuals, too, are adopting personal mission statements. “To do interesting things with interesting people while adding value,” is one I heard recently. I’m not suggesting we become all corporate and send out Christmas missives with inspiring slogans. But sometimes – by oneself and as families – we need to step back from the everyday and renew our vision: “Who are we and what do we really want for our kids?”

Friends of mine pulled their children out of school for a year and went travelling around Australia. “We wanted an adventure and to take a break from the real world,” says Jane. Their kids returned confident and motivated; their family knitted tight.

Another friend moved with her daughter to Rarotonga to pick lettuces. She was spurred by the Mark Twain quote: “Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”

Me? I’d like to dance more, laugh more and lecture less. And I’d like to read them poetry. They’ll hate it, of course, but years from now they’ll laugh about how I tried.

Most commented

27 comments

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    • EvaJai says:

      07:04am | 15/07/12

      Very true. something to think about today while pondering who told my two young children that it’s sunday.

      Reply

    • Little Joe says:

      07:48am | 15/07/12

      So you state that ‘I’d like my parenting to stand for something’ but then have a child, like so many of their generation, that has ‘stormed into her second decade’. It appears that boundaries are something that do not matter to your child.

      “Feed them on your dreams.” I don’t think so!!! Allow them to embrace their own dreams, but guide them towards dreams that are attainable …..  and make them understand that there may be many sacrifices that must be made to attain some dreams.

      As for moving to Rarotonga ….. never sacrifice your children’s dreams to fulfil your own.

      Might I suggest taking your child on a long car trip, as your parents did with you, and play songs that have some meaning, then fill the car with conversation about the lyrics.

      And might I suggest “Vienna” by Billy Joel.

      “Slow down you crazy child
      You’re so ambitious for a juvenile
      But then if you’re so smart tell me why
      Are you still so afraid?”

      “Too bad but it’s the life you lead
      You’re so ahead of yourself
      That you forgot what you need
      Though you can see when you’re wrong
      You know you can’t always see when you’re right”

      “You got your passion you got your pride
      But don’t you know that only fools are satisfied?
      Dream on but don’t imagine they’ll all come true”

      But most of all ….. I wish you the best of luck!!!

      Ps. “Friends of mine pulled their children out of school for a year and went travelling around Australia.” ….. “Their kids returned confident and motivated; their family knitted tight.” Don’t tell Tory Shepherd. She thinks that home schooling is bad.

      Reply

    • Little Woman says:

      09:53am | 15/07/12

      (there’s one in every commentary - someone who just has to have negative opinions - Gee Little Joe… I so hope your days improve.) 

      I absolutely loved reading this article.  Myself, I’m feeling like rejuvenating me and my world too.  Thanks for the article.

    • Empowerment says:

      10:25am | 15/07/12

      @ little Joe.
      A couple I knew took their two children sailing for 3 years, the boy was a diligent young gentleman athletic and a fine swimmer, the girl was a studious and pleasant young lady, a gifted musician and writer of stories and poems, after becoming landlubbers and members of my Sea Scout group for just 18months back in 1992/93 before mobile phones were around in numbers, they all yearned to be back at sea and away from the crazy grind of communication overload, rude and selfish people, and worst of all, the number of other chidren offering their own illicit drugs at school, and the lies these other kids told their parents, but the one weapon in the arsenal of this brother and sister was, self discipline, honesty and having a frank relationship with their parents where secrets are NOT the norm and respect is mutualy earned through sharing responsibilities of the family unt, traits the common urban brat is unfamiliar with and sadly getting worse generation by generation, with pampering and brainwashing from social engineers , do gooders, corrupted adults with trust and authority and last but not least an evolving decadant cyber world.full of useless mindless chatter.
      The most important thing for any child is to have their individuality but to participate in the family unit as if it was their own,,,, which it is.

    • Little Joe says:

      11:43am | 15/07/12

      @ Little Woman

      Not a negative opinion ..... just a different opinion!!! As I reiterated, Angela is the one who’s eldest child is storming into their second decade. Do you not wonder why the ‘storming’??

      If you think that your dreams should be your children’s dreams then we differ in opinion.

      If you think that all your children’s dreams will come to fruition, and will come into fruition without effort .....sometimes great effort ..... then again we differ in opinion.

      @ Empowerment

      I also am very much for home schooling, and it sounds like you have experienced the same successes that I have.

      My reference to Tory pertains to http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/icb-homeschooling-for-god-and-other-mythical-beings/ ...... where many posted comments were against this philosophy.

    • Nick says:

      04:32pm | 15/07/12

      It’s undeniably negative to assume that “storming” is a bad thing and that feeding a child with dreams implies force feeding them your own dreams.  There’s a fine line between tempering your child’s dreams with reality and squashing them.  Maybe it’s just the way you write but you sound like a squasher to me too Little Joe.

    • PsychoHyena says:

      06:33pm | 15/07/12

      @Little Joe, I think we need to consider that there are different boundaries. Some boundaries are obstacles that need to be overcome to achieve our goals, while others are there to guide our path.

      Maybe what’s happening is that Angela’s eldest knows what she wants to do, how to get there and is determined to get there.

      You’re right that trying to live your dreams through your children is wrong, unless those dreams are that your children will become everything they are capable of becoming.

    • marley says:

      08:51am | 15/07/12

      I’d say the one thing to remember is that the dreams you have are not the dreams your children will have.  Let them find their own;  don’t impose yours on them.

      Reply

    • Peter says:

      10:04am | 15/07/12

      Spot on Marley.

    • Peter says:

      09:52am | 15/07/12

      If your kids’ “bums are in the sun” they can’t simultaneously “gaze up at the sky” Angela, unless you separate them at the waist and arrange each half accordingly.

      Reply

    • Jen says:

      10:27am | 15/07/12

      Try lying on your back and sucking your toes - you bum’d be sunward too!

    • LJ Dots says:

      01:57pm | 15/07/12

      Dreaming of being contortionists perhaps.

    • Asrael says:

      10:17am | 15/07/12

      I like John Denver! My kids listened to him everyday in the car. All the recordings from 1975 until 1996. Even my daycare kids. I had to leave a tape of the most popular ones with a 5 year old girl when I moved towns because she used to listen to it every night to fall asleep. He died in October 1997 (same year as princess Diana). I still miss him.

      Reply

    • pa_kelvin says:

      01:06pm | 15/07/12

      I remember Credance as my girls favorites. Only music allowed to play,much better than the Wiggles. smile

    • Sickemrex says:

      09:42pm | 15/07/12

      My little one insisted on Moody Blues today. Happy with that!

    • Georgina Goodenough says:

      10:26am | 15/07/12

      Car trips are the best time to get your kids to talk. Driving to visit Grandma, going to gymnastics or over to visit a friend. They will chatter in the car and you can take that time to make sure you are still in touch with your kid’s life. My youngest does the kid cave thing (headphones on connected to an ipod, laptop or DS) all the time. Her peers at school tell her not to be honest with her parents. That lying and avoiding the awkward and embarrassing topics with Mum and Dad is the only way to go. I have been battling this since about Grade 1.

      I have cancer and we are honest with her about that. We encourage her to be as honest about her feelings and needs so we don’t become misled as to how well she is coping. I’m not perfect, and I don’t expect her to be either. Creating and sustaining trust gets harder as they get older and even more subject to peer pressure. But you have to persist and put your own ego aside sometimes as well as model the kind of behaviour and attitudes you want your children to have. Parenting is forever and 24/7. Anyone who thinks otherwise obviously has a nanny! grin

      Reply

    • Susan says:

      11:38am | 15/07/12

      Angela..try snatches of poetry at odd/unplanned times.  You and family are in car and stop for a cyclist… Twas Mulga Bill, from EagleHawk. who caught the cycling craze….

      You know how people play games with song titles and including them in conversation or dialogue?  It’s just as much fun to throw in poetry lines.  Your kids may go..huh?  But then you can explain.  If you know poetry off by heart of course.

      I don’t know many Aussie poems all the way through but I know enough lines or stanzas to make it fun.  And they learn a lot about poetic licence too. smile

      “‘Tis strange that in a land so strong,
      So strong and bold in mighty youth,
      We have no poet’s voice of truth
      To sing for us a wondrous song.”

      Banjo was the man in terms of poetry.

      Did the magpies rouse your slumbers with their carol sweet and strange?
      Did you hear the silver chiming of the bell-birds on the range?
      But, perchance, the wild birds’ music by your senses was despised,
      For you say you’ll stay in townships till the bush is civilised.
      Would you make it a tea-garden and on Sundays have a band
      Where the “blokes” might take their “donahs”,  with a “public” close at hand?
      You had better stick to Sydney and make merry with the “push”,
      For the bush will never suit you, and you’ll never suit the bush.

      Reply

    • stephen says:

      12:04pm | 15/07/12

      I like Cotton On.
      3 shirts for 40 bucks, and then I can go outside and pull my stick out of the mud. (Apple core seeds are as dangerous as almonds.)

      I think if your life is interesting and you are content and you love your children, then they should catch on too. There might be calamities, but the key is to be happy yourself and teach by example, that the responsibility for fulfillment comes from the individual, from oneself.
      As to what children will find along the way that is to be their sole meaning, well, that is up to them to discover, (and it might be love, it might be study, or charity, or starting a business) ; the further point is this : that whatever they do, your love as a mother, or father, must be unconditional.
      And they must know this.

      Reply

    • vox says:

      02:24pm | 15/07/12

      Thanks, Susan. I really enjoyed that bit of the Banjo. My grandson started reading him when the lad was about eight or nine. He can recite reams of rhymes and rhythms.
      We had another game which he and I enjoyed. Many a fishing hour or two was spent conversing in cliched advice. He would say, e.g., “Look before you leap”, to which I would reply, “He who hesitates is lost”. One day, with a kid’s sly grin on his little face he dared me to reply to, “Look before you hesitate, for he who leaps is lost”.
      Good days.  I’d tell him of my dreams, rarely realised, and he would tell me of his. One part of his was to get through life hurting as few people as possible, and if he failed to do that, then to make amends as quickly and completely as possible.
      Nobody but me can follow my dream. I own it, just as Angela’s children own theirs.

      Reply

    • Susan says:

      12:20am | 16/07/12

      I enjoyed your post. smile  Yes, I was thinking later that Angela’s kids already know her, by her actions and responses each and every day.  Her kids need their own dreams.  Separation can be a hard thing for parents (and me included). smile

    • Scotchfinger says:

      05:15pm | 15/07/12

      I like my life of quiet desperation. There is more nobility in stoically accepting the fortunes and failures that come to all, than loudly jumping the bar you set yourself. Cheers, ordinary Australians! Leave the bored middle classes to their bucket lists and overpriced renovations.

      Reply

    • Sickemrex says:

      09:48pm | 15/07/12

      If you like your life of quiet desperation, shouldn’t your handle be Englishfinger?

    • Vicki PS says:

      02:14am | 16/07/12

      Go with the poetry, Angela.  I treasure the memory of a teenaged me stretching out on Mum’s bed while she read Browning’s “A Toccata of Galuppi’s” aloud—my dear practical, common-sense, stoical mum.

      Reply

    • Shiralee says:

      07:50pm | 16/07/12

      My 4 year old niece loves Dinasours, drawing, reading, using her imagination, joining in on fun pranks, music and some times watching Tv in fact she loves life. what more could we want for our children.

      Reply

    • MARK says:

      12:29pm | 17/07/12

      I’ll declare my bias, I work for Cotton On.  Angela, before you lump Cotton On in with macaroni cheese and the Commonwealth Bank, might I suggest you acquaint yourself with a few facts about Cotton On.  Started as a single store in Geelong in 1991, the business has grown to over 950 stores in 10 countries.  Employs well in excess of 400 people at it’s head office in Geelong, as well as thousands more in retail stores and distribution centres around Australia.  And perhaps most importantly, does fantastic work community support work both locally and abroad via the Cotton On Foundation (http://www.cottononfoundation.org/index.html).  I have no issue with the basic principle of your article, but I’d suggest using someone other than Cotton On to help make your point.

      Reply

    • oem software says:

      10:44am | 19/08/12

      JbCxFY Very good article.Really thank you! Cool.

      Reply
 
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