Enough with Tiger’s mistresses and their predictable push-up bras and mini skirts. Give me Mrs Woods!
While others have been marvelling at The Big T’s ability to juggle so many, many, many extra marital affairs, I’ve been sweating on what Elin is going to wear at her first public appearance.
After all, it’s The Wife’s post-scandal outfit that sets the post-scandal agenda. It lets the world know exactly what kind of woman she is. Wants to be. Will be. At least in the press.
A demure dress and a hundred bucks says that she’ll stand by her man. A pantsuit and Elin will stay but insist on a sit- down with Barbara or Diane. While appropriate but visible cleavage means she’s leaving him, penning a biography - I’ve called it Golf’s First Widow or Lies of The Tiger – and pitching for Oprah.
I think Nordegren should Google a few of The Greats before she makes her final choice. Hillary Clinton, stoic yet feminine after Bill “didn’t have sexual relations with that woman”; Hazel resplendent in blue-collar Australiana when Bob crossed the floor to Blanche and a must, is the Mistress of Wardrobe Wizardry herself, Princess Diana. Search any and all outfits post HewittGate, TamponGate, DodiGate – no one has ever worked pastels better.
Admittedly, the Spinners don’t have a tough job with Elin because she looks like Glinda the Good Witch of The North. But it’s wardrobe that will add just enough sex appeal to her saccharine and create a look that will make the cash registers ring. Globally.
Reports last week suggested that Elin has packed up the kids and purchased a remote Swiss castle. So maybe she is about to take the ultimate anti-fashion stance? Tracksuit pants, the couch and that $80 million dollar Hush Fund.
- Paula Joye is Editor of madison magazine.
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