Even this dope could be the Leader of the Free World
We all know the truth about Lance Armstrong now, and everyone seems to have an opinion on the subject. That’s all in the past; let’s take a look at the future… at least, a future which might have been and is now lost to us.
You may not know that among Republican powerbrokers in Texas, lying Lance was spoken of as a future Governor of the Lone Star State. Rich, handsome and famous, it was more or less assumed he would be unbeatable, whenever he decided he was ready to run for office.
With the benefit of hindsight, it seems clear that Armstrong was waiting for the investigation into his drug-taking to peter out and be forgotten before he made his bid. Instead, he has been discredited for all time. There’s a limit, after all, to how much lying even a politician can get away with.
So we’ve lost the chance to see whether a cyclist would make a better governor than a bodybuilder - which is terribly unfair when you think about it, because Arnie used way more juice than Armstrong ever did, and nobody holds that against him.
Keep in mind too that Lance may well have used the office as a stepping stone to the presidency, just like former Texas big boss, George W. Bush.
In 2020, or certainly by 2024, Big Tex coulda been a contender. His Tour De France “wins” prove he has the staying power to run a US Presidential campaign marathon.
He’s got the smile, the relentless will to win (at any cost) and the invaluable ability to look anyone in the eye while shamelessly telling porkies. President Armstrong has a certain ring to it, right?
Instead, Lying Lance faces the very real prospect of doing jail time for perjury.
How the mighty have fallen. In the emerging global sporting aristocracy, Lance Armstrong was titled nobility, one of the giants. He was not simply the greatest road cyclist of his generation, if not all time - he was a gutsy cancer survivor who raised millions to fight the disease, and inspired sufferers to fight back.
Along the way he made millions in sponsorship, salary and prizes (he’s worth about US$125 million, apparently…at least for the time being).
He won the praise, support and friendship of world leaders and showbiz celebrities, as well as the vast army of fans of both his riding and his inspirational biography Its Not About The Bike. And it turns out he lied to all of them. Over and over and over again.
Armstrong is clearly a very driven, ambitious man who may well have succeeded in life without a bike (it’s not about the bike, as he likes to tell us).
President Lance would’ve been a magnificent leader, just as he was on his cycling team, capable of bullying a divided legislature into sharing his point of view, through sheer force of will. He beat the European socialists at their own sport, time after time, so you know he would’ve made America a strong and respected force on the world stage again. He would’ve been a POTUS we all could trust with the keys to the nukes.
That’ll never happen, all because of nosy USADA and their troublesome 1000 pages of evidence against the champ. Pat McQuaid, head of the International Cycling Union was wrong when he called the sport’s whistleblowers “scumbags”, adding “all they have done is damage to the sport”.
No, the damage goes far deeper than that. Those scumbags have changed the future.
But wait! What’s that I hear? Big Tex is ready to come clean? Suddenly anything is possible. There’s nothing a Republican voter likes more than a sinner who fesses up tearfully.
Armstrong the Unbeatable was like a cartoon super-hero… Armstrong the Cheat is merely human, like the rest of us. Someone the voter can relate to.
The Armstrong presidency could yet be a golden age… or at least a bright yellow one.
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