EXCLUSIVE: The TV shows they don’t want you to see
This week some of the big TV networks unveiled their new programs for 2012. But what you won’t see is the shows the networks rejected.
Despite some brilliant ideas and a wealth of talent, these pilots were all knocked back by out-of-touch television executives who wouldn’t know a high-quality hit show if they, er, saw one…
Two Guys, a Girl and a Parliament
Tony Windsor, Rob Oakeshott and Julia Gillard star in this edgy comedy about three mismatched friends who after an administrative mix-up suddenly find themselves in charge of the nation’s supreme lawmaking body. Follow their misadventures as they learn about life, love and standing orders.
Scott Bakula stars as Dr Alan Joyce, a scientist who invents a time machine that catapults him into the bodies of people living in the past, such as unionists. The only catch is that he can’t remember anything about them, including their wages, working conditions, rights etc…
All in the Flannery
Ray Hadley stars as Archie Bunker, a gruff, outspoken working-class conservative. But while in the original series Archie hated foreigners, homosexuals and left-wingers, in the new version Archie just hates Tim Flannery.
A period drama set in England a century ago, when there was no rock and roll, no sex before marriage and women were banned from the workforce. Lead character Anthony Abbott struggles to keep pace with such a racy lifestyle.
A documentary tracing the journey of a good-hearted but unlucky US President as he tries to invent a calculator that can subtract $15 trillion.
The owner of a major TV network takes a novel approach to the ratings game by buying a fleet of earth moving equipment and using it to bulldoze Channel 9 headquarters. Industry speculation has it the show may have had a better chance of being picked up had it not been pitched to Channel 9.
Richard Dean Anderson stars as a highly resourceful and multi-skilled former NSW government minister. Each week viewers are amazed by his ability to construct complex excuses using nothing but a Swiss army knife, two aerosol cans and a rubber band.
The Newton Factor
Based on the hugely successful ABC quiz show The Einstein Factor, The Newton Factor has a subtle twist: Contestants have to assault their girlfriends and then convince the courts, the media and the public that it is themselves and not the women who are the real victims. Apparently not as hard as it sounds.
After a frustrating career in journalism and academia, Melbourne journeyman Matthew Ricketson establishes a media inquiry in order to find out why he doesn’t have his own Wikipedia page. But what he finds out about this so-called “media” will shock him - and leave his sidekick Higgins lost for words.
A children’s show based around a nimble seaside creature with above average intelligence who can perform spectacular backflips. The show also features the highly catchy theme tune:
They call him Slipper, Slipper, faster than lightning
His plane trips are free
For the the whole family
And we know Slipper lives in a world full of clover
Flying there over
Over the sea!
Not to be confused with Celebrity Apprentice, this show trains 12 lucky contestants how to be a celebrity. Episodes include “Hanging Out at The Ivy”, “Supporting a Children’s Charity” and “Firing Max Markson”.
A quirky sitcom about a furry alien bank CEO who comes from a planet where people like higher mortgages. Hilarity ensues as RALF tries to eat the cat and struggles to understand the Earthlings’ passion for low variable interest rates.
Neil Patrick Harris stars as a precocious child genius who graduates from medical school at age 14. He then throws away his promising medical career to take up a cushy seat in the Senate and hang sh*t on his prime minister.
Kyle and Jackie O’s Night with the Stars
A fat misogynist radio host and his ditzy co-host spend an hour and a half asking boring questions to nobody guests who earn less money than they do. Strong potential for cross-promotion with online platforms.
For more hit TV concepts follow me on Twitter here: @Joe_Hildebrand
To pitch me a pilot be friends with me on Facebook here.
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